Ukukhetha Amagama Akho Ngaphansi Kwengcindezi

Cabanga ngesikhathi sokugcina ingxoxo eyaphambana ngokushesha. Mhlawumbe othile wakuphonsela inselele phambi kwethimba. Mhlawumbe umlayezo wafika kabi wezwa ukushisa kukhuphuka esifubeni sakho. Wavula umlomo wakho, futhi okwaphuma kwakubukhali, noma kuncane, noma kunobubi ngokwedlula lokho obukuqonda. Wabe usuchitha usuku lonke uphinda uwudlala.

Iningi lethu licabanga ukuthi ukuhlala uzolile ngaphansi kwengcindezi kumayelana namandla entando. Qinisa amazinyo akho, uhlale upholile. Kodwa ingxenye ekhubekisa abantu empeleni ayisiwo amandla entando nhlobo. Kuwukuthi ingcindezi ishintsha ngokuthula amagama okwazi ukuwafinyelela, futhi iyakwenza lokhu ngaphambi kokuba unqume noma yini ngamabomu.

Lokho kufanele kwaziwe, ngoba kushintsha lapho ubeka khona umzamo wakho. Akudingeki uzibambele ngamandla kuwo wonke umzuzu onzima. Ungasebenza nendlela ubuchopho bakho obenza ngayo ngempela lapho ingcindezi ikhuphuka.

Isilulumagama sakho siyancipha lapho ucindezelekile

Kukhona uhlobo lwangempela, olulinganisekayo lwalokhu. Abacwaningi babhekile ukuthi abantu bakhuluma kanjani ngenkathi benza imisebenzi ecindezelayo, belandelela amagama abo kanye nezimpawu zengcindezi zomzimba njengesivinini senhliziyo ne-cortisol. Abantu imizimba yabo esabela ngamandla amakhulu engcindezini basebenzisa ulimi olulula, olunobunkimbinkimbi obuncane. Uma uhlelo lucindezeleke kakhulu, inkulumo iba sicaba kakhulu.

Lokho kuvumelana nalokho osukuzwa. Ngaphansi kwengcindezi, umusho ocophelele obungawubhala ngosuku oluhle uwela phansi ube yinto engacophelele. Ukwehluka okuncane kuyanyamalala. Ufinyelela kokuphelele. Njalo. Akaze. Wena. Ngqo ngomzuzu odinga uhla nokunemba, unokuncane kwakho kokubili.

Lokhu akusona isici sobuntu, futhi akumayelana nokukwazi ukukhuluma kahle noma cha. Kuwukudlaliswa kwezintambo zobuchopho. Lapho ubuchopho bakho bufunda isimo njengesisongelayo, izintambo zesixwayiso ezisheshayo zithatha izintambo bese ingxenye ehambisa kancane, ecophelele kakhulu ephatha ulimi olucophelele nokwahlulela iba thulile. I-amygdala, isakhiwo esincane phakathi ejulile ebuchosheni, iqhuma isixwayiso ikukhukhulise nge-adrenaline. Ingxoxo enengqondo, esekelwe emaqinisweni iba nzima ngempela ngenkathi lokho kwenzeka. Odokotela banegama elingakhethiwe lohlobo olwedlulele, ukuthunjwa kwe-amygdala, umzuzwana lapho isixwayiso sigijima phambi komcabango bese usho into obungeke uyikhethe ngekhanda elicacile.

Izindleko zegama elingalungile ngesikhathi esingalungile

Nakhu ukuthi kungani lokhu kubalulekile ngaphandle kokunethezeka kwakho. Amagama owakhethayo ngaphansi kwengcindezi awuvezi nje lowo mzuzu. Abumba okwenzeka okulandelayo.

