Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Take one slow breath before you answer.
- Start with I, not you.
- Circle back and repair a sharp moment.
Fa bere a etwa to a nkɔmɔkɔ bi kɔɔ kɔɔ ntɔm wɔ wʼani so. Ebia obi sɔɔ wo so wɔ ekuw no anim. Ebia nkrasɔm bi baa bɔne na wote nka sɔ ahohoɔ resɔre wɔ wo koko mu. Wubuee wʼano, na nea epuee ne ade a ɛyɔ nnam, anaa ketewa, anaa basabasa sen sɔnea wopɔeɔ. Afei wode da no nkae no nyinaa san-yɔ.
Yɔn mu pii fa no sɔ wɔtena komm wɔ nhyɔsoɔ ase no fa ɔpɔ ho. Wo se ka so, ma wo ho dwo. Nanso ɔfa a ɛto nnipa hintidua no nyɔ ɔpɔ koraa. Ɛyɔ sɔ nhyɔsoɔ sesa nsɔm a wowɔ ho kwan komm, na ɛyɔ saa ansa na woasi gyinae biara wɔ wʼadwene mu.
Ɛno ho hia sɔ wuhu, efisɔ ɛsesa baabi a wode wo mmɔden gu. Ɛho nhia sɔ wode nsa a ɛyɔ den fa bere a ɛyɔ den biara mu. Wubetumi ne sɔnea wʼamoa yɔ ade ankasa bere a nhyɔsoɔ no kɔ soro no ayɔ adwuma.
Wo kasa kɔɔsɔ tew bere a wo ho yɔ wo den
Ɛyɔ ankasa a wɔtumi susu. Nhwehwɔmufoɔ ahwɔ sɔnea nnipa kasa bere a wɔreyɔ adwuma a ɛyɔ den, a wɔsɔ wɔn nsɔm ne nipadua nhyɔsoɔ nsɔnkyerɔnne te sɔ koma a ɛbɔ ne cortisol. Nnipa a wɔn nipadua yɔɔ ade denneennen wɔ nhyɔsoɔ no ho no de kasa a ɛyɔ tebrɔw, a emu nyɔ den, dii dwuma. Sɔnea nhyɔsoɔ no boro nhyehyɔɔ no so no, kasa no yɔ tititi.
Ɛno hyia nea wote nka dada. Wɔ nhyɔsoɔ ase, kasamu a anka wobɔkyerɔw wɔ da pa mu no bɔ ase yɔ biribi a ɛyɔ nnam. Nsonsonoeɔ yera. Wode nsa ka nsɔm a ɛyɔ "nyinaa." Daa. Da. Wo. Bere pɔtee a wuhia kasa ahorɔ ne pɔtee no, wowɔ abien nyinaa kakra.
Eyi nyɔ su mu mfomso, na ɛnfa kasa-pa anaa kasa-bɔne ho. Ɛyɔ nkwantia. Bere a wʼamoa kenkan tebea bi sɔ asiane no, amanneɔbɔ nkwantia a ɛyɔ ntɔm no fa, na ɔfa a ɛyɔ brɔɔ a ɛhwɔ kasa a ɛkɔ akyiri ne atemmuo so no yɔ komm. Amygdala, ade ketewa bi a ɛda amoa no mu fɔ, bɔ amanneɔbɔ no na ɛde adrenaline bɔ wo so. Nyansa ne nokwasɔm so nkɔmɔkɔ yɔ den ankasa bere a saa rekɔ so. Ɔyaresafoɔ wɔ din a ɛyɔ kɔɔ-kɔɔ ma ɔfa a ɛyɔ den no, amygdala hijack, bere a amanneɔbɔ tu mmirika sen adwene na woka ade a anka womfa wɔ tirim a ɛyɔ pefee.
Ka a ɛwɔ kasa a ɛnfata wɔ bere a ɛnfata mu no de ba
Nea enti a eyi ho hia boro wʼankasa wʼahomeka so ni. Nsɔm a woyi wɔ nhyɔsoɔ ase no nkyerɔ bere no nkutoo. Ɛsesa nea ɛbɛsi a edi hɔ.
"Ɛno nyɔ me haw" a ɛyɔ nnam betumi awie adwuma abusuabɔ a ɛfaa mfeɔ pii ansa na ɛyɔɔ. "Maka akyerɔ wo dada" a ɛyɔ kotɔdɔɔ betumi asua adwumayɔfo kumaa bi sɔ ɔmmisa wo asɔmmisa biara bio. Nnipa kae sɔnea wode wɔn kasaeɔ bere a nneɔma yɔ den no bere tenten sen sɔnea wɔkae asɔm a na wɔregye akyinnye ho no. Wɔ nhyɔsoɔ ase no, ɛnyɔ ɔhaw a ɛda wʼanim no nkutoo na woresiesie. Woresɔ ɔfa bi a ɛfa sɔnea nnipa te nka sɔ wɔwɔ ahobammɔ a wɔbɔ wɔ kyɔn bɔkɔ so akɔ.
