I going ask da question I scared of

I wen ask um. Da question I been circling fo three weeks stay out inside da room and da room stay entirely fine. Notting wen broke. Da circling was da expensive part, da asking wen take about nine seconds, and I been making dat exchange fo years while calling um caution. Da next one going go mo fast.

Get one pause on da oddah side of um. Not da bad kine. Da kine wea one person stay genuinely tinking instead of assembling one reply. Somewea behind dem one chair shift. My jaw wen come unlocked, and I nevah had one idea um was locked.

Not asking wen feel mo safe. Um nevah was mo safe, um was mo quiet, and I wen pay fo da quiet in weeks of guessing at someting I could have had fo free inside one sentence. Da version I wen build in da absence of one answer was mo detailed and mo confident den anyting dat wen prove true, and considerably mo worse, cuz dass wat one mind do wit one gap. Um no leave um empty. Um fill um junk kine and den treat da filling like evidence. Wat um put dea stay in my own handwriting, and az why um nevah occur to me fo question da source.

Any real answer stay worth mo den da story I assemble wit none. Even da reply I nevah like hand me someting solid, and standing on top unwelcome ground still stay bettah den standing on top ground I wen invent las Tuesday. Certainty nevah was da goal. Information was. I been avoiding one bad sentence by living inside one mo worse imaginary one, on one loop, at no charge, fo two whole weeks.

So I going write um down, plain, and I going ask um inside da next conversation I get. Written first, cuz inside da moment I going soften um into someting nobody can answer and den be quietly disappointed by wat come back to da softened version. Da written one, dass da real one. Dass wat get asked, in dose exact words, wit no long preamble I would oddahwise build fo make um mo easy on myself.

Wen ask, wen get one answer, and da guessing pau. I wen trade one stack of invented replies fo one true one, and da true one was mo small den everyting I wen make up. I not buying dat silence again.