Awoɔ sɛ Ekuo: Sɛnea Mokɔ So Bɔ Mu Wɔ Mma Akyi

Wɔ afe a edi kan a wonya akokoaa foforo no mu baabi no, awarefoɔ pii nya nteaseɛ koro no ara kwan bi. Mogyina kitchin mu anwummere nnɔn akron, mo mu baako kura toa na ɔbaako rebɔbɔ ntadeɛ nketewa, na mote aseɛ sɛ monkasaa nkɔɔ akyiri nna kakra. Ɛnyɛ ɔham. Ɛnyɛ nhyɛsoɔ mpo. Nnipa baanu pɛ na wɔreyɛ mmirikatu a ɛyɛ den koro no ara, de poma no rema wɔn ho wɔn ho, na wɔnhwɛ wɔn ho wɔn ho anim koraa.

Saa kwan tenten a ɛyɛ dinn no taa ba paa, na ɛnkyerɛ sɛ biribi nteɛ wɔ wo ho, wo hokafoɔ ho, anaa mo baanu nyinaa ho. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ mofaa nsakraeɛ akɛseɛ a ayɔnkofa betumi akura no mu baako mu ara, bere a na nna mu deɛ sua mo.

Fa a obiara nka nkyerɛ wo wɔ akokoaa apontoɔ no ase nie. Wɔ nhwehwɛmu a wɔnim no yiye a efiri Gottman Institute no mu no, ɔbɛyɛ awarefoɔ mmiɛnsa mu mmienu kaa sɛ ayɔnkofa mu anigyeɛ tew wɔ mfeɛ mmiɛnsa a edi kan akyi a ɔba aba. Nhwehwɛmu pii a wɔboaboaa ano wɔ 2022 mu no huu su korɔ no ara: anigyeɛ no tew ankasa a wotumi susu wɔ awoɔ akyi afe a edi kan mu a ɛkɔ so kɔ deɛ ɛtɔ so mmienu mu. Enti sɛ wo ayɔnkofa yɛ den sen sɛnea na ɛte kane a, wowɔ dodoɔ no ara mu pɛɛ. Worennim eyi.

Nanso ɔfa baako wɔ hɔ a ɛsɛ sɛ wode tena. Bɛyɛ awarefoɔ mmiɛnsa mu baako antware so. Ebi pueɛ a wɔbɛnee. Nhwehwɛmufoɔ ahwɛ deɛ saa awarefoɔ no yɛɛ no soronko denneennen, na mmuaeɛ no hyɛ nkuran, efisɛ ɛkame ayɛ sɛ emu biara nyɛ tirimupɔ.

Adɛn nti na mma ma ayɔnkofa pa mpo yɛ den

Ɛboa sɛ wuhu deɛ ɛrekɔ so ankasa, efisɛ ɔhaw no ntaa mfiri ɔdɔ a ɛho akyɛ mu.

Akokoaa ba na adwuma dodoɔ a ɛwɔ mo fie no kɔ soro kɛse. Aduane ma, ntade sesa, akokoaa dwudwoɔ, ntade horo, ayaresabea apointimenti, adwene mu nhwehwɛmu a ɛnnyae a ɛfa deɛ abɔfra no hia akyiri ho. Wo a wote hɔ no yɛ deɛ ɛsɔ pɛ, enti adeɛ a edi kan a wɔtwa to no taa yɛ deɛ ɛnni berɛ a wɔahyehyɛ: mo ho mo ho. Anaaduo da bɛyɛ nkae. Nkɔmmɔ tenten a ɛkɔ akyiri no tew kɔ nhyehyɛeɛ so. Awareeɛ mu nna ne honam mu abɛn nso taa yera bere kakra.

Afei adesoa a wuntumi nhu nso wɔ hɔ. Obi a ɔwɔ fie no rehwɛ bere a anaaduo nketewa bɛsa, bere a nhwɛhwɛ a ɛdi hɔ no bɛyɛ, deɛ ne nnɛ ne anadwo aduane, sɛ abɔfra no agye nna kwan tenten a wanna. Saa adwuma a wuntumi nhu a ɛfa deɛ ɛbɛba ho a wodi ho kan no wɔ din seesei, adwene adesoa, na nhwehwɛmu hu daa sɛ ɛsoa hokafoɔ baako so kɛse, mpɛn pii ɛna no. Awofoɔ foforo ho nhwehwɛmu bi huu sɛ akasakasa taa yɛ ketewa, ɛnyɛ bere a wɔkyɛ adwuma no mfimfini pɛɛ, na mmom bere a deɛ ɔsoa pii no tee nka sɛ kyekyɛ no yɛ pɛ ankasa. Pɛyɛ, ɛda adi sɛ, yɛ deɛ wote nka, ɛnyɛ chart bi a ɛwɔ frigyi no so nkutoo.