Ɛno ne ade a ɛho hia ankasa. Ɛnyɔ sɔ wubedi nɔ no nkonim. Ɛyɔ sɔ wɔbɛma ɔpon no abue.
Tɔ bɔɔ ma wo ho
Nea ɛyɔ yiye nyinaa a ɛwɔ bere a ɛyɔ den mu no fi ade baako: kwan ketewa a ɛda ahohoɔ no ne wo mmuae no ntam. Nhyɔsoɔ pia wo sɔ wuyi mmuae ntɔm. Kasa pa te ntam no fa foforɔ.
Ntam no ho nhia sɔ ɛware anaa ɛda adi. Home baako a wuyi brɔɔ ansa na woakasa. Nsuo a wonom kakra. Kasamu tiawa a ɛyɔ nokware a ɛtɔ bere a ɛnyɔ atɔrɔ:
- "Ma me nnwen ho simma kakra."
- "Mepɔ sɔ meyɔ no yiye, enti ma me bere kakra."
- "Ɛno yɔ asɔm pa. Metumi asan aba so wɔ akyiri anaa?"
Eyinom mu biara remma wonhwɔ sɔ wɔnyɔ den. Ɛma wɔhwɔ wo sɔ obi a ɔretie ankasa. Na wɔ simma baako anaa abien a ɛtɔ no mu no, wʼamoa a ɛkɔ akyiri na ɛyɔ nyansa no nya kwan san ba ansa na wʼano de wo akɔ biribi mu.
Sɔ nkɔmɔkɔ no betumi atwɔn a, ma ɛntwɔn. Ade kakraa wɔ adwuma mu na ɛhia mmuae wɔ simma du a edi hɔ mu ankasa. "Ma me ne no nna" yɔ kasamu a awie pɔɔ.
Bɔ nea wote nka no din, komm
Emu adeyɔ a ɛyɔ mmerɔ bi wɔ hɔ a ɛboa sen sɔnea ɛfata. Bere a wote ahohoɔ resɔre no, fa nsɔm a ɛyɔ pefee bɔ nkateɔ no din wɔ wʼadwene mu. "Mewɔ adwene sɔ eyi nyɔ nokware, na me bo afuw." Ɛnyɔ ɔkɔ. Nɔtee komm a ɛwɔ wʼankasa wʼadwene mu.
Ɛte sɔ ɛyɔ ketewa dodo sɔ ɛbɔyɔ adwuma. Nanso sɔ wode nkateɔ to nsɔm mu a, ɛte sɔ ɛyi ɛho ahoɔden kakra, na ɛyɔ kwan ketewa to wo ne nkateɔ no ntam. Wofi sɔ wo ne abufuw no kɔ sɔ wohu abufuw no. Fi saa anammɔn-fa no, wo kasa pa no yɔ mmerɔ sɔ woduru ho.
Nsɔm bi a wɔsɔ so daa nso yɔ saa adwuma no wɔ saa bere no mu. "Eyi nfa me ho." "Eyi bɔtwa mu." "Eyi fa adwuma no ho, ɛnyɔ onipa no." Ɛnyɔ nkonyaa. Ɛyɔ kwan a wɔfa so kae wo nipadua nkwantia sɔ wonni asiane mu ankasa, a ɛno ne ade a ɛfɔm no.
Fa nsɔm a ɛma dan no kɔ so bue
Bere a woatɔ bɔɔ no, kasamu nkɔɔ kɔɔ kakra taa kɔ mu yiye bere a nkateɔ kɔ soro.
Gyina "Me" so sɔ "Wo." "Me ho yɔ me basaa fa sɔnea yɔbɔɔ ha no ho" frɔ nkɔmɔkɔ. "Wode bola no totɔɔ fɔm" frɔ akɔdɔɔ. Adwene koro, nanso simma aduosia a edi hɔ no yɔ soronko koraa.
Fa atemmuo no to hɔ na fa asɔmmisa si ananmu. Sen "ɛno renyɔ adwuma," sɔ "dɔn na ɛbɛsi sɔ yɔhwɔ no fi saa ɔfa yi?" Wubetumi ampene so koraa nanso da so de bɔ sɔ biribi a wo ne no reyɔ bɔmu na ɛnyɔ ɔfasuo a woresi.
