I going say um inside da room, wit my own voice

I wen say um, and da room wen take um serious. Not cuz I was loud and not cuz I was clevah, but cuz I wen say da true ting clear and den I wen stop talking. My voice wen sound like my own voice. I going do dat again, and den again aftah dat, till um stop feeling like someting I gotta work myself up fo do. Dis one skill. All dis time I was treating um like one personality trait dat nevah get issued to me.

Somebody stay writing someting down. Get dat half second of silence wea one manaʻo stay genuinely getting considered instead of politely waited out, and da two, dey sound notting alike once I wen hear both kine. I notice my hands stay still, resting on da table, not doing notting nervous wit one pen. Somebody across from me stay nodding slow, and dass wat people do wen dey stay catching up, not wen dey stay agreeing.

I wen sit tru whole meetings wit da sentence all formed inside my mouth and I wen let um go. Aftah, walking home, I would replay um and hear myself deliver um perfect, and dass one certain kine ache all by itself. Wat was going on inside dat room, dat nevah one confidence problem, and treating um like one wen keep me stuck fo years. I was trying fo compose da sentence and be brave at da same moment, and dose two, dey two separate jobs fighting fo da same few seconds of attention. One of dem had fo lose, and was always da same one. I nevah was short on courage. I was short on preparation, and I wen spend years treating da second ting like um was da first.

So I wen stop asking myself fo do both at da same time. I write da sentence down befo I go inside. One sentence. Wen um stay on paper, da composing awready pau, and da only ting left is da saying, and da saying nevah was da hard part anyway. Mos of wat I was calling fear, dat was jus cognitive load wearing one costume. Take away da load and wat stay left small enough fo walk straight tru, and I wen spend years calling dat small ting one character flaw. Preparation not cheating. Dass da only method I know dat work every time fo sound like myself unda pressure.

So befo da next one, I going write my sentence down. Jus da one I most like get said, da one I going stay all huhū about on da walk home. Den inside da room, da moment um come anywea close to relevant, dass da one I going say. Reading um off da page, dass allowed. In da whole history of meetings, nobody eva wen get marked down fo coming prepared, and half da people inside dat room stay hoping somebody else go first.

Um one good sentence and um always was one good sentence. Da only ting dat wen change, dis time um wen leave da room wit me instead of going home inside my pocket. Dass da whole distance between having manaʻo and being somebody whose manaʻo count. I going say da sentence.