Think about di last time wey you argue for somebody else. Maybe you help one teammate collect di title wey e don already dey do di work of, or you tell client why di person for your team worth di rate. You been dey specific. Nothing move you. You no apologise even once.
Dat person na excellent negotiator, and you don meet am before, because na you be am. Then di same conversation come around with your own name inside and your voice come thin, di number come get range attach, and one perfect case turn to ordinary hope.
Dis no be fault wey more confidence go repair. Na lever, and na di most useful thing inside dis whole category, because e mean say di skill don already install and you don already rehearse am. You no need to become bolder. You just need to carry your own case comot from first person for ten minutes.
Why I fit negotiate for oda people but I no fit do am for myself?
Because di social risk dey feel different, no be say di skill different. To advocate for anoda person dey read as loyalty, but to advocate for yourself dey feel like say e fit read as greed, so di exact same sentence dey feel safe for one mouth and dangerous for anoda.
Dat instinct no be imagination, and e worth to report am precisely instead of broadly. For one well known set of experiments, women wey dey bargain for demsef expect social penalty for being assertive and dem concede more because of am, but di same women bargain as assertive as di men for di study di moment wey dem dey represent friend. Di men for dat research no show dat kind gap. Anoda separate line of research find say evaluators truly penalise candidates for just starting negotiation at all, and dem penalise women pass men for doing am. So for some readers, di caution dey documented, and for di rest, e still be di thing wey quietly dey set di number.
Di useful conclusion no be say you suppose fear more. Na say di advocate voice, di one wey dey get specific and no dey flinch, na your own already and e don already prove imsef in front of oda people. E dey available. Na just say dem file am under somebody else name.
How I go write my own case di way I go write anoda person own?
Write di whole thing for third person first, with dia name inside, then swap your own name inside and no change anything else. Read di two out loud, one after di oda.
Draft one, for one colleague:
Priya don run di platform roadmap since January without di title. She bring di migration in two weeks early, and na she di support team dey escalate to now. Di band for dat work na one hundred and forty. She suppose dey one hundred and forty.
Draft two, di same case, your own name:
I don run di platform roadmap since January without di title. I bring di migration in two weeks early, and na me di support team dey escalate to now. Di band for dat work na one hundred and forty. I suppose dey one hundred and forty.
Most people no fit write di second one without softening am. Words go appear wey never dey inside di first draft: "kind of", "I helped with", "I think maybe", "if dat seem reasonable". Dat gap, wey you fit see for your own handwriting, na di exact amount wey you dey discount yourself, and e dey convince pass any amount of encouragement, because na you produce di evidence.
Write draft one, then draft two, then delete anything for draft two wey no dey inside draft one. Wetin remain na your ask.
Who I suppose dey sponsor, and how I go actually do am?
Mentor dey talk to you. Sponsor dey call your name for room wey you no dey. Na di second one dey move career, and na di one wey most people no dey receive, na why to do am deliberately worth plenty.
Di gap na measurement, no be folklore. One Catalyst survey of more than 4,000 high potentials, wey dem report inside Harvard Business Review, find say more women pass men get mentor and dem still dey pay dem less and promote dem less, because na only sponsorship dey involve advocacy for advancement.
Sponsoring no be feeling and e no need program. Pick two people wey you fit honestly vouch for dia work. Then call dia name, out loud, to di people wey dey decide about dem, with specific claim attached and specific outcome wey you dey request. "Priya run di migration and bring am in two weeks early. She suppose dey di shortlist for di platform lead role." Na dat be di whole move. E dey cost one sentence, and for di person wey dey receive am, na di difference between being known and being considered.
Do am three times dis quarter, for three different rooms. Notice how you sound while you dey do am: precise, no hesitation, no range, no hedge, no apology for di number. Na dat be di voice. Na di same one wey your own case need on Tuesday, and you don use am recently enough to fit find am again.
One accounting reality dey wey worth to talk, because dis pillar no dey pretend say generosity free. To vouch for somebody dey put small of your own credibility for table. Na di point be dat. Na also why e dey work: claim wey dey cost di speaker something na di only kind wey anybody dey believe.
Wetin I go talk when I dey praise somebody for public?
Call di person name, call di exact thing wey dem do, and talk am in front of di people wey dia opinion truly matter. Vague praise na noise, and "great job everybody" no dey do anything for anybody for dat room.
Di shape short. "I wan flag something. When di payment provider go down on Thursday, Marcus rewrite di retry logic for one afternoon and we no lose any order. Na im call be dat and e correct." Three sentences, one specific act, one person wey you name, delivered where dia manager or dia client fit hear am.
E dey cost di giver one sentence and e dey land on di receiver like career event, and dat na rate of return wey you no go find anywhere else inside working week. Two rules dey keep am honest. Talk am only when e true, because inflated praise dey devalue di next real thing wey you go talk. And no attach am to favour. Di moment wey you trade commendation for something, e stop to be commendation and turn transaction wey people fit feel.
Wetin be di three things wey my own ask must carry?
Number, reason wey ground for di work, and date for answer. Everything else optional, and most of wetin people dey add na padding wey dem go later regret.
Di number na single figure, no be range, and you talk am as complete sentence. Di reason na one line about wetin you dey own now wey you no dey own before, no be three lines about how you don work hard, because ownership dey checkable and effort no dey. Di date dey turn nice conversation into decision: "You fit come back to me by di end of di month?" no be aggression, na calendar, and without am your ask go join list wey nobody dey read.
Talk di three, then stop talk and let dem think. You don make dis exact case for oda people, for dis exact length, without sweating. Nothing about am hard because di name change.
Di habit and di ask na di same twenty years
KEEP CALM founder, Kaʻohele Carlos, put giving back among di reasons why im career work at all. For im own words, anoda secret to im success na to give back, do volunteer work, dey always look for opportunity to coach, train, advise, lift up, commend and champion di people for im sphere, and e talk say di positive energy and support wey come back na tenfold. Na im account of im own twenty years be dat, no be law wey you fit bank on, and di detail wey matter for Tuesday na di timing. E no start after e arrive. E dey do am di whole way up, while e still dey hustle and still no reach di standing wey e want.
If you read am practically, na training plan be dat. Every time wey you make hard case for anoda person, you dey rehearse under real condition, with real audience and real stakes, and you dey build reputation as di person wey dey build people, and na thing wey hiring managers dey pay for. Then you go waka enter your own review having argued for number several times already dis year.
Ask for yourself di same way you dey ask for anoda person. Same evidence, same figure, same steady voice. You don do di hard version already.
Sources
- Harvard Kennedy School Gender Action Portal, Negotiating Gender Roles: Gender Differences in Assertive Negotiating Are Mediated by Women's Fear of Backlash and Attenuated When Negotiating on Behalf of Others
- Harvard Kennedy School, Social Incentives for Gender Differences in the Propensity to Initiate Negotiations: Sometimes It Does Hurt to Ask
- Harvard Business Review, Why Men Still Get More Promotions Than Women