You No Need Run Da Room Inside Your Head

You wen wake up already stay make up one explanation for something nobody even wen ask about. Dat kine ting happen early, before you even get your guard up. Da window stay gray, kinda mellow. Get tea, or goin get soon. And somewhere in da next hour get one version of dis day where you just do da thing, no need all da extra talk inside your head.

Da heater stay tick tick as um warm up. Somebody's music coming through da wall, too far for tell what song. Dat flat kine morning light stay sitting on top one plain table. Your keys stay right where you wen leave um, so dat mean da day get one door for open.

You been trying fo manage one audience dat not even watching. Everybody you stay perform for, dey stay busy running their own version of da same kine loop, dass why da room you stay rehearse for neva even come together. What dat cost you not embarrassment, cuz da moment you scared of mostly neva even happen. Da real cost is da shape of your choices: you been pick da option easier fo defend instead of da one dat really good, and dose two been quietly going different directions for years while you tell yourself you was just being considerate.

Run um backwards and da whole ting fall apart. If everybody's attention was really stuck on you like da anxiety stay tell you, den you would remember, in detail, all da awkward kine tings everybody around you wen do last month. But you no remember. You no can even name three, and dey no can either, cuz da truth is human attention stay one scarce kine resource, mostly all spent on yourself. Dat spotlight you been standing under, dass you da one holding um. Put um down and you goin see da room stay one normal room, get people inside dat wish you well and stay thinking about something else.

So today you send dat message you been write and soften up. No need one intro dat apologize for even existing, no need one whole paragraph explaining why you get da right fo ask. Just da request, straight up, in da fewest words dat can carry um. Den you close da app and go do something physical.

Um goin land as one ordinary message, cuz dass what um is. Da version you been rehearse for two weeks and da version you send today, dey read exactly da same to da person receiving um. So you get back dose two weeks. Spend um on something better.