Fa Wo Bo Ase Berɛ a Wɔkasa Tia Wo

Obi ka asɛm no. Ebia ɛyɛ wo wura wɔ nhwehwɛmu bi mu, ebia ɛyɛ wo yɔnko adwumayɛni wɔ dan no anim, ebia ɛyɛ nkra bi a ɛda wo screen so ara kwa. "Saa fa yi anyɛ adwuma." Na ansa na woasi biribi ho gyinaeɛ no, w'anim ayɛ hyew, wo yafunu tu, na nne ketewaa bi wɔ wo tiri mu resiesie ho ama wo ho anoyie dada.

Saa nkabomu no yɛ ntɛm ɛfiri sɛ saa na ɛsɛ sɛ ɛteɛ. Ɛnyɛ wo na wopaaɛ. Adwuma a ɛyɛ anigye no nni ɔsɔreɛ no siɛ mu, mpɛn pii wontumi, ɛwɔ deɛ woyɛ wɔ mmerɛ tiawa kakra a ɛba akyire no mu. Saa mmerɛ tiawa no mu na wo din, wo nkitahodie, ne nokwarem wo osuahunu nyinaa wɔ. Asɛm pa no ne sɛ wubetumi atete ho.

Deɛ Enti a Asɛm Bi Bɛtumi Ayɛ Sɛ Ahunahuna

Wo adwene nkora ɛhyeɛ a emu da hɔ nsi nipadua asiane ne asetenam asiane ntam. Sɛ wɔkasa tia wo, titiriw wɔ afoforɔ anim a, ɛkɔ adwene mu akwan no ara bi a ɛsɔre berɛ a biribi ankɔ yie ankasa no mu. Wo adwene fa a ɛbɔ kɔkɔ no ntwɛn nokwasɛm no. Ɛbɔ ara kwa.

Sɛ saa kɔkɔbɔ no fa tumi a, wo adwene fa a ɛkɔ brɛoo, na nyansa wɔ mu, fa a ɛkari adanseɛ na ɛpaw nsɛmfua no, yɛ komm. Yei enti na nnipa ka nsɛm wɔ nhwehwɛmu ɔhyew mu a anka wɔrenka da sɛ wɔanya anadwo ada aso no. Wonyɛ mmerɛ sɛ wote nka. Woyɛ onipa, a wode nnwinnadeɛ dada koraa redi dwuma.

Adeɛ a ɛtɔ so mmienu nso resi. Nhwehwɛmufoɔ Sheila Heen ne Douglas Stone, a wɔde mfeɛ pii hwehwɛɛ deɛ enti a adwenkyerɛ yɛ den sɛ wobɛgye no, kyerɛ sɛ kasatia biara wɔ nokwarem to ntini ahodoɔ mmiɛnsa mu prɛko pɛ. Asɛmmisa no wɔ hɔ sɛ ɛyɛ *nokorɛ* anaa. Sɛnea wote nka wɔ *onipa* a ɔde reba no ho no wɔ hɔ. Na deɛ ɛyɛ sɛ ɛka fa *onipa ko a woyɛ* ho no wɔ hɔ. Asɛm ketewaa bi a ɛfa nkontabudata krataa ho bɛtumi ayɛ komm adane "menyɛ mʼadwuma yie," anaa "menyɛ onipa ko a na misusuw sɛ meyɛ no." Saa hurueɛ no, firi asɛm bi so kɔ onipa ko a woyɛ so no, ne deɛ ɛma kasatia wo yaw boro nsɛmfua ankasa no so no fa kɛseɛ.

Sɛkɛnde Aduɔkron a Ɛdi Kan No

Eyi ne fa a ɛho hia sen biara, enti na ɛnya baabi kɛseɛ.

