You dey work on something wey you truly believe for. Na real target, you don dey on am for a while, and di work good enough make people wey see am close take am serious.
Den somebody come ask wetin you dey work on, and you hear your own mouth talk say "oh, small small things," and vex dey worry you di whole drive go house.
Dat one no be confidence problem, or at least no be di one wey you must first fix. Na wording problem. Most people wey dey keep quiet about big goal no dey fear di goal itself. Na di sentence dey fear dem, because di way dem teach us to talk dis kind thing dey sound like promise wey family go dey check every gathering for three years. Change di sentence and most of di fear go comot with am, and wetin remain na version wey you fit talk to stranger without your body dey shake.
How I go take tell somebody my goal without sounding proud?
Talk am as direction, no be promise. "I dey work towards running my own studio" no give anybody claim wey dem fit hold you for, but "I go run my own studio within two years" dey hand di room date and dey turn every future conversation into progress hearing.
Sentence wey dey work get three parts and e dey take like six seconds. Di direction, wey you talk as movement. Di step wey you dey do now, wey concrete and small and dey prove say di direction real. And small ask, wey na di thing wey dey turn announcement into conversation. "I dey work towards running my own studio. Right now I dey take two of my own clients for di side. If you hear anybody wey need brand work, send dem come my side."
Notice wetin dey do di work for there. Na no be di size of di goal dey make am sound proud, na how sure di claim be. Nobody don ever see direction as pride. Wetin people dey resist na person wey dey announce outcome like say di hard middle don already settle.
Talking my goal out loud go make me less likely to do am?
Announcing identity fit do dat, but reporting progress dey do di opposite. Peter Gollwitzer and im colleagues find say intentions wey concern identity, wey other people don notice, dey get less serious action pass intentions wey nobody notice, e be like say di acknowledgement don already give person di feeling say e don be di thing.
Na dat study make dem fit tell you say make you never share goal, but di advice too wide. Di finding na about identity claims. Talk "I be novelist" for room wey dey admire you and you fit collect di feeling of being one without writing any page, and di effect strong pass for people wey commit most to di identity, wey na detail wey dey truly uncomfortable.
Progress report dey behave different. Di biggest review of goal monitoring, one meta analysis by Harkin and im colleagues wey cover 138 studies and just under 20,000 participants, find say to prompt people make dem monitor progress dey increase di chance say dem go reach di goal, and di effect strong pass when dem report di progress give somebody and write am down physically. Di practical rule wey come out of di two findings: talk less identity and more numbers. "I don reach 30,000 words and I dey aim to finish di draft by March" na report. "I be novelist" na costume.
Who I suppose tell first?
One person wey no get anything to gain or lose whether you get am. Somebody wey no dey manage you, no dey live with you and no dey compete with you go hear di goal as information, no be as promise or threat, and dat first telling na di one wey must go well.
After dat, ladder dey, and e good make you climb am for order. Di person wey no get stake first, because dem reaction clean and you need one clean rep. Den di people wey di thing truly affect, wey need di date and di practical consequences pass di vision. Den, much later and only if e go help, anybody wey go read am as claim about who you be.
To jump go di last group na how people dey burn. Goal wey you announce to wide audience before you don talk am out loud four times dey come out overstated, because you never find di plain version.
Wetin be di easiest way to practice talking am?
Talk another person goal out loud first, to somebody wey fit do something about am. E dey put di exact sentence for your mouth one week before you go need am for yourself, and e no dey cost you anything wey you no already dey spend.
You go talk another person goal out loud easier pass your own, and you go argue for am harder. So use dat one on purpose. Pick somebody wey you sabi dem work well. Name wetin dem good for and wetin dem dey go for, and talk am to somebody wey get di standing to act on am. "Ana na di best data person wey I don work with and she dey try move into fraud. Make you meet her." Twenty two words, one room, and her year don change.
Wetin e dey do for you na to swap emotional problem for errand. Instead of managing your feelings about people seeing you, you get small task with clear success condition, and di muscle wey you dey build na di same one: to name serious ambition for plain words to person wey fit help.
KEEP CALM founder dey describe dis exact practice as one of di things wey carry am reach where e dey go, no be something wey e start after. For im own words, e dey always look for opportunity to coach, train, advise, lift up, commend and champion di people for im circle, and e talk say wetin come back na ten times wetin e put in. Na im account of im own career be dat, wey e offer as im experience, no be as rule about how di world dey settle account.
Wetin I go ask dem for?
Ask for one clear thing wey dem fit do dis month. "You sabi anybody wey dey hire for fraud?" better pass "make you tell me if you hear anything," because request wey get edges na di one wey person fit actually complete and den feel good about.
Three request shapes cover almost everything. Introduction to one named kind of person. Fifteen minutes to look one piece of work, with di question wey you want answer attached. Or one question from dem expertise wey go take you one week to answer alone. Di three of dem small, di three of dem fit finish, and di three of dem dey give di other person way to be useful without signing up for role.
Den give dem way out for di same breath. "No pressure at all if nothing come your mind." E no dey cost you anything, e dey remove di awkwardness wey dey stop people from saying yes to di next thing wey you go ask, and na im be di difference between favor and obligation.
Di fourth time wey you talk am, e don just be plain fact
Di sentence dey easy fast, and no be because you don turn different kind person. E dey easy because repetition dey strip di performance comot from am. Di first telling na event. Di fourth one na description of wetin you dey do on Tuesdays, wey na all wey e ever need to be.
So pick di one person wey no get stake. Talk am as direction. Give dem one thing wey dem fit do dis month. Den talk another person goal out loud too, because dat one no dey cost you anything, e dey make your own easier, and di two of una go go far pass how una for go alone.