Stepping Up When Nobody Else Go Do Am

One particular kind silence dey wey you don probably feel before. Meeting where dem just call one real problem and nobody answer. Group chat where bad plan dey slide go yes. Team where one person clearly dey drown and everybody fit see am. Di thing wey need to happen dey obvious. Wetin dey miss na anybody wey ready to be di one wey go do am.

Most of us don dey for di two sides of dat silence. We don wait for another person to talk, and we don be di person wey finally talk. Dis piece na about di second one. No be di heroics, just di ordinary, often uncomfortable act of stepping into gap when you no get any title wey talk say you fit.

If you don ever hesitate for dat moment and den vex for yourself after, you no dey weak. You run into something wey old and wey dem don study well for human behavior. E dey help to know im name.

Why di room dey go quiet

For di 1960s, two psychologists, Bibb Latané and John Darley, start to ask one question wey sound simple but no be: when something go wrong for front of group of people, na who actually go act?

Wetin dem find surprise everybody, including demself. Di more people wey dey present, di less likely say any single one of dem go step in. For one of dia studies, participants overhear wetin dem believe say na person wey dey get seizure. When person think say na only dem fit hear am, di large majority go find help, and quick quick. When dem believe say full room of other people dey hear di same thing, far fewer move, and di ones wey move take much longer.

Researchers dey call dis one di bystander effect, and di engine wey dey under am get name wey worth to carry around: diffusion of responsibility. When responsibility dey shared across crowd, e dey thin for each person, until everybody dey quietly assume say another person go handle am. Nobody get bad mind. Everybody just dey wait. Di waiting itself go become di problem.

Di other half of di effect even more human. We dey look around to figure out how to act. If everybody else dey calm and still, we go read dat stillness as signal say nothing dey wrong, or say to act go be strange. So we go hold back. And our holding back go become di next person signal to hold back too. Whole room fit talk itself into doing nothing without anybody to talk one word.

Dis one no be only about emergencies. Na di meeting where flawed decision go pass without anybody to challenge am. Di project where everybody notice di cracks and nobody flag dem. Di new person wey dem hire wey dey struggle while dozen experienced colleagues dey look di other way, each one dey assume say person wey close to di situation go check am.

Wetin actually dey break di freeze

See di part wey suppose change how you see yourself for those moments. For di same research, di spell go break di instant wey one person act. Once one single individual step forward, di diffusion go collapse, and others go tend to follow fast. Di hardest and most valuable thing na to be first.

Dat first move na leadership, even when nobody go call am so. Leadership for di sense wey matter pass get very little to do with title or spot on di org chart. Na behavior. Na whoever decide, for moment wey responsibility don go hazy, to gather am up and talk: I go take dis one.

Harvard Business Review don talk dis one plain, say you no need to be di boss before you be leader, and say people wey dey take initiative on things wey no be dia strict responsibility dey tend to grow more, and earn more trust, pass those wey dey wait make dem tell dem. Di org chart many times dey catch up later. Di influence dey come first, and e dey come from being di one wey move when di room stuck.

None of dat one need make you be di loudest or di most senior. Often e quiet pass dat. Clear question. Simple offer. One sentence wey call di thing wey everybody don dey avoid.

Di quiet math of to go first

E worth to dey honest about why to step up dey feel so costly for di moment, because di cost real and to call am dey help.

To go first mean say you dey take on wetin researchers dey call interpersonal risk, di small social danger of to look foolish, pushy, or wrong for front of people. Di Harvard professor Amy Edmondson build plenty of her career dey study dis one. Her finding, across hospitals and companies and teams of every kind, na say people dey stay silent no be because dem no see di problem but because to talk up dey feel unsafe. Dem fit pin di mistake on dem. Di question fit sound naive. Dem fit brush di offer aside.

When team feel safe enough to take those small risks, Edmondson dey call am psychological safety, and teams wey get am dey catch problems earlier, dey learn faster, and dey make fewer preventable errors. When dem no get am, di problems no dey go away. Dem just dey go unspoken, wey worse.

You usually no fit hand your whole team dat safety by yourself. But you fit model am. Every time wey you ask di obvious question, admit say you no sure, or offer help without dem to ask you, you dey make e small more normal for di next person to do di same. Di first honest voice dey give everybody else permission. Dat permission na one of di most generous things wey you fit offer a group, and e dey cost you only di discomfort of to go first.

Di story wey you dey tell yourself for di pause

Gap dey between to notice say something need to happen and to actually move, and plenty dey happen for dat gap. E usually na only few seconds long, and na dia most stepping up dey go die.

