Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Ask what makes them feel loved.
- Watch what makes them light up.
- Keep a few kinds of love flowing.
Awarefoɔ pii anya saa nkɔmmɔdie yi ho biribi. Onipa baako ka sɛ, "Me dɔ kasa ne bere pa, na daa wowɔ wo telefon so." Ɔfoforɔ no ka sɛ, "Nanso meyɛ wo nneɛma da mu nyinaa. Mehyɛɛ wo kar no ma. Medii frɛ a na ɛhaw wo no a ɛfa nsiakyibɔ ho no ho dwuma." Nnipa mmienu no nyinaa reka nokware. Wɔn mmienu nyinaa te nka sɛ wɔnhunu wɔn kakra. Na biribi a ɛda nsɛm no ase ne asɛmmisa ankasa a na ɔdɔ kasa ahorow no pɛ sɛ wɔyi ano: ɛyɛ dɛn na mekyerɛ saa onipa yi sɛ medɔ no wɔ ɔkwan a obetumi ate nka ankasa so?
Saa asɛmmisa no yɛ. Ɛsɛ sɛ wofa no aniberesɛm. Nhyehyɛeɛ a nnipa pii sõ mu de yi ano no, ɛda adi sɛ ɛho nna gyina sɛnea ne gyedie kyerɛ no, na sɛ wunim deɛ ɛnti a, ɛbɛtumi ama woadɔ nnipa a wɔwɔ w'asetena mu no yiye, na ɛnyɛ bɔne.
Ɔdɔ kasa enum no fi nwoma bi a Gary Chapman, ɔsɔfoɔ ne awaregye fotufoɔ, kyerɛw wɔ 1992 mu. Adwene no yɛ mmerɛw na ɛtam, na ɛno na ɛmaa ɛtrɛw kɔɔ akenkanfoɔ ɔpepem du-ne-du mu. Chapman kaa sɛ nnipa de ɔdɔ ma na wɔgye titiriw wɔ akwan enum no mu baako so: nkuranhyɛ nsɛm, bere pa, ɔsom nnwuma, honam mu nkaeɛ, ne akyɛdeɛ a wonya. Hu wo hokafoɔ kasa titiriw, kasa no, na ɔbɛte nka sɛ wɔdɔ no. Kasa nea ɛnteɛ no na nkrasɛm no yera wɔ kabea mu.
Ɛyɛ asɛm a mfaso wɔ so. Ɛmaa awarefoɔ awoɔ ntoatoasoɔ bi kwan a ɛdwo a wɔfa so ka ahiadeɛ ho asɛm sen sɛ wɔbɛtoatoa wɔn ho nsɛm. Ɔhaw no ne deɛ ɛba bere a wode asɛm no toto adansedeɛ ho.
Deɛ nhwehwɛmu hunuu ankasa
Wɔ 2024 mu no, ayɔnkofa ho nyansahufoɔ kuw bi a Emily Impett a ɔwɔ University of Toronto dii anim, a Haeyoung Gideon Park ne Amy Muise ka ho no, san hwɛɛ nhwehwɛmu a na ɛwɔ hɔ a ɛfa ɔdɔ kasa ahorow ho na wɔde wɔn atemmuo baa nsɛmma nhoma Current Directions in Psychological Science mu. Wɔhwɛɛ nkyerɛkyerɛ mmiɛnsa a nhyehyɛeɛ no nyinaa gyina so. Ɛmmiɛnsa no mu biara annyina yie.
Nkyerɛkyerɛ a edi kan no ne sɛ onipa biara wɔ ɔdɔ kasa titiriw baako. Bere a nhwehwɛmufoɔ bisa nnipa sɛ wɔnyɛ akwan enum no nyinaa gyinabea wɔ wɔn ankasa so, sen sɛ wɔbɛhyɛ wɔn ama wɔapaw baako wɔ wɔn mu no, biribi a ɛkyerɛ ade ba. Nnipa bu ne nyinaa enum no sɛ ɛho hia. Ɛkame yɛ obiara mpɛ nsɛm nko a bere nni mu, anaa nkaeɛ nko a mmoa nni fie hɔ. Yɛpɛ no nyinaa. Sɔhwɛ a ɛmaa adwene no gyee din no yɛ adwuma denam sɛ ɛma wopaw biako wɔ ɔfoforɔ so, mpɛn pii, a ebetumi ayɛ "titiriw" a ɛnni hɔ ankasa bere a wugyae paemu no.
