Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Make the ask small and specific.
- Skip the over-apology before asking.
- Send the meme when nothing's wrong.
Nnawɔtwe bi wɔ hɔ a ade a eye sɛ woyɛ no da adi pefee nanso woyɛ a wonyɛ. Wo ho akyere wo. Adamfo bi to nkra sɛ "wo ho te dɛn?" na wokyerɛw san sɛ "me ho ye, adwuma dɔɔso!" bere a wote wo kar mu wɔ baabi a wugyina kar, a worenkɔ baabiara. Wunim onipa a anka wubetumi afrɛ no. Wonfrɛ no. Woka kyerɛ wo ho sɛ wobɛhwɛ ho bere a ade dwo, a ɛyɛ ɔkwan a wofa so hyɛ wo ho bɔ sɛ wobɛnya mmoa bere pɔtee a worennwen bio sɛ wuhia.
Mmoabisa yɛ nneɛma a ɛyɛ mmerɛw a onipa betumi ayɛ no baako ne nea ɛyɛ den koraa baako. Ɛnyɛ sɛ nsɛm no yɛ den. Ɛyɛ nea yegye di sɛ ɛbɛba bere a yɛka no nti.
Saa gyidi no dodow no ara nteɛ. Ɛnyɛ kakra na ɛnteɛ. Wɔatumi asusuw mu, na ɛsan sɛ ɛnteɛ, wɔ ɔkwan a ɛma yɛtena yɛn nko bere a ɛnsɛ sɛ ɛte saa.
Akontaabu a woreyɛ wʼadwene mu no nteɛ
Sɛ wususuw sɛ wubebisa obi mmoa a, w'adwene yɛ akontaabu komm bi. Eyi bɛhaw no dɛn? So ne bo befuw kokoam? So ɔbɛka sɛ aane esiane obu nti na wabu me animtiaa? Saa akontaabu no yɛ sɛ nokwasɛm. Nokware mu ɛyɛ mfomso a wɔakyerɛw ho yiye.
Wɔ nhwehwɛmu bi a wɔtintimii wɔ 2022 mu, adwene ho akwantufo Xuan Zhao ne Nicholas Epley hwɛɛ nea ɛba bere a nnipa bisa mmoa ne nea obisani no susuw sɛ ɛbɛba ntam nsonsonoe. Wɔ wɔn a wɔboro mpem mmienu mu, nnipa a wɔrebisa no kɔɔ so buu sɛnea afoforo pɛ sɛ wɔboa no fam, buu sɛnea ɔboafo no ho bɛtɔ no akyiri yi fam, na wɔmaa sɛnea ɛbɛhaw ɔboafo no foroo soro. Wɔ ɔkwan a emu da hɔ so: wususuw sɛ woyɛ adesoa. Onipa a ɔka ho no, mpɛn pii, nʼani gye sɛ wubisaa.
Eyi nyɛ adwene a woagye akɔ soro. Ɛne biribi a wunim dada fi fã a aka no kɔ pɛ. Dwen bere a etwa to a adamfo de biribi ankasa hyɛɛ wo nsa, ɔsrɛɛ wo sɛ bra ne nkyɛn, sɛ tie no, sɛ boa no ma ɔntu, sɛ tena fon no so kɛkɛ no ho. Woammu no sɛ adesoa. Ebia wotee nka sɛ woabɛn no kɛse. Sɛ wo ho wɔ mfaso kakra. Komm mu wodii anuonyam sɛ wo ne onipa a ɔfrɛɛ.
Saa nkate koro no ara na ɛretwɛn wɔ wo nkra no fã foforo no. Wuntumi nhu fi baabi a wugyina no.
Adɛn nti na yɛpɛ sɛ yɛbrɛ sen sɛ yebisa
Ntease ahorow kakra wɔ hɔ a ɛma mmoabisa yɛ den, na sɛ yɛbɔ wɔn din a ɛyi wɔn tumi no bi.
Nea ɛyɛ den sen biara ne ehu sɛ yɛbɛyɛ sɛ mmerɛwfo. Baabi bi wɔ yɛn asetena mu yɛn mu pii gyee adwene tomu sɛ nyansa kyerɛ sɛ wonhia obiara, sɛ onipa a ɔfata nkamfo ne nea ɔde ne ho di ne ho so. Enti mmoabisa betumi ayɛ sɛ wode wo di sɛ woadi nkogu sen sɛ ɛyɛ nnipa a ɔte nnipa mu su a ɛyɛ ade tee. Nea ɛyɛ nwonwa ne sɛ saa nhwehwɛmu koro no ara a ɛfa mmoabisa ho hui sɛ nnipa taa bu obisani animu kɛse, ɛnyɛ ketewa. Abisade a wɔdwen ho yiye yɛ sɛ ahotoso, ɛnyɛ ahwe ase. Ɛka sɛ wunim nea woreyɛ ho dwuma na wowɔ adwene a wode betwe obi aba mu. Sɛ wode wo ho nyinaa di wo ho so de, betumi akyerɛ sɛ afasu a komm.