Botaeɛ no nyɛ sɛ wo ho bɛdwo. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛyɛ w'ade dinn berɛ a wote biribiara a wote no. Nneɛma kakra a ɛboa ampa, wɔ ɔkwan a ɛbɛn sɛnea anka wode bɛdi dwuma no mu:

1. Sɔ ɔsɔreɛ no mu na home firi mu. Berɛ a wote ɔhyew no ara pɛ, home firi mu brɛoo tenten prɛko ansa na biribiara. Home a wode firi mu tenten no ne nipadua nsɛnkyerɛnne a ɛyɛ ntɛm sen biara a wubetumi de akɔ wo nipadua sɛ amanehunu no aba awieeɛ. Si wo nan fam. Gyaa wo mmatire mu. Woretɔ ntam berɛ ama wo ho.
2. Bɔ deɛ wote nka no din, fa kommyɛ. Eyi wɔ nyansahu ankasa wɔ akyi. Sɛ wode atenka to nsɛm mu, sɛ ɛyɛ wo ara wo tiri mu mpo a, kɔkɔbɔ a ɛwɔ w'adwene mu no dwo wɔ ɔkwan a wobɛtumi asusu, na fa a ɛdwene no san ba. Enti wɔ wo ara wo tiri mu: *Merebɔ me ho ban. M'ani awu.* Ɛno ara ne no. Nhwehwɛmufoɔ frɛ no atenka din a wɔbɔ, na ɛyɛ adwuma wɔ sɛkɛnde kakra mu.
3. Tɔ kasasin baako berɛ. Ɛkame ayɛ sɛ ɛnhia sɛ wobua ntɛm ara. Asɛm a ɛnyɛ den te sɛ "Ma menhwɛ sɛ mate aseɛ" anaa "Ma me berɛ tiawa na mennye no ntom" no yɛ adwumayɛ kwan pa, na ɛde mmerɛ tiawa a wo adwene a ɛkɔ brɛoo no hia no ma no.
4. Pɛ sɛ wobɛhunu na mmom sɛ worekyekyere w'anoyie. Berɛ a woreyɛ wo ho ban no, worentumi nsua adeɛ, mmienu no ntumi nsi prɛko pɛ. Bɔ mmɔden sɛ wobɛte asɛm no ankasa ansa na woasiesie mu. Wobɛnya berɛ dodoɔ biara wɔ wiase sɛ wobɛsusu ho akyire yi.

Yeinom mu biara nhia sɛ wopene so. Ɛma wotena dan no mu sɛ onipa a anka wopɛ sɛ woyɛ, na ɛnyɛ deɛ ɔyɛ ntɛm gye so no.

Siesie Mu Akyire Yi, Ɛnyɛ Saa Berɛ No Mu

Sɛ ɔhyew no twam a, mpɛn pii berɛ tenten wɔ nkɔmmɔbɔ no akyi a, wobɛtumi ayɛ nsusuiɛ ankasa no. Kasatia nyinaa nyɛ pɛ, na wowɔ ho kwan sɛ wobɛkari no.

Nsɛmmisa nokwafoɔ kakra boa:

• Adeɛ baako a ɛyɛ nokorɛ wɔ mu ha anaa, sɛ ɛyɛ ketewaa mpo, a mɛtumi de adi dwuma? Ɛkame ayɛ sɛ ɛwɔ hɔ berɛ nyinaa, na sɛ wohu a, mfasoɔ wɔ so sen sɛ wobɛbu nkaeɛ no atɛn.
• Hena hɔ na eyi firie, na wɔwɔ baabi a wɔgyina hunu deɛ wɔreka ho asɛm no anaa? Adwenkyerɛ a ɛfiri obi a ɔhwɛ w'adwuma daa hɔ som bo sen adwenkyerɛ a wɔtwaa mu de too hɔ kwa.
• Eyi fa m'adwuma ho, anaa memaa no bɛyɛɛ atemmuo a ɛfa me sɛ onipa ho? Tetew mmienu no mu boapa. Wo nkontabudata krataa no wɔ mfomsoɔ. Wonyɛ mfomsoɔ no.

