Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Tell them plainly: I'm slow to trust now.
- Speak to yourself like a hurting friend.
- Hold the daily structure: sleep, food, sunlight.
Ebia ɛyɛ din bi a ɛwɔ wo fon so a wonhu no sɛ ɛyɛ dwoodwoo bio. Ebia ɛyɛ sɛnea wo yam tutu bere a obi foforo ye ayamye dodo, ntɛm dodo no. Sɛ abusuabatem awie yaayaa wie a, wubetumi apɛ sɛ wobɛn obi na woasan asiw wo ho kwan wɔ bere koro no ara mu. Wo fã bi yɛ ankonam. Wo fã foforo no asi gyinae, komm koraa, sɛ ɔremma wɔmfa no nkyɛn bio.
Saa fã a ɛto so abien no nsɛe ɛ. Ɛreyɛ n'adwuma.
Sɛ ɔdɔ ba awiei wɔ nkontompo mu, anaa nkakrankakra sɛeɛ mu, anaa nkrabea a woankɔ so anhwehwɛ mu a, wo adwene kyerɛw nsɛm. Ɛde deɛ ɛyaw no sie sɛnea ɛbɛtumi abɔ wo kɔkɔ wɔ bere a ɛdi hɔ. Gyidi te sɛ asiane efisɛ bere a etwa to no, sɛ wode gyidii too obi so no, ɛbɔɔ wo ka biribi a ɛyɛ nokware. Enti ansa na yɛbɛka sɛnea wobɛsan abue wo ho no ho asɛm no, ɛboa sɛ wobɛte sɛnea wo ho banbɔ no te ankasa ase. Ɛnyɛ mfomso a ɛwɔ wo suban mu. Ɛyɛ banbɔ a atena hɔ akyɛ.
Awerɛhow di kan, ansa na gyidi aba
Nkurɔfo taa tra saa fã yi so na wɔbisa deɛ enti a hwee nyɛ no fɛ. Abusuabatem awiei yɛ adehwere, na adehwere hwehwɛ sɛ wodi ho awerɛhow. Cleveland Clinic ka no pefee: awerɛhow a ɛba abusuabatem awiei akyi no ne awerɛhow a edi owu akyi no yɛ pɛ wɔ akwan pii so. Ɛnyɛ onipa nko ara na worehwere. Woahwere daakye a na woasi bi wɔ wo tirim no, nsɛm a na ɛyɛ mo nko ara dwerɛw, ne wo ho su a na ɛwɔ wo bere a na wo ne no wɔ hɔ no.
Awerɛhow nkɔ so wɔ ɔkwan a ɛteɛ so. Wubetumi ate nka sɛ wo ho ye Benada na Yawda dwom bi a ɛwɔ adwadi so abubu wo koma. Anpenpɛn, abufuw, apam, awerɛhow, ne biribi te sɛ gyinae taa kyim na ɛdane ho sen sɛ ɛbɛba nnidiso. Bere a wɔahyɛ biara nni hɔ, na obiara a ɔde bi bɛma wo no rekyerɛ kwan.
Deɛ enti a eyi ho hia ma gyidi ni. Worentumi mmpere ntwam awerɛhow nkodu gyidi a wode bɛsan agye adi bio no so. Gyidi san nyin wɔ dɔte koro no ara a wɔama adehwere kwan sɛ ɛbɛtena hɔ no mu. Sɛ wupia awerɛhow no si fam a, wo ho banbɔ no gyina hɔ no ankasa, efisɛ wo fã bi nim sɛ wɔanhwɛ kuru no da.
Deɛ "gyidi haw" yɛ ankasa
Saa asɛm no wɔtow gu hɔ te sɛ ɔyaw asɛm. Ɛnyɛ saa. Deɛ nkurɔfo frɛ no gyidi haw no taa yɛ nipadua mu nhoma a ɛsuaa adesua a ɛyɛ den na ɛde redi dwuma trɛw dodo.
Sɛ abusuabatem a etwa to no kyerɛɛ wo sɛ ahonim de yaw ba a, wo adwene yɛ no nyinaa. Onipa foforo akyi a ɔbɛba no, a ɛyɛ ade a ɛyɛ adekyere kɛkɛ, wokan no sɛ ogyaw a ɛrefi ase. Ayamye ketewa bi wokan no sɛ atade a wɔahyehyɛ. Ɛnyɛ sɛ woahuhu wo ho. Woreyɛ tete mfonini wɔ anim foforo so, na wuntumi nhu, wɔ bere no mu, deɛ ɛwɔ he ne deɛ ɛwɔ he.
