Raise land one Thursday and e sweet. You ask for am correctly, you carry your evidence come, and the number move. As you dey drive go house, you don already dey do arithmetic for the next one, and that arithmetic no be fault. Na the same machine wey produce this raise, and you plan make e keep running for another twenty years.
But somewhere between the express and your street, one quiet question go show. No be whether the raise reach, that one na different and smaller talk. The question na: wetin the number really dey do?
Plenty career dey built to buy two things. Money na the first. Status na the second. But third thing dey sidon under the two of them, most people never talk am out loud even once, and to name am na wetin dey turn twenty more years of hustle into something wey dey compound instead of something wey just dey repeat.
Wetin be this third thing, to talk am clear?
Money na the first thing, status na the second, and the third thing na whatever you go still dey do once those two don settle. E no be hobby and e no be retirement plan. Na the answer to wetin the money suppose buy and who the standing suppose serve, written for one sentence wey short enough make you fit talk am inside elevator.
The first two dey real and nobody dey pretend say dem no dey. Money dey buy options, and options na how person go stop to dey take decision from fear. Status dey buy reach: the meeting wey you go enter, the call wey dem go return, the room wey dem dey decide about you even when you no dey inside. The two worth working for. But the two na instruments, and instrument wey no get music to play dey slowly turn to scoreboard.
The research point the same direction, and no be toward the usual moral about money. Killingsworth, Kahneman and Mellers find say well-being dey continue to climb with income for plenty people instead of to flat out for some magic salary, wey mean say the popular line say more money no go make you happy no correct as dem take talk am. Wetin correct na say more money dey answer question wey you never ask if you never decide wetin the money dey for. The third thing na that decision, make once, for paper, before the next raise land.
If I name am, e go cost me the first two?
No, and the people wey dey fear that pass na dem the thing dey help pass. Third thing wey get name no dey lower your target, e dey aim am, and effort wey get aim dey survive years wey anxious effort no fit survive.
KEEP CALM founder, Kaʻohele Carlos, dey describe im own run for exactly two halves. E hustle im whole life for wetin e want, and e find ways to stay calm through am. The two halves carry weight. Calmness no be the prize wey dey wait for top of the mountain, na the thing wey make twenty years of wanting plenty possible to carry, and na why e still dey stand and still dey hungry when the next thing show.
Na that be the practical case, and e dey hold on any ordinary Tuesday. Panic dey make people take the first offer, quit the hard project for month four, and mistake movement for progress. Person wey get third thing written down dey negotiate slow, dey wait better, and fit tell opportunity from distraction without wasting one whole week. The third thing no be brake. Na steering.
How I go find my own without retreat or quiz?
Answer three questions for paper, one sitting, like twenty minutes. Wetin the money dey for, one line, no number inside. Who the status dey aim at. And wetin go still worth doing if the two of them don already settle.
Take dem one by one.
Wetin the money dey for. No be the amount, na the purpose. "Nobody for my family go ever beg landlord again" na answer. "Two million dollars" na scoreboard reading. If your line get number inside, you don just describe the instrument the second time instead of the music.
Who the status dey aim at. Standing dey always aim at somebody. Sometimes na field, sometimes na old oga, sometimes na one parent. To name the audience no be accusation, na check. E dey tell you whether na audience wey you go still choose today, and plenty capable people dey shock to discover say dem don dey aim at room wey dem waka comot from ten years ago.
Wetin survive when the two don settle. Picture the money settle and the standing settle. Tomorrow morning still go come. Wetin you go dey do with am? Whatever remain standing after you remove the first two, na the third thing, and e dey usually smaller, more specific and more shy to talk out loud than people expect.
You don get sentence wey you never write down before. Make e no pass fifteen words and keep am somewhere physical, because notes app na where sentences dey go to forget dem.
Wetin if the third thing na just one person?
Then you get real answer, and one wey strong pass plenty cause. "Wetin I dey do for people wey I fit call their names" na correct third thing, no be soft substitute, because e dey come with list, and you fit check list against calendar.
Na also the answer wey get the longest evidence behind am. The Harvard Study of Adult Development don follow the same group for almost eighty years, and the finding wey the director dey always return to na say the quality of person close relationships predict how healthy dem go be at eighty pass their cholesterol.
Na here this one different from every give-back-later version of the same idea. Generosity dey normally file as wetin you dey do after the money and the status don settle: the foundation, the board seat, the last chapter of the book. For real life, e dey often be one of the things wey settle dem. Kaʻohele Carlos talk am plain for im own words, as account of im own twenty years, no be law for anybody else. Another secret to im success, e talk, na to give back and do volunteer work, always dey look for chance to coach, train, advise, lift up, commend and champion the people wey dey im circle, and the positive energy and support wey e collect back na tenfold.
Notice wetin no dey that sentence. No cause, no cheque, no gala. Na six ordinary behaviour, and every one of dem dey available this week, on any income.
- Call somebody name for room wey dem no dey.
- Praise one specific thing for public, in front of the people wey matter to dem.
- Make the introduction wey you for keep for yourself.
- Teach the thing wey you sabi.
- Volunteer the skill wey dem dey pay you for, no be only your hours.
- Champion somebody wey no ask and wey no go ever hear.
Na that availability be the whole reason this one dey work on the way up instead of after you don reach.
If your third thing turn out to be people, write three names. Three plenty enough to be real and small enough to still be true next year.
The number na tool, and now e get work to do
Go collect the next raise. That no be argument against anything here, na the point of am. Person wey sabi wetin the money dey for dey ask for more with calm mind, dey hold im price longer, and fit waka comot from bad offer without spending one month dey doubt imsef.
Wetin change na the drive go house. The arithmetic on the next number still dey run, and now e dey run toward something wey you fit talk for one sentence to person wey love you. Na that be the version of ambition wey still dey move for ten years. The honest reason to bother no be say to want less na wisdom. Na say wanting wey get aim dey last longer, and to last longer na how the big numbers dey come first place.
Sources
- Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Income and emotional well-being: A conflict resolved
- Harvard Gazette, Good genes are nice, but joy is better