Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Send one short, low-stakes hello.
- Stop trying to win the past.
- Leave the door unlocked, unguarded.
Yaw soronko bi wɔ hɔ a ɛfiri onua bi a wo ne no kitahodii a atu fram. Ɛnyɛ ɔhɔho, ɛnyɛ obi a na mone no wɔ ayɔnkofa. Obi a mone no kyɛɛ bath dan ne abusua din ne awofo korɔ no ara wɔ nna a ɛyɛ den korɔ no ara mu. Wobɛtumi atena abosome pii a wonkasa nanso bere a dwom bi bɔ anaa afahyɛ ba no, wote akongua a ɛda mpan no a na ɔwɔ so no nka.
Ebia ɛnam ntɔkwaw kɛse baako so na ɛbaa awieeɛ. Ebia ɛyɛɛ kakraa kɔɔ so mfe pii kɔsii sɛ wohunuu sɛ wonkae nkɔmmɔ a ɛyɛ nokware a ɛtwa to. Ɔkwan biara a, sɛ worekenkan eyi a, wo mu fa bi rebisa sɛ ebia ebetumi ayɛ soronko. Saa bisabisaɛ no fata sɛ wofa no aniberesem.
Deɛ edi kan, ade a obiara nka no pefee: eyi yɛ deɛ ɛtaa ba. Ɔman mu nhwehwɛmu a wɔde Amerikafo bɛboro 1,300 yɛeɛ a Cornell nhwehwɛmuni Karl Pillemer dii anim hunuu sɛ mpanyimfo bɛyɛ nkyemu anan mu baako na na wɔne wɔn abusua mu obi atetew, na bɛyɛ 8% na na wɔatwa wɔn ho afiri onua bi ho. Deɛ ɛsii wɔ wo deɛ no mu biara, wonyɛ nea ɛyɛ nwonwa soronko. Woyɛ kuw kɛse a ɛyɛ komm yiye no mu baako.
Deɛ nti a anuanom ntetewmu yaw mu dɔ
Anuanom abusuabɔ yɛ soronko. Nnipa pii deɛ, ɛyɛ abusuabɔ a ɛware sen biara a wɔbɛnya da, a efi ase ansa na nkae aba na ɛkyɛ sen awofo, na mpɛn pii ɛkyɛ sen aware. Mo nyinaa wɔ abakɔsɛm a obiara nni wiase ha. Sɛ ɛsɛe a, ɛnyɛ onipa nko na ɛhwere wo. Ɛbɛtumi ate sɛ woahwere ɔdansefo a ɔdii wo nkwa nyinaa ho adanseɛ.
Saa abakɔsɛm no nso ne deɛ ɛma nsiesie yɛ den ankasa. Mo baanu nyinaa soa mfe pii adanseɛ a aboaboa ano fa mo ho mo ho. Wɔde dwumadie a wɔde maa kane no kyere sɛnea label a afɔw kyere ho. Deɛ ɔhwɛ nneɛma so yiye. Deɛ ɔsɛe nneɛma. Deɛ wɔpɛ no asɛm. Deɛ wonhunu no. Wobɛtumi adi mfe aduanan anum nanso wosan dane mfe dubaako bere a wo nua de saa nne no kasa.
Nhwehwɛmufoɔ a wɔsua abusua ho no kyerɛ nneɛma kakra a ɛtaa ma mpanyimfo anuanom tetew. Ahopere a wɔkyerɛkyerɛ ase kɔ mmofraase, a abɔfra ntenetenemu ne sɛ na wɔpɛ abɔfra baako asɛm pefee ka ho. Sika ne agyapadeɛ, titiri bere a ɔwofo bi anyini anaa ɔrewu. Asefo ne ayefuro foforo a wɔsesa kuw dada no kari. Ne nsonsonoeɛ a ɛda gyinapɛn anaa sɛnea obiara dwene sɛ ɔbaako no ɛsɛ sɛ ɔkyerɛ ne ho so. Sɛ wo ntetewmu wɔ saa nneɛma yi bebree a ɛnam mu a, ɛno nso yɛ deɛ ɛtaa ba. Wɔtaa ba a wɔafurafura.
Adwene bi wɔ hɔ a nti eyi ho hia wɔ wo apɔwmuden ho na ɛnyɛ wo koma nko. Adwuma a wɔayɛ wɔ mpanyimfo a wɔanyinyin so ahunu sɛ anuanom abusuabɔ no su no fa kɔahweresɛm ho, na ɛnam so kɔ adwennimhaw ne ehu yareɛ so. Ne nkyɛn baako no yɛ asɛm a ɛyɛ brɛoo. Anuanom nkitahodi a ɛyɛ ɔdɔ tumi yɛ ɔbammɔ ankasa firi sɛ wobɛte nka sɛ wo nko wɔ wiase, titiri bere a mo baanu nyinaa renyinyin na nnipa a wonim mo mmofraase no kuw no so retew.