Ɛhwe a wɔbɛpo wo nso wɔ hɔ. "Sɛ wɔka sɛ dabi, anaa wɔtwentwɛn so, anaa wɔtwe wɔn ho a." Saa kwan no ha sõ sɛ mmoabisa a ɛnyɛ no betumi ayɛ sɛ ɛwɔ banbɔ sen sɛ wode wo ho bɛto so. Na nea ɛyɛ komm a ɛda abien yi nyinaa ase wɔ hɔ: dwennwene sɛ wo haw no sõ dodo, ɛyɛ ɔbrɛ dodo, ɛyɛ adansansan dodo, sɛ woahye afoforo abodwokyɛre dedaw.
Eyinom mu biara nyɛ suban mu mfomso. Ɛyɛ akɔm a wɔhyɛ. Na te sɛ akɔm dodow no ara a adwene a ɛyɛ basaa hyɛ, ɛkyea kɔ nea enye sen biara fam. Mmoabisa bo foro kɔ soro. Mmoabisa a wɔnyɛ no bo, a ɛyɛ adwuma den a wode biribi tena wo nko, wɔtow gu komm efisɛ ɛyɛ ade a wunim.
Ɛfata sɛ wɔka no pefee sɛ mmoa nyɛ ahonyade a wonya bere a woakyerɛ sɛ wuntumi nyɛ ho hwee. Nhwehwɛmu pii kyekyere abɔnten so mmoa, akoma so apɔwmuden a eye, ahohia so ahoɔden ho. Nhwehwɛmu bi a ɛboaboaa nhwehwɛmu bebree ano hui sɛ nkitahodi a ɛda mmoa a nnipa wɔ ne sɛnea wɔn ho te wɔ adwene mu ntam wɔ hɔ daa. Nkabomhyɛ nyɛ akatua a wonya bere a wo ho ye. Mpɛn pii ɛyɛ ɔkwan a nnipa fa so ya wɔn ho.
Sɛnea wobɛbisa ampa
Sɛ wunim sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ wobisa ne sɛ wunim sɛnea wɔbɛyɛ no yɛ nsɛm abien. Abisade a emu nna hɔ yɛ den sɛ wobua, enti ɛtaa nya mmuae a emu nna hɔ ("ma minhu sɛ biribi hia wo a"), na afei biribiara nsi. Abisade pa yɛ ketewa, emu da hɔ, na ɛyɛ mmerɛw sɛ wɔka aane.
- Yi onipa baako ne ade baako. Ɛnhia sɛ wode biribiara to obiara so. Yi obi a wabɛn dada, na yi abisade baako a emu da hɔ. "So metumi afrɛ wo anadwo yi?" yɛ mmerɛw sɛ wɔbɛyɛ sen "mehia mmoa."
- Bɔ mmoa su a wopɛ din. Nnipa ntumi nkenkan w'adwene mu, na wɔtaa kyerɛ mfomso, de wɔn ho to siesie mu bere a anka wopɛ sɛ wɔte wo nka. Sɔ kasamu a ɛkyerɛ wɔn kwan hwɛ: "Mempɛ afotu, mepɛ sɛ meka me yam simma du," anaa "Anka mɛpɛ w'adwene ankasa wɔ eyi ho."
- Ma emu nna hɔ na hyɛ bere ano. "So wubetumi ahwɛ mmofra no Memeneda fi nnɔn abien kosi anan?" boro "Anka ahomegye bɛboa me da bi" so. Abisade a emu da hɔ yɛ mmerɛw sɛ wɔde behyɛ asetena ankasa mu, a ɛkyerɛ sɛ wɔde aane gye so ntɛm.
- Ma kwan ma wɔnka sɛ dabi a ɛnyɛ atoyerɛnkyɛm. Sɛ woma onipa no kwan a ɔfa so fi ("nhyɛso biara nni hɔ sɛ adwuma ahye wo a") na ɛma ɔboa kɛse mmom, efisɛ ɛkyerɛ no sɛ worebisa onipa, ɛnyɛ sɛ woretwe adɔe afi obi nsam.
- Twa pawpaw a ɛboro so no. Sɛ wode "mepa wo kyɛw paa sɛ mehaw wo, eyi yɛ kwasea, fa wo ho fi me ho" pii toaso a ɛmma abisade no nyɛ ayamye. Ɛkyerɛ kɛkɛ sɛ wususuw sɛ woayɛ mfomso esiane sɛ biribi hia wo nti. Wonyɛɛ saa. "Meda wo ase, eyi kyerɛ me kɛse" tiawa no yɛ adwuma sen.