Nkyerɛkyerɛ a ɛtɔ so mmienu no ne sɛ kasa no yɛ enum pɛɛ. Bere a nyansahufoɔ kan akontaabuo no, akuw no nkyekyɛ mu pɛpɛɛpɛ nyɛ enum. Nhwehwɛmu ahorow gyina mmiɛnsa so, anaa anan, na wɔgyae nneɛma a ɛda adi sɛ ɛho hia, te sɛ sɛ wobetie wo kɛkɛ, anaa sɛ wobu wo. Enum yɛ akontaa a wɔkae. Ɛnyɛ nhwehwɛmu nokware.
Nkyerɛkyerɛ a ɛtɔ so mmiɛnsa no ne nea ɛho wɔ mfaso, deɛ enti a nnipa yɛ sɔhwɛ no koraa: sɛ awarefoɔ ani gye kɛse bere a wɔ "hyia," anaa bere a onipa baako sua sɛ ɔbɛkasa ɔfoforɔ no kasa. Ɛha na adansedeɛ no sua na afra. Nhwehwɛmu pii hunuu sɛ awarefoɔ a wɔn kasa hyia no ani nnyeeɛ nsen awarefoɔ a wɔanhyia. Nhwehwɛmu kakra kyerɛɛ ɔkwan foforɔ. Atemmuo a ɛyɛ nokware ne sɛ nsunsuanso no sua na wontumi mfa wɔn ho nto so, a ɛnyɛ nea anka wobɛhwɛ akwan afi adwene a ɛsɛ sɛ ɛyɛ safe a ɛkɔ anigye awaregyeɛ mu. Sɛnea Impett kaeɛ no, nnipa ani gye wɔ ayɔnkofa mu bere a wɔnya ɔdɔ nkyerɛkyerɛ yi mu biara.
Kasamu a ɛtwa toɔ no ne deɛ ɛsɛ sɛ wokura. Ɛsesa biribiara komm. Sɛ ɛyɛ sɛ wonya eyinom mu biara a ɛma nnipa ani gye a, ɛnneɛ na botaeɛ no nyɛ sɛ wobɛhunu ɔkwan a ɛteɛ baako na woahwie biribiara agu mu da. Botaeɛ no ne sɛ wobɛkɔ so akyerɛ wo ho wɔ akwan ahorow pii so, na woakɔ so ahwɛ sɛ ɛrekɔ so anaa.
Mfatoho a ɛye: ɛnyɛ kasa, ɛyɛ aduane
Toronto nhwehwɛmufoɔ no de mfonin foforɔ ma, na ɛyɛ deɛ ayamyeɛ wɔ mu. Sen sɛ wofa no kasa a wokasa anaa wonkasa, dwen ɔdɔ ho sɛ aduane a ɛkari pɛ.
Wo nipadua nnantew aduan korɔ so. Wohia abɔdeɛ ne nhabamma ne sradeɛ ne nsuo, wɔ pɛsemenkomenya bi mu, wɔ bere mu. Wobetumi atra ase bere kakra wɔ aduan baako so. Worennyini yie. Ayɔnkofa nso te saa ara. Nnipa hia ɔdɔ ne anuonyam ne bere ne mmoa a wode di dwuma ne sɛ wɔbɛte wɔn ase, ɛnyɛ emu baako a wɔbɛyi nkaeɛ no afi mu. Sɛnea Impett kyerɛkyerɛɛ mu no, aduane adwene no "ma ɔdɔ nkyerɛkyerɛ no nyinaa ka nnuanee no so na ɛto nsa frɛ ahokafoɔ sɛ wɔnkyɛ deɛ wɔhia wɔ mmere ahorow mu."
