How to Manage Overwhelm When Everytin Feel Like Too Much

A particular moment dey wey most people sabi without anybody telling dem wetin e be. Di to-do list, di unread messages, di tin wey you forget, di tin wey you no fit forget, all of am dey arrive at di same time, and your mind just stop to dey sort. You no be lazy person. You no dey behind because you no dey try. You simply hit di point where more dey come in than wetin you fit process, and your brain don throw up im hands.

Dat na overwhelm. And di most wicked part of am na di way e dey freeze you exactly when you most need to move. You dey stare di list and somehow do none of am. You open one email, close am, open anoda. Di pile dey grow while you siddon there dey feel di pile dey grow.

If na there you dey right now, di first tin wey worth to talk na say notin don go wrong with you. Dis na a normal nervous system dey do a normal tin under abnormal load.

Why e dey lock you up

Stress na your body response to sometin real and outside of you, a deadline, a bill, a hard conversation wey dey wait to happen. Di National Institute of Mental Health draw a useful line here: stress usually dey fade once di situation pass, while anxiety na di version wey dey linger for your body even after di immediate tin don comot. Overwhelm dey tend to be stress wey stack too high, too fast, with no gap to recover in between.

Under am, your body dey run an old program. When your brain read a threat, a small almond-shaped region wey dem call di amygdala dey fire off an alarm before di thinking part of you weigh in. As Harvard Health describe am, dat alarm dey set off a cascade of stress hormones, faster heart, quicker breath, muscles dey brace. Na di same system wey for help your ancestors outrun sometin wey get teeth. Di trouble na say an overflowing inbox dey trigger di very same circuitry, and dat circuitry was never built for a problem wey you dey solve by sitting still and thinking clearly.

So when you dey overwhelmed and you no fit seem to think straight, dat no be a character flaw. Your body don quietly shift resources away from careful planning and toward survival. Di fix no be to try harder to think. Na to turn di alarm down first, then think.

First, get your body comot from alarm

You no fit reason your way to calm while your system still dey braced for impact. Start with di body, because di body na wetin you fit actually reach.

Di fastest lever na your breath, specifically a long, slow breath out. Breathe in for a count of about four, then let di out-breath stretch longer than di in-breath, six or seven counts, soft and unforced. Do dat four or five times. A slow breath out na one of di few direct signals wey you fit send your nervous system say di emergency don over.

Then come back into di room. Put both feet flat on di floor and feel di contact. Notice three tins wey you fit see and two wey you fit hear. Dis sound almost too simple to matter. E dey work because e dey pull your attention out of di spinning forecast for your head and into di one place where notin actually dey on fire: right now.

Give am sixty seconds before you do anytin else. You no dey try to feel wonderful. You dey try to get back enough of your thinking brain to take one step.

Then make di pile smaller, no be bigger

Plenty of overwhelm na a trick of scale. Everytin dey jam togeda for your head as one enormous undifferentiated mass, and a mass dey impossible to start. Di way out na to break am into pieces small enough to be boring.

• Empty your head onto paper. Write down everytin wey you dey carry, every task, worry, and loose end, without ordering am. Di list go look long. Dat dey fine. E still smaller than di version wey was free-floating for your mind, because now e get edges.
• Find di one next tin. No be di most important tin, no be di whole project. Di single smallest action wey you fit take for di next ten minutes. Send di one text. Open di one document. Motion dey tend to loosen di freeze.
• Sort, then shrink. Run down your list and mark wetin truly urgent today versus wetin only dey feel urgent. Most of am no be both. Cleveland Clinic suggest to plan di next day di evening before, so you dey waka in already knowing wetin to expect instead of meeting di whole pile cold.
• Give yourself permission to drop sometin. No be everytin on di list deserve to dey there. To talk no, or not now, to one tin na sometimes di most productive move wey dey available to you.

Di goal na a list wey you fit act on, no be a perfect plan. You dey try convert a fog into a few specific, ordinary tasks.

Wetin to stop to dey do

A few common moves dey quietly make overwhelm worse, and dem worth to name because dem dey feel like coping.

Multitasking na di big one. When you try hold five tins at once, you no dey do five tins, you dey do partial versions of all of dem while your stress dey climb. To pick one and let di rest wait no be to fall behind. Na di only way anytin dey get finished.

Doomscrolling na anoda one. To reach for your phone dey feel like a break, but a feed of bad news dey keep your alarm system switched on. So na too much caffeine, wey fit leave a stressed body even more wired. And to isolate, to go quiet and white-knuckle am alone, dey tend to make di load heavier than wetin e suppose be.

No carry am alone

Dis one dey get skipped di most, and e matter di most. To talk di weight out loud to one trusted person, a friend, a partner, a colleague, dey do sometin wey a to-do list no fit. Part of am dey practical, sometimes dem fit take a tin off your plate. Most of am na say to dey heard dey take di pressure down a notch on im own. Both NIMH and Cleveland Clinic dey point to leaning on supportive people as one of di more reliable ways through, no be as a last resort but as an early move.

You no need a speech. "I dey pretty underwater right now" dey enough to start.

When e bigger than a hard week

Di steps here na for di ordinary, miserable kind of overwhelm wey dey come and pass. Sometimes e no dey pass, and dat one important to recognize.

If di feeling of too-much don settle in for weeks, if e dey wreck your sleep, your appetite, your work, or di people you love, if you don try di obvious tins and di weight no gree lift, dat na a sign to bring in more help. A doctor or a therapist fit look for wetin dey underneath and give you tools wey fit your life. As Cleveland Clinic put am plain, no shame dey to feel overwhelmed by your emotions or to need extra help to manage dem. To reach out no be di moment you fail at coping. Na a smart, ordinary tin wey people dey do.

And if e ever tip past overwhelm into feeling hopeless, or like you no fit go on, abeg no wait am out alone. Talk to somebody today, a person wey you trust or a trained counselor. Help dey exist, and e dey okay for you to use am.

Overwhelm dey lie to you about how much you fit handle. Di truth dey gentler than di feeling: you no gatz carry all of am, and you no gatz carry am by yourself. You just gatz find di next small tin, and then di one after dat.

Where We Take Am From

• National Institute of Mental Health, I'm So Stressed Out! Fact Sheet
• Harvard Health Publishing, Understanding the Stress Response
• Cleveland Clinic, How To Recognize and Cope With Emotional Stress