Amathiphu asheshayo
- Beka ifoni ibheke phansi futhi iqhele.
- Phinda usho umongo ngaphambi kokuphendula.
- Buza ngaphambi kokunikeza iseluleko sakho.
Cabanga umuntu ekutshela ngosuku olunzima. Uyanqekuzisa ikhanda. Wenza imisindo efanele. Futhi ndawana thile ngemuva kwamehlo akho, usuvele ubhala impendulo yakho, unquma ukuthi baqinisile yini, uhlela indaba lokhu okukukhumbuza yona. Ubukeka ulalele. Awulaleli, ngempela. Ulinde ithuba lakho.
Sonke sike saba kuzo zombili izinhlangothi zalokho. Into exakayo ukuthi kulula kangakanani ukubona lapho kwenziwa kuwe, nokuthi kunzima kangakanani ukuzibamba ukwenza. Ukulalela kwangempela kuyivelakancane kunalokho esikucabangayo, futhi igebe phakathi kokubukeka unakekele nokunakekela ngempela yilapho ukwethenjwa okuningi kufela khona ngokuthulile.
Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi leli yikhono, hhayi isipho. Ungaba ngcono ngokulinganisekayo kukho, futhi abantu abakuzungezile bazozwa umehluko ngokushesha.
Esikwenza ngokuvamile esikhundleni salokho
Lapho umuntu esilethela okuthile, into esiyenza masinyane ukuyilungisa. Ozakwethu uchaza inkinga bese sigxumela esixazululweni bengakawuqedi umusho. Umngane ukhipha okusenhliziyweni bese simnika iseluleko angasicelanga. Kuvela endaweni enhle. Sifuna ukusiza, futhi ukunikeza impendulo kuzwakala njengokusiza.
Ngokuvamile akuyona into abayidingayo okwamanje. Abantu abazizwa bejahwa besiwa esixazululweni bavame ukuzizwa belawulwa kunokuzwiwa, futhi bayeka ukukulethela izinto zangempela. Omunye umnyakazo ovamile ufihlekile kakhulu. Silalela isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuze sithole isihibe sendaba yethu, into esingayihlobanisa nayo. "Ó, lokho kwenzeka nakimi." Manje sesikhuluma ngathi kanti omunye umuntu uyanqekuzisa nje, efunda ukungazihluphi ngesikhathi esizayo.
UKevin Sharer, owaphatha inkampani ye-biotech i-Amgen iminyaka, uke wakhuluma ngokusobala ngokuthi kwamthatha isikhathi eside kangakanani ukuze afunde lokhu. Ekuqaleni komsebenzi wakhe indlela yakhe kwakuwukuba, ngamazwi akhe, umuntu ohlakaniphe kunabo bonke egumbini nokukufakazela emizuzwini emihlanu yokuqala. Kwamthatha isikhathi eside ukubona ukuthi leso simo samubiza kangakanani, ukuthi zingaki izixwayiso nemibono emihle engazange imfinyelele ngoba wayeqeqeshe wonke umuntu emzungezile ukuthi wayengalaleli ngempela.
Kungani ukuzwiwa kwenza okuthile ebantwini
Kunobuningi bocwaningo ngalokho okwenzekayo lapho abantu bezizwa ngempela belalelwa emsebenzini, futhi okutholakele kumangalisa ngaphezu kokulindelekile. Lapho abasebenzi bezizwa bezwiwa, bazimisele kakhulu ukukhuluma ngezinkinga, bazibophezela kakhulu, bagqugquzeleke kakhulu. Lapho bezizwa bengezwiwa, kwenzeka okuphambene. Abantu bathula, bahoxe, bayeke ukunikeza kanye ulwazi umholi aludinga kakhulu. Umsebenzi oyedwa ocwaningweni ngokulalela emsebenzini wafingqa yonke le ndaba emgqeni owodwa mayelana nomphathi ongaphenduli: uma ngingafiki ndawo nawe, ngizihluphelani.
Yileyo intengo efihlekile yokulalela okubi. Akukhona nje ukuthi imizwa iyalimala. Kungukuthi ukugeleza kolwazi oluqotho kuyoma. Izimpawu zokuqala zesexwayiso, imibono engakapheleli, ukukhathazeka okuthule obekungakusindisa, lokho kukufinyelela kuphela uma abantu abakuphethe bekholelwa ukuthi kufanele umzamo wokukutshela.
Kukhona okwenzekayo nakumkhulumi. Ukulalelwa kahle kwehlisa ukuzivikela komuntu. Lapho sizizwa siphephile futhi singahlulelwa, sicabanga ngokuzwakalayo ngokwethembeka okwengeziwe, sibambelela emibonweni yethu ngokuqinile kancane, singaze siqaphele izingxenye zokucabanga kwethu ezingahlanganisi kahle. Ukulalela okuhle akuqoqi nje ulwazi. Kusiza omunye umuntu ukuba acabange ngokucacile ngenkathi ekhuluma.
Ukukwenza kanjani ngempela
Ukulalela kwangempela akumayelani kangako nendlela njengokuba khona, kodwa imikhuba embalwa eqinile yenza kube nokwenzeka ngokwengeziwe. Zama lokhu.
