Sɛ woahyɛ ahohia mu anaa woredwene sɛ wobɛpira wo ho a, ɛnyɛ wo nko ara. Wɔ US no, frɛ anaa mena 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7), mena HOME kɔ 741741 (Crisis Text Line), anaa frɛ 911 wɔ amanehunu bere mu.
Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Shrink the visit, plan your exit first.
- Write down your reasons for clear days.
- Line up your support before you step back.
Nnipa dodow no ara mfa adwene a ɛyɛ hare nnu saa nsɛm yi ho. Bere a woaduru baabi a wureretumtum sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ wotwe wo ho fi w'awofo bi, wo nua, anaa obiara a ɔte saa ho no, mpɛn pii no na woasɔ aboterɛ kwan no ahwɛ dedaw. Woakyerɛkyerɛ mu. Woabu fa atom. Woatwɛn ama wɔasakra, ahyɛ wo ho den, asan akɔ mu bio, na wapira wɔ beae koro no ara bio. Enti sɛ woreкan eyi na yafunu mu ate biribi mu a, hu sɛ saa nteateamu no yɛ nsɛm a ɛkyerɛ wo biribi. Ɛnyɛ sɛ w'akoma yɛ den. Wabrɛ.
Nkitaho a esua ne nea nkitaho biara nni hɔ no nyɛ ade koro, na nsonsonoe a ɛda ne ntam no ho hia. Nkitaho a esua kyerɛ sɛ wo ne wɔn da so wɔ abusuabɔ, nanso wɔ kwan a wubetumi atena ase so: nsrahwɛ a esua, anadwo a wonna hɔ, telefon frɛ a wubetumi atwa mu, nsɛm bi a wonkasa ho, na wo nkwa a aka no, wode sie baabi a ahobammɔ wɔ. Nkitaho a enni hɔ koraa kyerɛ sɛ wugyae nkitaho no seesei, ɛtɔ da bi a, bere kakraa bi, ɛtɔ da bi nso a, afebɔɔ. Nnipa dodow no ara a wɔtew wɔn nkitaho so no mfa nkɔ kommyɛ koraa mu da. Wogyae sɛ wɔbɛma onipa baako anya kwan a ɛnni ano akɔ wɔn so.
Nea woreкari ankasa
Asɛmfua a wɔtaa de di dwuma ma eyi nyinaa ne ntetemu, na ɛsoa aniwu pii. Ɔfa baako a enti ɛwowɔ no ne sɛ yɛde abusua si baabi a ɛkorɔn. Adwenemuhwehwɛfo Lucy Blake a osua eyi ho ade no kyerɛ sɛ yɛma abusua nkitahodi yɛ pa ara, wɔ yɛn afahyɛ mfonini mu, ne ɔkwan a nnipa fa so ka sɛ "mogya" ne ade nyinaa no, sɛnea sɛ w'ankasa abusua yɛ baabi a ɔhaw ankasa fi ba a, wubetumi ate nka sɛ wo na woasɛe efisɛ woahyɛ no nso.
Wonsɛee wo ho efisɛ woahu no. Nsɛmmisa kakraa bi a ɛyɛ nokware betumi atwa kusukuukuu no mu ntɛm asen afe foforo a wode bɛbɔ mmɔden:
- Wo ne saa onipa yi di nkitaho akyi no, sɛnea wote nka da a edi hɔ anaa nnanu no yɛ dɛn? Wo ho tɔ wo, anaasɛ woasɛe koraa?
- Woaka nea wuhia akyerɛ wɔn pefee, bɛboro pɛnkoro, wɔ kasa a emu da hɔ mu? Na biribi sakraa anaa?
- Woreбɔ wo ho ban, anaasɛ wuretwe wɔn aso? Abien no nyinaa yɛ nnipasu, nanso nea edi kan no nko ara na ɛtumi gyina hɔ bere tenten.
- Obi ahobammɔ wɔ asɛm no mu, wo deɛ anaa abofra bi de?