Heen ne Stone tu fo sɛ yɛnyɛ adeɛ ketewaa bi a tumi wɔ mu ɛberɛ a wopɛ sɛ wonyini ampa a: bisa onipa baako adeɛ baako. "Bɔ adeɛ baako a anka mɛtumi ayɛ no ɔkwan foforɔ so a ɛbɛyɛ nsonsonoeɛ no din." Ɛdane ehu a emu nna hɔ a ɛfa atemmuo ho no ma ɛyɛ biribi pɔtee a ɛwɔ ano, deɛ ɛyɛ mmerɛ ma wo ntini sɛ ɛbɛkora so kɛseɛ.

Ɛboa sɛ wobɛkae deɛ adwenkyerɛ taa yɛ, mpo ɛberɛ a ɛtɔ so sɛ atemmuo. Emu dodoɔ no ara yɛ onipa baako adwene a ɛfiri baabi a ɔgyina, a ne da, n'adwuma, ne nʼankasa mmea a ɔnhunu no ahyɛ no. Nsɛm a wɔaka afa w'adwuma ho no ka biribi nokwafoɔ kyerɛ wo fa sɛnea ɛhwɛeɛ firi hɔ ho. Ɛmmu wo bo ho atɛn. Sɛ wokura no baasaa saa, sɛ nsɛm a mfasoɔ wɔ so na ɛnyɛ atemmuo a, ɛno na ɛma wutumi gye emu papa a womfa nkaeɛ no nka wo ho.

Berɛ a Ɛnyɛ Adwenkyerɛ Ankasa

Momma yɛnka no pefee. Kasatia bi, wɔmma no sɛ ɛmmoa wo. Ɛyɛ animtiaabuo, anaa ɛyɛ obi a ɔde ne da bɔne rehwɛ so wɔ wo ho, na ɔde ahyehyɛ sɛ ɛyɛ nsɛm. Wonnde adwene a abue korɔ no ara nka saa deɛ ho ka.

Wobɛtumi akora w'abodwoɔ so, ɛno yɛ wo dea, ɛnyɛ wɔn dea, ɛberɛ a wode kommyɛ resi gyinaeɛ sɛ emu nsɛm no mfata sɛ wokora so. Sɛ wobɛyɛ dinn no nkyerɛ sɛ wobɛmene biribiara. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ wo, ɛnyɛ wo kɔkɔbɔ nhyehyɛeɛ no, na wobɛpaw deɛ wode ba mu. Abodwoɔ mu "Mate wo, mɛdwene ho" bɛtumi ato ɛpono mu pefee sɛnea ɛbue baako.

Na sɛ kasatia a ɛwɔ w'asetena mu no adane biribi a ɛretwintwam wo ho ampa, sɛnea wɔbrɛ wo ase daa, adwumam a ɛma dadwen ka wo ansa na woaduru mpo a, ɛno nyɛ abodwoɔ haw a wode home a emu dɔ bɛsiesie. Ɛfata sɛ wo ne obi a wogye no di di ho nkɔmmɔ, na, sɛ emu duru no di w'akyi kɔ fie ne wo nna mu a, wo ne adwenemuyaresafoɔ anaa wo dɔkota. Nsonsonoeɛ wɔ nsɛm a emu yɛ den ne ɔhaw a ɛba nkakrankakra ntam. Ɛfata wo sɛ wɔboa wo ma wopaepae mu.

Ahotim a wokyekyere wɔ ha no so mfasoɔ ba ɔkwan a ɛyɛ komm so. Nnipa a wɔbɛtumi ate nokorɛ a emu yɛ den a wɔmmubu no ne wɔn a afoforɔ de nokorɛ a emu yɛ den hyɛ wɔn nsa, na saa ahotosoɔ no ne deɛ nkɛntɛnso ankasa firi mu ba no fa kɛseɛ.

Nnyinasoɔ

• Harvard Business Review, Find the Coaching in Criticism (Sheila Heen ne Douglas Stone)
• UCLA Health, Putting Feelings Into Words Produces Therapeutic Effects in the Brain
• PubMed, Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity (Lieberman et al., 2007)
• American Psychological Association, Control Anger Before It Controls You