Eyi ho hia esiane biribi ankasa nti. Kasa mfatoho no betumi adane nea wode kata wo so. "Ɛno nyɛ me kasa" dane biribi a ɛma woto deɛ wo hokafoɔ rebisa no kyene. Aduane mfatoho no to saa kwan no mu. Wonnya kwan a wobɛto nnuane a wopɛ sɛ wonoa nkutoo. Bere tenten a ɔdɔ nni mu no gyaw ahonim, mpo wɔ obi a ne "kasa" yɛ ɔsom nnwuma no so. Bere tenten a obi te nka sɛ wɔmmu no yam obi a ɔka sɛ bere pa nko ara na ɔdwene ho.
Ɛsan yi nhyɛsoɔ no fi adwene a ɛse ɛsɛ sɛ wobue kabea no so. Ɛnsɛ sɛ wobu wo onipa no yadeɛ na afei woyɛ suban ketewaa baako pɛpɛɛpɛ. Ɛsɛ sɛ woma nneɛma kakraa bi kɔ so sen.
Deɛ ɛda ne nyinaa ase
Yi akuw no fi hɔ a, nhwehwɛmu a gyina pintinn wɔ akyi a, baako a ɛnam ayɔnkofa nhwehwɛmu mfeɛ pii mu wɔ din a ɛyɛ pefee so. Asɛm a nyansahufoɔ de di dwuma ne mmuaeɛ a ɛfiri komam (responsiveness).
Mmuaeɛ a ɛfiri komam ne atenka a wote sɛ obi te w'ase. Sɛ wɔte deɛ wohia ankasa ase, na ɛho ka wɔn, na wɔyɛ ho biribi. Greater Good Science Center a ɛwɔ Berkeley, a ɔboaboaa ɔdɔ kasa nhwehwɛmu ano no, kyerɛ eyi pɔtee: deɛ ɛboa obi ma ɔte nka sɛ wɔdɔ no ne sɛ wɔbɛbua no wɔ ɔkwan a ehyia n'ahiadeɛ ankasa, na ama wate nka sɛ wɔte ɔno ase, wɔagye no atom, na wɔhwɛ ne so. Hwɛ nhyehyɛeɛ no. Nteaseɛ di kan. Adeyɛ no yɛ ɔdɔ bere a ɛkyerɛ deɛ saa onipa yi pɛ ankasa, ɛnyɛ deɛ wususu sɛ wɔpɛ anaa deɛ anka wo na anka wobɛpɛ wɔ ne tebea mu.
Ɛno nso ne asɛmpa kakraa a ɛhintaw wɔ ɔdɔ kasa nhwehwɛmu no mu. Kakra a wɔhwɛɛ sɛ sɛ wunim wo hokafoɔ apɛdeɛ a, ɛhyɛ anigyeɛ nkɔm anaa no hunuu sɛ ɛwɔ abusuabɔ pa. Ɛnyɛ sɛ akuw no yɛ nokware, na mmom sɛ adeyɛ a wode w'ani si so ankasa sɛ wubehu no ankasa na ɛboa. Ɔdɔ kasa ahorow no yɛ akyerɛadeɛ a emu nyɛ den a ɛkyerɛ mmuaeɛ a ɛfiri komam no bere nyinaa. Akyerɛadeɛ no nhia. Deɛ ɛkyerɛ no deɛ ɛho hia.
Mmuaeɛ a ɛfiri komam na enti kar-ne-nsiakyibɔ hokafoɔ no ne bere pa hokafoɔ no nyinaa tee nka sɛ wonhunu wɔn. Na ɛnyɛ ɔsom-tia-bere ho asɛm ankasa. Wɔn mu baako na ɔreka sɛ "mehia sɛ mete nka sɛ meyɛ deɛ ɛdi kan" na wɔnte ne nka. Ɔfoforɔ no nso na ɔreka sɛ "mereyi me ho akyerɛ wo daa na ɛnka" na wɔnte ne deɛ nso. Nsiesie no nyɛ sɛ wobɛpaw kabea a ɛteɛ. Ɛyɛ sɛ wɔn mu biara bɛfa deɛ ɔfoforɔ no rebisa no ankasa na wabua no.
