Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Say the no in one clean sentence.
- Skip the pile of justifications.
- Practice on a low-stakes ask first.
Susuw bere a etwa to a wokae aane bere a wo fa biara pɛɛ sɛ ɔka dabi no ho. Ebia adwumayɛni bi de ade baako bio guu wo so. Ebia adamfo bi srɛɛ wo mmoa wɔ anwummere baako pɛ a na wowɔ no fa dapɛn no nyinaa mu. Wotee dabi no sɛ ɛrepue, na afei wohwɛɛ wo ho sɛ woreka "yiw, ɛnyɛ ɔhaw" ara, a na worebɔ ahodwiriw dedaw.
Yɛn mu pii yɛ eyi wɔ ntease pa nti. Yɛmpɛ sɛ yebu nkurɔfo abasa mu. Yɛhaw yɛn ho sɛ dabi bɛto sɛ apoo, sɛ ɔfoforo no werɛ bɛhow anaa ne bo befuw anaa ɔbɛbu yɛn fɛw. Enti yɛde yɛn asomdwoe dɔnhwerew baako sesa nea ɛnyɛ dɛ a yɛkwati no sekan kakra, na yɛyɛ no mpɛn pii kosi sɛ yɛatwɛ na yɛn werɛ ho komm.
Apam pa bi wɔ hɔ. Wubetumi aka dabi ɔkwan a emu wɔ ayamye ankasa, a ɛbɔ abusuabɔ no ho ban, na enhia pakyɛw atonten. Ɛhwehwɛ adwumayɛ kakra. Ɛho wɔ mfaso.
Nea enti a dabi yɛ den
Sɛ nnipa abu a wopo ma wo yam tu a, woammu na woyɛ mmerɛw nso. Woreyɛ ade a ɛyɛ daa paa.
Afɔdi, aniwu, mpo aniwu nkate a ɛba prɛko pɛ yɛ daa bere a wode ɔhye to hɔ no, titiriw sɛ wonyinii a na wɔkamfo wo sɛ wopene so a. Sɛ wote afɔdi nka a, ɛnkyerɛ sɛ woayɛ biribi a enye. Mpɛn pii ɛkyerɛ sɛ woreyɛ biribi a wonkyɛe no. Nea ɛnyɛ dɛ no taa tew so dodow a wode yɛ no, sɛnea suahu foforo biara gyae sɛ ɛyɛ ananafosɛm bere a wo nipadua ayɛ no mpɛn kakra no.
Adwene mu mfomso komm bi nso retia wo. Yɛsusuw sɛ nnipa bebu yɛn poo atɛn a ano yɛ den dodo. The Greater Good Science Center a ɛwɔ Berkeley no frɛ eyi den-yɛ ho atɛnkyea, na nhwehwɛmu a ɛkyerɛ no kyekye werɛ: nnipa pii rentwiri w'animuonyam sɛ woka dabi nti, na pii bebu wo kɛse mpo sɛ wo nsɛm mu da hɔ wɔ wo ahye ho. Asiane a worebɔ ho ahodwiriw no mpɛn pii mma.
Ayamye ne ahɔho-ahɔho nyɛ ade koro
Ɛboa sɛ wotetew nneɛma abien a yɛtaa de bom no mu: sɛ woyɛ ɔyamyefo ne sɛ wowɔ hɔ ma obi bere nyinaa.
Ayamye fa sɛnea woyɛ obi ho. Ahɔho-ahɔho fa sɛnea wode wo ho dodow ma. Wubetumi ayɛ obi yiye paa na woaka dabi akyerɛ no ara. Ampa ara, wo a wowɔ hɔ bere nyinaa no nyɛ wo a wowɔ ayamye kɛse. Bere a woka aane fii ahwere mu no, woba a woabrɛ, w'adwene nni so, wo werɛ ho kakra, na nnipa a wodɔ wɔn betumi ate. Dabi a emu da hɔ a wode ayamye ka no taa wɔ obu sen aane a wobɛsie afa wɔn no.