Sɛ nkitaho ma wo ho yeraw wo, woda a wonna, anaa wonnye wo ankasa nkae a ɛfa nea esii ho di bere biara a, na ɛnyɛ sɛ woregyae nkitahodi no mu. Wureyɛ ade afa nhwɛso bi a akyerɛ wo nea ɛyɛ ho.
Ɛboa sɛ wubehu sɛnea eyi taa ba, efisɛ aniwu nya ahoɔden wɔ gyidi a ɛse sɛ wo nkutoo na ɛto wo so mu. Cornell ɔhwehwɛfo Karl Pillemer nhwehwɛmu kɛse bi huu sɛ Amerikafo mpanyimfo bɛyɛ 27 mu 100 biara, a ɛbɛyɛ nnipa ɔpepem 67, ne abusuani bi atetew mu. Eyi resi wɔ afie a wotwa mu no nkyɛmu anan mu baako mu. Wo ne nnipa pii wɔ kuw koro mu, ɛwom mpo sɛ wɔnkata ho denneenam de.
Di kan fa nkitaho a esua so
Sɛ ɛho nhia sɛ wɔto pon mu denneenam a, ento mu saa. Nkitahodi pii mu no, botae no nyɛ sɛ nkitaho nyɛ hwee koraa. Ɛyɛ nkitaho a wo na wudi so. Nkitaho a esua ma wo ne wɔn kɔ so wɔ abusuabɔ bi mu a womfa wo asomdwoe safe mma wɔn.
Akwan kakraa bi a nnipa fa so ma eyi yɛ adwuma:
- Tew baabi a wuhyia no so. Hyia baabadwa, bere a wɔahyɛ ato hɔ, a ɔkwan a wopɛ sɛ wopue wɔ mu woahyehyɛ dedaw. "Metumi adidi awia, ɛsɛ sɛ mefi ha kɔ ansa na dɔnhwerew abien adu" yɛ kasamu a edi mu.
- Si gyinae fa nea wonkaho ho. Ɛho nhia sɛ wo ka w'awaregye, wo sika, wo mu duru, anaa saa ade a esii mfe dunum a atwam no ho. "Merenka saa asɛm no" wubetumi asan aka no komm dodow biara a ehia.
- Fa kwan a ɛyɛ brɛoo no so. Nkrasɛm ne email a wubetumi abua bere a wo ho aba wo so no sen telefon frɛ a ɛto hyɛ wo so. Wɔama wo kwan sɛ wobɛfa da koro de abua.
- Gyae nkyerɛkyerɛmu. Ɔhye nyɛ akyinnyegye a ɛsɛ sɛ wudi nkonim. Wubetumi aka pɛnkoro na woakora so kɛkɛ, a woankyerɛ ne mu nkyerɛ bere biara a wɔbɛsɔ no ahwɛ.
Nkitaho a esua mu firi a ɛyɛ komm ne sɛ onipa baako no taa ma asɛm no kɔ soro bere a kwan a wɔataa ahu no abɛyɛ ketewa no. Gyina pintinn fa mu. Asɛm a ɔde tia wo no nkyerɛ sɛ wonni bem. Mpɛn pii no, ɛkyerɛ kɛkɛ sɛ ɔhye no yɛ foforo.
Sɛ wo ne wɔn di nkitaho a enni hɔ koraa a
Ɛtɔ da bi a, nkitaho a esua nnɔɔso, efisɛ ɔhaw no nhia sɛ ɛbɛn ansa na watumi ato, anaasɛ kwan biara a wubebue no, wɔde di tia wo. Nkitaho a wobetwa mu yɛ anammɔn a emu yɛ duru, na eye sɛ wode adwene yɛ sen sɛ wobɛyɛ wɔ abufuw bere baako mu, ɛwom mpo sɛ abufuw no fata.
Nneɛma kakraa bi a ɛboa:
Di kan si gyinae fa nea ɔhye no yɛ ankasa. Frɛ ne nsrahwɛ nyinaa, anaa onipa baako pɛ a ɛnyɛ wo nuanom mma, anaa nkitaho biara nni hɔ kosi sɛ ade pɔtee bi bɛsakra. Nsensɛnmu a emu nna hɔ na ɛyɛ den sɛ wobɛkora so.
