Get one move wey dey inside every negotiation wey no dey cost anything, wey no need any preparation, and wey everybody wey sidon for table get. Na di three seconds after di other person stop to talk.
Plenty of us dey throway those seconds. Offer go land and before e even finish land, we don already talk say "yeah, dat one dey okay", wey no be decision at all, na just way to comot di discomfort of person dey look you. Di number fine, probably. We no go ever sabi, because we never think am at all.
Di pause no be trick and e no be power play. Na wetin thinking dey look like from outside. E be di cheapest upgrade wey any person wey dey negotiate fit get, because unlike leverage, market data or another offer for hand, you don already get am, e dey work for any language, and nobody fit collect am from you.
How long make I pause before I answer offer?
Around three seconds, and take dem before every answer, no be only di hard ones. Pause wey you dey always take no dey give anything away. Pause wey you dey take only when your mind no dey happy na tell, and person wey sabi listen go read am for one meeting.
Three seconds dey feel long well well from inside pass how e dey look from outside, na why people dey abandon am for one and half. Practice am for somewhere wey cheap first. Take three seconds before you answer easy question for status meeting dis week and watch wetin no go happen: nobody go notice, nobody go think say you dey do strange, and you go sound like person wey think.
Researchers for MIT Sloan study negotiations wey dem record, dem use software find every silent gap wey reach three seconds. Those pauses dey sit right before breakthrough, more pass any other point for di conversation. Di effect no come from making di other person uncomfortable. E come from wetin di pause do to di thinking of di person wey take am.
If I use silence for negotiation, e mean say I dey manipulate person?
No, if you dey truly think. Silence wey you use make person squirm na tactic, and tactic dey work once on people wey you no go see again. Silence wey you use think na habit, and habit dey work for twenty years on people wey you go see every Monday.
Di difference dey show from outside, and na dat one useful. Manipulative silence get face: di raised eyebrow, di stare, di small smile wey dey talk say your move. Real thinking dey look completely different. You go break eye contact, you go look your notes, you go write something down, den you go come back with sentence wey answer wetin dem actually talk.
Another practical reason dey why di honest version better. Tactic must hide before e go work, wey mean say part of your attention go dey manage your own performance instead of di matter wey dey your front, and dat one cost you plenty for di exact moment wey you no fit afford am. Pause wey you take because you genuinely need three seconds no need any acting at all, so all your attention go remain for di deal.
Di research support di honest version, no be di theatrical one. For di MIT work, long silence connect with both sides doing better, no be with one side collecting more from di other. Quiet dey break di default assumption say deal na fixed pie wey get line for middle. Na dat version of silence worth learning, because e go survive even when you use am on your padi.
Wetin exactly make I dey think about during di pause?
Dem constraints, no be your nerves. Two questions fit fill three seconds well: wetin dis person really dey aim for, and wetin dis offer suppose include before I go fit talk yes today?
To point your attention outside no just calm you, e dey measurably work better. For di classic experiments about first offers, di anchoring power of opening number strong pass when di second party just dey react to am, and e fade when dat person deliberately face information wey di number no count: dem own target, dem alternatives, wetin di other side fit really afford. Dat focus dey available for di pause and almost nowhere else, because once you start to talk, you don commit to whatever frame you open with.
So use di gap for one specific thought instead of general feeling of panic. Dem constraint. Your target. Den answer.
How I go hold pause when di other person no gree stop talking?
Make dem talk. Pause no be competition, and di person wey dey fill di quiet dey usually give you information wey you for beg for.
Na dis moment people dey misunderstand pass. If dem start to explain di budget cycle, or di internal band, or why di timeline tight, you never lose di silence. Dem don give you di map. Make your pen continue to move and allow di explanation finish by itself.
If di quiet genuinely start to dey uncomfortable for both of una, name am and still keep am. "Abeg give me one moment on dat" no cost anything and e go buy di rest of di pause outright.
When e happen, answer di most useful thing wey dem talk, no be di offer wey dem open with. "You mention say di review cycle dey March. We fit bring my own forward to six months?" Dat sentence only exist because you no fill di gap, and e move variable wey no even dey table when di conversation start.
Wetin I go do with my body while I dey wait?
Give am work. Write one line for notebook, drop di pen, breathe out slowly, and allow your shoulders drop as you dey breathe out. Three seconds na like one breath out wey you no rush, wey make am easy to time without counting.
Di reason why pause dey available to you at all na because your body no dey run di meeting, and dat one na something wey person fit train, no be something wey you born with. Anybody wey dey train regularly don practice how to hold body while dem heart dey beat fast and dem body dey beg dem to stop, and na di same skill be dis: to remain deliberate while something inside you wan rush. Na one of di ordinary reasons why person wey get ambition dey continue to train through hard quarter instead of dropping am first.
No fill di gap with di noises wey dey sound like thinking but no be thinking: "right, right", "sure, sure", "okay so". Those ones na pause wey sound still dey on, and dem dey hand di moment straight back.
For video calls, di pause need help, because silent face on screen fit look like say network freeze. Talk di frame out loud once and di problem go disappear: "Make I think about dat small." Den take four, no be three, because di lag go chop one.
Pause wey you dey take every time no dey give anything away
Three seconds per answer dey buy you decisions wey you really make, instead of decisions wey your nervous system make for you while person dey look. Na dat one be di whole trade, and e dey available for every deal wey you go ever do.
Do am everywhere. Take three seconds before you answer question for meeting, before you reply di message wey vex you, before you talk yes to extra project. Di habit na one thing, wey you practice for low stakes for months, so dat for di morning wey e worth thousands, your body don already sabi di shape of am and e no go treat di quiet like emergency.
Offer land. You look down, you write one line, you breathe out. Den you answer, and di answer na your own.