Botae no nyɛ sɛ wobɛdum eyi. Onipa a onni ahwɛyie koraa no nyɛ ɔbenyini, ɔda hɔ kwa. Botae no ne sɛ wobɛbrɛ nne no ase akɔdu gyinabea a ɛne dan a wowɔ mu ankasa hyia, na ɛnyɛ deɛ wugyaw hɔ no.
Fi onipa a wubetumi de adi dwuma no so: wo ankasa
Ansa na wubetumi de gyidi ato onipa foforo so bio no, ɛboa sɛ wode gyidi to wo ankasa wo ho so. Awiei a ɛyɛ yaayaa taa gyaw kuru a ɛto so abien a ɛyɛ komm: "Adɛn nti na manhu? Adɛn nti na metenaa hɔ? Mitumi de gyidi to m'ankasa m'atemmu so koraa anaa?" Saa ahonim akyinnye no betumi de ɔsɛe a ɛkyɛ aba sen abusuabatem no ankasa, efisɛ ɛdi wo akyi kɔ dan biara mu.
Ɛha na ahummɔbɔ a wode ma wo ho yɛ adwuma ankasa, na nhwehwɛmu no yɛ den sen sɛnea ɛte. University of Rochester Medical Center, a wɔde nimdefo Kristin Neff adwuma di dwuma no, kyerɛkyerɛ ahummɔbɔ a wode ma wo ho mu sɛ nneɛma abiɛsa a ɛbom: sɛ wobɛyɛ wo ho ayamye mmom sen sɛ wobɛyɛ den wɔ wo ho so, sɛ wobɛkae sɛ ɔperepere yɛ onipayɛ fã na ɛnyɛ ankasa dɛm, ne sɛ wobɛhu wo nkate a emu yɛ den a ɛnnworɔw wo anaa wopia no kwan. Nkurɔfo a wɔyɛ wɔn ho saa no taa kura dadwen, awerɛhow, ne nhyɛso kakraa bi, na wɔsan ba ntɛm fi nneɛma a ɛyɛ den mu.
Akwan kakraa bi a saa yɛ adwuma:
- Sɛ wo ho sobo fi ase a, bisa deɛ anka wobɛka akyerɛ adamfo pa a ɔwɔ wo tebea ara pɛ mu. Afei ka kyerɛ wo ho, kasa mu sɛ wubetumi a. Ɔkwan a yɛfa so kasa kyerɛ nnamfonom ne ɔkwan a yɛfa so kasa kyerɛ yɛn ho ho ntam kwan taa so.
- Hu bɔhyɛ ketewaa a wudi ho fa ma wo ho. Sɛ wokɔda bere a wokae sɛ wobɛyɛ no. Sɛ wonkɔto nkrasɛm nkɔma onipa a wokaa ntam sɛ worenkɔto nkɔma no. Bɔhyɛ biara a wudi so yɛ ɔbo wɔ ahoto a wode wo ho to wo ho so fapem mu.
- Gyae sɛ wobɛbisa wo tete su ho asɛm. Wuyɛɛ gyinae pa a wubetumi yɛ no wɔ deɛ na wunim saa bere no mu. Akyiri nhumu nyɛ adanse sɛ woyɛ obi a wunhu nkurɔfo yiye.
Woresan resi gyidi a ɛkyerɛ sɛ wobɛhwɛ wo ho so bere a edi hɔ no. Saa gyidi no na ɛma ɛyɛ asomdwoe sɛ wobɛsan abɔ asiane mu bio.
Adehwere no hwɛ bere a ɛrebɔ
Gyidi nyin ntɛm bere a wo nkae no ho atɔ wo so. Nneɛma a ɛho hia no te sɛ ade a ɛyɛ kwa dodo a ɛnsɛ sɛ wɔka, na ɛno ankasa nti na nkurɔfo tra so bere a ɛyaw wɔn paa no.
Cleveland Clinic ne HelpGuide si nhyehyɛe a ɛnyɛ fɛ koro no ara so, efisɛ ɛyɛ adwuma:
- Ma wo ho kwan sɛ wobɛte nka. Su, kyerɛwsɛm yɛ, bobɔ abufuw din, eyinom mu biara nyɛ mmerɛwyɛ. Awerɛhow a wokwati no nyera. Ɛkɔ asoro na efi hɔ di wo gyinae so.
- Kura nhyehyɛe no mu. Nna, aduan, nkankyem, owia hann kakra. Bere a wo tirim yɛ basabasa no, akyidi nhyehyɛe a ɛda adi ma wo nipadua biribi a ɛyɛ den a egyina so.