Wonni obiara ka a ɛsɛ sɛ woyɛ ɔkasapɛ. Nnipa bi soma nkrasɛm tiawa pɛ a emu da hɔ na afei wɔyɛ komm. Afoforo gyae mmuae a wɔde ma kɛkɛ. Mmara biara nni hɔ a ɛka sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ woyɛ kasa a etwa to, na nnipa ntumi nka wo wɔ kwan a ɛma w'adwene fi wo akyi sɛ wuhia kwan no so denneenam.
Hyehyɛ wʼaboafo to hɔ ansa na woayɛ ade no, ɛnyɛ akyiri yi. Cleveland Clinic, a wɔrekyerɛw fa nkitaho a enni hɔ ne ɔwofo ho no, kamfo sɛ wode saa aboa nhyehyɛe no si hɔ dedaw na wugyina ɔsɛnkafo bi so ansa, bere a, ne akyi, efisɛ nna a edi ho pɛɛ no na akyinnyebu ne awerɛhow no ba denneenam. Sɛ nkitaho ahyɛ aka da sɛ ɛho yɛ hu a, eye nso sɛ wokora nkrataa fa mmɔden a wɔbɔ a wompɛ a wɔde redu wo nkyɛn ho, sɛ ɛba da bi a wubehia no a.
Na bɔ ahyehyɛde mu nneɛma ho ban. Mua na sɛn baabi a ehia. Ka kyerɛ abusuafo a ebia wɔbɛsoa nkrasɛm aba sɛ wopɛ sɛ wɔnnyɛ saa. Wɔama wo kwan sɛ wobɛyɛ wo ho den sɛ wobedu wo nkyɛn.
Awerɛhow a obiara mmɔ wo kɔkɔ ho
Eyi ne ɔfa a ɛto fa obiara so de fwɛ. Sɛ wotwe wo ho fi obi a ɔpira wo ho a, ɛnte sɛ ahofadi, ɛnyɛ saa wɔ mfiase. Mpɛn pii no, ɛte sɛ owu, gye sɛ onipa no te ase, na woankasa paw, a ɛma ɛyɛ den kɛse wɔ kwan bi so.
Eyi wɔ din. Wɔfrɛ no awerɛhow a emu nna hɔ pefee, awerɛhow a efi onipa a wanwu a wahwere no. Wubetumi anya awerɛhyem sɛ woyɛɛ gyinae a ɛteɛ na wo werɛ da so fi wɔn Bɛnada bi a hwee nti nni hɔ. Wubetumi ate ahomeka ne komam yaw nka wɔ dɔnhwerew koro mu. Ebia wobɛyɛ awerɛhow, ɛnyɛ sɛnea onipa no teɛ no ho, na mmom ɔwofo anaa onua a na wuhia sɛ ɔnyɛ a wo annya no. Eyi mu biara nkyerɛ sɛ na wodi mfomso. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ wodɔɔ obi a na ontumi nnɔ wo wɔ kwan a ahobammɔ wɔ mu, na ɛno yɛ adehwerɛ ankasa, ɛwom mpo sɛ gyae mu no na na ɛyɛ ade a ɛfata akwahosan fam.
Nea ɛtaa boa wɔ saa bere tenten yi mu:
- Ma awerɛhow nyɛ awerɛhow. Ɛho nhia sɛ wo bo fuw na ama akwankamu no ayɛ pa. Wɔama wo kwan sɛ wo werɛ bɛhow.
- Kyekye wʼankasa nnipa. Ahomeka a edi ntetemu akyi no taa nyin bere a wode nkitahodi a ɛyɛ wo dɛ ankasa hyɛ baabi a ada mpan no ma, abusua a wapaw, nnamfonom dedaw, ne mmoaboakuw a aka a wɔnam ɔkwan koro no ara so.
