To Know Your Own Triggers

One particular feeling dey wey you probably know. Person talk one sentence for meeting, or name show up for your inbox, and before you think anything through, your jaw don tight and your heart dey go. You no decide to vex. You don already vex. By the time wey the thinking part of you catch up, you don half-write a reply wey you go regret.

Na trigger dey do him job be that. And na here the strange part dey: you fit usually spot everybody else own. You sabi which colleague dey go cold when dem interrupt dem, which friend dey spiral for the word "disappointed." Your own dey harder to see, because dem dey happen from inside, fast, and dem dey feel less like pattern and more like the truth of the moment.

To learn dem na one of the most useful things wey you fit do for your own steadiness. No be to become person wey no dey ever react. Na to buy yourself the half-second between the spark and the thing wey you talk next.

Wetin trigger really be

Trigger na situation wey dey set off a reaction wey big pass the situation itself. The Cleveland Clinic dey describe emotional triggers as moments wey dey produce "thoughts and feelings wey dey often disproportional to the actual event." That word, disproportional, na the tell. Small thing dey land like a big one.

Usually na because the small thing dey rhyme with something older. A curt email from your boss no be really curt email; na every time wey you feel judged and you no fit defend yourself. The present moment dey borrow him intensity from the past. You no dey overreact to now. You dey react, accurately, to a stack of earlier moments wey you never quite finish to feel.

The reaction dey also show up for your body before e show up for words. Tight shoulders. A belle wey clench. Breath wey go shallow and high for your chest. The Cleveland Clinic point out say these physical signals na often the first honest evidence say something don trigger you, earlier and more reliable pass your own story about wetin dey happen. Your body sabi before you sabi.

Why to name am dey help so much

Na here the part wey dey turn this from self-improvement advice into something wey get real teeth.

For one well-known study for UCLA, Matthew Lieberman the psychologist put people inside brain scanner come show dem faces wey full of anger and fear. When participants simply put word to the feeling, dey choose a label like "angry" or "afraid," activity for the amygdala drop. The amygdala na the brain alarm, the part wey dey flood you before you reason anything out. At the same time, a region behind the forehead wey link to deliberate thinking light up. The act of to name the feeling be like say e take the edge off am.

Lieberman shorthand na say to put feelings into words be like to hit brakes on your emotional response. To name the thing no dey make am disappear. E dey make am workable. You go from to dey inside the wave to dey stand next to am.

Na why to know your triggers and to name your feelings na really the same muscle. You no fit label wetin you refuse to look at. And the labeling na wetin dey give you back the part of your brain wey you really want in charge.

How to find your own

You no dey discover your triggers by to sit quietly and ask yourself wetin dem be. You go get a tidy, flattering, mostly wrong answer. You dey find dem by to catch dem for the act and write dem down afterward, until pattern show up. The Cleveland Clinic suggest to keep a simple record for exactly this reason: patterns dey invisible one at a time and obvious for list.

Try this. For a couple of weeks, any time wey you notice say you react harder pass wetin the moment deserve, jot down four quick things while e still fresh:

1. Wetin happen, in plain terms. No be your interpretation, na the actual event. "She ask when the deck go ready." No be "she imply say I slow."
2. Wetin your body do first. Where you feel am, and wetin e be? Chest tight, face hot, belle drop. This na your early warning system, and the more you name am, the sooner you go catch am next time.
3. The feeling wey dey underneath. Anger na often the top layer. Sit with am for a second. Na really embarrassment e be? To feel say nobody dey see you? Fear say dem go blame you?
4. Wetin e remind you of. Sometimes nothing. Often, if you honest, something old.

After a week or two you go start to see the repeats. The same kind of situation, the same first sensation for your body, the same hot feeling under the anger. That cluster na trigger. Now you fit see am dey come.

Wetin to do once you fit see am dey come

To name trigger no dey disarm am on him own. E dey give you a head start, and the head start na the whole game. Small things to do with am:

When you feel the familiar body signal, that na your cue, no be the other person words. Treat the tight chest as information. E dey talk: this na one of your own, go slow.

Buy a beat before you respond. One slow exhale. A sentence of delay, "make I think on that for a second," dey work for almost any room. Lieberman research na useful reminder here: even just to name wetin you dey feel, quietly, to yourself, dey take some of the heat out of am. "I dey get defensive" na complete and surprisingly powerful sentence.

Name the feeling, no be the person. Real difference dey between "I notice say I dey get defensive" and "you dey attack me." The first one dey keep you for the driver seat. The second one dey hand the wheel to the trigger.

Decide some of am in advance. If you sabi say public criticism na one of your own, you fit plan, when you dey calm, how you want to handle am before e happen. "When I get that flush of make dem call me out, I take one breath and ask question instead of to defend." Decision wey you make for a calm moment far easier to reach for in a hot one.

None of this na about to become person wey nothing dey move. You go still get caught off guard. The goal smaller and more achievable: to shave few seconds off the gap, often enough say the worst version of your reaction no go comot from your mouth.

Small word on the harder ones

Some triggers no be workplace friction. Dem tie to real trauma, abuse, loss, things wey your body learn to brace against for good reason. If trigger bring on reactions wey dey frighten you, wey you no fit bring down, or wey dey pull you back into a memory wey you no fit step out of, that no be willpower problem and feelings journal no be the right tool.

Na the kind of thing wey worth to work through with therapist, wey fit go at your pace and keep you safe while you dey do am. Cognitive behavioral therapy and trauma-focused approaches dey exist precisely for this. To reach for that help no be sign say you fail to manage yourself. Na sign say you understand the difference between wetin you fit do alone and wetin deserve real support.

But for the everyday triggers, the smaller ones wey just dey make you sharper pass how you want to be, the practice really dey within reach. You dey watch. You dey write am down. You dey learn your own patterns. And the next time the spark come, you get just enough room to choose wetin happen after am.

Sources

• Cleveland Clinic, Can You Identify Your Emotional Triggers?
• UCLA Health, Putting Feelings Into Words Produces Therapeutic Effects in the Brain
• Lieberman et al., Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity (Psychological Science)
• Tasha Eurich, What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) (Harvard Business Review)