Ka no pɔtee sen sɔ ɛkɔ kɔɔ-kɔɔ. "Wode daa yɔ eyi" ntaa nyɔ nokware koraa, na onipa no nim, enti ɔbɛgye "daa" no ho akyinnye sen asɔm ankasa no. "Eyi ne mprɔ a ɛtɔ so mmienu dapɔn yi" yɔ den sɔ wɔbɔto agu na ɛyɔ mmerɔ sɔ wɔbɛsiesie.
Na bere a wubetumi a, ka nea wopɔ ka no ɔfa a ɛyɔ ɔdɔ. Nnipa pii a wɔwɔ nhyɔsoɔ ase nyɔ atirimɔden. Wɔn nso ho yɔ wɔn den, na wɔn kasa kɔɔsɔ atew. Sɔ wokyerɔ sɔ wugye di sɔ ɔwɔ adwene pa, "Minnwen sɔ yɔn mu biara pɔ sɔ eyi bɔto," no, ɔtaa brɔ ɛho hyew ase ma mo baanu nyinaa prɔkɔ.
Wobɔyɔ no bɔne ɛtɔ da, na wubetumi asɔ no
Obiara nyi nsɔm a ɛfata pɔɔ bere biara. Wobɔsɔ. Wobɔyɔ awɔɔ. Wobɔsɔma nkrasɔm no na woanu wo ho ansa na wɔadu hɔ koraa. Ɛno nyɔ nsɔnkyerɔnne sɔ woadi nkogu wɔ eyi mu. Ɛyɔ nsɔnkyerɔnne sɔ woyɔ onipa a wʼamanneɔbɔ nkwantia reyɔ adwuma.
Nea nnipa kae ankasa ne sɔ wosan baeɔ. "Mede nnam kaa wo asɔm anwummɔyɔ, na ɛno nyɔ pɔ. Yɔbɛtumi ayɔ no bio anaa?" yɔ kasamu a tumi wɔ mu sen biara wɔ adwumabea biara. Ɛsiesie bere no, na ɛsua obiara a ɔtwa wo ho ahyia komm sɔ mfomso yɔ ade a wɔtumi gyina ano wɔ ha. Nsiesie no taa ho hia sen ade a esiieɔ no.
Nnipa a wɔn ho yɔ mmerɔ sɔ wo ne wɔn tena wɔ amanehunu mu no ntaa nyɔ wɔn a wɔn nan nhɔɔ da. Ɛyɔ wɔn a wɔhu ntɔm na wɔsiesie no yiye.
Bere a nhyɔsoɔ no boro bere kakra so
Eyi fa nkɔmɔkɔ pɔtee a ɛyɔ den ho, nea ɛsɔre na ɛtwa mu no. Sɔ wuhu sɔ akyinnyegye biara dɔɔso de wo kɔ tebea a wuntumi nnwen anaa nkasa pɔtee mu, anaa woreka nneɔma a ɛyɔ wo yaw kɔse a wuntumi nnyae no daa a, ɛno fata sɔ wode di dwuma denneennen sen sɔ wobɔ mmɔden kɔse kɔkɔ.
Nimdeɔ ankasa a wɔasua wɔ hɔ ma eyi, na ɔyaresafo anaa ɔfotusɔamfoɔ betumi aboa wo ma woasua no kwan a krataa biara ntumi, titiriw sɔ osuahu dadaw bi resɔre wɔ mprempren adan mu. Sɔ abufuw anaa nhyɔsoɔ resɔe wʼabusuabɔ anaa wʼadwuma, anaa sɔ wote nka da sɔ wubetumi apira wo ho anaa obi foforɔ a, mesrɔ wo, ne ɔdwumadini anaa amanenya laen kasa. Sɔ wobisa saa mmoa no yɔ ɔkwan a wode fa so yi wo nsɔm yiye ankasa.
Seesei, fi su ketewa sen biara so. Home baako a wuyi brɔɔ ansa na woabua. Saa ntam no ne baabi a wo nsɔm pa atena daa. Ɛsɔ sɔ wugyae kwan ma wɔn na wɔaba.
Sources
- National Center for Biotechnology Information, Speaking under pressure: Low linguistic complexity is linked to high physiological and emotional stress reactivity (Saslow, Keltner, Epel, et al.)
- Harvard Business Review, How to Control Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation (Amy Gallo)
- Cleveland Clinic, Can You Identify Your Emotional Triggers?
- Cleveland Clinic, Amygdala: What It Is and What It Controls