I going feed myself right tonight

Get someting cooking and da whole place smell like um. I wen make dis on purpose, fo myself, tonight, wit nobody else nowea inside da equation. Nobody coming ovah. No mo occasion and no mo audience. I going do um again dis week, cuz um wen take fifteen minutes and um wen change da entire character of da evening.

Get steam on top da window and one pan making da noise one pan make. Notting in hea impressive and all of um stay warm. Get one bowl out and um mine and I going sit down wit um instead of eating um standing on top my feet. Da radio stay on and I not really listening to um, which stay exactly da right amount of attention fo give one radio.

I feed everybody else propah and den eat standing up ovah da sink. I would nevah let somebody I love do dat, and I do um to myself wit no tinking at all, which tell me someting I been carefully not hearing. Da standard I hold fo oddah people and da standard I hold fo myself, dose not da same standard. I wen spend years calling dat gap selflessness. Um mo close to one habit I nevah once wen examine in daylight, and habits no need my approval fo keep running. Dey only need me fo not look.

Cooking one real ting, dat not about nutrition. Dass fifteen minutes of treating myself like somebody worth da trouble, and dass one hard claim fo argue wit aftahwards while sitting in front of da evidence of um. How I treat myself wen nobody stay watching, dat not one small private mattah. Um quietly set da floor fo wat I going accept from anywea else, and floors get built out of ordinary Tuesdays exactly like dis one. Nobody else eva going raise dat floor on my behalf.

So tonight I going cook one real ting. Um can be simple. Um only gotta be made instead of opened, and I not allowed fo eat um standing up. I sit down wit um. Dat second part, dat not one flourish, dass half of da whole intervention, and dass da half I would quietly drop first suppose I let myself get away wit um. Simple stay completely fine. Sitting down, dass da part dat not optional.

Fed. Propah kine. By somebody who was paying attention.