One version of this conversation dey where you ask for more money and the person for the other side of table go respect you pass for the end than for the start. E dey happen every time. E no be charm and e no be liver, na structure: one clear request, deliver am with warm mind, with easy way to talk yes attach to am.
See the part wey dey surprise people. The ones wey dem dey call wahala person no be usually the ones wey ask for the most. Na the ones wey ask three times for three different shape, come dey vague when dem press dem, and leave the other person dey guess wetin go settle the matter. Na confusion dey cost you the room, no be ambition.
You fit be the most ambitious person for the whole process and still be the easiest person to deal with. The two never dey fight, and to treat dem like opposite na wetin dey keep capable people quiet for years.
If I ask for more, e go make me the wahala person?
If you ask once, clear and with sweet mind, e no go. Wetin dem dey read as wahala na repetition, vagueness and surprise, and none of dem be same thing with wanting more money.
The worry itself deserve respect, no be pep talk. Researchers find say people wey start negotiation dey sometimes collect social penalty for am, and say the penalty dey fall harder on women than on men. If you don dey quietly weigh that risk, you dey weigh something wey real.
Wetin you fit control na the shape of the ask, and na for shape most of the damage dey happen. Request wey name one thing, once, with reason attach and easy path to yes, na work wey somebody fit action. Request wey dey land in pieces over three weeks, dey change size every time, and never talk wetin go end am, na management problem. Na the second one people dey describe when dem talk say person be wahala, and you fit fix am completely without asking for one kobo less.
Wetin be the difference between specific and wahala?
Specific dey name one thing, one number and one date. Wahala dey leave the other person dey guess wetin go end the conversation, so dem must keep guessing for public.
"Abeg any small flexibility fit dey for the package?" dey sound gentle but na the harder request, because now somebody must invent offer, guess wetin go satisfy you, and risk getting am wrong in front of their oga. "I go like make e be one hundred and ten, and I fit start on the third" dey direct and e easy well well to grant, because dem fit approve am or counter am for one line.
Simple test dey wey you fit run on your own draft before you talk am out loud. Read the request back and ask whether person fit act on am today without one single follow up question. If dem go need to ask wetin you mean, which figure dey your mind, or by which time you need the answer, e never finish.
The kindest thing wey you fit do for the person for the other side na to be exact. Na exactness dey let dem go fight for am inside, wey be usually where your money dey really come from. Nobody don ever waka enter their manager office go argue for colleague vague feeling say dem no dey pay am well.
How I go take ask with warm mind without sounding like say I no mean am?
Keep your face and your voice exactly as e be when you enter, and put the warmth inside the framing, no be inside hedge. Warm na "I wan make this thing work, and see wetin go do am." Weak na "sorry o, I know say this one awkward."
Apology language na the thing wey dey read like say you no sincere, funny enough, because e dey tell the other person say you think say the ask no proper. If you no believe say you suppose ask, dem go take your word for am. Delete "sorry", "just", "hopefully" and "I know say na plenty" from the draft before you send am or talk am.
Question dey do the warmth work pass qualifier. Across three studies of live conversation, people wey ask more question, especially follow up question, na dem the person wey dem dey talk to like pass, and most of us dey badly underrate that effect. So ask: how the band take look, how the review cycle dey work, wetin go make this thing straightforward for you. You dey gather information and you dey become easier to like same time, wey be rare combination inside money conversation.
Wetin I go talk if dem no fit move at all on money?
Ask dem wetin dem fit move, and get your list ready before you ask. Start date, title, scope, review timing, equipment, off days, remote days, payment terms and who go do the work na all real currency, and most of dem dey cost the other side far less than cash.
Frame am as collaboration, no be as retreat. "If the number fixed, wetin flexible?" dey keep the whole thing open and e dey hand dem way to talk yes today. Locked salary band dey very often genuinely locked, and the person wey tell you no dey lie, but fixed band almost never mean say every variable fixed.
Then trade, no concede. If you move on the start date, ask make dem bring the review forward to six months. Every give go collect get, talk am with sweet mind, with the same voice. That one no be game. Na wetin dey keep the deal balanced, and na balanced deal dey survive the first hard month.
How I go take ask second time without repeating myself?
Change the variable, no be the volume. Second ask wey louder na pressure. Second ask wey different na new option, and new option dey welcome.
The line short: "I hear you on the base. If that one fixed, you fit look at signing amount, or bring the review forward to six months?" You don accept their constraint out loud, wey lower the temperature, and you don hand dem fresh thing to talk yes to.
Two na usually the limit inside one conversation. Ask, adjust once, then land am. If the two no work, talk am with warm mind and collect date: "Make I think am over then come back to you Thursday." To comot with date no be defeat, na deal wey dey work but never close, and na wetin dey stop decision wey you make inside one uncomfortable minute from being the one wey you go live with for two years.
To be easy to work with na negotiating position, no be concession
To dey pleasant no be discount. The person wey clear, warm and specific dey collect call back, dey collect recommendation, dey collect second project, and dey hear about budget before dem announce am. That one dey compound, and e dey available exactly the same time wey you dey ask for the number wey you want.
So want am out loud, once, inside sentence wey somebody fit act on, then be exactly as easy to work with as you be before you ask. Pew Research Center find say among people wey leave job for 2021 and enter new one, 56% dey earn more after. Money dey move for people wey dey ask. E rarely dey move for people wey dey hint.
Ask once. Ask with warm mind. Be specific enough make dem fit talk yes today, and be the same person on Monday either way.
Sources
- Harvard Kennedy School, Social Incentives for Gender Differences in the Propensity to Initiate Negotiations: Sometimes It Does Hurt to Ask
- PubMed, It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking
- Pew Research Center, Majority of workers who quit a job in 2021 cite low pay, no opportunities for advancement, feeling disrespected