When Everything Dey Feel Like Too Much

One particular kind of stuck dey wey no dey look like much from the outside. You dey sidon still, maybe dey stare your phone or a half-finished cup of coffee, and inside na all noise. Everything need doing. None of am dey get done. The bills, the messages wey you never answer, the thing wey you talk say you go handle, the thing wey you no fit even name. E all dey arrive at once and press down, and the more you look am, the heavier e dey get.

If na there you dey right now, take a breath before you read another word. You no spoil, and you no dey behind on some race wey everybody else dey win. You na a person whose plate get too full. Dat one dey happen to people wey dey cope with a lot, wey, most of the time, mean say e dey happen because you don dey carry more pass your share.

Make we slow am down together.

Why e dey stack up the way e dey

Overwhelm no be really about the number of tasks. Na about your body alarm system dey stuck for the on position.

Na here the short version of wetin dey happen. Deep inside your brain one small structure dey wey dem dey call amygdala. Im job na to scan for danger, and e fast, faster pass your thinking mind. When e sense a threat, e dey fire off a signal before you even consciously notice say anything dey wrong, and your body dey flood with stress hormones. Heart rate up. Breath quick. Muscles braced. Na the famous fight-or-flight response, and for an actual emergency e na gift. E fit get you out of the road before the car reach you.

The wahala na say the same alarm dey go off for a tense inbox, a looming deadline, or a hard conversation wey you keep rehearsing. Your body no fit always tell the difference between a charging animal and a quarterly review. So e dey react to ordinary modern pressure the same way e go react to real danger, and when the pressure no dey let up, the alarm just dey keep ringing. Harvard Health dey describe how dis repeated activation, day after day, dey keep the body stress machinery idling too high for too long, wey na part of why chronic stress dey wear on you the way e dey.

Dat low hum get a cost wey you fit feel. When the alarm loud, the thinking, planning, prioritizing part of your brain dey get quieter. So e no be your imagination say you no fit decide wetin to do first when you dey overwhelmed. The very system wey you go use sort the pile na the one wey stress dey turn down. You dey try organize a room for the dark.

And if you ever respond to a too-full plate by doing nothing at all, by going numb and scrolling and watching the hours slip by while the dread dey sidon for your chest, dat one worth understanding too. Fight-or-flight get a third setting wey people dey talk about less: freeze. When the threat feel too big to fight or outrun, the body sometimes just lock up. E fit feel like laziness from the inside. E no be. Na an old survival reflex dey misfire at a modern problem, and to shame yourself for am only dey add another weight to the pile. The way out of freeze na the same as the way out of the spiral: one small, manageable action wey dey prove to your body say e fit move again.

Dis one worth sitting with for a second, because e dey change wetin you suppose do next. The instinct when overwhelmed na to push harder, to grind through the list by sheer will. But you no fit think your way out while your body still dey alarm. The order matter. Calm the body small first. Then sort the pile.

First, get yourself below the waterline

When you dey underwater, you no need a plan. You need air. The goal of dis first step no be to fix anything. Na just to bring the alarm down a notch so your actual mind come back online.

Pick one of dis and do am now, before you do anything productive:

• Breathe out longer pass you breathe in. Try a four-count inhale and a six- or eight-count exhale, for about a minute. The long exhale na the part wey dey tell your nervous system say the emergency don over. You no gats do am perfectly. You just gats do am.
• Put your feet flat and name five things wey you fit see. Sound almost too simple. E dey work because e dey pull your attention out of the spiral of what-ifs and back into the room wey you actually dey inside, wey, for dis moment, safe.
• Move for two minutes. Walk to the end of the hall and back. Shake out your hands. Physical movement dey burn off some of the stress chemistry wey your body just dump into your bloodstream, and e dey give the alarm a way to wind down.

Na so. No skip am because e feel too small to match how big the problem be. The size of the tool no suppose match the size of the problem. E suppose get you steady enough to face the problem at all.

Then, shrink the pile to something wey you fit hold

Once the worst of the buzzing settle, the pile still dey there. Good news: e almost never dey as undifferentiated as e feel a minute ago. Overwhelm dey blur everything into one enormous, impossible mass. The work now na to break dat mass back into pieces.

Try dis, on paper if you fit. Something dey about getting am out of your head and in front of your eyes wey dey take away some of im power.