Hwɛ sɛ eyinom mu biara nhwehwɛ sɛ wonya nsɛm a ɛyɛ pɛ anaa sɛ wo ho rebubu wɔ ɔkwan a ɛyɛ nwonwa so. "Hwɛ, nnawɔtwe yi yɛ den. So wowɔ bere a yɛbɛnantew?" yɛ abisade a ɛwɔ mu nyinaa na eye paa.
Ɛtɔ da bi a abisade nkɔ sɛnea wʼani da so. Obi adwene asɛe, anaa ne nsɛm yɛ basaa, anaa ɔntumi mma saa bere no ankasa. Ɛyɛ ya, na ebetumi asɔ wo sɛ wode adanse sie sɛ mmoabisa yɛ asiane akyiri yi. Bɔ mmɔden sɛ woremma mmuae baako a ɛrenhuru no nkyerɛw mmara no nyinaa foforo. Nnipa hwere bere no esiane nneɛma a ɛmfa wo ho koraa nti, da a emu yɛ den a ɛyɛ wɔn ankasa dea, fon a wɔanhu, akontaabu a enye fa nea wuhia ho. "Dabi" baako yɛ nsɛm a ɛfa onipa baako wɔ bere baako ho. Ɛnyɛ atemmu a ɛfa sɛ wo ho hia mmoa ho. Ano aduru no taa nyɛ sɛ wobɛsan akɔ akyiri. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛbisa obi foforo, anaa wobɛbisa onipa koro no ara wɔ ɔkwan a emu da hɔ kɛse so.
Sɛ abisade ketewa mpo yɛ nea wuntumi nyɛ a
Ɛtɔ da bi a kwan a ɛda wo ne fon no ntam yɛ tɛtrɛɛ dodo sɛ wubetumi atra so. Sɛ ɛte saa a, tew abisade no so kosi sɛ ɛbɛyɛ ketewa a ɛyɛ aniwu mpo. Mmɔ mmɔden sɛ wobɛkyerɛkyerɛ tebea no nyinaa mu. To nsɛm mmiɛnsa: "Meredwen wo ho." Bua nkra baako a woapɔ akwan. Tena obi nkyɛn sen sɛ wo nko. Nkabomhyɛ nhia sɛ efi awerɛhowdi mu. Ebetumi afi abɛnne mu, na nkɔmmɔdi a emu yɛ den betumi aba akyiri yi, bere a wonyɛ no nwini.
Na sɛ wotaa yɛ ɔboafo, obi a obiara dane ne ho gu ne so a, mmoabisa betumi ayɛ ananafosɛm titiriw. Nnipa a wɔboa afoforo ntɛm no taa yɛ wɔn a wɔboa wɔn no brɛoo sen biara. Sɛ ɛyɛ wo a, susuw ho sɛ sɛ woma obi ba ne nkyɛn ma wo a, ɛnyɛ gye. Ɛyɛ sɛ wode akyɛde koro no ara a wode ma a wonsuro ma no.
Sua sɛnea wobɛgye mmoa no bere a aba
Mmoabisa yɛ adwumayɛ no fã koro pɛ. Ne fã foforo ne sɛ woma mmoa no du wo so ankasa, na nnipa pii nim nea edi kan sen nea ɛto so abien no. Mmoa no ba, na wuwosow wo nsa po no esiane su nti. "Aa, ɛnyɛ sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ woyɛ." "Me ho ye, ampa." "Anka mempɛ sɛ mehaw wo." Ɛpoo biara yɛ sɛ obu. Sɛ woka bom a, ɛkyerɛkyerɛ nnipa a wɔdɔ wo no sɛ wɔn mmoa san ba, na akyiri yi wogyae ma.
Gyesie pa yɛ adesua komm wɔ ɔno ankasa. Sɛ obi ba a, mmuae a ɛyɛ ayamye sen biara ne nea ɛyɛ mmerɛw: "meda wo ase, eyi boa me ankasa." Wompo, wompere sɛ wubetua so ntɛm, wunsi so dua sɛ anka wubetumi ayɛ. Ma ɛnka. Tena ahokyere ketewa a ɛyɛ sɛ wɔrehwɛ wo so no mu. Sɛ mmoa a wugye ma wote nka sɛ ka da wo so ntɛm a, hu saa nkate no na fa to fam. Abusuabɔ nyɛ akontaabu nkrataa. Mma ne gyesie no yɛ pɛ wɔ mfe so, ɛnyɛ awia bi mu, na nnipa a wɔfata sɛ wode wɔn sie no nkan.
