How to Manage Uncertainty When You No Know Wetin Go Happen Next

One particular kind of tiredness dey wey dey come from not knowing. You no dey inside crisis. Nothing don actually go wrong yet. You just dey wait to find out, and your mind no wan let am go. E dey run the same loop hundred times for one day, dey try every version of wetin fit happen, as if to rehearse the worst one go somehow ready you for am.

Maybe you dey wait for biopsy. Or whether the layoffs go reach your team. Whether the offer go come through, whether the relationship don finish, whether the money go stretch reach the end of the month. The specifics dey differ. The feeling na the same. You go almost prefer to get the bad answer than to keep sidon inside the question.

If na there you dey right now, you no weak and you no dey overreact. Uncertainty na really one of the hardest states for human mind to sidon inside. To understand why dey help. To get something wey you go dey do with your hand while you dey wait dey help too.

Why not-knowing dey wear you down

Your brain, for im heart, na prediction machine. E dey constantly guess wetin dey come so that e fit keep you safe, and e strongly prefer known outcome pass open one. When the outcome no wan resolve, that prediction system dey keep fire with nothing to land on. Na that loop you dey feel. E no be fault inside you. Na the machine dey do exactly wetin e dey do, just with no answer to settle on.

Psychologists get name for how much this dey get person: intolerance of uncertainty. Na the degree wey not-knowing dey feel unacceptable instead of just uncomfortable. People dey vary plenty here. Some fit hold open question lightly. For others, the same open question dey close to unbearable, and the mind dey treat even small chance of bad outcome as near-certainty wey worth to dey brace against constantly.

This one dey matter because of wetin the research don find. One review for the journal *Neural Plasticity* describe uncertainty dey feed anxiety through exactly this channel: no be the unknown itself dey do the damage, na more our cognitive, emotional, and behavioral reactions to am. The higher person intolerance of uncertainty, the more open question dey turn to worry, avoidance, and body wey stuck on alert. Worry, for this light, na your mind attempt to manufacture certainty wey never exist yet. E dey feel productive. E rarely be.

So a fair amount of wetin you dey carry no be the situation. Na the resistance to the situation. That one no be to scold you. Na actually good news, because resistance na something wey you fit work with, even when the facts no wan move.

Start with wetin actually be your own to hold

When everything feel like say e dey up for air, the instinct na to grab control anywhere you fit. The trick na to grab for the right place.

Picture two circles. One dey hold everything wey you fit influence: your choices, your effort, how you spend the next hour, who you reach out to. The other one dey hold everything wey you no fit: other people decisions, the result wey dem don already seal inside envelope somewhere, the timeline wey no be you set. Almost all the suffering of uncertainty dey come from pour energy into that second circle, where e no fit land.

The American Psychological Association put "control wetin you fit" near the center of im guidance for exactly this reason. Their suggestions na deliberately small. Plan the week food. Lay your clothes out the night before something stressful. Keep one routine steady. These sound almost too minor to matter, and na that na the point. You no dey try to solve the big unknown. You dey give your nervous system real evidence say you still be somebody wey get power for your own life, say no be everything dem dey decide for you.

Few ways to find your circle:

• Write the situation down, then split am into two lists: wetin I fit affect, wetin I no fit. To see am for paper dey do something wey to just dey think about am no go do.
• Take one concrete action from the first list today, no matter how small. Send the email. Book the appointment. Ask the question wey go clear things.
• When you catch yourself dey work the second list, name am gently. "That one no be my own." Then put your attention back where e fit do something.

This one no mean say make you pretend say the hard thing no real. E mean say make you spend your limited energy where e fit change something instead of where e fit only dey churn.

Let yourself feel am instead of fight am

Here na one move wey sound backward but e dey work anyway. Stop to dey try talk yourself comot from the discomfort.

When Mayo Clinic Press write about coping with uncertainty, one of their first suggestions na to embrace wetin you dey feel instead of push am away, and to give am name. Anxious. Scared. Powerless. Sad. To name an emotion dey take surprising amount of heat comot from am. You go stop to dey inside the feeling and start to observe am, and from that small distance e dey loosen im grip.

The opposite approach, the one wey most of us dey default to, na to suppress. Stay busy enough so that you no go feel am. Reassure yourself say e go dey fine. Distract yourself until bedtime. E dey work for one hour and then the feeling go come back, often louder, usually by 3 a.m. To dey avoid the emotion dey usually feed am.

Try this one when the dread dey rise: pause and finish the sentence "right now I dey feel..." with whatever actually true. Notice where e dey sit for your body. Let am dey there. You no need fix am or justify am. Feelings dey move through when you stop to block the exit.