Dwumadie a wɔde maa wo bere a na woyɛ abɔfra
Biribi wɔ hɔ a anuanom ho nhwehwɛmu no san ba ho daa. Su a aka wo seesei no, mpɛn pii wɔhyɛɛ no mmofraase, na na awofo wɔ mu kyɛfa. Abusua nimdeɛfoɔ a wɔsua anuanom ho ahunu sɛ animfere a wɔde hu, sɛ obi te nka sɛ ɛna anaa agya dɔ anaa ɔnya gyidie wɔ abɔfra baako mu sen ɔfoforo, ne ntɔkwaw a ɛkɔ so kɔsi mpanyinyɛ mu no nsɛnkyerɛnne a ɛyɛ den koraa baako. Sɛ wonyinii a na wo wim ate sɛ wo nuabaa yɛ deɛ wɔpɛ no asɛm a, saa awerɛhyɛmu no nyera wɔ mfe aduonu baako. Ɛkɔ ase na ɛhwɛ abusuabɔ no so firi hɔ.
Deɛ ɛwɔ mfaso wɔ eyi a wobɛhunu mu ne sɛ dwumadie nyɛ nokware. Ɛyɛ asɛm a abusua no kaa mpɛn pii araa sɛ obiara fi ase tena mu. "Ɔyɛ obi a ontumi mfa ne ho nto biribi so." "Ɔno na ɔyɛ adɛn." "Mene obi a meso ne nyinaa mu." Sɛ wosan kita a, wobɛte saa label dada no ntumi a ɛtwe mo baanu san kɔ su no mu nka. Wobɛtumi ahunu twetwe no a wonni so.
Nhwehwɛmu a ɛyɛ komm a anidaso wom nso wɔ hɔ a ɛsɛ sɛ wokita mu. Nhwehwɛmufoɔ kyerɛ nsakraebere a ɛyɛ daa, aware, abɔfra foforo, ɔwofo yare, atu, sɛ akwan a anuanom taa san hwɛ nneɛma na wɔpaw biribi a ɛsono. Awerɛhow a wɔkyɛ tumi bue ɔpon a na ahantan akata mu. Sɛ asetena ama wo saa bere yi mu baako a, ebia ɛyɛ bere pa sɛ wobɛkɔ akɔbɔ no mu sen sɛnea wodwen.
Ansa na wobɛkɔ akɔbɔ no mu, di nokware kyerɛ wo ho
Nkitahodi foforo nyɛ deɛ ɛyɛ pa daa, na nsiesie pa fi ase wɔ wo ho, ɛnyɛ wɔn ho. Nsɛmmisa kakra a ɛsɛ sɛ wotena ho kane.
Deɛ wopɛ ankasa ne dɛn? Abusuabɔ a ɛyɛ ma, afahyɛ ne telefon frɛ? Anaa asomdwoe a ɛdɔɔso ara kwa a ɛma wugyae nea wuyɛ bere biara a wɔbɔ wɔn din no? Eyinom yɛ botaeɛ a ɛsono na ɛhwehwɛ nkɔmmɔbɔ a ɛsono. Wɔama wo kwan sɛ wobɛpɛ deɛ ɛsua no.
Eyi yɛ deɛ ahobammɔ wom anaa? Eyi ne baabi a ɛsɛ sɛ wugyina pintinn. Sɛ na abusuabɔ no wɔ ɔyaw, atirimɔden a ɛkɔ so, anaa obi a daa ɔgya wo wɔ tebea a ɛyɛ bɔne mu a, nkitahodi foforo nyɛ asɛdeɛ, na abasobɔ biara nni hɔ ma deɛ wɔsan kɔ ogya mu. Sɛ wogyae mu a, ɛbɛtumi ayɛ apɔwmuden gyinabea. Asɛm yi nkae no yɛ ma ntetewmu pii a ɛyɛ yaw nanso ɛnyɛ asiane.
Wo fa ne dɛn? Ntetewmu biara nyɛ onipa baako mfomso, sɛ onipa baako yɛɛ ɔsɛeɛ no pii mpo. Wonhia sɛ wofa afɔbu a ɛnyɛ wo deɛ. Nanso ɛboa sɛ wuhu nneɛma baako anaa mmienu a anka wobɛyɛ no soronko ankasa, efisɛ ɛno ne fa a wubetumi adi so.
Deɛ nsiesie ankasa yɛ
Bere a Pillemer kuw no bisaa nnipa a wɔatumi asan afiri ntetewmu mu aba no nsɛm, wohuu nhyehyɛe kakra mpɛn pii. Wɔn mu biara nyɛ nkonyaa. Wɔn nyinaa yɛ deɛ wɔbɛtumi ayɛ.