For those seconds, your mind dey reach for reasons to stay siddon, and di reasons dey sound reasonable. Another person more qualified. E no really be my place. Maybe I dey misread am. Dem go think say I dey try take over. If I wait small, surely somebody wey close to dis go talk something. Each thought na small permission to do nothing, and when dem stack together dem dey feel like wisdom. But na mostly di freeze dey talk.

Di useful trick na to notice di pause as e dey happen and take am as information instead of instruction. When you feel dat hesitation, e often mean say you don already see something wey worth to address. Di discomfort no be sign to stop. Na sign say you dey stand for di edge of di exact gap wey everybody else dey stare into too. To call am to yourself dey help: see di silence, and see me dey wait for another person, same as dem. Dat small awareness na sometimes all wey e take to move your mouth before your doubt catch up.

E dey also help to lower di bar for your own head. You no need to dey right. You no need to solve am. You only need to be di one wey refuse to let di silence stand. Question count. Offer count. "I fit dey wrong, but…" count, and na often di bravest opening line wey dey.

How to be di one wey dey move

Dis one no be about to override everybody or to appoint yourself as di one in charge. Na about to close one specific gap wey you fit see and wey others dey circle. Few things wey genuinely dey help.

1. Call wetin you see, out loud and without blame. Most freezes dey break with one single plain sentence. "E be like say we all dey hope say another person go own dis one." "I fit talk wetin I think say we dey miss?" You no dey accuse anybody. You dey make di unspoken thing something wey person fit talk, wey na often all wey stuck room need.
2. Take small, concrete piece, no be di whole mountain. You no need to fix everything before you break di spell. Offer one specific thing wey you go do. "I go draft first version by Thursday." "I go check on her after dis." Specific and small na wetin dey turn intention into motion, and e dey invite others to grab di next piece.
3. Lead with question when you no be di expert. To step up no be to pretend say you get di answers. Sometimes di strongest move na to ask di question wey nobody else go ask. To listen carefully matter pass exactly when you no be di one wey know di topic best.
4. Hold body, especially if e tense. When things hard, people instinctively dey look to whoever look calm. Lower your voice instead of to raise am. Grounded presence na itself one form of leadership, and e dey make your point land far beta pass how urgency go do am.
5. Check your motive. Difference dey between to step up because something need to happen and to step up so dem go see you dey do am. People fit feel dat difference. Enter dey honestly try help, and assume say others too dey do so. E dey keep di whole thing clean.

Notice wetin no dey for dat list. You no need permission, title, or sure-sure say you dey right. You need to care enough to move, and di willingness to dey small uncomfortable for few seconds while you dey do am.

Di weight of am, and where di line dey

To step up get shadow side, and na only fair to call am.

If you become di person wey always dey fill di gap, you fit quietly end up dey carry di whole team. Initiative dey generous right up until e tip into being di one wey dey do everything while everybody else keep dey wait. Di fix no be to stop to step up. Na to step up for one way wey dey pull others in instead of to let dem off di hook. Call di gap, take your piece, den hand di next piece out by name. "I don get di first draft. You fit take di review?" You dey lead. You no dey absorb.

And harder line dey wey worth to know. Some situations big pass question for meeting or offer to help with project. If you see something wey point to real harm, person wey dey danger, abuse, person wey e be like say dey for crisis, to step up no mean to handle am alone or to be di hero. E mean to make sure say di right help reach dia. Dat one fit be as simple as to tell di one person wey fit actually do something, to call di people wey na dia job, or to stay with person until support reach. To go first, for those moments, often just mean to refuse to assume say another person don already call.

Di same thing apply for di toll wey e dey put on you. To be di steady one, di one wey dey act, di one wey others dey lean on, na real work, and e fit wear you down over time, especially if you dey do am everywhere at once and nobody dey do am for you. If you notice say na always you dey carry di room and rarely na you dem dey carry, dat one worth to pay attention to. Steadiness wey you never refill dey run out. To talk am through with person wey you trust, or professional if e heavy, no be failure of strength. Na how di strong ones dey stay strong.

Most of di time, though, dis one small and simple pass all of dat. Na one person, for one ordinary moment, wey decide say e no go wait for another person. Di room quiet. Everybody dey look around. And you realize say di somebody wey dem all dey wait for fit be you.

Sources

• Psychology Today, Bystander Effect
• Simply Psychology, Bystander Effect and Diffusion of Responsibility
• Harvard Business Publishing, Leading When You're Not "the Boss"
• Harvard Business Review, You Don't Need to Be "the Boss" to Be a Leader