U-"lokho akuyona inkinga yami" obukhali ungaqeda ubudlelwano bomsebenzi obuthathe iminyaka ukubakha. U-"sengikutshelile" ozivikelayo ungafundisa ozakwenu omncane ukuthi angaphindi akubuze umbuzo. Abantu bakhumbula indlela owakhuluma ngayo nabo lapho izinto zinzima isikhathi eside kakhulu kunokuba bakhumbule udaba enanixabana ngalo. Ngaphansi kwengcindezi, awuxazululi kuphela inkinga ephambi kwakho. Ubhala futhi ingcezu encane yendlela abantu abazizwa bevikelekile ngayo lapho beza kuwe ngokuzayo.

Yizo lezo izinto zangempela ezisengozini. Hhayi ukunqoba ukushintshana. Ukugcina umnyango uvulekile.

Zithengele umzuzwana

Cishe konke okuhle emzuzwini oshisayo kuvela entweni eyodwa: igebe elincane phakathi kokugubha nempendulo yakho. Ingcindezi ikuphoqa ukuba usabele ngokushesha. Amagama angcono ahlala ngakolunye uhlangothi lokuma.

Ukuma akudingi kube kude noma kusobala. Ukuphefumula ngaphandle okukodwa okuhambisayo ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume. Ukuphuza amanzi kancane. Umusho omfushane, oqotho othenga isikhathi ngaphandle kokuwenza mbumbulu:

• "Ake ngikucabange lokho umzuzwana."
• "Ngifuna ukukwenza kahle lokhu, ngakho nginike umzuzwana."
• "Lelo yiphuzu elilungile. Ngingabuyela kuwe ngalo?"

Akukho kwalokho okwenza ubukeke ubuthakathaka. Kukwenza ubukeke njengomuntu olalele ngempela. Futhi kumzuzwana noma emibili okuwathengayo, ubuchopho bakho obuhamba kancane, obuhlakaniphile buthola ithuba lokubuyela buqhube ngaphambi kokuba umlomo wakho ukubophezele entweni.

Uma ingxoxo ingalinda, iyeke. Kuncane kakhulu emsebenzini okudinga ngempela impendulo emizuzwaneni eyishumi elandelayo. "Ake ngiyilalele ubusuku bonke" ngumusho ophelele.

Qamba lokho okuzwayo, ngokuthula

Kukhona isinyathelo esilula sangaphakathi esisiza ngaphezu kwalokho okumele. Lapho uzwa ukushisa kukhuphuka, bhala umuzwa kuwe ngamagama acacile. "Nginomcabango wokuthi lokhu akulungile, futhi ngizwa ngithukuthele." Hhayi ngezwi elizwakalayo. Inothi elithule nje ekhanda lakho.

Kuzwakala kucishe kube kuncane kakhulu ukusebenza. Kodwa ukufaka umuzwa emagameni kubonakala kususa ingxenye yamandla awo, futhi kudala ibanga elincane phakathi kwakho nokusabela. Usuka ekubeni yintukuthelo uye ekuqapheleni intukuthelo. Kusukela kulelo hafu-isinyathelo emuva, amagama akho angcono aba lula ukufinyelela.

Amazwana ambalwa enza umsebenzi ofanayo ngaleso sikhathi. "Lokhu akumayelana nami." "Lokhu kuzodlula." "Lokhu kumayelana nomsebenzi, hhayi umuntu." Awasiwo umlingo. Ayindlela yokukhumbuza uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa ukuthi awukho engozini ngempela, okuyinto elukuphambanisile.

Finyelela amagama agcina ikamelo livulekile

Uma usuthenge umzuzwana, izinqumo ezimbalwa ezincane zamagama zivame ukufika kangcono lapho imizwa iphezulu.

Ncika ku-"mina" esikhundleni sika-"wena." "Ngididekile ngokuthi safika kanjani lapha" umema ingxoxo. "Uwise ibhola" umema ukuzivikela. Ukukhathazeka okufanayo, imizuzwana engamashumi ayisithupha elandelayo ehluke kakhulu.

Shintshanisa isigwebo ngombuzo. Esikhundleni sokuthi "lokho ngeke kusebenze," zama "kwenzekani uma sikubuka ngale ngxenye?" Ungangavumelani ngokugcwele kodwa usalubeka njengento eniyixazulula ndawonye esikhundleni sodonga olwakhayo.

