I go make di call wey I dey run from

I don make di call. E don dey my back now, and di room quiet pass as e bin dey for weeks. I go remember exactly how small di tin turn out to be, because I go need dat memory di next time wey one of dis kain call go dey sidon for my calendar, wey nobody don make, dey quietly heavy. Whatever wey happen next, di part wey na my own don finish. I do di hard tin wen e still hard, and na only dat time to do am dey count for anytin. Four minutes. Na dat di tin be.

My hand still dey warm from holding di phone. Wetin I bin dey prepare my body for no come for di shape wey I build for am. I notice say I don stand up, and I no remember deciding to stand for any point inside di last few minutes. Glass of water dey wey I pour before I dial, wey I neva touch. Di afternoon outside just dey continue, e no even know say sometin just change for inside here.

I practice dis tin for one month. Every version wey I imagine spoil, and not even one of dose versions ever happen, because dem no ever plan to happen. Na dat part worth to sidon wit. My head paint like thirty full picture of disaster, complete wit detail, and e charge me full price for every single one of dem. Di real tin last four minutes and e no resemble even one of dem. I pay for one month of sometin wey take four minutes, and I don do dat same trade more times pass wetin I go like count honestly.

Di fear wey I carry always big pass di call isef. Dat one dey almost always true, and to sabi am no dey make di fear small, but e dey make am sometin wey person fit survive, and na different kain help be dat wey useful well pass. Fear no be weather forecast. Na voice wey dey tell story wit plenty confidence but wey no get any access at all to di facts. I no need to believe am before I act, and dat one sentence take me shameful amount of time to reach. To wait until di feeling comot na exactly how one month dey turn one year and one year dey turn never. Anytin wey I dey avoid dey grow according to how long I avoid am, and e dey shrink di moment wey I touch am.

So I go write di first sentence down. Na di first one only. Den I go dial before I read am again, because to read am again na di exact machine wey dey push dis tin comot go anoda month, and I don sabi dat tin about mysef now. Di gap between writing am and dialing na where every attempt before dis one quietly die. I dey close dat gap on purpose, tonight, wen I still fit see am clear.

E don finish. No be wit style, no be perfect. E don finish, and na only dat version of am ever fit count for anytin. Na dat be di whole method.