Self-Awareness As Leadership Skill

Dey get one kind quiet wey dey follow feedback wey you no see coming. Person tell you say you dey come across as person wey no get patience for meeting, or say people dey hold back around you, or say di thing wey you think na your strength na di thing wey dey tire your team. For one second, di ground go tilt. Di version of yourself wey you don dey carry around no match di one wey other people don dey live with.

Most of us sabi dat feeling. Wetin hard to accept pass na how often e dey happen without anybody talking one word.

Di psychologist Tasha Eurich spend years dey study dis with her research team, dey survey thousands of people. Di main finding go humble you. About 95 percent of people believe say dem sabi demself. But when you actually measure am, na only 10 to 15 percent get am. Almost everybody, in other words, dey waka around dey fairly sure say dem know demself while dem quietly dey miss di mark.

Dat gap na di real subject of dis piece. Self-awareness dey sound soft, like something wey you go put for vision board. But e close to di opposite. Na di skill wey dey decide whether all your other skill go land di way you intend, and na di one wey most leaders dey assume say dem don already master.

Two kind of seeing

Eurich work draw one line wey worth to hold. Two different kind of self-awareness dey, and to dey good for one no tell you anything about di other one.

Di first one na internal: how clear you understand your own values, your reactions, wetin you want, wetin dey trigger you, wetin you actually good at. Na di inward look be dis. Na wetin people usually mean when dem talk "know yourself."

Di second na external: how correct you understand di way you dey come across to other people. No be how you dey hope say you land. Na how you actually land.

Di surprising part na say dese two no dey move together. You fit dey deeply reflective, dey journal every morning, sabi your trigger well well, and still get almost no idea say your team dey experience you as cold or controlling person. Eurich find whole category of people like dis. Dem don do di inner work, so dem confident say dem sabi demself, but dem skip di outer half completely. Di result na person wey feel examined but wey be, to everybody around dem, small tone-deaf.

For anybody wey dey lead, di external half na di one wey dey bite. Your intention dey live for your head. Your impact dey live for other people. Na only di second one dem dey ever respond to.

Why to get promotion fit make dis worse

Na di uncomfortable twist be dis. You fit expect say self-awareness go grow with experience and seniority. But di evidence point di other way.

Eurich research find say leaders wey get more power and more senior dey tend to overrate dem own ability, and di people around dem dey often see bigger gap, no be smaller one. Simple mechanism dey behind am. Di higher you climb, na di fewer people wey ready to tell you di truth. Your title go start to talk for you. Honest feedback go dry up right when you need am pass, and you fit take di silence as agreement.

So di leader dey sail on, confident, while di real picture quietly dey drift comot from view. Power no just dey enter your head. E dey thin out di information wey dey reach your head for di first place.

Wetin e dey cost, and wetin e worth

When self-awareness no dey, di damage no dey dramatic. Na steady tax. Dem dey make decision on flattering version of di facts. Di same conflict dey keep repeating because nobody name di part wey you dey play inside am. Good people dey comot for reasons wey dem no ever really talk out loud.

When e dey present, di math go flip. Daniel Goleman, wey put emotional intelligence for map, put emotional self-awareness for di foundation of di whole structure, di competence wey di others dey build on. Work from im framework, wey di consultancy Korn Ferry examine, find say leaders wey strong for emotional self-awareness dey tend to strong for most other leadership competence too, and say dem team dey run with high energy and strong performance di large majority of di time. Di leaders wey no get am dey tend to leave sour climate behind dem.

Dat match something wey most of us don feel from di receiving end. Di oga wey we do our best work for na rarely di most brilliant or di most certain. Na dem be di ones wey sabi dem own edges, wey fit talk "dat one na weak spot for me" without shaking, wey no dey make you manage dem blind spot on top your actual job.

How to actually build am

Self-awareness no be personality wey dem hand you. Na practice, and you fit build am. Some few things wey genuinely dey move di needle:

• Ask "what," no be "why." Dis na one of Eurich most useful findings. When something spoil and you ask yourself *why* (why I be like dis, why I react dat way), you dey tend to spiral into story and self-justification instead of truth. Swap am with *what*. "Wetin dey happen for me for dat moment? Wetin dese situation get in common? Wetin I wan do differently?" *What* question dey keep you dey look forward and dey stop di rumination before e start.
• Go find di outside view on purpose. Internal reflection alone na echo chamber. You need small number of people wey go tell you di unflattering thing, and you need make e safe for dem to do am. Pick two or three wey you trust. Ask something specific, no be "any feedback?" but "wetin be one thing wey I dey do wey dey make me harder to work with?" Then siddon with di answer instead of to defend against am.
• Watch di room, no be just yourself. Your impact dey show for other people behavior. People dey quiet when you enter? Dem dey stop to bring you problem? Dem dey over-explain, or dey rush to gree? Di room na mirror. Learn to read am.
• Name your pattern before dem run you. Notice di recurring situation wey dey pull you off center, like certain kind pushback, when dem interrupt you, or certain person. You no fit manage reaction wey you no see coming. To name am na half di work.
• Make feedback survivable. People go only continue to tell you di truth if e go well for dem when dem do am. Thank di person wey tell you di hard thing, even when e dey pain. Especially then. Di way you respond to one piece of honest feedback dey decide whether you go ever get second one.

None of dese need retreat or personality overhaul. Na small, repeatable habit. Di point no be to reach some finished, fully-known self. Dat self no dey exist. Di point na to keep di gap between who you think you be and who you actually be from growing for di dark.

One gentler note before you go dey hunt for flaws

One caution, because dis na di kind skill wey fit spoil. Self-awareness suppose make you clearer, no be to give you sharper stick to beat yourself with. If to turn your attention inward dey mostly produce list of everything wey wrong with you, dat no be insight. Na rumination wey wear insight cloth, and e dey tend to make people more anxious and less effective, no be more.

Di goal na honest, no be harsh. You dey try see yourself di way better mentor go see you, clear-eye about di gap, but fundamentally on your own side. If your inner read on yourself don dey relentlessly punishing for a while, or if to look inward dey reliably tip you into dark place, dat one worth to talk through with therapist. Clear self-knowledge and self-compassion no be opposite. Di people wey grow pass usually get di two.

Start small. Ask one person one honest question dis week, and actually listen to di answer. Na di whole beginning of am be dat.

Sources

• Harvard Business Review, What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) (Tasha Eurich)
• Korn Ferry, What is Emotional Self-Awareness?
• University of Chicago Harris School of Public Policy, High-Performing Professionals Run on Self-Awareness