- Hwɛ kwan ma nna a emu yɛ den, afahyɛ, awoda, abusua ayeforo a wote ho asɛm fi obi nkyɛn. Hyehyɛ biribi a ɛyɛ fɛ ma wo ho saa nna no mu sen sɛ wubehyɛ wo ho den wo nko ara.
- Hwɛ adwenkyere no so. Da bi a nneɛma mu da hɔ no, kyerɛw asɛm tiawa a ɛyɛ nokware, nsɛm pɔtee a enti wotwee wo ho, sɛnea akɔneaba a ɛfa tete ho renkyerɛw wo abakɔsɛm bio mma wo.
Pono a wuyi gu hɔ, sɛ wopɛ a
Eyinom mu biara nyɛ daa, na ɔhye a wode ato hɔ seesei no nhyɛ wo sɛ wobɛyɛ komm wo nkwa nna nyinaa. Pillemer apatamu ho nhwehwɛmu huu biribi a ɛyɛ brɛoo na mfaso wɔ so wɔ ha. Wɔn a wɔsan kyekyeree abusuabɔ akyiri yi no mu no, wɔn a wotumi yɛɛ no taa gyaee sɛ wopɛ sɛ onipa foforo no gye tete no tom na ɔpa kyɛw. Wogyaee ako a wɔako fa nea ɔkwan biara mu yɛ nokware ho, na wɔde wɔn adwene si nea abusuabɔ no betumi ayɛ seesei so, a wɔwɔ akwanhwɛ a ɛyɛ nokware fa onipa a ɔte saa ankasa ho.
Ɛno nyɛ kwan a wode bɛsan akɔ. Abusuabɔ pii nsɛ sɛ wɔsan kyekyere, na apatamu nyɛ ka da. Ɛyɛ nkaede kɛkɛ sɛ nkitaho a esua ne nkitaho a enni hɔ koraa yɛ gyinabea a wubetumi akora so, na woasakra, na woasan ahwɛ, ɛnyɛ atemmu baako a ɛnsakra a ɛsɛ sɛ woyɛ no pɛpɛɛpɛ nnɛ.
Bere a wobɛhwehwɛ mmoa pii
Eyi yɛ duru sɛ wo nko bɛsoa, na ɛnsɛ sɛ woyɛ saa. Ɔsɛnkafo, titiriw nea ɔne abusua ntetemu anaa ahokyere ho dwumadi yɛ adwuma no, betumi aboa wo ma woapaw ahobammɔ afi asotwe ho, akora ɔhye a wɔkɔ so sɔ no hwɛ so, na woafa awerɛhow no mu a worenmem mu. Sɛ eyi mu biara ka ayayade ho, anaasɛ wo anaa abofra bi ahobammɔ wɔ asɛm mu a, yɛ srɛ wo fa no sɛ ade a edi kan na fa ho twetwe ɔsɛnkafo anaa mpɔtam mmoa dwumadibea bi a obetumi aboa wo ahyehyɛ no wɔ ahobammɔ mu. Na sɛ emu duru no ba sɛ wote nka sɛ worentumi nkɔ so a, ɛno ne bere a ɛsɛ sɛ wode wo nsa kɔ ahohia frɛ kwan anaa oduruyɛfo nkyɛn ntɛm ara, ɛnyɛ akyiri yi. Saa mmoa a wuhia no nyɛ mmerɛwyɛ. Ɛno ne sɛnea nnipa fa kɔ ɔfa a emu yɛ den ankasa no mu.
Wuwɔ ho kwan sɛ wopaw onipa a obenya kwan aba wo nkyɛn. Saa na na ɛte daa. Ɛtɔ da bi a, ade a emu yɛ den na ɔdɔ wom sen biara a woyɛ ne sɛ awiei koraa no wugye di.
Mfinimfini
- Cleveland Clinic, Going No-Contact With a Parent or Family Member: What You Need To Know
- American Psychological Association, Speaking of Psychology: Coping with family estrangement, with Lucy Blake, PhD
- Cornell Chronicle, Pillemer: Family estrangement a problem 'hiding in plain sight'
- Cornell Family Estrangement & Reconciliation Project, Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them