Gyae kahweresɛm no ho di nkonim ho ahopere
Su baako a ɛtaa wɔ nnipa a wɔsesaa wɔn ho mu ne sɛ wogyaee ko a wɔreko sɛ wɔbɛkyerɛ obi abakɔsɛm a ɛyɛ nokware. Ebia wo ne no rente aseɛ da wɔ deɛ esii wɔ saa ayeforɔhyia no ho, anaa hwan na ofii ase, anaa sɛ ampa ara wo awofo dɔɔ mo mu baako sen ɔbaako anaa. Nnipa a wɔsan kitaa mu no mpɛn pii gyaee asɛnnibea no. Wosii gyinae sɛ abusuabɔ no a ɛrekɔ akyiri no som bo sen atemmu a ɛfa kahweresɛm ho. Ɛno nkyerɛ sɛ wɔbɛyɛ sɛ yaw no amma da. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ wɔampene so sɛ wɔbɛsan asusuw ho sɛ ɛno na ɛyɛ ɛkwan a wɔde bɛkɔ mu.
Tew wo anidaso so boapa
Nkitahoasanmu pa pii kɔɔ so wɔ afidie a ɛsua sen sɛnea nnipa dii kan susuwii. Sen sɛ wɔbɛhwehwɛ abusuabɔ a ɛbɛn a ɔkokoa wɔn nsɛm a daa wɔpɛ no, wogyee onua a ɔwɔ hɔ ankasa toom, ne mfomso nyinaa, na wɔde sii biribi a ɛyɛ nokware nanso ɛyɛ kakraa. Abusuabɔ a ɛyɛ fɛ wɔ nhyiamu mu na wɔbisa wɔn ho wɔn ho mpɛn kakra afe biara mu no nyɛ deɛ antumi. Ma abusua pii deɛ, ɛyɛ nkonimdi ankasa.
Hyɛ tebea no pefee
Nkitahoasanmu taa gyina pintinn bere a nnipa mmienu nyinaa hu deɛ ɛbɛka ho ne deɛ ɛrenka ho pefee. Wobɛtumi adɔ onua nanso woaka nsɛm a wonka ho, dodoɔ a nkitahodi yɛ wo dɛ, ne deɛ worennye nto mu bio. Ɛhye nyɛ afasu wɔ ha. Ɛyɛ tebea a ɛma ɔpon no betumi atena hɔ a ano ato.
Ɔkwan a wode bɛyɛ deɛ edi kan
Akɔbɔ no ne fa a ɛyɛ hu. Nneɛma kakra a ɛboa:
- Fi ase kakraa a ɛnyɛ den. Nkrasɛm tiawa anaa krataa sen krataa a nkrataa anan a ɛkyerɛ abakɔsɛm no nyinaa. "Madwen wo ho. Mepɛ sɛ yɛkasa sɛ woapɛ a." Ɛno dɔɔso sɛ wobue ɔpon a wonhyɛ obiara ma ɔnfa mu.
- Fa wo nkɔmmɔbɔ a edi kan no kɔ seesei ne daakye so, ɛnyɛ deɛ atwam no nhwehwɛmu so. Wobɛtumi aka asɛm a ɛyɛ den no akyiri, animanim, bere a gyidie kakra wɔ hɔ a wugyina so.
- Paw bere, ɛnyɛ atemmu. Kɔfe. Nantew. Telefon frɛ a awieeɛ wɔ mu. Nhyɛsoɔ a ɛyɛ kakraa ma ɛyɛ mmerɛw ma mo baanu nyinaa sɛ mobɛba sɛ mpanyimfo sen mo mmofraase no.
- Fa wo ankasa fa ho asɛm baako a ɛyɛ nokware di kan sɛ wowɔ bi a. "Minim sɛ meyɛɛ komm bere tenten, na me yam hyehye me wɔ ho" tumi yɛ adwuma sen wɔn mfomso list biara.
- Gyae deɛ ebefiri mu aba no mu. Wubetumi adi nsa a wode to mu so. Worentumi nni sɛ wɔbɛgye atom anaa ntɛm a wɔbɛyɛ saa anaa sɛ ebesi sɛnea wuhuu wɔ wo adwene mu so. Soma nkra a anka wo ho bɛdwo wo sɛ woasoma no, na gyaw kwan ma wɔn sɛ wɔbɛyɛ nnipa wɔ ho.
Awerɛhow wɔ ne ankasa anammɔn, na gyidie nso saa ara. Onua a wapira betumi ahia bere sɛ ɔbɛdwen ho ansa na waba bɛn. Brɛoo nyɛ adekorɔ sɛ daabi.
