Sɛnea Wo Ne Onipa a Ɔyɛ Den Bedi

Ebia woasusuw wɔn ho ansa na woawie asɛm ti no. Adwumayɛni a ɔwɔ asɛm wɔ biribiara ho. Abusuani a ɔdane anwummere aduan sɔhwɛ. Wo panyin a wokenkan ne suban te sɛ wim tebea. Ɔbrɛ bi wɔ hɔ a ɛfi onipa a wuntumi nkwati no na wuntumi nsiesie no, na sɛ woresoa no mprempren a, wonyɛ den dodo. Ntawntaw a ɛtoa so daa wɔ onipa baako ho de adesoa ankasa ba.

Mfiase a ɛyɛ nokware ni. Wuntumi nkɔ obi mu nsesa nea ɔyɛ. Nea wubetumi asesa ne dodow a ɔfa wo tirim, sɛnea wuyi wo ho adi bere a ɔpia wo, ne nea woapɛ sɛ wugye to mu. Ɛno yɛ ade ketewa sen sɛnea yɛpɛ. Nanso ɛsono kyerɛ sɛ ɛdɔɔso, mpɛn pii no.

Nea edi kan, nea "den" no kyerɛ wo ankasa

Ɛboa sɛ wobɛyɛ brɛoo wɔ asɛmfua no ankasa so. "Den" yɛ atemmu, ɛnyɛ nokwasɛm, na bere a wode bata obi ho no, efi ase sesa biribiara a ɔyɛ. Amy Gallo, a ɔkyerɛw wɔ Harvard Business Review mu no, kyerɛ sɛ sɛ wode din bata obi ho a, ɛkyekye wo to asɛm baako mu fa ne ho, na ɛno na ɛkyere sɛnea wobɛkenkan ne nneyɛe a edi hɔ no dinn. Wogu ahome, na wote sɛ animtiaabu. Wɔyɛ dinn, na wote sɛ wɔatwiri wo. Ebia. Anaasɛ ebia adwuma abu wɔn so, anaa wɔn suro, anaa wɔabrɛ wɔ saa nkitahodi yi mu te sɛ wo ara.

Eyi nfa nneyɛe bɔne ho asɛm nyɛ den. Ɛfa wo ara w'adwene a ɛtumi sesa ho, efisɛ asɛm a ɛyɛ den ma woyɛ obi a wonim nea ɔbɛyɛ na wo bo fuw ntɛm, a ɛno ara ne tebea a nnipa a wɔyɛ den yɛ den sen biara sɛ wo ne wɔn bedi.

Enti ansa na woyɛ nhyehyɛe no, pɛ sɛ wuhu ade kakra. Dɛn na saa onipa yi nneyɛe rebɔ ho ban? Den a ɛkɔ so daa pii yɛ mmɔden a ɛnyɛ yiye a wɔbɔ sɛ wɔbɛhwɛ biribi a ɛda ase so. Gyinabea. Mfomso ho hu. Hia a wopɛ sɛ wo ho ba mfaso, anaa banbɔ, anaa di adwuma so. Ɛho nhia sɛ wuhu wɔn yare. Nea ehia ara ne sɛ wobɛkae sɛ wɔn nso reguan biribi. Ɛma ntawntaw no nkura a ɛkura wo no yɛ mmerɛw.

Asomdwoe ne agoru no nyinaa

Sɛ obi pia wo a, wo nipadua gye so ansa na w'atemmu adu hɔ. Koma tu mmirika, abogye mu yɛ den, ɔpɛ a ɛyɛ hyew sɛ wobɛsan abɔ anaa woato mu. Saa tebea mu no woka nsɛm a anka worenpaw da bere a wo ti mu da hɔ. Onipa a ɔyɛ den no, bere a basabasa wom no, ɔtaa yɛ yiye sen wo. Mfa basabasa no mma wɔn.

