You sabi dis tin well and di plan dey work. Na dat one be di awkward part. Nobody need article about walking away from something wey fail, because failure dey make di decision for you and everybody go gree.
Dis one na di other situation, di one wey need real sense. You don enter deep reach where to leave go need explanation to like nine people. Di tin dey go fine. And you no longer want wetin dey wait for you for di end.
To change your mind for here na skill, no be character failure, and to treat am as skill na wetin dey stop twenty years of work from turning to one long argument with decision wey you take when you be twenty six. Di move no be to dey question your motivation or your strength. Na to separate di goal from di reason wey dey under am, because di two of dem hardly ever be di same tin and na only one of dem need to survive.
Dis one na quitting, abi na change of mind?
Test di reason wey dey under di goal, no be di goal itself. If di reason still stand and na only di vehicle no fit am again, dat na route change. But if di reason itself don finish, dat na true change of mind, and di two of dem na legitimate result of paying attention.
Example go make am clear. Di goal na to become partner. Push di tin small and di reason under am go turn out to be: I want work wey clearly na my own and wey pay well enough make money stop to be monthly conversation. Partnership na one vehicle for dat. Two others na your own practice, and senior role for firm wey dey pay for expertise wey scarce. If you drop di partner track and take one of dose, you don change route, no be direction, and na so you suppose describe am to yourself and to everybody.
Di other outcome dey real too. Sometimes di reason don actually expire: you wanted di tin when you be twenty six because of a life wey you no dey live again. Dat na information, and to act on am early cheap pass to act on am for year nine.
How I go take write down di reason wey dey under a goal?
Write di goal, then answer "so that" until you reach something wey you no fit argue with. Three or four rounds usually do, and di last line wey still dey standing na di reason.
When you work am through, e look like dis. I wan run my own studio, so that I go control wetin we dey take on, so that I go stop to build tins wey I no believe in, so that di work wey I dey make go worth di years wey I put inside. Dat last line strong. E sef dey testable, wey na di reason why we write am down: you fit ask whether di current path dey deliver am, and you fit ask whether another path go deliver am.
Then run di check wey dey catch most false alarm. If you get di reason tomorrow through another route, you go still want di goal? Yes mean say di goal dey do more than one job and you suppose keep am. No mean say di goal na vehicle from di beginning.
And watch di common trap. Most change of mind na di same reason wey just wear new cloth. If di exciting new plan dey serve di same reason as di old one, na route you don find, no be destination, and you suppose expect di same friction to show face for di same point around eight months inside.
Di time wey I don already put inside, e count for anything?
E count as experience but e no count as reason to continue. Di four years don spend whether you stay or you go, so di only live question na wetin di next four go buy you.
Dat one easy to write but hard to feel, na why e get name and research behind am. For one life span study by Strough, Bruine de Bruin, Parker and dem colleagues, di intervention wey reduce sunk cost bias pass no be to tell people make dem look for improvement. Na to prompt dem make dem first notice dem own thoughts and feelings about di plan wey dey fail, and dat one suppress two particular habits: optimism wey no get ground say di tin go later work, and inventing new details wey justify staying. Wetin interest pass, older adults dey more willing to abandon plan wey dey fail across every condition, wey no really read like say dem grit reduce, but more like skill wey people dey gather over time.
Di practical version take ten minutes. Before you evaluate anything, write down wetin you dey actually feel about di years wey don spend, including di parts wey na about how e go look for people eye. Then evaluate, with dat page beside you instead of inside you.
How I go tell people without am turning to big matter?
Tell di two or three people wey e really affect first, for private, with di reason and di date. Everybody else go get one plain sentence later, and di plainer e be, di less e dey invite argument wey you no ask for.
Di sentence wey dey work get three parts and no apology. Wetin dey change, wetin no dey change, and wetin e mean for dem. "I dey change direction. Same reason, different route: I want work wey na my own, and dis one no be di way there again. Nothing dey change for you before end of March." People dey accept dat, because e confident and e carry date.
Wetin dey invite argument na di apology tour: to dey explain long long to people wey no get stake, to dey look for agreement, and to dey rehearse your reasoning to anybody wey go listen. Every time you tell am again, na another set of opinions you go carry come chop, and none of dem get your information. Tell di few wey e affect properly, then stop to dey build case.
One tin worth doing before any of dose conversations. Write di one sentence wey you go use, then talk am out loud two times. People wey never choose dem words dey end up improvising, and improvised version of dis kind news dey come out either sounding apologetic or defensive, wey na exactly wetin dey turn two minute update to argument about your character.
Wetin if I change my mind again for six months time?
Put check date on di new plan and treat revision as scheduled maintenance, no be emergency. Goal wey you dey review on date wey you choose ahead no be goal wey you go abandon because of one bad afternoon.
Good evidence dey say di skill get two sides. Wrosch, Scheier, Miller, Schulz and Carver find across three studies say people wey fit disengage from goal wey dem no fit reach and re engage with new one report higher well being, and di two abilities dey work together, no be separately. Later work from di same group connect di ability to let go of goals wey no reachable with better self reported health and more normal daily cortisol pattern.
Re engagement na di half wey people dey skip. To drop di old target without picking new one na where di cost dey actually show, because your calendar go keep di shape of di old goal for months. So name di new target di same week wey you retire di old one, even if na provisional, and give am check date around six months out.
Revision na part of di long game, no be di exit from am
None of dis na permission to want small tin. Di reason why people wey dey push hard for twenty years still dey push na because dem revise di route four or five times without ever losing di reason, while di ones wey stop na usually di ones wey defend one particular goal long after e don stop to useful, because to change am feel like losing.
Write di reason down. Test di reason, no be di years. Tell di few, then continue. Then aim di new one properly, with di same appetite wey you carry come di last one, because di appetite no be di problem at all.