One senior person don show you kindness two times now. Dem give you straight answer for meeting, dem take your question serious when dem no even need to, and you don dey draft message for dem for one week. Every version you go delete, because every version dey sound like say you dey demand something huge.
E dey sound like demand because na demand. Di word "mentor" dey imply free work forever, commitment wey no get end to person wey dem barely sabi, and busy person go read am like subscription wey dem no fit cancel. Di message no go write itself because na di wrong thing you dey ask for.
Ask for something small, specific and wey get end instead: fifteen minutes on one decision wey you dey about to make. Then come back and tell dem wetin you do with di answer. Mentorship na wetin three of dose conversations go turn to by demself, and di word no need to ever enter mouth.
How I go ask person make e be my mentor?
No do am. Ask for fifteen minutes on one real decision instead, name di decision inside di message, and talk when you need to decide by.
Request say person should be your mentor no get boundary, no get definition and dem no fit rate am, so di safe answer na polite dodge. Request for fifteen minutes on whether to take di platform role or stay for payments get boundary, e dey flatter di person, and e easy to talk yes to. E also dey tell di person di thing wey dem most wan sabi: say dem go use dia time for something real.
People dey talk yes far more than you expect. Research by Flynn and Lake, wey di Greater Good Science Center for Berkeley summarise, find say people dey underestimate di chance of getting yes for direct request for help by as much as fifty percent. Di reason na di difference for wetin each side dey look. You dey focus on di burden wey you dey put on dem. Dem dey focus on how uncomfortable e be to refuse person wey ask dem direct and polite.
So di odds better pass wetin di draft for your outbox dey assume. And di smaller and di more specific di ask, na so e dey better.
Wetin exactly I go write inside di message?
Four sentences and nothing more: di specific decision, why na dis person you dey ask, di fifteen minute ask with deadline, and easy exit.
Something like dis. I dey decide between specialist track and management track and I must answer by end of di month. You don do di two, and di way wey you describe di trade for di all hands stick for my mind. Abeg I fit get fifteen minutes inside di next two weeks make I ask three questions? If di timing no good, no wahala at all, and I no go chase am.
Three details dey make di difference. Name di actual decision, because real problem dey interesting and vague request for "career advice" na work wey nobody wan do. Talk why na dem, specifically, because message wey fit go to forty people dey read like say e go to forty people. And give di exit, because easy "no" na wetin dey make "yes" cheap to give.
Then show up prepared. Three questions wey you write down, arrive on time, and finish two minutes early. To finish early na small thing wey people dey remember, and na di easiest way to be person wey deserve another fifteen minutes.
Wetin if dem talk no, or dem no reply at all?
Assume say na di calendar, no be you, and let am go clean. No send anything for three months, then send one line tell dem wetin you decide and how e go, without any ask attached.
Most times when person no reply, na full inbox for bad week. Quiet follow-up wey no dey ask for anything and just dey report outcome na strange enough thing wey people go read, and e dey move you from person wey want something to person wey dey do something. Plenty relationship dey start from dat second message.
If di answer na real no, take am as e be and thank dem once. No negotiate and no explain why dem suppose change dia mind. You dey build twenty-year reputation, and di person wey accept "no" with grace dey remembered better pass di person wey get di meeting.
And widen di field. People wey end up well-advised no get one mentor, dem get six people wey dem fit ask one question each. Person wey dey two years ahead of you often more useful pass person wey dey twenty years ahead, because dem still remember di details and dia answers still current.
How I go earn di second conversation?
Come back and report wetin you do with di advice. Na dat one single act dey turn one meeting to relationship, and almost nobody dey do am.
Give am two or three weeks, then send four lines. Na dis you talk. Na dis I do. Na dis happen. Thank you. If you no take dia advice, talk am too and talk why, because person wey think about di answer for imself dey more interesting to advise pass person wey just dey obey.
To report back no be courtesy. Na di only proof wey dey available say dia fifteen minutes turn to something, and na di reason why di second meeting easy while di first one hard. Advisers dey keep advising people wey dia life dey visibly move.
Then bring something di next time. You no be senior, but your hand no empty too. You sabi wetin your own generation of di job really be like, you sabi which tools dey work, you dey see part of di company wey dem no fit see, and you fit send dem di article about dia own field wey dem miss. Di relationships wey dey last na di ones wey dey run for both directions, and di sooner your own do am, di sooner e go stop to feel like charity.
Wetin I get to give when na me be di junior one?
Give di same thing wey you dey ask for. You senior pass somebody right now, whatever your level be, and di fifteen minutes wey you dey hope to receive na fifteen minutes wey you fit share dis month.
Answer di message wey you for delete. Carry di person wey dey two years behind you go take coffee and let dem ask three questions. Then go one step further and call dia name for room wey dem no dey inside, wey be di version wey really dey move careers, and wey almost nobody dey learn. Companion piece dey for dis library, Becoming the Obvious Choice, about exactly dat move: to talk for people instead of just talking to dem.
Two honest reasons, and no karma inside any of dem. To sidon for di other side of di table na di fastest way to learn wetin dey make request easy to talk yes to, and dat one dey improve your own asks immediately. And people wey end up with three senior advocates usually na dem be somebody advocate first. Na di same room, di same habit and di same set of conversations, run for both directions.
Good mentoring rare pass how e suppose be. Gallup long-running research on college graduates find say only fourteen percent strongly agree say dem get professors wey care about dem, wey make dem excited about learning and wey encourage dem to chase dia dreams. Dat gap no be made of unwilling people. Na question wey nobody ever ask dem for form wey small enough to talk yes to.
Di long version na network wey you never plan to build
Ten years from now, you go get handful of people wey you fit call, and you no go recruit any of dem. Dem go be people wey you ask one good question, you waka go do di thing, and you come back tell dem about am, and few of dem go be people wey you do dat for first.
Dat mechanism slow pass formal mentoring program, and e reliable far pass am, because nothing about am depend on match, form or scheme wey dem go cancel for reorganisation. E dey run fifteen minutes at a time, and every one of dose fifteen minutes dey available to you dis week.
So send di message wey you don dey delete. Name di decision, ask for di quarter hour, make e easy for dem to decline, and put di date wey you go report back for your calendar before you press send. Then send di second one, di one where you be di person wey dey give di fifteen minutes away. Di two of dem na di same skill, and your own career go better because you practice di giving half early.
Sources
- Greater Good in Action, University of California, Berkeley, Ask for Help at Work
- Gallup, Life in College Matters for Life After College
- Harvard Business Review, Why Men Still Get More Promotions Than Women
- Catalyst, Managing with a sponsorship mindset: Why mentorship isn't enough