Adeyɛ ketewa bi wɔ hɔ a wɔasua ho yiye a ɛboa sen sɛnea ɛsɛ: bɔbɔ nea wote nka no din, kyerɛ wo ho, wɔ nsɛm pa mu. *Me bo afuw. M'ani awu. Mete nka sɛ wɔatwa me ho ahyia.* Adwene ho nimdefo kuw a Matthew Lieberman a ɔwɔ UCLA dii anim no hui sɛ sɛ wode atenka to nsɛm mu kɛkɛ a, ɛma adwene no nnyigyei bea, amygdala no, yɛ komm, na ɛsan de adwene no fa a ɛdwen ade ba. Nhwehwɛmufo frɛ no atenka dinbɔ. Wubetumi afrɛ no bere a wotɔ ma wo ho. Ɔkwan biara so no, saa kasamu fa a ɛyɛ komm wɔ wʼadwene mu no taa yɛ nsonsonoe a ɛda nneyɛe a wubenu wo ho ho ne mmuae a wopaw ntam.

Nneɛma kakra a ɛma asomdwoe yɛ mmerɛw bere a wutumi te nka sɛ ahopere no reba:

• Home fi adi brɛoo ansa na wokasa. Ahomegu tenten baako ka kyerɛ wo nipadua sɛ asiane no sua sen sɛnea ɛte.
• Brɛ wo nne ase sen sɛ wobɛma so. Nne a wodi so na ɛyɛ wo ankasa a wudi wo ho so.
• Tɔ bere wɔ baguam. "Ma mensusuw ho na masan abrɛ wo" yɛ kasamu a ewie pɛyɛ, a tumi wom. Hwee nni hɔ ankasa a ehia mmuae prɛko pɛ.
• Ma wo nan si fam na wo mmati nsian. Wuntumi nnwen kɔ asomdwoe bere a wo nipadua da so siesie ne ho ma ɔko.

Ka asɛm ankasa no, ɔdɔ ne pefee mu

Sɛ wokasa a, botae no nyɛ sɛ wobɛyɛ wo ho mmerɛw ayɛ nea wɔtiatia so anaa wobɛyɛ wo ho nnam ayɛ akode. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛda wo ho adi, a egyina saa abien no ntam. Da wo ho adi kyerɛ sɛ woka nokware a ɛwɔ hɔ ma wo ne nea wuhia, tee, a wonto nhyɛ onipa foforo no so. Egyina adwene a ɛne sɛ mo baanu nyinaa ho hia wɔ ha so.

Adwinnade a wugye di pa ara ma eyi yɛ pefee na ɛyɛ tete kakra: kasa fi w'ankasa wo suahu mu sen sɛ wofi wɔn mfomso ho.

• Sen sɛ "Wotwitwa m'asɛm da biara," sɔ "Mepɛ sɛ mewie m'adwene ansa na yɛatoa so."
• Sen sɛ "Wo ne wo nhyehyɛ ade a, ɛyɛ den," sɔ "Mehia aane anaa daabi adu Yawoada na matumi abɔ dan no."
• Sen sɛ "Woreyɛ nea ɛnteɛ," sɔ "Eyi nte sɛ ade a ɛteɛ ma me, na mepɛ sɛ mete sɛnea wuduu hɔ ase."

Hwɛ nea eyinom yɛ. Wɔkyerɛ nneyɛe mu na wobisa biribi pɔtee, enti hwee nni hɔ a wɔbɛko ho. "Wo da biara" frɛ ɔko fa sɛ ɛyɛ da biara anaa. "Mepɛ sɛ mewie m'adwene" ka nea ehia kɛkɛ. Yɛ no pefee. Abisade a emu nna hɔ nya nsisii a emu nna hɔ, na nnipa a wɔyɛ den yɛ nimdefo wɔ nsisii baabi no ho. Akwankyerɛ a efi ayaresafo a wɔkyerɛkyerɛ nkurɔfo fa nkɔmmɔdi a ɛyɛ den ho no kɔ baabi koro: kɔ so pɔtee mu, kɔ so yɛ komm, na fa wʼani si ɔhaw a ɛwɔ w'anim no so sen onipa no suban nyinaa.

Afei yɛ fa a ɛyɛ den no. Tie. Ɛnyɛ nea ɛyɛ atoro a wo nso wo gye wo nsɛm a edi hɔ no ho ahosiesie. Ma ɔnwie ankasa, na san ka nea wotee no ansa na woama mmuae. "Enti woreka sɛ bere nhyehyɛe no anyɛ adwuma amma wo kuw no da." Nkurɔfo tu wɔn ho kɔ soro bere a wɔte nka sɛ obi ntee wɔn, na wɔbrɛ wɔn ho ase kakra bere a wɔte nka sɛ obi ate wɔn ase, mpo obi a ɔne wɔn nyɛ adwene koro. Ntawntaw a wodi ho dwuma ho nhwehwɛmu kɔ so hu ade koro: nkɔmmɔ a ɛyɛ den botae nyɛ sɛ wodi bem, ɛyɛ sɛ wubegyaw nnipa baanu no nyinaa a wɔte nka sɛ wɔatie wɔn ankasa. Ɛno na ɛma ano aduru tim.