- Twere nkurɔfo a wote nka sɛ wɔbɔ wo ho ban no. Ka nsɛm a ɛyɛ aniwu no kyerɛ obi a ɔrenwosow. Ankonam yɛ kyerɛ wo asɛm a ɛyɛ nokwarefo sɛ wo nko ara na woate nka sei pɛn. Ɛnte saa.
- Yɛ brɛoo wɔ ɔbɛn foforo ho. Akyɛde biara nni hɔ ma sɛ wode gyidi to obi so ntɛm, na rebound a wɔakyekye wɔ kuru a wɔnsaa so taa bue mu bio.
Sɛ woma obi ba mu, nokwasɛm baako baako
Gyidi nyɛ kanea a wobɛsɔ bere a wote nka sɛ woasiesie wo ho. Worente nka sɛ woasiesie wo ho. Wɔde nsɔhwɛ nketenkete a wubetumi atena ase no na ɛkyekye.
Ka biribi a ɛkyerɛ wo mmerɛwyɛ kakra na hwɛ sɛnea onipa baako no di ho dwuma. So ɔkɔɔ so yɛɛ ayamye? So ɔkaee? Hwɛ deɛ nkurɔfo yɛ wɔ bere mu, na ɛnyɛ deɛ wɔka wɔ bere pa bi mu nko ara. Hwɛ sɛ wɔn nsɛm ne wɔn nneyɛe hyia wɔ adapɛn pii mu anaa, na ɛnyɛ sɛ wobetumi adan wo wɔ anwummere aduan baako mu. Gyidi a wonya no saa kwan no yɛ komm na ɛyɛ den paa sɛ wɔbɛwosow.
Ɛboa sɛ wobɛbobɔ wo ho banbɔ din mmom sen sɛ wode bɛsie. "M'ani gye eyi ho paa, na meyɛ brɛoo kakra wɔ gyidi mu wɔ m'abusuabatem a etwa to akyi" nyɛ frankaa kɔkɔɔ. Wɔ onipa a wagyina pintinn anim no, ɛyɛ nsɛm a mfaso wɔ so, na sɛnea ogye so no kyerɛ wo nneɛma pii. Onipa a ɔfata no nhwehwɛ sɛ wubue wo ho da a edi kan. Ɔpɛ sɛ ɔnya.
Ehu bɛsan abɔ wo. Tete mfonini bɛsan ahyɛn. Adwuma no nyɛ sɛ wubegyae ehu no atenka. Ɛyɛ sɛ wubegyae sɛ woma ehu no abɔ aba wɔ gyinae biara so.
Bere a wobɛfrɛ mmoa pii
Akuru bi mu dɔ dodo sɛ wo nko ara wobɛnante afi mu, na sɛ wopɛ mmoa a, ɛyɛ ahoɔden sɛnkyerɛnne, na ɛnyɛ huammɔ. Sɛ awerɛhow no ntwe ne ho adapɛn ne abosome pii akyi, sɛ wuntumi nnidi anaa wonna anaa wonni nna a ɛyɛ kwa mu, sɛ wuhu sɛ woreyɛ ɛyaw no krɔnkrɔn wɔ nnuru mu anaa wotwe wo ho fi obiara ho a, eyinom yɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne a wɔbɛka akyerɛ ɔduruyɛfo anaa ɔyaresafo. Saa ara nso na ɛte sɛ abusuabatem a etwa to no de ayayade anaa nkontompo a wukɔ so te nka mu yɛɛ ho adwuma, anaa sɛ abusuabatem no ama wote nka sɛ anidaso nni hɔ sɛ wo ho bɛyɛ wo yiye da. Ɔyaresafo pa betumi aboa wo ma woapaepae tete mfonini afi mprempren mu, wɔ ahoɔhare a ɛrenni wo so.
Sɛ wode gyidi bɛsan ato so bio no nkyerɛ sɛ wo werɛ befi deɛ esii anaa sɛ woreyɛ sɛnea wɔanya yaw amma wo da. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ ɛyaw no gyae sɛ ɛyɛ ade baako a ɛhwɛ so. Wubetumi asoa deɛ wusuae na woagyaw ɔpon no abue. Ɛnyɛ sɛ wobue no kɛse. Ɛbue ara kwa a ɛsɛ sɛ onipa a ɔfata no fa mu fa wɔ bere a wakyerɛ, wɔ bere mu, sɛ ɔbɔ wo ho ban.
Nsɛm a wonyae
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Get Over a Breakup: 11 Tips for Healing
- Cleveland Clinic, Understanding the 5 Stages of Grief After a Breakup
- University of Rochester Medical Center, Self-Compassion and Your Mental Health
- HelpGuide, Coping with a Breakup or Divorce