- Nquma ukuthi umsebenzi wakho owodwa ukuqonda. Ngaphambi kwengxoxo, yeka umgomo wokuphendula kahle, wokuwina iphuzu, noma wokukulungisa. Zama ukuphuma ukwazi ukuchaza umbono wabo ngokunembayo baze bathi "yebo, ngempela." Lolo shintsho olulodwa lushintsha konke okulandelayo.
- Vumela ukuthula kuhlale. Lapho beqeda, linda imizuzwana emibili ngaphambi kokukhuluma. Kuzwakala njengonaphakade. Kubatshela ukuthi ubukwamukela ngempela, futhi ngokuvamile kuveza into ebaluleke kakhulu ababeya kuyo.
- Cabanga ngaphambi kokuphendula. Phinda usho umongo ngamazwi akho. "Ngakho okukukhathaza ngempela isikhathi esibekiwe, hhayi umsebenzi uqobo?" Uzomangala ukuthi kukangaki ukuthole kancane kungalungile, nokuthi bayabonga kangakanani ngokuthi wakhathala ngokwanele ukuze uqinisekise.
- Buza omunye umbuzo esikhundleni sokunikeza impendulo. "Yini engenza lokhu kube ngcono?" noma "Sho okwengeziwe ngalokho." Ukufuna ukwazi kugcina ithuba likubo, okuyilapho lifanele khona.
- Bamba iseluleko baze basifune. Lapho isifiso sokulungisa sikhula, buza kuqala: "Ufuna ukucabangisisa ngalokhu, noma ufuna umbono wami?" Isikhathi esiningi bafuna esokuqala.
Bheka umzimba wakho, hhayi nje amazwi akho. Ifoni ibheke phansi futhi ingafinyeleleki. Baphendukele. Vumela ubuso bakho busabele. Abantu bafunda ukunaka ngezimpawu ezincane eziyikhulu, futhi ukuzenzisa lokho kunzima kunokunaka nje.
Isexwayiso esisheshayo ngokwenza kwaqhinga kokulalela. Ungafunda ukuthobisa ikhanda nezwi elithi "mm-hm" bese ukusebenzisa njengesambatho ngenkathi ingqondo yakho izulazula. Abantu bayakuzwa lokho. Kufika kukubi kunokungalaleli, ngoba manje sekunenkohliso phezu kokunganaki. Lokho kuziphatha kusebenza kuphela lapho kuqhutshwa ukufuna ukwazi kwangempela ngaphansi.
Lapho ukulalela kuyinto enzima kakhulu ukuyenza
Izinga likhuphuka lapho ungavumelani, noma lapho umuntu ekucasukele. Konke ngaphakathi kwakho kufuna ukuzivikela, ukuchaza, ukulungisa. Yilowo kanye umzuzu wokwehlisa uqale uqonde. Ungamuzwa umuntu ngokugcwele kodwa usangavumelani. Ukumvumela azizwe ezwiwa akunikezeli iphuzu. Ngokuvamile kubenza bakwazi kakhulu ukuzwa elakho lapho kufika ithuba lakho.
Kubalulekile ukwazi nemikhawulo yalokhu. Ukulalela kahle kuyisenzo somusa, futhi izenzo zomusa zingacitshwa ziphele. Uma unguye umuntu wonke umuntu othululela kuye kanti akekho ake akubuze ukuthi wenza kanjani, lokho kungalingani kungokoqobo futhi kuyakukhathaza ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ukulalela njengomholi noma umngane akufani nokuba usekelo lomuntu olulodwa. Lapho umuntu ethwele okusindayo, usizi oluqhubekayo, inhlekelele, ubuhlungu obungaphezu kwalokho ingxoxo enakekelayo engakuphatha, into ewusizo ngempela ongayenza ukulalela ngaphandle kokwahlulela bese ubasiza bafinyelele umuntu oqeqeshelwe khona: umeluleki, udokotela, umgqa wezinhlekelele. Ukuzwiwa kunamandla. Akulona okuthatha indawo yokunakekela lapho ukunakekela kuyilokho okudingekayo.
Iningi lezingxoxo alizona izinhlekelele, nokho. Iyimizuzu ejwayelekile lapho umuntu efuna nje ukwazi ukuthi ubalulekile kuwe. Ukubanika ukunaka kwakho okugcwele, okungajahi kungenye yezinto ezilula kakhulu, ezingahlonishwa ngokwanele ongazinikeza omunye umuntu. Akubizi lutho ngaphandle kwento enzima kakhulu, okuwukuhlala ukhona. Kuzame kanye namuhla, ngamabomu, nomuntu obungavame ukumuzwa uhhafu. Bheka ukuthi yini evulekayo.
Imithombo
- Harvard Business Review, How to Become a Better Listener (Robin Abrahams and Boris Groysberg)
- Harvard Business Review, Are You Really Listening? (Adam Bryant and Kevin Sharer)
- PubMed Central, Feeling Heard: Experiences of Listening (or Not) at Work (Kriz, Kluger, and Lyddy)