Sɛ wɔmpɛ a
Wobɛtumi ayɛ biribiara yiye nanso wonya kommyɛ. Nsiesie hwehwɛ nnipa baanu, na wo nko ara na wudi baako so. Eyi ne fa a ɛyɛ den sɛ wobɛtena ho, enti ɛfata sɛ wɔka no pefee: wɔn po a wɔpo no nyɛ atemmu a ɛfa wo bo a ɛsom ho, na ɛnyɛ wo asomdwoe awieeɛ.
Bere a ɔpon no da mu ato no, adwuma no fi abusuabɔ no so kɔ wo ankasa awerɛhow so. Deɛ woresu no yɛ nokware, ɛtɔ da bi a ɛyɛ onua a anka wopɛ sɛ wonyaa sen deɛ wunyaeɛ ankasa no. Bɔ no din sɛnea ɛte. Nnipa a wɔkɔ so fa ntetewmu sɛ asiane a wabue, a wɔrehwɛ, wɔn ani da hɔ, wɔresan refresh no, taa kɔ so gyina mu. Nnipa a wɔma wɔn ho kwan ma wɔdi awerɛhow no taa hunu sɛ yaw no yɛ mmerɛw bɛyɛ biribi a wɔbɛtumi asoa.
Ɛboa sɛ woreyɛ kuw no kɛse bere a woretwɛn, anaa mmom. Nhwehwɛmu korɔ no ara a ɛkyekye anuanom abusuabɔ a ɛnyɛ pa ne kommyɛ no bom no nso kyerɛ sɛnea saa kommyɛ no ka ɔsɛeɛ a aka no mma. Enti hwɛ nkitahodi a abue ma wo so. Adamfo pa, busuani, abusua a woapaw a wɔba. Wɔn mu biara nsi onua barima anaa onua baa ananmu. Wɔkae wo ahoma adwumayɛ kuw sɛ wo nko ara nni wiase ho ankasa. Saa nkae no yɛ ɔbammɔ, na ɛnsɛ sɛ wonya firi onipa baako a ɔrenma wo no nkyɛn.
Gyae ɔpon no a wummua na nnyina ho nwɛn. Nnipa sesa. Tebea sesa. Daabi afe yi nyɛ daabi daa nyinaa. Wobɛtumi ama wo nua ahu, prɛko pɛ a wonhyɛ no, sɛ wowɔ ha sɛ ɔpɛ sɛ ɔkasa da bi a, na afei kɔ kɔbɔ asetena a ɛyɛ ma a ɛnnyina wɔn mmuae so.
Bere a ɛsɛ sɛ wofrɛ mmoa
Ntetewmu bi adɔɔ akyɛ dodo, ayɛ den dodo, anaa afurafura dodo sɛ wo nko ara bɛtumi asane mu, na ɛno nyɛ mmɔdenmmɔ a antumi. Abusua ayaresafo betumi aboa wo ma wuhu nhyehyɛe a mo baanu nyinaa atɔ mu, akyekyɛ deɛ ɛyɛ wo dea sɛ wobɛyɛ ne deɛ ɛnyɛ wo dea, na woaboɔ nkɔmmɔbɔ a daa woreguan no a ɛmpae. Ayaresa betumi aye mfaso pɛpɛɛpɛ bere a ɔpon no da mu ato. Sɛ onua mpɛ anaa ɔnyɛ ahobammɔ a, ɔyaresafo pa betumi aboa wo ma wudi abusuabɔ a anka wopɛ no ho awerɛhow na woagyae sɛ wode bɛsoa sɛ adesoa kokoam.
Frɛ saa mmoa no ntɛm sen akyiri sɛ ntetewmu no da wo so duru, sɛ ɛretwe wo kɔ adwennimhaw anaa ehu a ɛkɔ so mu, anaa sɛ mmɔden biara a wobɔ sɛ wobɛkasa ba awieeɛ ɔsɛeɛ korɔ no ara mu a. Wonhia sɛ wuhu sɛ nkitahoasanmu betumi aba mpo ansa na woafata mmoa a wode bɛsoa.
Deɛ wusi gyinae biara, wonni obiara ka sɛ awieeɛ a ɛyɛ fɛ te sɛ anansesɛm. Anuanom abusuabɔ a wɔasiesie yɛ awieeɛ pa baako. Nkitahodi a ɛsua na ɛyɛ komm nso saa ara. Asomdwoe a ani da hɔ a wode gye tom sɛ eyi de, ɛnnsan mma, nso saa ara. Botaeɛ no nyɛ sɛ wobɛhyɛ nkitahoasanmu da. Ɛyɛ sɛ wugyae sɛ wobɛma dinn no adi wo nkwa so.
Nsɛti
- American Psychological Association, Improving sibling relationships
- The Conversation, Family rifts affect millions of Americans: research shows possible paths from estrangement toward reconciliation
- Cornell Chronicle, Pillemer: Family estrangement a problem 'hiding in plain sight'
- National Library of Medicine (PMC), Sibling Relationships in Older Adulthood: Links with Loneliness and Well-being