Adanse wɔ hɔ sɛ sɛ wusua sɛnea wobɛkasa ama wo ho saa a, eye ma wo, ɛnyɛ wo nhyehyɛe nkutoo. Wɔ nhwehwɛmu bi a wɔyɛɛ no kwa kwa wɔ sukuupɔn mu mmofra ho no, nnipa a wɔfaa pintinnyɛ ho ntetee mu, a ne nyinaa yɛ adesua a wɔahyehyɛ a ɛfa nsɛm a wɔka pefee na wode ayamye ka no, fii mu a wɔn ahohia, suro, ne adwenemuhaw sua sen wɔn a wɔanyɛ. Dabi a ɛyɛ nokware ho nimdeɛ no boa sɛnea wote nka, ɛnyɛ sɛnea wo dapɛn te nko.
Dabi a ayamye wom su
Dabi pa wɔ afaafa nketenkete abiɛsa, na wubetumi afa mu wɔ kasamu baako anaa abien mu.
- Ɔdɔ. Fi ase denam onipa no anaa abisade no a wobɛgye atom so. "Meda wo ase sɛ wudwen me ho." "Mihu sɛ eyi ho hia wo." Woresoma nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ abusuabɔ no da so wɔ hɔ ansa na wode ɔhye no rema.
- Dabi no ankasa, a woka no pefee. Eyi ne ɔfa a nnipa pɛ ntɛm anaa wɔsie. Ka no pefee. "Mintumi nfa eyi nyɛ." "Ɛno nyɛ ma me." Kasamu baako a emu da hɔ no sen anum a ɛkyekye.
- Ɔpon a wobɛto sɛ wopɛ a. Ɛtɔ da a wopɛ sɛ woma biribi a esua. "Mintumi nni ade no nyinaa anim, nanso m'ani begye sɛ mɛboa ma wɔasiesie dɔnhwerew baako." Fa nea wobɛn'ani agye sɛ wode bɛma nko ara ma. Ɔpon a wompɛ no de afiri foforo ba kɛkɛ.
Hwɛ nea aka: anokwasɛm bebree. Wonnde wo bere ho asɛnnibea banbɔ obiara ka. The Cleveland Clinic kyerɛ sɛ ka wo ɔhye pefee, a wode "Me" kasa, na woankyerɛ ase ankɔ akyiri. "Menhwɛ adwuma email akyi" wie ne ho. Kankuw a wode kɔ so de nea enti ka ho no mpɛn pii fi ahohia mu, na nkyerɛkyerɛmu tenten taa to sɛ kwan a wɔbɛfa so adi nsesa. Ka nea ɛyɛ nokware. Afei gyae kasa.
Nsɛm a wubetumi afa
Sɛ woyɛ basaa wɔ bere no mu a, ɛboa sɛ wowɔ nsɛm kakra a woasiesie ansa na woahia. Nhwehwɛmufo ahu sɛ yɛkɔ so kura ɔhye mu yiye bere a yɛasiesie yɛn nsɛm pɛpɛɛpɛ dedaw no, sen sɛ yɛbɛyɛ no ntɛm wɔ nhyɛso ase. Fa eyinom bi sie baabi a wubetumi anya:
- "Anka mepɛ, nanso mintumi mfa biribi foforo nka ho mprempren."
- "Ɛno renyɛ mma me, nanso meda wo ase sɛ wubisaa."
- "Ma menhwɛ ansa na mahyɛ biribiara so bɔ." (Twɛn yɛ mmuae a ɛwie ne ho. Ɛma wo kwan sɛ wobɛpaw.)
- "Mintumi nyɛ saa. Mewɔ anidaso sɛ ɛbɛkɔ yiye de."
- "Dabi, nanso m'ani begye sɛ yebehu bere foforo a ɛbɛyɛ yiye."
Ka no wɔ nne a ɛdwo, a ɛsɛ. Nne no na ɛyɛ ayamye no pii. Dabi a wode brɛoo ka a woammɔ ahodwiriw no kyerɛ ɔfoforo no sɛ wugyina pintinn, sɛ eyi nyɛ wɔn apoo, na ɛnsɛ sɛ wɔhwɛ wo afɔdi so ma wo.