Gyesie kwan foforo nso wɔ hɔ a ɛkyerɛ sɛ wobɛka nea wotee nka ampa akyiri yi. "Na me da yɛ me yaw paa na wo frɛ no dan no" ka kyerɛ obi sɛ ne mmɔden no wɔ mfaso. Ɛto kwan no mu. Ɛma ɔteɛ ne nsa kɔ wo nkyɛn bio bere a ɛbɛba, na ɛma nsesae no nyinaa nyɛ sɛ aboso, na mmom nea ɛyɛ no, a ɛyɛ nnipa baanu a wɔbɔ so kura wɔn ho mu.
Mmoa ho dwumadi ansa na ahokyere aba
Bere a enye koraa a wode bɛhwehwɛ mmoa nkabom no ne bere a edi kan. Abusuabɔ a wode wo ho ka ho wɔ ahohia bere mu nko ara betumi ayɛ sɛ ɛkɔ fã koro wɔ ne so hwɛ mu na ɛyɛ aniwu sɛ wode bɛyɛ adwuma. Ano aduru no nyɛ kɛse. Ɛyɛ nkitahodi ketewa, daa, a emu nyɛ den bere a biribiara nyɛ saa.
To aseresɛm no. Bisa sɛnea nhwehwɛmu no kɔɔ so. Hyɛ kɔɔfe a ɛsan ba no nso bere a hwee nni hɔ a wobɛka mpo. Mayo Clinic kyerɛ sɛ adamfofa a emu yɛ den bata ahohia a esua, suban a eye, ne nkwa a ɛware ho, na saa nkitahodi no pa boro dodow no so. Wonhia nnipakuw. Wuhia nnipa kakra a wɔakɔ so ayɛ hyew efisɛ wode kwan no sie hɔ.
Susuw ho sɛ ogya ketewa a wode kɔ so dɛw sen sɛ wobɛbɔ mmɔden sɛ wobɛsɔ bi wɔ osu mu. Nhwehwɛmu a ɛyɛ daa no ne nnyentia. Ɛno na ɛma abisade ankasa no, bere a ɛba no, yɛ sɛ ade a edi hɔ sen sɛ wode rebɛfi ase wɔ ɔnwini mu.
Bere a mmoa a wuhia no fa ɔbenfo ho
Nnamfo ne abusuafo ho hia, na wɔwɔ ahye. Wɔnsuaa biribiara, na sɛ wode biribiara di onipa baako so a, ebetumi ama abusuabɔ no ayɛ tratraa. Nneɛma bi hwehwɛ obi a nʼadwuma nyinaa ne sɛ ɔboa.
Sɛ wo ho akyere wo bɛboro nnawɔtwe abien, sɛ wo nna, w'adwuma, anaa wʼabusuabɔ rebubu ankasa, sɛ nnipa a wɔdɔ wo no ntumi nnu wo so, anaa sɛ adesoa no afi ase ayɛ sɛ ɛsõ sen sɛ wubetumi asoa a, ɛno ne bere a ɛsɛ sɛ wotrɛw nkabom no mu de dɔkota anaa ɔbenfo ka ho. Sɛ wobɛhwehwɛ ɔbenfo mmoa nyɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ wo nnamfo gyaw wo anaa wudii nkogu wɔ ahokyere mu. Ɛyɛ adesua koro no ara te sɛ mmoabisa biara, a wode kyerɛ obi a wasiesie ne ho sɛ obegye nea wode soa no. Na sɛ nneɛma yɛ sɛ banbɔ nni mu anaa wuntumi nnyina ano ampa a, ɛnsɛ sɛ wotwɛn anaa wobɔ nsɛm no pɛpɛɛpɛ. Wɔayɛ mmoa sɛ wode bɛhwehwɛ ntɛm, ɛnyɛ wɔ ano nko ara.
Nokwasɛm a ɛyɛ komm a ɛda eyi nyinaa ase ne sɛ: nnipa a wɔatwa wo ho ahyia no, mpɛn pii wɔpɛ sɛ wɔboa sen sɛnea wo hu ma wugye di. Worenhu saa denam akontaabu so. Wuhu denam mmoabisa so. Fi onipa baako ne ade ketewa baako so nnɛ.
Nea ɛfiri
- Stanford Report, Why asking for help is hard, but people want to help more than we realize
- Zhao, X. & Epley, N., Psychological Science, Surprisingly Happy to Have Helped: Underestimating Prosociality Creates a Misplaced Barrier to Asking for Help
- Mayo Clinic, Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health
- Harandi, T. et al., PMC, The correlation of social support with mental health: A meta-analysis