Bring yourself back to now

Uncertainty dey live entirely for the future. Worry na your mind dey time-travel go one moment wey never happen, often go one wey no go ever happen. The most reliable counterweight na to come back to the present, where the thing wey you dey fear no dey actually happen.

Na for this grounding practices dey, and dem no need anything special. Feel your feet for the floor. Notice five things wey you fit see, four wey you fit hear, three wey you fit touch. Take one slow breath and make the breath-out longer pass the breath-in. None of this dey change the outcome. All of am dey remind your body say for this exact moment, you dey okay, you dey safe, you never enter the catastrophe yet.

E dey also help to give the worry smaller container instead of allow am run all day. Some people dey set "worry window," fifteen or twenty minutes for the same time daily, where dem allow themselves think am all the way through. When the worry show up outside that window, dem go tell am to wait for im appointment. Often, by the time the window reach, the urgency don drain comot from am.

And watch wetin you dey take in. To dey refresh endlessly for news or updates dey feel like say you dey do something, but e mostly dey keep the alarm fresh. To check once or twice for set times beat to check forty times.

When the unknown na decision wey you no fit make

No be all uncertainty na about wait for another person answer. Sometimes na you get to choose, and you no fit see far enough ahead to know whether you dey choose right. Take the job or stay where you dey. Move or no move. Have the hard conversation or leave am. The information wey you go need to sure simply no dey available, so you go freeze, and the freezing go turn to im own misery.

Few things dey make this one easier to bear:

• Aim for good enough, no be perfect. Flawless option rarely dey, na only the best one wey you fit see with wetin you know today. To wait for certainty before you decide usually just mean say you dey decide by default, wey still be decision, na only one wey you no get chance to shape.
• Set deadline for the choice. Deliberation wey no get end dey feed anxiety. To give yourself honest date to decide by dey stop the question from run forever.
• Ask wetin you go tell a friend. We dey often wiser about other people wahala pass our own. Picture somebody wey you care about for your exact spot. The advice wey you go give dem na often the advice wey you don dey avoid.
• Remember say most choices no be permanent. Plenty decisions fit be adjusted, reversed, or corrected later. To treat changeable decision as if dem carve am for stone dey make am far more scary pass wetin e need to be.

You no go always choose right, and na part of the deal of being person wey dey act at all. To make reasonable call with incomplete information and then live am forward na most of wetin adult life be. You get right to do that imperfectly.

You don survive not-knowing before

This one worth to talk plain because e easy to forget under stress: you don live through uncertainty before, many times, and you still dey here.

Think back to one time wey you no know how something go turn out and the not-knowing feel unbearable. Waiting for results, decision wey no dey your hand, one season where everything dey up for air. You pass through am. Maybe the outcome good, maybe e no good, but either way you find say you fit handle more than wetin you bin believe for the worst of the waiting.

That memory na data. Both Mayo Clinic Press and the APA point to draw on past experience as real coping tool, and the reason simple. Your fear during uncertainty na largely one story say you no go fit cope. The evidence of your own life talk otherwise. You don cope before. You go cope again, even if e messy.

The goal of all this no be to become somebody wey dey love the unknown. Almost nobody dey. Na to dey more comfortable to dey uncomfortable, the way you go build any other strength, small small. The unknown go probably always feel at least small uneasy. You fit still live full life inside am.

When the waiting too much to carry alone

Sometimes the load heavy pass the everyday kind of hard, and these tools, even though dem real, no dey enough on their own. That no be failure. Na information.

If the worry dey stop you from sleep, chop, work, or dey present with the people wey you love, that one worth to bring to doctor or therapist. Persistent, uncontrollable worry about uncertain outcomes na one of the most treatable things wey dey, and approaches wey dem build specifically around intolerance of uncertainty get solid track record. You no need to force yourself through am with clenched fist.

Reach out sooner, no be later, if the uncertainty dey make you feel hopeless, if you dey use alcohol or other substances to pass through the waiting, or if your mind don start to dey go thoughts of not being here. Those na signs to talk to somebody now, today, no be after one more thing resolve. A trusted person, a doctor, or a crisis line fit help you carry am while the picture still dey unclear.

Waiting na im own kind of work, and you dey already do am. Dey small gentler with yourself for the meantime. You dey hold something wey really hard, and you no need to hold am perfectly, or alone.

Sources

• American Psychological Association, 10 tips for dealing with the stress of uncertainty
• Mayo Clinic Press, 5 ways to cope with uncertainty
• Neural Plasticity (PubMed Central), From Uncertainty to Anxiety: How Uncertainty Fuels Anxiety in a Process Mediated by Intolerance of Uncertainty
• HelpGuide.org, Dealing with Uncertainty