Bere a wɔsan ka tia wo
Ɛtɔ da a onipa no nnnye wo dabi ntom mprempren ara. Wɔmia so, wɔdi nkitahodi, wɔn werɛ how kakra. Eyi ne bere a wo ɔhye no nya nsɔhwɛ ankasa, na ɛyɛ bere a yɛn mu pii brɛ ase nso.
Ɛnsɛ sɛ wugye akyinnye na ɛnsɛ sɛ wode wo nne to wɔn de so. Nsan ka no a ɛyɛ brɛoo yɛ adwuma sen nkyerɛkyerɛmu foforo. "Mete ase, na ɛda so yɛ dabi." "Mete wo nka. Mintumi nyɛ." Sɛ wosan ka wo nsɛm a woamfa hyew nka ho a, ɛtɔ da a wɔfrɛ no san-san-ka kwan, na ɛyɛ adwuma efisɛ biribiara nni hɔ a wɔbɛmia so. Wonnnyina gyinabea bi so. Woreka nokwasɛm a ɛfa wo ankasa wo ahye ho kɛkɛ, bio.
Sɛ obi kɔ so fa wo dabi sɛ abisade a edi kan wɔ nkitahodi mu daa a, ɛno fata sɛ wode hyɛ. Onipa a obu wo no bɛte awiei koraa. Onipa a ɔnte da no rekyerɛ wo biribi a ɛfa abusuabɔ no ho.
Fi ase baabi a ɛyɛ mmerɛw
Ɛnsɛ sɛ wode onipa a ɔyɛ den sen wɔ w'asetena mu no fi ase. Yɛ pɛ wɔ wɔn a wɔn ho asɛm nyɛ kɛse no so kan. Po adetɔn a wode rebɛto so wɔ sotɔɔ mu. Ka kyerɛ obi a wo ne no nni asɛm kɛse sɛ wuntumi mma a wonyɛ anokwasɛm. Ma wonte afɔdi asorɔkye ketewa no nka, na hwɛ no sɛ ɛtwam a biribiara bɔne ammba. Bere biara a, woreyɛ akyerɛ wo ɔhonam mu nhyehyɛe sɛ wobetumi atena dabi ase, sɛ abusuabɔ no gyina, sɛ wɔama wo kwan sɛ wobɛfa baabi.
Afɔdi no rentumi ntu koraa, na enhia nso. Wubetumi ate nea ɛnyɛ dɛ kakra nka na woakora wo dabi mu bere koro. Nneɛma abien no betumi atena nkyɛn ho nkyɛn. Bere kɔ so a, nea ɛnyɛ dɛ no yɛ komm, na wo a woahome na woyɛ nokware no bɛyɛ ɔdɔfo pa sen nea ɔkaa aane maa biribiara na wammu mu biara nokware.
Bere a ɛyɛ den sen amanne
Nnipa bi de, sɛnea wuntumi nka dabi no kɔ akyiri sen sɛnea wuhia adwumayɛ. Sɛ dabi a wobɛka no hyɛ wo suro ankasa ma, sɛ wuhu sɛ wopene nneɛma a ɛhunahuna anaa ɛhaw wo so efisɛ sɛ wopo a ɛyɛ sɛnea wuntumi, anaa sɛ abusuabɔ bi twe w'aso bere biara a wobɔ mmɔden sɛ wode ɔhye biara to hɔ a, ɛno fata sɛ wode di ni. Ɔbosamfo betumi aboa wo ma woahu baabi a nneyɛe no fi bae na woasua su no wɔ baabi a ahobammɔ wɔ mu. Na sɛ obi a ɔwɔ w'asetena mu fa ahunahuna anaa ahuruhuruw bua wo ahye a, yɛsrɛ wo fa wo ho kɔ ɔnimdefo anaa mmoa ahomatrofo nkyɛn. Ɛnsɛ sɛ pɛ a wopɛ sɛ wuyi ayamye adi no kyerɛ sɛ wonni kwan sɛ wonya ahobammɔ.
Nsɛm a wonya fii
- Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley, Five Research-Based Ways to Say No
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Set Healthy Boundaries
- American Psychological Association, Assertiveness (APA Dictionary of Psychology)
- National Library of Medicine / PMC, Efficiency of assertiveness training on the stress, anxiety, and depression levels of college students (Randomized control trial)