Fa ɔbrɛ gu ne nyinaa so. Nnipa a wɔabrɛ taa ne wɔn ho wɔn ho di tia. Nneɛma nketewa ka wɔn yam denneennen. Wo a na woyɛ aboterɛfoɔ no de nna nnɔnhwere ɛnan ne kɔfe a ɛyɛ nwunu reyɛ adwuma. Eyi mu biara nkyerɛ sɛ ayɔnkofa no asɛe. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ adesoa wɔ ne so.

Ɔfa baako bi ka ho a ɛfa awarefoɔ pii. Mo baanu nyinaa betumi adi mo abrabɔ dada nkurow ho awerɛhoɔ wɔ berɛ ahodoɔ so, na mode mfomso a ɛyɛ dinn redi sɛ ɔbaako no nte nka saa ara. Mo mu baako kae bere a na biribiara nyɛ pɛpɛɛpɛ. Ɔbaako kae sɛ wɔhwɛ no sɛ ɔboroso ɔwofoɔ. Mo mu biara nyɛɛ mfomsoɔ, na sɛ moka no kɛkɛ a, ɛtaa brɛ no ase ntɛm sen sɛ mobɛtwɛn ma mo hokafoɔ akenkan mo adwene. Mfomsoyɛ a ɛsɛe adeɛ ankasa no kame ayɛ bere biara deɛ wɔnkaa da.

Adeɛ a awarefoɔ a wɔkyɛ no kɔɔ so yɛeɛ

Bere a John ne Julie Gottman hwɛɛ deɛ ɛtetee awarefoɔ a wɔkɔɔ so bɔɔ mu firii wɔn a wɔtee no, mmuaeɛ no sua sen sɛnea wobɛhwɛ kwan. Na ɛnyɛ nneyɛeɛ akɛseɛ anaa nkitahodie a ɛyɛ pɛ. Na ɛyɛ mmerɛ nketewa apem.

Gottman frɛ no abomso ho nsrahwɛ. Nsrahwɛ yɛ adekyera ketewa biara a wode kɔ wo hokafoɔ nkyɛn. Ahome a wo ani da so sɛ ɔbɛbisa ho. "Hwɛ eyi." Nsa a wode da mmati so. Aseresɛm afã. Biara yɛ nsa a wɔteɛ kakra: hwɛ me, ka me ho simma. Wubetumi adane akɔ ho, woadane afi ho, anaa woadane atia.

Wɔ wɔn labɔreteri mu no, awarefoɔ a na wɔda so bom mfeɛ akyi no danee kɔɔ wɔn ho wɔn ho nsrahwɛ ho bɛyɛ ɔha biara mu 86. Awarefoɔ a akyire yi wɔtetee mu no danee kɔ hɔ ɔha biara mu 33 pɛ. Mmerɛ nketewa korɔ no ara. Ayɔnkofa a ɛyɛ soronko paa.

Eyi yɛ asɛmpa ankasa ma awofoɔ, efisɛ sɛ wodane kɔ nsrahwɛ ho a, ɛfa simma kakra, na wonhia akokoaa hwɛfoɔ anaa anwummere a wonni hwee yɛ. Bere a mo baanu nyinaa abrɛ na akokoaa no ada awieeɛ no, nsrahwɛ no betumi ayɛ sɛ wo hokafoɔ ka sɛ "anadwo yi deɛ na ɛyɛ den." Sɛ wodane kɔ ho a, ɛbetumi ayɛ ketewaa sɛ wode wo telefon to fam na woka sɛ "aane, na ɛyɛ den ankasa. Wo ho yɛ?" Ɛno yɛ sika a wode sie. Gottman huu sɛ saa nneɛma no bebree na ayɔnkofa kyekyere ahɔre bi a ɛde no fa bere a ɛyɛ den no mu.

Anammɔn nketewa a ɛfata ɔwofoɔ abrabɔ ankasa

Obiara a ɔde saa nhwehwɛmu yi rema wo no nni bere sen wo. Botaeɛ no nyɛ sɛ wode bɛka esie no ho. Ɛyɛ sɛ wode adwene afã a wowɔ no bɛdi dwuma kakra a botaeɛ wɔ mu.

