I dey learn hard thing, on purpose

I don understand am. No be everytin, but di piece wey dark completely one month ago don clear, and I fit feel di shape of wetin dey come next. Sometin inside my head rearrange imsef and e no dey go back. Six weeks ago I for tell person say I don old reach, say dis kain tin no go enter my head again. Dat one no be true assessment of my ability. Na excuse wey wear face wey look correct. I go continue until di next piece open di same way.

Note dey di margin for my own handwriting, and as e dey go down di page, na so e dey get confidence. One word wey I no fit use six weeks ago na just word wey I dey use now, and I no dey stop to check weda dem allow me. Coffee ring dey page forty wey I don strangely come like. Di book don start to look like book wey person dey use, no be book wey person just get.

Di beginning humble me well well. I slow, and na for front of oda pipo I slow, and one particular discomfort dey inside to be beginner wen person don grow, wey nobody dey warn person about. Some evening I go close di book wit real vex for mysef. Wetin dey really happen na di gap between my taste and my ability, and na for di very start dat gap wide pass, and na exactly dat time most pipo dey read am as proof say dem no build dem for dis tin. Di discomfort no be judgment. Na tax, and I waste years dey take di tax as judgment. I for wish say person tell me dat one for di beginning, so na mysef I dey tell am now, wit mout, for where my ear go hear am.

Den I notice say di confusion get pattern. E dey come immediately before sometin go click, every time, without even one exception. Confusion no be di sound of failure, na di sound of understanding wey dem dey rebuild, and once I fit separate di two, I stop to run from am. Nobody ever tell me say di feeling of say person no good for sometin and di feeling of say person dey improve na di same feeling from inside. Now wen I feel say I dull, I dey take am as proof say I dey di right place, and dat na strange tin to train into body, but na di most useful tin wey I don ever do.

So today I go spend fifteen minutes on di part wey I bad pass. No be di part wey sweet me, and no be di part wey I don already sabi wey dey make di session feel productive without costing me anytin. Na di part wey dey make me feel slow. I go set timer, because if not, I go reduce fifteen minutes come down to four without ever admitting say na dat I dey do. To dey bad for am for fifteen minutes na di whole assignment.

I don be person wey dey learn hard tin now. No be quick quick and no be wit style. But I dey stay, and na to stay be di whole skill. Di pipo wey sabi dis tin no sharp pass me. Na say dem bad for am for longer time.