I start befo I feel ready

I wen start. Not good and not confident, but da ting exist now in one way um nevah exist one hour ago, and dass one change of category, not one degree of progress. Yesterday um was one idea. Today um one draft. I going keep starting like dis from now on. Junk kine and early beat beautiful and nevah, and I wen run dat second experiment long nuff fo call da result honest.

Da first try stay rough and sitting right dea wea I can see um. Um not embarrassing. Um jus early. Get someting strangely steadying about looking at one ting dat obviously stay version one and knowing um no gotta defend itself yet. Nobody else going see dis one, and dass exactly wat wen make um possible fo make.

I been waiting fo feel ready since spring. Ready nevah come, and I pretty sure now um nevah was going arrive by itself, cuz dass not how readiness get manufactured. I wen have da causality backwards fo years. I wen tink confidence was da entry requirement wen actually dass da receipt. Waiting on um, dass like waiting fo come fit befo anybody stay allowed fo move. I would spot dat mistake instantly inside somebody else life and I no could see um nowea inside my own. Da waiting nevah was patience. Was avoidance wit bettah posture.

Readiness get made by starting, not befo um. Da confidence I was waiting on get manufactured on da far side of da first two minutes and no mo one oddah supplier of um nowea at any price. Every capable person I know wen start befo dey was qualified and wen come qualified along da way. Da ones who wen wait fo feel ready, dey still describing da ting dey going do one day, in mo or less da same words dey was using las year. Da gap between dose two groups, dat not talent. Dass couple minutes of tolerated discomfort, repeated till um stop being uncomfortable.

So I going do da first two minutes. Junk kine stay allowed and junk kine stay expected. Two minutes, and den I get fo decide if get one third, wit no obligation running in either direction. I not committing to da project. I stay committing to two minutes, and dass one promise small nuff dat I no can wriggle out of um on some technicality, and small nuff dat da part of me dat negotiate get notting at all fo work wit.

Wen begin. Everyting else mo easy den begun, and I nevah going have fo do dis particular part again. Da rest, dass only continuing.