Leading by Example: Why People Dey Watch Wetin You Do, No Be Wetin You Talk

One quiet test dey happen for every team, and almost nobody dey talk am out loud. Person go announce a value. We dey respect each other time. We dey talk the truth even when e hard. We no dey burn people out. And then everybody go wait to see wetin actually happen. Dem dey watch whether the meeting start on time. Dem dey watch wetin dem dey reward and wetin dem dey quietly tolerate. Dem dey watch the person wey talk the words, to see whether the words real.

That watching na the whole engine of leading by example. E dey run whether you want am or not.

You no need title before any of this go apply to you. If you don ever be the new person wey dey scan the room to learn how dem dey do things here, you already sabi how e dey work from the other side. We dey figure out the unwritten rules of a place by to watch the people wey look like say dem belong. The colleague wey dey reply kindly to a frustrated email dey teach everybody wey dey watch say na so we dey handle frustration. The one wey cut corner and comot free dey teach something too.

Wetin people dey actually read

The gap wey people dey care about most na the one between wetin you talk and wetin you do. One Cornell researcher wey dem call Tony Simons give this a name: behavioral integrity, the perceived alignment between a person words and their deeds. Him work find say when employees see a pattern of words to match actions, trust for the leader go up, and commitment too. When dem see the words and the actions dey drift apart, the words go lose their power. After enough mismatches, people go stop to listen to wetin you talk and start to treat am as noise.

This worth to sit with, because e flip a common assumption. Plenty of us dey think say leading by example na mostly about to do impressive things and hope say others go copy dem. The research dey point somewhere humbler. Na about consistency. People no dey grade you against perfection. Na against your own stated standard dem dey grade you. The manager wey dey preach work-life balance then dey send emails for midnight, dem no dey see am as hardworking. Dem dey see am as person wey him word no dey hold.

Why watching na how we dey learn

Reason dey why example dey travel so far. Plenty human behavior na by observation we dey learn am, no be by instruction. We dey watch person do a thing, we dey see how e land, and we dey file am away as possibility for ourselves. Na true for toddler wey dey learn to wave and e true for thirty-year-old wey dey learn whether e safe to disagree for meeting.

So when you act for front of other people, you no dey ever only handle the task wey dey front of you. You dey also show everybody wey dey watch wetin dey allowed here. You dey show dem how this group dey treat a mistake, how e dey treat a junior person, how e dey handle a deadline wey dey slip. Most of that teaching na silent. You probably no dey aware say you dey do am. Dem dey learn anyhow.

Na why "do as I talk, no be as I do" no dey ever work. The doing dey louder. The doing na the actual lesson, and everything wey you talk on top of am na footnote.

The hardest example to set na the honest one

Na here leading by example dey uncomfortable, and also na here e dey powerful.

Amy Edmondson the Harvard researcher dey study wetin she dey call psychological safety, the shared sense say e safe to speak up, ask question, or admit mistake without say dem go punish you for am. Team wey get am dey catch problems early. Team wey no get am dey bury dem until dem explode. And she clear about where e dey start: with the most senior person for the room to acknowledge their own fallibility first.

No be to perform weakness. Na just to dey honest and human. To talk "I fit dey miss something here, I need to hear from you." To talk "I do that one wrong, and na my fault." When Edmondson dey talk about this for high-stakes settings like hospitals, the point plain. If the person wey get the most authority no dey ever admit uncertainty, nobody wey dey below dem go dare. The example of honesty gats come from the top of whatever room wey you dey, even if that room na just you and one nervous new hire.

Na this part people dey skip. E easy to model the polished behaviors, to show up prepared, to stay calm, to work hard. E harder well to model the vulnerable ones. But those na the examples wey dey actually free other people. When you talk out loud say you no know, you dey give everybody permission to stop to pretend. When you own a mistake cleanly, you dey teach a whole team say mistakes here dey survivable. That lesson worth more pass any pep talk.

How to lead by example on purpose

You don already dey set example. The only question na whether you dey do am deliberately. Small things wey dey help:

• Pick a few standards and actually keep dem. You no fit model everything, and to try am go make you brittle. Choose the two or three things wey matter most to you, honesty, to treat people decently, no to let work chop your whole life, and protect those hard. Consistency for a few areas better pass noble intentions across all of dem.
• Watch the small, unglamorous moments. Nobody example dey tested during the speeches. Na for how you dey talk about colleague wey no dey the room dem dey test am, whether you go admit a mistake when you fit quietly hide am, how you dey treat person wey fit do nothing for you. Those na the moments wey people dey remember.
• Close your own say-do gaps before you worry about anybody else own. If you dey keep urge people to take real breaks, take one. If you ask for candor, react well the first time person give you some hard candor. One promise wey you keep dey teach more pass ten stated values.
• Let people see the repair, no be just the slip. You go fall short of your own standard sometimes. Everybody dey. Wetin people dey learn from na wetin you do next. To name am plain, "I talk say I go protect Fridays then I schedule over your own, that one wrong", dey turn a failure into a lesson about accountability.
• Stop to dey try to be a flawless example. Flawless example na closed door. E dey tell people say the bar na perfection, wey only dey teach dem to hide. A human example, person wey dey try, miss, own am, and keep going, na one wey other people fit actually walk through.

A gentle reality check

Leading by example na steady, ordinary work, and e fit quietly wear on you, especially if you feel like say you dey hold a standard wey nobody around you dey share. If you find yourself don tire because you dey always be the responsible one, resentful, or dey carry a weight wey don start to affect your sleep or your mood, that one worth to pay attention to. To set a good example no be the same thing as to absorb everybody else load until nothing remain of you.

If na there you dey, to talk am through with person, a trusted person, a mentor, or a therapist, no be detour from leadership. To take care of your own limits na part of the example too. The people wey dey watch dey learn from how you dey treat yourself, same as everything else.

The encouraging part na say none of this need authority or stage. E dey happen for the smallest choices, wey you dey make over and over, while people dey quietly take note. You dey teach whether you mean am or not. You fit as well teach something good.

Sources

• INFORMS, Organization Science, Behavioral Integrity: The Perceived Alignment Between Managers' Words and Deeds as a Research Focus (Tony Simons)
• AAMC, Amy Edmondson: Psychological safety is critically important in medicine
• Harvard Business Review, How to Build a Company That (Actually) Values Integrity
• Harvard Business Review, What Authentic Leadership Looks Like Under Pressure