Sɛnea wobɛboa obi ma wate nka sɛ wɔdɔ no ankasa
Ɛha na eyi yɛ ade a wode di dwuma. Wobetumi akyekyere mmuaeɛ a ɛfiri komam adrebɔ so. Nneɛma kakra a ɛtaa yɛ adwuma:
- Bisa, na afei gye deɛ wɔka kyerɛ wo no di. "Ɛdeɛn na ɛma wote nka sɛ medɔ wo paa?" yɛ asɛmmisa a ɛye sen sɔhwɛ biara, efisɛ ɛfa saa onipa yi ho, ɛnyɛ kabea. Bisa no bɛboro pɛnkorɔ wɔ mfeɛ no mu. Mmuaeɛ no sesa. Awofoɔ foforɔ a wɔnnda hwee no hia nneɛma a ɛsono ne nea na wɔhia wɔ mfitiaseɛ no.
- Hwɛ deɛ ɛsõ ano. Hyɛ bere kakraa a wo onipa no ho dwo, n'anim te, ɔtwe bɛn no nso. Ɛno yɛ adansedeɛ. Sɛ ne ho dwo bere biara a wode wo telefon to nkyɛn wɔ adidie mu a, woasua biribi a wode wo ho to so sen kabea bi. Sɛ krataa a ɛwɔ ne bag mu ma n'anɔpa nyinaa yɛ no fɛ a, fa nkyerɛ no.
- Gyae akyere a wobɛfa ahodwiriɛ a wode hyɛ no. Yɛn mu pii de yɛn ho to nkyerɛadeɛ a ɛyɛ mmerɛw so na yegyae nea ɛnyɛ saa komm. Sɛ nsɛm a ɛyɛ adɔeɛ a wode wo nofiri ka no yɛ den a, ɛno taa ne ade a ɛho hia paa sɛ wode bɛyɛ adwuma, efisɛ ebia ɛno ne deɛ ahyɛ wo hokafoɔ.
- Hyia bere no, ɛnyɛ nwoma no. Obi a ɔwɔ ɔhaw ankasa mu no taa hia awerɛkyekye ne ahobannɔ ansa na wahia sɛ wobɛsiesie ɔhaw no anaa wode akyɛdeɛ ama no. Kenkan tebea no. Mmuaeɛ a ɛfiri komam yɛ bere mu na ɛyɛ nsɛm mu.
- Ka deɛ wohia a wonnyɛ no sɔhwɛ. Akyerɛkyerɛ na afei woabɔ abufuw esiane sɛ wantumi ankenkan w'adwene no yɛ awuduru a ɛyɛ brɛoo. "Mate nka sɛ mafi wo ho akyɛre, yɛbetumi anya anadwo a screen biara nni mu wɔ dapɛn yi mu anaa" ma wo hokafoɔ kwan ankasa sɛ ɔbɛyɛ. Nnipa taa pɛ. Mpɛn pii deɛ wonnim ɔkwan kɛkɛ, na abisadeɛ a emu da hɔ yɛ akyɛdeɛ.
Hwɛ sɛ eyinom mu biara nhia sɛ wobɛyɛ wo hokafoɔ biribiara nkutoo asɛfre. Nnamfo, abusuafoɔ, ne w'ankasa wo gyinabea nyinaa boa saa aduane korɔ no. Sɛ wode atenka a ɛse wɔdɔ wo no mu duru nyinaa to onipa baako so a, ɛyɛ ade duro a wode soa, na ɛnyɛ ɛno na ɛho hia.
Bere a wo ne wo onipa no yɛ soronko ankasa
Ɛsɛ sɛ wobɔ tebea a wɔbɔɔ ɔdɔ kasa ahorow no maa no din, efisɛ ɛyɛ nokware. Ɛtɔ da bi a nnipa mmienu ankasa de ɔdɔ kyerɛ wɔ akwan ahorow a ɛyɛ wɔn deɛ a wɔtaa fa so. Baako gyaw nkrataa na ɔka "medɔ wo" mpɛn aduonu da mu. Ɔfoforɔ no kyerɛ no denam sɛ ɔsiesie wo sakre na ɔkenkan wo telefon foforɔ nwoma sɛnea ɛnsɛ sɛ woyɛ. Wɔn mu biara betumi atee nka komm sɛ wɔmma no deɛ ɛsom bo, na obiara betumi adwene komm sɛ ɔfoforɔ no mmɔ mmɔden.
