I dey drop wetin no be my own to carry

My shoulder don come down from where e don dey live. Sometin wey I bin dey hold no dey my hand again. I go careful well well about wetin I go pick up from now on, because I don sabi exactly wetin e dey cost to carry sometin for one year wen person no ever gree carry am. Nobody drop am for my head. Na me stretch hand collect am, and na di same way I fit put am back down. Nobody ask me to hold am. Na me offer, once, quietly, years ago, and I no ever go back to check dat offer again.

I fit hear di room. One clock dey somewhere wey I don stop to notice, and e don dey there di whole time, dey do exactly dis. Di quiet no be new tin. Na my ability to hear am be di new tin. I dey continue to notice say my hand empty and e dey feel small strange rader dan good, and I expect say dat one go pass by weekend. Space dey my hand now for sometin wey I actually choose to pick up.

I don dey carry at least one tin wey no ever be my own. I pick am up because nobody else go pick am, and den e quietly turn to my work forever, and na so almost every one of dis kain handover dey take happen. No conversation ever hold about am. Gap bin dey, I fill am, and to fill am once, everybody read am as agreement say I go fill am always, me sef included. To be di reliable one na trait wey good well well but wey get one failure wey cost plenty. Nobody go hand am back, because nobody sabi say dem dey hold di oda end of am. Di moment wey I make mysef person wey dem no fit do without, na di same moment I make mysef person wey no fit stop. And di longer wey I hold am, na so e take dey look like my own for everybody wey dey watch, me sef included.

To put am down no be to abandon anybody. Na to tok true about who own am, and na dat truth be di only road wey di person wey own am go take handle am well. As long as I dey carry am, dem no go ever find out say na dia own. My help bin dey quietly postpone di moment wey dem for pick am up demsef. Dat one matter well pass as e sound, because e mean say to set am down no be di selfish option. Na di useful one, and na di opposite I don dey call am for years. To carry anoda person responsibility no be generosity. Na slow way of telling dem say I no tink say dem fit manage am.

So I go name one tin wey belong to anoda person, wit mout or on top paper, and I go set am down. Na one only, today. No be to renegotiate everytin, no be hard conversation about di last five years, no be new policy for di house. One tin, wey I name and release, and dem allow me to feel uncomfortable about am for small time without me picking am back up immediately to make di discomfort stop.

I light now. No be because less tin dey happen, na because less of am na my own.