My body carry me troo da day

I make um tru da day and I still get someting left ovah. I take da stairs and no need hold one debate wit myself first. My body do wat da day ask um fo do, and den come evening um still dea, and me too, and dat nevah was always true, and I wen stop noticing um nevah was true. Get one version of me at eight o'clock at night dat I nevah meet fo one long time.

Get air inside my chest wen I reach da top of da stairs. I sleep and dass actual sleep, da kine dat pau propah instead of da kine dat jus run out. In da aftahnoon, wea da flat part of da day used to sit dea like one breath somebody stay holding, now get jus mo day. I wen carry everyting in from da car one trip and nevah even tink notting about um.

Fo one while dea I was running on almos notting and calling um coping. Now I know wat dat cost. Dat not one moral failure and dat not one story about discipline, and every version of dis dat get sold like um one of dose, somebody stay selling someting. Was one bill I stay paying in energy and nobody eva wen show me da invoice. Da strange part, how normal um wen feel da whole time um was happening. I nevah notice da floor stay going down. Only wen um wen come back up I wen notice, and den I no could hardly believe I was living down dea.

None of dis wen come from one big overhaul. Overhauls, dass how I used to fail at dis, cuz any plan dat need me fo come one different person by Monday get one single point of failure built right inside um. Dis wen come from ten minutes of walking dat I refuse fo negotiate wit. Small, repeated, notting special. Too easy fo be impressive, and az why exactly um wen work, cuz impressive stay fragile and boring stay durable. I no need one version of dis dat look good. I need da kine dat survive one bad week.

So today I going walk fo ten minutes. Not fo burn notting off and not fo fix notting, jus fo move, whatevah pace I get today. Den I going do um again tomorrow same time, so I nevah gotta spend da decision two times. Da scheduling, dass da real intervention. Da walking almos incidental. Anyting I gotta decide about every single day, dass one ting I going eventually stop doing.

Dis not about how I look. Dis about having nuff of myself left ovah fo be dea fo da parts of my life I actually care about, and dass da only reason any of um was eva worth doing. Capacity, dass da whole point. Everyting else jus decoration.