Containing Anxiety Instead of Spreading Am

One leader get bad news for 8:40 for morning. Deal dey slip, or the numbers off, or somebody wey dey above dem dey furious. By 8:55 dem don dey inside stand-up with their team, dey talk the usual things for the usual order. And the team fit tell say something dey wrong. Nobody tell dem anything. But the room don tight. People dey answer questions more carefully pass how dem do yesterday. Somebody wey usually dey relaxed dey suddenly check their phone under the table.

Na that na anxiety dey do wetin anxiety dey do inside groups. E dey spread. And the higher up the person wey dey carry am, na so e dey travel faster and further.

Most people wey dey lead others understand this one for their gut, even if dem never put words to am. You don feel manager dread soak into whole department. You don watch one panicked email turn ordinary Tuesday into fire drill. The good news, and na real news, be say the same mechanism wey dey let you spread anxiety dey let you contain am. You fit be the place where e dey stop.

Why your mood dey travel further pass anybody else own

Solid research dey behind the everyday feeling say emotions dey catch. The Wharton scholar Sigal Barsade spend her career dey study wetin she call emotional contagion, the way wey moods dey move between people mostly below the level of conscious thought. We dey pick up each other emotional states the way wey we dey pick up accent or yawn, often without realizing say we don do am. E dey happen in person, on video, even over email and chat, where no face dey to read at all.

Two things from that work matter pass if people dey report to you.

The first na say dem dey watch your emotions more closely pass anybody else own. People dey scan the person wey dey in charge for cues about whether things safe. Na old wiring. If the leader calm, the group fit relax small and get on with the work. If the leader rattled, the group go brace. So your mood no just dey join the room mood. E dey tilt am.

The second na say worry dey sticky. Anxiety and tension dey usually move through group more readily pass how ease dey do, partly because dem build us to take threats serious and to take dem serious fast. Calm presence gats dey offered steadily over time. Jittery one fit reset the whole room in one minute.

Put those together and you go get plain, small uncomfortable truth. When you waka in dey carry your own anxiety wey you never process, no be only feel you dey feel am. You dey broadcast am, on the channel wey people dey watch pass, for the form wey dey spread easiest.

Wetin e dey look like as e dey ripple out

E worth to picture how this one actually dey play out, because the spread rarely dey dramatic. E dey small.

The leader dey tense, so their questions go sharp small. Somebody hear the sharpness and assume say dem do something wrong, so dem go quiet and stop to volunteer the half-formed idea wey for don help. Another person go read the quiet as confirmation say things bad, so dem go start to work later and double-check work wey already fine. Third one go see two colleagues dey act strained and conclude say the strain justified, even though nobody fit talk wetin the threat be. Within one day, whole group don dey run warm, dey spend energy on managing mood instead of on the actual problem.

Nobody announce anything. Dem no hold any meeting about the worry. The worry just move, person to person, the way e dey do, dey pick up speed as e dey go. And the cruel part be say anxious team usually dey perform worse, which dey produce more bad news, which dey feed more anxiety. The loop dey tighten on itself.

Na why to contain am dey matter out of proportion to how e dey feel. To settle your own state no be private wellness nicety. Na one of the few levers wey dey act on the whole system at once.

To transmit versus to contain

One useful word dey for the alternative, wey we borrow from family therapy. Decades ago the rabbi and leadership thinker Edwin Friedman describe the best leaders as "non-anxious presence": person wey dey stay connected to the people around dem and genuinely dey care, but no dey get swept into the group reactivity. Dem fit feel the heat inside the room without catching fire from am.

Na that na wetin to contain be. E no mean say you feel nothing. E no mean say you hide everything and project glassy calm wey no dey fool anybody. E mean say the anxiety dey arrive inside you and dey handled inside you, so that wetin dey reach your team na the situation and the plan, no be the panic.

Think of the difference this way. Transmitter dey take whatever come in and dey pass am straight through, often amplified. Container dey take wetin come in, dey hold am, dey let am settle, and dey release something wey the people on the other side fit actually use. The same input. Very different effect on everybody downstream.

None of this one na about to be stoic or to shut down. The container wey dey pretend say e feel nothing usually dey leak anyhow, through clipped tone, distracted stare, sudden coldness for emails. People dey read the gap between your words and your face, and the gap itself dey make dem more anxious, because now something dey wrong and dem dey hide am too. To contain na the opposite of that. E dey honest. Na just say e no dey contagious.

Wetin actually dey happen inside you

E dey help to know wetin you dey work with. When something threatening land, one fast alarm system inside your brain, wey center on small structure wey dem dey call the amygdala, dey fire before your thinking catch up. Heart rate dey climb, attention dey narrow, your body dey ready to react. Na that na the surge wey you dey feel for the first seconds of bad news.

The part of you wey fit talk that alarm down dey sit up front, for the prefrontal cortex. Research from the National Institute of Mental Health find say people wey low for anxiety dey usually engage those regulating, prefrontal regions more readily, sometimes even dey get ahead of threat before e fully arrive, while people wey high for anxiety dey engage dem less. The takeaway for leader no be say calm na fixed trait wey some lucky people born with. Na say the steadying machinery real, e physical, and person fit strengthen and support am. You no stuck with whatever your first reaction be.

