I going back to da watah

I stay near watah and my breathing awready wen change wit nobody asking um. Um do dis every time, and every time I stay surprised, and dass um own small evidence about how little I trust da tings dat work. So I going stop calling um one coincidence. Um one lever. Um pull on days I believe in um and on days I no believe.

Dat sound moving watah make, nevah quite repeating itself. Light on top da surface refusing fo hold still fo one second. One bench, and me on top um, and no mo task attached to either one of us. My phone wen stay inside my pocket ten minutes, mo long den um usually manage.

I know dis help and I still let months go by. Get someting mo urgent always available, and not one of dose urgent tings eva actually was mo urgent, and I could have said dat out loud at da time and I nevah wen act on um anyway. Dis da mos strange category of problem I own. Not dat I no mo da information. Turns out knowing wat work get almos no relationship at all to doing um, and I keep waiting fo da knowledge by itself fo produce da behavior, which not one ting knowledge eva wen do fo nobody.

Ten minutes beside one river do someting dat one hour of trying fo relax inside da house no can do. I no need da mechanism explained fo da effect fo keep arriving, and holding out fo one explanation, dass jus one respectable way of not going. So da question dat stay left, dat not insight. Dass scheduling. I been treating one calendar problem like um was one wisdom problem, and wisdom nevah was da missing piece.

So dis week I going find watah. One river, one shore, one fountain inside one public square, whatevah sit mos close to wea I awready stay. Ten minutes on top someting I can sit on, wit no photograph taken and no outing built around um dat would need planning and oddah people and one date everybody gotta agree to. One place fo sit and one quarter of one hour. Um go inside da calendar like anyting I actually intend fo do.

Mo steady den I was one hour ago, fo da price of one bench. Um nevah take plenny, and um nevah did.