• Bere a wo hokafoɔ teɛ wo nsa de asɛm anaa anihwɛ ketewa bi ba wo nkyɛn no, bɔ mmɔden sɛ wobɛsɔ mu. Mpo "ka kyerɛ me simma kakra mu, mepɛ sɛ mete" a wobrɛ aka no ka ho. Sɔmu no ho hia sen bere no.
• Ka aseda no kɛkɛ. "Meda wo ase sɛ wofaa anɔpatutuutu adwuma no." "Wo ne no nim adeɛ paa." Bere a ayɔnkofa wɔ nhyɛsoɔ ase no, wodwen nneɛma a ɛyɛ atɔeɛ ho nanso wɔnka. Ka.
• Ka adesoa no ho asɛm nokwarem, ansa na mfomso ayɛ den. Ɛnyɛ "wommoa da," a ɛhyɛ ɔham ase, na mmom "merekura nhyehyɛeɛ no pii wɔ m'adwene mu na ɛrebrɛ me ase. Yebetumi ahwɛ mu abom?" Hwehwɛ kyekyɛ a mo baanu nyinaa te nka sɛ ɛyɛ pɛ, ɛnyɛ deɛ ɛyɛ pɛ wɔ akontaa mu.
• Bɔ amanneɛ ketewa baako a ɛyɛ mo nkutoo ho ban. Kɔfe simma du ansa na fie no nyane. Nantew a wode pram no mu na moka biribiara ho asɛm na ɛnka akokoaa no ho. Ɛnsɛ sɛ ɛware ansa na aka ho.
• Berɛ deduade no ase nhyɛ da. Nkukuo no betumi atwɛn. Sɛ mo baanu tena sɔfa so simma dunum a ɛyɛ dinn no nyɛ anihaw. Ɛyɛ ahwɛyie.
• Wode aka a ɛnyɛ adwuma ho. Atuu a ɛkyɛ simma kakra sen sɛnea ɛtaa kyɛ, nsa a wokura wɔ kar mu. Honam mu abɛn taa di kan kɔ na ɛsan ba brɛoo, na adekyera nketewa boa de toa ntam no.

Worenyɛ eyinom pɛpɛɛpɛ, na ɛho nhia sɛ woyɛ. Awarefoɔ a wɔkɔ so bom no nyɛ wɔn a wɔnntɔ nsrahwɛ da. Wɔyɛ wɔn a wɔteɛ wɔn nsa kɔ wɔn ho wɔn ho nkyɛn bebree, na wɔsan ba bere a wɔabɔ wɔn ho wɔn ho anaa wɔn ho ayɛ nwunu. "Na mekasaa wo so denneennen kane no, kafra, na mabrɛ paa" siesie sen sɛnea wususuu.

Monyɛ ekuo ntia ɔhaw no, ɛnyɛ mo ho mo ho

Nsakraeɛ baako sesa adeɛ pii sen su biara: sɛ wode wo ano besi gyinae sɛ mo baanu nyinaa wɔ ɔfa korɔ no ara so. Ɔtamfoɔ no nyɛ wo hokafoɔ. Ɛyɛ ɔbrɛ, deɛ ɛsɛ sɛ woyɛ no nhyehyɛeɛ, abɔfra yam yaw, anadwo tenten a ɛda hɔ no. Bere a biribi sesa wɔ anɔpatutuutu nnɔn mmiɛnsa no, ɛyɛ mmerɛw sɛ wobɛfi aseɛ akan, hwan na ɔyɛɛ pii, hwan na ɔdaeɛ, hwan na na ɛyɛ ne berɛ. Saa akontaabuo no dane mo dinn yɛ atamfoɔ.

Ekuo mufoɔ yɛ biribi soronko. Wɔbisa wɔn ho. "Ɛdeɛn na wohia anadwo yi?" Wɔsesa adwuma no a wɔmmu nkonta. Wɔfa no sɛ ɔbaako no rebɔ mmɔden, mpo bere a ɛnkɔ yiye no. Bere a moyɛ ekuo ankasa no, anadwo a ɛyɛ den yɛ biribi a mode bom fa mu sen biribi a mo mu baako yɛ tia ɔbaako.

Eyi nso yɛ nneɛma a mfaso wɔ so a wobetumi de akyerɛ wo ba mu baako, ɛwom sɛ ɛno yɛ deɛ ɛka ho, ɛnyɛ ne botaeɛ deɛ. Mma fa fie no mu nkatehoɔ. Abomso a ɛgyina pintinn na ɛyɛ ayamye no yɛ deɛ ɛma wɔn te nka sɛ wonni asiane mu, bere tenten ansa na wobetumi akyerɛkyerɛ deɛ enti.

Ɔteteɛ no nnyae wɔ akokoaa mfeɛ no akyi

Ɛbɛyɛ mmerɛw sɛ wobɛkenkan eyi nyinaa sɛ akokoaa kusukuukuu mu ɔhaw, biribi a ɛyera bere a obiara da nna mu dinn. Mfiase berɛ no na emu yɛ den sen biara. Nanso ɔteteɛ brɛoo a ɛkɔ sɛ wobɛyɛ fie hwɛfoɔ sen sɛ moyɛ ayɔnkofoɔ no nnyae bere a anaaduo no nyae. Ɛsesa ne su kɛkɛ.

