How To Give Feedback Wey Go Enter

You don dey hold am for two weeks now. Somebody for your team dey always do di same thing, and every time e happen you dey tell yourself say you go talk something, and every time you no talk. Di conversation dey play for your head and e dey always end bad. Dem go feel pain, or dem go defend themself, or dem go just nod and change nothing. So you dey wait. And di longer you wait, na so di whole thing dey grow big and strange.

If dis one sound familiar, you no dey alone. To give feedback na one of di things wey people dey run from pass for any workplace, and e no really get anything to do with whether you correct or not. You fit correct well well about wetin suppose change, and di conversation still go scatter for your hand. Di problem no be di content most times. Na how you take deliver am, and di state wey di other person dey when dem hear am.

Why honest feedback dey often turn back to bite you

Make you sabi dis one before you open your mouth. For di brain, when person wey matter to you criticize you, e dey feel almost like say na physical danger.

Researchers for NeuroLeadership Institute talk am like dis: we dey very sensitive to any information wey feel like say e dey knock our status or our position for group, and when dat danger fire, e fit shut down di very thinking wey you wan reach. Di person wey dey your front no fit take in di words wey you carefully choose again. No be say dem dey do anyhow. Na dem alarm system loud pass your voice.

Na dis be di trap. Di more sharp and shocking your feedback be, na di more e go trip dat alarm, and na di less e go really enter. You fit win di argument and lose di behavior change. Most of di skill wey dey give good feedback na really about how you go keep di other person danger response quiet enough make dem fit hear you at all.

Call di behavior by name, no be di person

Di one change wey dey useful pass na to talk about wetin person *do*, no be who dem *be*.

"You no dey organized" na judgment on person character. Nothing you fit do with am except to argue. "Di deck comot 11pm di night before di client call, so I no get time to review am" na description of one specific thing wey happen. One dey invite fight. Di other one dey invite solution.

Center for Creative Leadership build one simple, strong structure around dis idea, and e good make you borrow am. Dem dey call am SBI, wey mean Situation, Behavior, Impact:

• Situation. Tie am to one specific moment. "For yesterday standup" beta pass "these days" or "you always." Na when e no clear na im dey make feedback feel like attack on person character, because di other person no fit point to di real thing wey happen, so dem go assume say you mean everything about dem, all di time.
• Behavior. Describe wetin you see, plain di way camera for don catch am. Facts, no be interpretation. "You cut Priya short two times while she dey present," no be "you dey rude."
• Impact. Talk wetin happen as di result, especially di part wey di person no fit see. "Priya no finish her point, and we move on without di one number wey we really need."

Dat last part dey matter pass wetin people dey expect. Most of di time, di person no even know say im behavior cause di problem wey you dey describe. No be say dem dey careless on purpose. Na just say dem no fit see di wahala wey dem action leave behind. When you show dem di impact instead of to just pronounce judgment, you dey give dem new information instead of sentence wey dem go defend themself against.

Ask before you talk

One move dey wey sound too small to matter, but e dey change di whole temperature of di conversation. Before you deliver your judgment, ask di person for dem own take.

"How you think say di client call go?" "Wetin be your own sense of how di launch take land?" Plenty times dem don already know. People sabi dem own mistakes pass wetin we dey assume, and when dem call di problem by demself, no danger dey to defend against, because nobody dey attack dem. Dem dey examine am with you.

Na one of di steps wey NeuroLeadership researchers recommend for dis very reason. To ask first dey give di other person small control for moment wey dem for feel powerless, and control na one of di things wey di brain dey scan for when e dey decide whether to treat conversation as safe or dangerous. No be say you dey soft because you ask. You dey lower di alarm so di real conversation fit happen.

Point go front, no be just back

Feedback wey dey only argue di past give person nothing to do with dem hand. Dem fit feel bad about yesterday, but dem no fit change am.

So spend most of your energy on wetin dey come next. After you don call di behavior and im impact, turn face di future together. "Next time, wetin go help you catch dis one early?" "Na dis be wetin I go love see for di next draft." Di aim na make di person waka comot with clear, doable picture of beta version, no be just clear picture of how dem fall short. People wey feel say dem get real road to do beta dey usually do beta. People wey feel say na only judgment dem receive dey usually dig in or shut down.

Di conditions wey dey make any of dis work

None of dis techniques go save you if di relationship wey dey under am cold. Feedback dey enter according to di trust wey dem deliver am on.

Harvard researcher Amy Edmondson spend plenty years dey study wetin she call psychological safety: di shared feeling for team say you fit talk, admit mistake, or hear hard truth without say dem go shame you or punish you for am. E easy make person mistake dis one for niceness, but no be so. As HBR own Amy Gallo take put am, psychological safety na exactly wetin dey make truth-talk possible. Di teams wey dey handle feedback well pass no be di ones wey dey avoid friction. Na di ones where people trust say di friction dey serve di work, no be weapon wey dem point at dem.

Few things dey build dat trust, for di small moments long before any hard conversation:

• Dey give feedback regularly, for small small things, so e no go be rare and frightening event. A culture where small adjustments dey happen all di time no need to arrange di dreaded Big Talk.
• Make you specific with praise reach as you dey with criticism. "Good job" no dey teach anything. "Di way you slow di meeting down make sure say everybody understand di change na exactly wetin we need" dey tell person exactly wetin dem go do again.
• Ask people how dem wan receive feedback, and remember di answer. Some wan am on di spot. Some need one day. To honor dat one na quiet way to talk say you dey dem side.
• Own your own part loud. "I for talk dis one two weeks ago, na my fault" dey make you person wey e safe to dey honest with, and e dey model di exact behavior wey you dey hope to see.

When di conversation big pass any technique

Some conversations pass ordinary missed deadline. If person performance don fall enter gutter, if e be like say dem dey struggle for way wey pass just one bad week, or if di matter touch conduct wey dey affect other people safety, dat one no be coaching chat wey you go handle alone again. Carry your manager or your HR partner join, and do am earlier than as e go comfortable you.

And watch for di moment when wetin you dey see no be skills gap at all. Sometimes performance problem na di visible edge of something heavier wey dey happen for person life. You no be dem therapist, and you no suppose try be am. But you fit be human being. You fit talk say you don notice say things dey hard lately, say you dey dem corner, and say no shame dey to reach for real support. Then point dem go am, employee assistance program, doctor, counselor, and let di professionals do di part wey no be your own to carry.

Di goal of feedback no be to make person feel small ever. Na to help dem do work wey dem fit proud of, with you, for team where person fit survive di truth. Make di delivery correct, and na wetin di hard conversation go actually turn to be dat: no be punishment, but door wey person fit waka through.

Sources

• Center for Creative Leadership, Use the Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) Feedback Model
• NeuroLeadership Institute, Use This 3-Step Approach to Give Better Negative Feedback
• Harvard Business Review, What Is Psychological Safety? (Amy Gallo)
• Harvard Business School, Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace (Amy Edmondson)