Afotuo dada no ne sɛ wobɛsua ɔfoforɔ no kasa na woayɛ pii. Ɛno nyɛ mfomsoɔ, nanso ɛnwie pɛyɛ, na ebetumi adane akontaabuo a wode kɔ so. Adeyɛ a ɛtim no yɛ afanu. Wotrɛw kɔ deɛ wo hokafoɔ hia no, na wo hokafoɔ trɛw kɔ deɛ wohia, na mo mmienu nyinaa yɛ yiye kakra wɔ ɔdɔ a ɛwɔ hɔ dada wɔ ɔkwan a wɔankyerɛkyerɛ wo sɛ wubehu no mu no a wubehu ho. Nkrataa no yɛ ɔdɔ. Sakre a wɔasiesie no yɛ ɔdɔ. Yaw pii a ɛwɔ ayɔnkofa atenten mu fi sɛ wɔde ɔdɔ ma wɔ kasamu a ɔfoforɔ no ansua sɛ ɔbɛkenkan da. Wobetumi asua sɛ wubekenkan. Wobetumi nso abisa, pefee, nsɛm kakra wɔ w'ankasa wo kasa mu.
Saa afanu adeyɛ no, sɛ wotrɛw kɔ wɔn nkyɛn na woboa wɔn ma wohu wo no, ne adwuma a sɔhwɛ biara rentumi nyɛ mma wo. Ɛno nso, wɔ mfeɛ pii mu, ne deɛ ɛma nnipa mmienu a wɔyɛ soronko te nka sɛ wɔyɛ kuw sen sɛ wɔyɛ nnipa mmienu a wɔredidi sere mu yɛ abasamtuo.
Bere a ɔkwan no sõ sen mfatoho
Ɛtɔ da bi a ɔhaw no nyɛ sɛ worekasa kasa a ɛnteɛ. Ɛyɛ sɛ nkitahodie no atra so, ɔham korɔ no kɔ so daa, anaa mo mu baako anaa mmienu nyinaa agyae sɛ ɔbɛnya ɔfoforɔ no koraa. Ɛno taa ba, ɛyɛ onipa deɛ, na ɛno nso fata sɛ wofa no aniberesɛm sen sɛ wobɛtwɛn ama atwam.
Awarefoɔ adwene ho ɔbenfo nyɛ adikan a wɔadi nkogu ho sɛnkyerɛnneɛ. Ɛbɛn deɛ ɔkyerɛkyerɛni pa yɛ ma agumadini: obi a ɔwɔ tebea no akyi a obetumi ahu kabea a mo mmienu mmɛn so dodo a montumi nhu. Sɛ wo nkutoo na worekuta eyi, na wote nka sɛ wo werɛ ahoɔ daa, dadwene, anaa anidaso nni hɔ ho a, ɛno nso yɛ ntease a wo ne wo ankasa wo yaresafoɔ anaa adwene ho ɔbenfoɔ bɛkasa. Na sɛ abusuabɔ bi ma wote nka sɛ wusuro, wɔdi wo so, anaa wonni ahobammɔ a, ɛno nyɛ ɔdɔ kasa a ɛnhyia. Ɛno yɛ nkɔmmɔdie soronko a ne ho hia kɛse, na ɛsɛ sɛ wonya mmoa de di ho.
Ɔdɔ kasa ahorow no fa a ɛho wɔ mfaso no nyɛ adaka enum a ɛhyehyɛ no da. Ɛyɛ kɔɔ a ɛma wugyae na wobisa sɛnea onipa a ɔwɔ w'anim no te nka ankasa sɛ wɔhwɛ ne so, na afei woyɛ saa ade no adrebɔ so. Wobetumi akura kɔɔ no na woagyae nhyehyɛeɛ no. Ma w'ani nsi so, bisa, ma ɔdɔ ahorow kakraa bi nkɔ so nsen, na bua deɛ wote no. Ɛno ne adwinni no nyinaa. Ɛyɛ mmerɛw sen sɔhwɛ na ɛbɛn paa.
Mmeae a wonya nsɛm fii
- University of Toronto, Little evidence linking five 'love languages' to healthy relationships, researchers say
- Impett, Park & Muise, Popular Psychology Through a Scientific Lens: Evaluating Love Languages From a Relationship Science Perspective (Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2024)
- Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley, Is There Science Behind the Five Love Languages?