The practical version: the surge dey automatic, but wetin you do for the next thirty seconds no be automatic. Na that gap na where to contain dey live.

How to contain am for the moment

The goal here narrow and person fit reach am. Settle yourself enough wey you fit think, before you talk or send anything wey the room go absorb.

1. Buy yourself the gap. No react on the surge. "Make I look this one and come back to you in one hour" almost always dey available, and e almost always dey enough. Small small thing for work genuinely dey require instant emotional response from the person wey dey in charge.
2. Settle your body before your head. You no fit reason your way to calm while your system dey inside alarm. One long, slow exhale, feet for the floor, shoulders down. Do am before the meeting, for the hallway, inside the car. E no be soft extra. Na how you dey get your judgment back online.
3. Name am to yourself, privately. "I dey anxious about this number" dey sound small, but to put quiet label on the feeling dey take some of the charge comot from am and dey keep am from running you while you dey pretend say e no dey there.
4. Decide wetin the team actually need from you. Usually na two things: clear-eye read of the situation and sense of wetin go happen next. No be your raw fear. Sort the difference before you waka in.
5. Watch the channels wey you dey forget about. Tone, pace, your face on the video call, the speed and sharpness of your replies. People dey read those ones harder pass your words. Slower exhale before you press send dey change more pass wetin you go think.

Honesty without contagion

This na where plenty well-meaning advice dey go wrong. E dey tell leaders to hide everything and "stay positive," which dey produce exactly the strained, false calm wey dey make teams uneasy.

The leadership writer Morra Aarons-Mele, wey dey write for Harvard Business Review about anxiety at work, make sharper case. To suppress wetin you feel no dey work, and people dey sense the suppression. Wetin dey work better na to dey honest about your state without dumping the weight of am on the people wey dey report to you. "I no sleep well, bear with me today" dey honest and steadying at once. E dey tell the team say you be human and say the ground still solid. To collapse into the room, dey narrate every worst-case scenario, dey ask your team to reassure you, that one dey honest too, but e dey hand dem the load wey you suppose dey carry.

So the line no be between to hide and to share. Na between to share for way wey dey steady and to share for way wey dey spread. You fit name the hard thing. You fit talk say e hard. You just stay the adult inside the room while you dey do am, the one wey don clearly already begin to handle am.

The same thing apply for wetin you never know yet. "I no get the full picture, and this na how we go get am" dey far more settling pass false certainty, which people fit smell, or visible spinning, which people dey catch. Calm uncertainty dey beat anxious confidence every time.

Containing across screen

Plenty leading now dey happen through text. Message for 9pm, one-line reply, thread wey dey go sideways while three people dey read am for three different moods. Barsade research clear say contagion no need face. E dey travel through writing too, and writing na where anxiety dey leak for ways wey you no go ever allow in person.

Few habits dey help. The first na the unsent draft. When message wey spike you land, write your reaction if you must, then no send am. Sit with am for few minutes, or overnight, and you go almost always send something better. The surge wey you feel for 9pm rarely dey survive one night sleep.

The second na to watch your defaults. Terse "ok." dey read as cold when you mean am as efficient. Long string of late-night messages dey read as alarm even if each one reasonable. Ask whether the timing and tone of wetin you dey about to send dey carry information wey you no mean to send. Often the kindest, steadiest move na to wait until morning and talk am once, clearly.

The third na to name distance for wetin e be. Text dey strip out the warmth and the body language wey for soften hard message in person. If something matter and e fit dey misread, e worth call or quick face-to-face instead of thread. The medium wey fastest no be always the one wey dey steady people.

When the anxiety bigger pass the moment

Everything on top na about the ordinary turbulence of leading people. Bad news, hard quarters, tense rooms. To contain na skill for that, and like any skill, dem dey build am for calm times and dey call am for hard ones.

But be honest with yourself about different situation. If your anxiety no tie to any one event, if e dey there most days, dey fray your sleep, your focus, your patience with people wey you care about, or if you dey endure through work on adrenaline and the off hours no dey bring am down, that one no be containing problem and no amount of slow breathing for the hallway go fix am. That one worth to take to doctor or therapist. Real, treatable, common. To reach for that kind of help no be crack for your leadership. Na the most responsible version of am, because leader wey dey tend to their own anxiety na leader wey get far more steadiness to lend.

Na that na the quiet payoff of all of this. The people wey dey look to you dey always, on some level, dey ask the same question: e safe here, I fit do good work, the ground go hold? You no fit promise dem easy times. Wetin you fit offer na yourself as steady place when things hard, the person wey the worry dey settle inside instead of to dey spread. Na real gift to give people. And e dey usually come back to you.

Wia dis info come from

• Knowledge at Wharton, Leadership Influence: Controlling Emotional Contagion
• Harvard Business Review, Morra Aarons-Mele, Leading Through Anxiety
• National Institute of Mental Health, Brain Activity Patterns in Anxiety-Prone People Suggest Deficits in Handling Fear
• Sigal Barsade, The Ripple Effect: Emotional Contagion and Its Influence on Group Behavior (Administrative Science Quarterly)