1. Empty your head onto the page. Write down everything wey dey press on you. Big things, small things, vague worries, the lot. No organize yet. Just get am out. Often the list dey shorter pass the feeling, and to see dat na im own relief.
2. Circle wetin actually be your own today. Most of wetin dey on dat page no due now, or no be your own to carry, or no fit be solved tonight no matter wetin. Be honest about am. Cross off wetin belong to next week, or to somebody else, or to nobody.
3. Pick one small thing and do only dat. No be the most important thing. The smallest doable thing. Send the one text. Wash the one dish. Make the one call. The point no be the dish. The point na to prove to your own nervous system say you fit still affect the world, say you no actually dey frozen. Action na wetin dey tell the alarm say e fit stand down.

Momentum na a real thing, and e almost always dey start smaller pass wetin you go expect. One finished task dey make the next one thinkable. You no dey try clear the whole pile tonight. You dey try take am from impossible to merely hard, and then chip at the hard part one piece at a time.

If even to make the list feel like too much, dat fine. Skip am. Do one tiny thing and let dat be the whole plan for now.

No carry am alone

When we dey overwhelmed, most of us dey pull inward. We cancel plans, stop answering messages, and try to white-knuckle am for private because to reach out feel like one more task, or like to admit say we dey fail. Na a completely human instinct, and e dey tend make things worse.

Connection na one of the better stress relievers wey dey. Mayo Clinic point out say social contact fit offer distraction, lend support, and help you ride out the rough patches, and say even one good friend wey dey listen fit change how a hard stretch feel. You no gats explain everything or ask for anything fixed. Sometimes the entire ask na, "You fit just talk to me for ten minutes, I dey get a rough day." To let somebody sidon with you inside am dey loosen the grip.

The people wey care about you go almost always rather know. Think about how you go feel if e reverse, if somebody wey you love don dey drown quietly for weeks and never say a word. You go wish say dem tell you. The same true the other direction.

A few things wey dey protect you over time

The steps above na for getting through a hard hour or a hard day. But if everything don dey feel like too much for a while now, e worth to tend to the ground underneath, because an overloaded nervous system dey recover a lot slower when e dey also running on no sleep and skipped meals.

None of dis na a cure, and you no gats do all of am. Pick wetin realistic:

• Protect your sleep as if e na medicine, because for a real sense e be. Stress and poor sleep dey feed each other, and to break dat loop anywhere dey help.
• Chop something at regular times, even when you no feel like am. Low blood sugar dey make everything harder to cope with.
• Move your body for whatever way you fit stand. A short walk dey count. Endorphins na real, and dem no dey require a gym.
• Take am easy with the caffeine and the late-night doomscroll. Both quietly dey turn the alarm back up.
• Notice the thought "I gats do everything, and do am now." Dat thought na almost never true, and e na a big part of wetin dey make a manageable load feel crushing. Question am when e show up.

Dis na the boring fundamentals, and dem boring because dem dey work. You no dey fail at life if dis don slip. Dem dey slip for everybody when things get hard. You fit pick dem back up one at a time.

When dis one bigger pass a hard week

One honest line worth naming. Everyday overwhelm dey come and go with wetin dey on your plate, and e dey ease when the pressure do. Sometimes, though, the heaviness no dey lift even when the obvious stressors pass. NIMH draw dis distinction plain: stress na your response to something happening, and e usually dey settle once the situation do, while a feeling of dread wey dey linger and no dey go away na something more.

So pay attention to whether e dey let up. If the overwhelm constant, if e dey push you to avoid things wey you need to do, if e dey wreck your sleep or your appetite or your relationships, if you find say you dey dread days wey no actually bad on paper, dat na signs say dis one deserve more support pass wetin a breathing exercise and a to-do list fit give. Dat no be a failure of effort. Na information.

To talk to a doctor or a therapist no be a last resort or a sign say things don get dire. Na just to get the right tool for the size of the thing wey you dey carry. A good professional fit help you find wetin actually dey drive the overload and give you ways to handle am wey fit your real life. People dey reach out for dis all the time, and dem glad say dem do.

And if the weight ever tip into feeling like you no fit keep going, or like the people around you go better off without you, abeg treat dat as the emergency wey e be and reach out right now, to a crisis line, a doctor, or somebody wey you trust. You matter more pass whatever dey on the list. The list fit wait. You staying na the only part wey no fit.

For today, though, maybe e enough to do one small thing, breathe out slow, and let the rest be tomorrow own. The pile go still dey there. So na you. And you fit take am one piece at a time.

Sources

• National Institute of Mental Health, I'm So Stressed Out! Fact Sheet
• Harvard Health Publishing, Understanding the stress response
• Mayo Clinic, Stress relievers: Tips to tame stress