Paw w'akodi, ne wo apuei akwan

Ɛnyɛ pia biara na ɛfata mmuae. Su a ɛyɛ komm baako a wode di onipa a ɔyɛ den ho dwuma ne sɛ wopaw, w'adwene mu, nea wobɛma atwa mu. Aborɔ a ɛba nhyiam mu, animtiaabu ketewa no, atadua no. Wubetumi anka ɛ. Kommyɛ ne asɛm ho nsesa a ɛyɛ komm nyɛ mmerɛwyɛ. Ɛyɛ wo a worepo sɛ wode ogya bɛhyɛ.

Sie w'ahoɔden ankasa ma nneɛma a ɛka w'adwuma, wo yiyedi, anaa wo gyinapɛn ho ankasa. Eyinom fata nkɔmmɔ a wodi tee. Nkae no, wubetumi ama no asane afi wo so, na wubenya gyidi pii bere a woma asɛm so, efisɛ wonma biribiara so.

Ɛboa nso sɛ wubehu w'ankasa wʼanohyeto ansa na wɔsɔ wo hwɛ. Si gyinae ntɛm nea wobɛyɛ sɛ wɔtwa hye bi. "Sɛ kasa no dane onipankasa ho a, mɛto frowee no na yɛatumi atoa so ɔkyena." Sɛ wowɔ saa nhyehyɛe no krado a, ɛkyerɛ sɛ ɛho nhia sɛ woyɛ mmuae prɛko pɛ wɔ ohyew bere mu, bere a wʼatemmu nyɛ den koraa.

Bere a ɛsen den

Nsonsonoe wɔ obi a ɔne no di yɛ den ne obi a ɔrehaw wo ntam. Aborɔ a ɛkɔ so, ahunahuna, nnaadaa a ɛma wo ho nnya gye di wo ankasa wo nkae mu, biribiara a ɛma woyɛ ketewa na wusuro kɛse bere biara. Ɛno nyɛ suban ntawntaw a wode "Me" nsɛm a ɛyɛ yiye besiesie. Ɛno yɛ nneyɛe a ɛnteɛ, na wonni obiara ka sɛ wode abodwokyɛre a enni awiei bɛto so.

Sɛ nkitahodi wɔ adwuma anaa fie reto wo ase daa a, frɛ nnipa a wobetumi asesa tebea no ankasa: ɔhwɛfo, HR, adamfo a wugye no di a ɔbɛka nokware akyerɛ wo, ɔbenfo a obetumi aboa wo ahu nea ɛyɛ wo dea sɛ wobɛsoa ne nea ɛnyɛ. Sɛ wuhu sɛ onipa baako kura wo nsusuwii bere tenten wɔ akyiri a woafi dan no mu, gye wo nna fi wo nsam, anaa ɛma wuhu wʼabrabɔ afa a na anka wʼani gye ho hu a, ɛno fata sɛ wo ne ɔbenfo bedi ho nkɔmmɔ. Sɛ wopɛ mmoa wɔ ha a, ɛnyɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ wuntumi anni ho dwuma. Ɛyɛ sɛnea wugyae sɛ wonko ara di ho dwuma.

Worenya nkitahodi biara yiye, na ɛho nhia sɛ woyɛ saa. Tim nyɛ nteasee a wubetumi abubu mu. Ɛyɛ ɔsohwɛ a wokɔ so san kɔ so. Bere a edi hɔ a wote nka sɛ wo mmati afi ase reforo no, wubenya baabi a wode w'adwene besi sen onipa foforo no, na saa kwan kakra no yɛ wo dea sɛ wode bɛsɔ.

Nea efi

• Harvard Business Review, 3 Types of Difficult Coworkers and How to Work with Them
• UCLA Social Cognitive Neuroscience Lab, Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity (Lieberman et al., 2007)
• HelpGuide.org, Conflict Resolution Skills
• National Institutes of Health (PMC), Conflict Management: Difficult Conversations with Difficult People