Yiba nokuqondile esikhundleni sokwenza okubanzi. "Uhlala wenza lokhu" cishe akulokothi kube yiqiniso, futhi omunye umuntu uyakwazi, ngakho bazophikisa u-"njalo" esikhundleni sodaba lwangempela. "Lokhu okwesibili kuleli viki" kunzima ukukuchitha futhi kulula ukukulungisa.

Futhi lapho ukwazi, yisho uhlobo oluphanayo lwalokho okuqondayo. Abantu abaningi ngaphansi kwengcindezi ababi ngenhloso. Nabo bacindezelekile, benesilulumagama sabo esincishisiwe. Ukucabanga ngenhliziyo enhle ngokuzwakalayo, "Angicabangi ukuthi noma ubani kithi ufuna lokhu kuqhume," kuvame ukwehlisa amazinga okushisa kini nobabili kanyekanye.

Uzokwenza iphutha ngezinye izikhathi, futhi lokho kungalungiseka

Akekho okhetha amagama aphelele njalo. Uzothukuthela. Uzoba qandayo. Uzothumela umlayezo bese uzisola ngaphambi kokuba ulethwe ngokugcwele. Lokho akulona uphawu lokuthi wehlulekile kulokhu. Kuwuphawu lokuthi ungumuntu ohlelo lwakhe lwesixwayiso olusebenzayo.

Lokho abantu abakukhumbulayo ngempela ukuthi ngabe wabuyela yini. "Ngangibukhali kuwe ekuqaleni, futhi lokho bekungalungile. Singakuzama futhi?" ngomunye wemisho enamandla kakhulu kunoma yiliphi indawo yokusebenza. Ilungisa umzuzu, futhi ifundisa ngokuthula wonke umuntu okuzungezile ukuthi amaphutha ayasindeka lapha. Ukulungisa kuvame ukubaluleka ngaphezu kokushelela.

Abantu okulula ukuba nabo enkingeni cishe abasiwo labo abangalahlekelwa ukuma kwabo. Yilabo abaqaphela ngokushesha bakulungise.

Lapho ingcindezi ingaphezu komzuzu

Lokhu kumayelana nezingxoxo ezithile ezinzima, uhlobo oluvutha bese ludlula. Uma uthola ukuthi cishe noma yikuphi ukungezwani kukuthumela esimweni lapho ungakwazi ukucabanga noma ukukhuluma ngokucacile, noma uvame ukusho izinto ozisola ngazo kakhulu futhi ubonakala ungakwazi ukuyeka, lokho kufanele kuthathwe ngokungathi sina kunokuzama nje kanzima.

Kunamakhono angempela, afundekayo alokhu, futhi udokotela wengqondo noma umeluleki angakusiza ukuwakha ngendlela okungekho isihloko esingayenza, ikakhulukazi uma izipiliyoni ezindala zivuselelwa emakamelweni anamuhla. Uma intukuthelo noma ingcindezi ilimaza ubudlelwano bakho noma umsebenzi wakho, noma uma uke uzwe sengathi ungazilimaza wena noma omunye umuntu, sicela uxhumane nochwepheshe noma umugqa wezimo eziphuthumayo. Ukucela lolo hlobo losizo kuwuhlobo lwalo lokukhetha amagama akho kahle.

Okwamanje, qala ngohlobo oluncane kunazo zonke. Ukuphefumula okukodwa okuhambisayo ngaphambi kokuba uphendule. Lelo gebe yilapho amagama akho angcono ahlale ehlala khona. Kuphela kufanele ushiye indawo yokuba afike.

Imithombo

• National Center for Biotechnology Information, Speaking under pressure: Low linguistic complexity is linked to high physiological and emotional stress reactivity (Saslow, Keltner, Epel, et al.)
• Harvard Business Review, How to Control Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation (Amy Gallo)
• Cleveland Clinic, Can You Identify Your Emotional Triggers?
• Cleveland Clinic, Amygdala: What It Is and What It Controls