You ask. Make we notice that one first before anything else happen, because person wey ask once na the person wey go ask again next year with better information and better number. Plenty capable people no dey even reach that point.
Then dem talk no. The room quiet, your face do something wey you no choose, and you get like six seconds to decide wetin this thing be. Na here the part wey you suppose sabi before you decide anything: almost no "no" na no to you. Na no to this shape of this deal, on this budget, for this quarter, and plenty times na person wey dey just carry another person decision come dey talk am. The sixty seconds after a no worth pass the ask wey come before am, because na the only moment wey dem go ever tell you, out loud, how the deal for take look instead.
Wetin I go talk for the first ten seconds after dem talk no?
Thank dem say dem talk am straight, then ask one question. No argue, no repeat your case, and no rush to assure dem say everything totally fine.
The reassurance na the trap. "No no, I understand well well, no problem at all" na sentence wey people dey talk make the discomfort stop, and e dey close the conversation sharp sharp. You don just tell dem say the topic don finish and say your ask soft reach make you withdraw am inside one breath.
Instead, take small time. Three seconds of quiet after a no no be sulking, na thinking, and e dey give dem room to add the sentence wey people almost always dey add when you leave a no alone: the reason, the constraint, or the thing wey for make am different. Allow that sentence land. Usually na the most useful information for the whole meeting, and you dey get am free just by keeping quiet.
E dey also help to quickly sabi who this no belong to. Manager wey dey carry decision wey dem take two levels up need completely different conversation from manager wey own the budget, and you fit find out with one polite question: "Na you dey decide this one, or na something wey you dey carry go up?" Nobody go vex for that question, and the answer go tell you who you suppose really dey persuade.
Which question dey actually open conversation wey don close?
Ask dem wetin go need to be true before this thing go turn yes. Na one sentence, e no dey sound like challenge, and e dey move the talk from verdict to set of conditions.
Compare am with the others. "Why not?" dey ask person make e defend decision, and people dey defend decision by making am harder. "Anything you fit do?" dey invite one-word answer and dey hand the whole frame back. "Wetin go need to be true before this go turn yes?" dey assume future where the answer different and dey ask dem describe am, wey easy pass to grant than full reversal.
Question no dey cost as people dey expect. For three studies of live conversation, researchers find say people wey ask more question, especially follow-up question, na dem the other person like pass, and say most of us dey underrate this thing. You no dey spend goodwill when you ask. You dey build am while you dey gather the only information wey matter.
I suppose ask for reason, or ask for condition?
Ask for the condition. Reason dey explain the past, but condition dey describe future wey you fit work towards, and na only one of dem dey give you something to do come Monday.
"No budget dey this quarter" na reason. "If you dey run the vendor relationship by June, this go be easy conversation for the new fiscal year" na condition, and na completely different thing. E get date inside, e get scope, and e get definition of the work wey go justify the number. Na plan person just hand you be that.
If na only the reason dem give you, ask one more question and stop. "I hear you. Wetin go need to change before e go possible?" Then keep quiet again. Two question and two silence na the whole technique, and e short reach make you fit use am when your heart dey beat fast.
Wetin I go write down, and I suppose do am for their front?
Write their answer down while dem still dey talk am, for their front, for their own words, no be your summary. E dey change the register of the conversation from rejection to work wey both of una dey do together.
Collect the exact wording. If dem talk say "we go need see you owning the enterprise accounts end to end", that sentence na your next twelve months and your next opening line, and paraphrase wey you write on Thursday go don lose the parts wey matter. The answer wey dem give you na next year negotiation, for their own words.
Write the numbers down too. A no dey often come with counter-figure attached, and that counter na anchor wey dey do exactly wetin first offer dey do: whichever side put number for table first dey usually pull the final answer come him side. Record am, but no take am as truth. Na one side opening position, wey you write down for later.
How I go take collect date to come back without sounding like say I dey push?
Ask for the date like logistics, no be like favour. "When be the right moment to come back to this, September or the start of the new budget year?" Choice between two dates easy to answer pass open request.
Then confirm am for writing that same day, for three lines: thank you, na this I hear go need to be true, and na this time we talk say we go look again. Short, warm, no argument. That message dey quietly do three jobs. E dey show say you listen, e dey put the condition for record while everybody still agree on wetin e be, and e mean say the meeting get next part instead of ending.
If the honest answer na say no date dey, that one na information too, and na the kind wey dey help. A no wey no get condition attached and no get date attached no be negotiation, na boundary, and to sabi that one early dey allow you decide wetin you go do next while energy still dey your body.
A no wey you write down worth pass yes wey you no understand
The best outcome of a no na say you comot with something wey you no enter with: condition, date, and the other side own words about wetin value look like for here. Na specification be that. Most people dey comot with body pain instead, because dem talk "no problem" and comot the room inside one minute.
No be the number dey change here. Wetin dey change na the reflex wey dey rush make discomfort stop, wey dey cost money every single time e fire and wey you fit fully train, one quiet three-second gap at a time.
Ask wetin go make am yes. Write the answer down. Collect the date. Then go make the condition true, and come back with the same number and better evidence.
Sources
- PubMed, It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking
- MIT Sloan, Silence is golden: New research out of MIT's Sloan School of Management suggests that extended silence during negotiations leads to better results for both parties
- PubMed, First offers as anchors: the role of perspective-taking and negotiator focus