Wɔ mmofra nketewa ne sukuu mfeɛ mma ho no, nhyehyɛeɛ no dɔɔso. Agodie, sukuu mu fafiri, awoda apontoɔ, yare nna, hum a ɛyɛ dinn a ɛkɔ so daa a ɛfa hwan na ɔbɛkata deɛ ho. Asiane a ɛwɔ saa berɛ yi mu no yɛ dinn sen ɔbrɛ. Ɛyɛ adwumayɛ a ɛyɛ pɛ. Mobenya nim sɛnea moyɛ abusua no sɛ kuo paa kɔsi sɛ mo werɛ befiri sɛ moyɛ awarefoɔ wɔ mu. Mubetumi adi mfeɛ pii sɛ ekuo mufoɔ pa na brɛoo abɛyɛ ahɔho.

Nhwehwɛmu a edii anigyeɛ akyi no huu sɛ ɔtew no ankɔ ne dada so afe akyi. Ɛkɔɔ so. Ɛnyɛ deɛ enti wobedi awerɛhoɔ. Ɛyɛ deɛ enti ɛsɛ sɛ wofa abomso sɛ biribi a wokɔ so hwɛ, sɛnea wobɛgugu nhaban so nsu, sen biribi a wosiesie pɛnkoro na wo werɛ firi. Awarefoɔ a wɔyɛ yiye wɔ berɛ tenten mu no yɛ wɔn a wɔkɔ so teɛ wɔn nsa, kɔ so ka asɛm a ɛyɛ atɔeɛ, kɔ so bɔ bere kakra ho ban, afe biara akyi. Su no mma awieeɛ. Akatua no nso saa ara.

Sɛ nsakraeɛ baako wɔ hɔ a wode befi eyi nyinaa mu a, ɛne sɛ ayɔnkofa no ngyae kosi sɛ mma no benyini. Mfeɛ a mo nsa ayɛ ma no na ɛyɛ ayɔnkofa no. Abɛn a mokyekyere wɔ emu, wɔ nketenkete ne mmerɛ nketewa mu, no na abusua no ankasa firi.

Bere a ɛboro den a ɛyɛ tete no so

Berɛ a emu yɛ den wɔ akokoaa akyi no, wɔahwɛ no kwan. Nanso nneɛma bi deɛ, ɛfata sen aboterɛ ne nkɔmmɔbɔ pa.

Sɛ mo mu baako reko tia biribi a ɛboro ɔbrɛ a ɛda hɔ daa so, awerɛhoɔ a ɛkɔ so, anidasoɔ a ɛnni hɔ, dadwene a ɛnnyae, anaa atenka sɛ wonte nka sɛ wo ankasa wɔ nnawɔtwe ne abosome a edi awoɔ akyi mu a, ɛno fata aniberesɛm na wode kɔ dɔkota nkyɛn. Awoɔ akyi awerɛhoɔdie ne dadwene taa ba na wotumi sa, na ɛka awofoɔ a wɔwoɔ ne wɔn a wɔanwoɔ nyinaa. Ɛnyɛ suban mfomso na ɛnyɛ biribi a wode wo nsa kura wo nko ara fa mu.

Na sɛ akwantenten a ɛda mo ntam no nnyae, sɛ ɔham korɔ no ara kɔ so ba, sɛ animtiaabu anaa dinn-gyina abɛhyɛ mu, anaa montumi nhu mo ho mo ho kwan koraa a, awarefoɔ therapist nyɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ moadi nkogu. Ɛyɛ nneɛma a etu mpɔn no mu baako a wobetumi ayɛ. Sɛ woteɛ wo nsa kɔ mmoa ho ntɛm, bere a ɔdɔ da so wɔ hɔ a wode bɛkyekyere so, no taa yɛ adwuma yiye sen sɛ wobɛtwɛn kosi sɛ ɛkame ayɛ sɛ monkasaa.

Bere a mo mma yɛ nketewa no yɛ ankasa berɛ a emu yɛ den paa ma ayɔnkofa, na ɛsan yɛ deɛ ɛyɛ ade a ɛtaa ba sɛ ɛyɛ den. Abɛn a moanya no nyera ɛ. Ɛtaa twɛn wɔ mmerɛ nketewa no mu, deɛ moda so betumi ateɛ mo nsa akɔ ho anadwo yi, sɛnea moabrɛ no.

Mfiri

• The Gottman Institute, Romantic Relationships Take a Dive After Baby Arrives (According to Research)
• The Gottman Institute, Want to Improve Your Relationship? Start Paying More Attention to Bids
• Frontiers in Psychology, Transition to Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analysis
• PubMed Central, Division of Household and Childcare Labor and Relationship Conflict Among Low-Income New Parents