Somebody wey you sabi don dey train four mornings every week for four years. Dem no impressive pass you for any other room. Dem no sharp pass you, dem no want am pass you, and if you sidon with dem for one hour you go find say na the same argument dem dey get with demself on cold Tuesday wey you too dey get.
Wetin dem get na gym wey dey eleven minutes from house, bag wey dem pack the night before, standing slot for half past six wey nobody dey book on top, and one rule about wetin count on bad morning, wey dem write down years ago and dem never renegotiate. Four small facts about their week, and none of dem na fact about their character.
That news better pass talent by far. Talent na either you get am or you no get am. Arrangement na something wey you fit copy this week, and you fit copy dem one by one.
Abi na say I no just be disciplined person?
No, and the question dey point at the wrong object. Discipline na how good set of arrangements dey look from outside. Arrangements dey visible, dem cheap, and anybody fit borrow dem.
The mistake easy to make, because the machine dey invisible from where you stand. You see the person for gym by half past six. You no see the bag for door, the alarm wey never shift for four years, the fact say the gym dey on the way to work instead of detour, or the one sentence wey dem dey talk to demself when dem wake up with body pain. All of that na setup. Wetin reach you na person wey look like say dem want am pass you.
Researchers keep landing for the same place. For one 2016 review inside Perspectives on Psychological Science, Angela Duckworth and her colleagues argue say the self-control wey work pass na the situational one: you change the circumstance before the urge land instead of fighting the urge after e don land. Dem also talk why this thing dey underrated. When person arrange their life well, e go look easy, so we go credit the character and we no go ever see the design.
So the useful question no be whether you get discipline. Na which arrangement you dey miss.
Wetin be the four arrangements?
Size, location, time, and the rule for when you miss. Almost every habit wey survive hard year get answer for all four, and almost every habit wey die dey miss at least one of dem.
- Size. How small be the version wey still count? No be the version wey you want on good day. Na the version wey fit enter your worst day of the month.
- Location. Where e dey live, and how many steps e far from you right now? No be the room. Na the exact spot.
- Time. When e dey happen for normal week? Fixed slot dey beat intention wey dey float anyhow, because intention wey dey float must win argument every single day.
- The rule for when you miss. Wetin dey happen when you skip? Decide am ahead of time, for writing, on calm day, because brain wey tire by ten for night no go invent fair rule.
Those four answers fit enter one index card, and na exactly there dem belong. Write dem out for habit wey you don dey try hold for one year and you go probably find say na only two out of four you fit answer. Na the whole diagnosis be that, and e take ninety seconds.
No add fifth one. Four short reach say you fit remember am while you dey stand for door with your coat half on.
Nothing here dey lower the target. The arrangements dey exist so that big target fit survive when e meet real calendar, and the founder of KEEP CALM tell im own version plain. He hustle all im life for wetin he get, find ways to stay calm through am, and reach where he dey go, and those two tins run together all the way instead of taking turns. Training na one of the arrangements wey carry am, no be break from the work but the thing wey let am keep absorbing the pressure of building career. Read the colleague for the first paragraph the same way. Dem no dey hold four years gym habit because dem satisfied with less. Dem dey hold am because their setup better pass your own, and setup na the part wey you fit change before Thursday.
Why the same habit dey work for another person and e no dey work for me?
Because you copy their behavior and you leave the setup behind. The visible part of another person habit na the least useful part, and the part wey actually dey hold dey boring, physical and specific to their own week.
So ask better questions from the person wey you dey copy. No be wetin dem dey do. Where e dey happen, how far e dey, when e dey happen, wetin dem dey do when dem miss. Most times you go find say the answer wey you need na something like “the pool dey on my way home” or “I stop to schedule anything before eight.” Those ones dey portable. Their willpower no dey.
This also explain why the same program work for one friend and scatter for another. Two people run the same plan through two different weeks, and the week na im dey win.
How I go fix habit wey keep failing?
Audit the setup before you audit yourself, and pass through the four for order. Start with size, because na there the fault dey sit most times, and the fix na to cut the daily unit into half without touching the goal.
Then check location, because objects dey migrate. The guitar go back inside case, the running shoes enter closet, the notebook end up under pile of letters. Nothing dey announce am. You just dey do the thing less, and you go conclude something about yourself instead of about the closet.
Then check time. Habit wey no get slot dey compete with every other thing wey fit happen for that hour, and e go lose pass how e go win.
Then check the rule for when you miss, wey most people never write at all. Habit research wey British Journal of General Practice summarize find say automaticity plateau on average around 66 days, and say to miss the occasional chance to do the behavior no damage the process seriously, because the gains continue after one missed performance. The habit strong pass your feelings about the habit. Written rule na how you dey stop one skipped session from turning to verdict.
Wetin if I don fix all four and e still dey slip?
Then put person inside the time arrangement. Almost nobody dey cancel on person wey dey wait for dem the way dem dey cancel on demself, and the version wey work best no be to find partner, na to be one.
Twenty minutes every week wey you use hold another person plan go do pass wetin another app go do for your own, and e dey work for one plain reason: you go keep appointment wey you make for their sake, wey you for quietly shift if na only your own e be. That one na topic on im own and e get im own article.
The trait dey show after the arrangements don show
Na this part worth keeping. People wey look disciplined no dey spend effort pass you. Most times dem dey spend less, because dem move the cost from the moment of decision to the moment of design, and design dey happen once.
So take ordinary Tuesday and answer the four questions for writing. Size am to fit your worst day. Put am three steps away. Give am slot with real time on top. Write the rule for when you miss before you need am. Then run am for one month without judging yourself even once, and judge the setup instead.
You no dey try to turn to different kind person. You dey try to push harder for longer than you fit currently do, and the arrangements na how the wanting dey survive full year. Get dem right and the trait go show by itself, wearing your name.
Sources
- Perspectives on Psychological Science, Situational Strategies for Self-Control
- British Journal of General Practice, Making health habitual: the psychology of 'habit-formation' and general practice
- Nature, Megastudies improve the impact of applied behavioural science