Nkɔmmɔ yi wɔ ɛkwan bi so a wobisa sika a ɛboro so na onipa a ɔte wo anim no bu wo sen sɛdeɛ na ɔbu wo wɔ ahyɛaseɛ. Ɛba daa. Ɛnyɛ ahoɔfɛ, na ɛnyɛ akokoduru nso, ɛyɛ nhyehyɛeɛ: abisadeɛ baako a emu da hɔ, a woka no ayamyeɛ mu, a ɛkwan a wɔbɛfa so aka aane bɔkɔɔ bata ho.
Fa a ɛyɛ nnipa nwanwa nie. Wɔn a wɔfrɛ wɔn "ɔhaw nipa" no ntaa nyɛ wɔn a wɔbisaa deɛ ɛso paa. Wɔyɛ wɔn a wɔbisaa mprɛnsa wɔ akwan mmiɛnsa so, na sɛ wɔmia wɔn a, wɔka nsɛm a emu nna hɔ, na wɔgyaa onipa no sɛ ɔnsusu deɛ ɛbɛsi asɛm no ano. Nsɛm a emu nna hɔ na ɛma wohwere dan no mu, ɛnyɛ anibereɛ.
Wobɛtumi ayɛ onipa a n'ani abere pa ara wɔ adeyɛ no mu na woasan ayɛ onipa a ɔne no yɛ adeɛ yɛ mmerɛ pa ara. Ɛno mmienu ne wɔn ho nnii asie da, na sɛ yɛfa no sɛ wɔsi ntia wɔn ho a, ɛno na ɛma nnipa a wɔwɔ tumi tena hɔ komm mfeɛ pii.
Sɛ mebisa deɛ ɛboro so a, ɛbɛma mayɛ ɔhaw nipa anaa?
Sɛ wobisa pɛn koro, pefee, ayamyeɛ mu a, ɛnyɛ saa. Deɛ ɛma wɔfa wo sɛ ɔhaw nipa ne sɛ wobɛti mu, wobɛka nsɛm a emu nna hɔ, na wo nsɛm bɛba mmerɛ a wɔnhwɛ kwan, na ɛnonom mu biara nte sɛ sɛ wopɛ sika pii.
Ɛsɛ sɛ yɛbu dadwen no ankasa, na ɛnyɛ sɛ yɛde nkuranhyɛ nsɛm bɛgu so. Nhwehwɛmufoɔ ahunu sɛ, nnipa a wɔhyɛɛ apamsɛm aseɛ no, ɛtɔ da bi a, nnipa buu wɔn fɔ wɔ asetena mu ɛsiane sɛ wɔyɛeɛ nti, na asotwe no yɛɛ den maa mmaa sen mmarima. Sɛ wode komm asusu saa asiane no ho a, na woresusu ade nokware bi ho.
Deɛ ɛwɔ wo nsam ne abisadeɛ no su, na ɛhɔ na ɔsɛeɛ dodoɔ siɛ. Abisadeɛ a ɛbɔ ade baako din, pɛn koro, a ntease bata ho na ɛkwan bɔkɔɔ a wɔbɛfa so aka aane wɔ hɔ, yɛ adwuma a obi bɛtumi ayɛ ho biribi. Abisadeɛ a ɛba nketenkete nnawɔtwe mmiɛnsa mu, a ɛsakra kɛseɛ berɛ biara, na ɛnka deɛ ɛbɛsi ano da, yɛ ɔhaw a ɛsɛ sɛ obi di ho dwuma. Deɛ ɛtɔ so mmienu no na nnipa reka ho asɛm sɛ obi yɛ ɔhaw nipa, na wobɛtumi asiesie no koraa a wontew wo abisadeɛ so pesewa baako mpo.
Nsonsonoeɛ bɛn na ɛda "pɔtee" ne "ɔhaw" ntam?
Pɔtee bɔ adeɛ baako din, sika dodoɔ baako, ne da baako. Ɔhaw gyaa onipa a ɔte wo anim no sɛ ɔnsusu deɛ ɛbɛma nkɔmmɔ no aba awieeɛ, enti ɛsɛ sɛ ɔkɔ so susu ade wɔ badwa mu.
"Ebia ɛkwan bi wɔ hɔ a wɔbɛtumi asesa akatua no kakra anaa?" ɛte sɛ deɛ ɛdwo, nanso ɛyɛ abisadeɛ a ɛyɛ den paa, ɛfiri sɛ afei na ɛsɛ sɛ obi bɔ akatua bi ho pɔ, susu deɛ ɛbɛsɔ w'ani, na ɔgye tuo sɛ ebia ɔbɛfom wɔ ne panyin anim. "Mepɛ sɛ meduru ɔha ne edu, na mɛtumi ahyɛ aseɛ da a ɛtɔ so mmiɛnsa" tene, na ɛyɛ mmerɛ sɛ wɔbɛpene so, ɛfiri sɛ wɔbɛtumi apene so anaa wɔabua wɔ nkyerɛwde baako mu.
Nsɔhwɛ tiawa bi wɔ hɔ a wobɛtumi de asɔ wo nsɛm no ahwɛ ansa na woaka no ɔdwan mu. Kenkan abisadeɛ no bio na bisa sɛ obi bɛtumi ayɛ ho biribi ɛnnɛ a ɔmmisa nsɛmmisa foforɔ biara anaa. Sɛ ɛbɛsɛ sɛ ɔbisa deɛ wopɛ sɛ woka, sika dodoɔ a wowɔ wo tirim, anaa da a wopɛ sɛ wote a, ɛnneɛ ɛnwieeɛ.
Ayamyeɛ kɛseɛ a wobɛtumi ayɛ ama onipa a ɔwɔ fa baako no ne sɛ, ka no pɛpɛɛpɛ. Pɔtee na ɛma ɔtumi kɔ ko ma wo wɔ adwumakuo no mu, na ɛhɔ ara na wo sika taa firi ba. Obiara nkɔɔ ne panyin dan mu da sɛ ɔrekɔgyina ne yɔnko atenka a emu nna hɔ sɛ wɔntua no yie akyi.
Mɛyɛ dɛn abisa no ayamyeɛ mu na ammɛyɛ sɛ menkyerɛ deɛ mereka?
Ma w'anim ne wo nne nyɛ sɛdeɛ na ɛteɛ berɛ a wo hyɛnee mu no ara, na fa ayamyeɛ no hyɛ nsɛm no nkyerɛaseɛ mu, na ɛnyɛ nsɛm a wode redwodwoɔ wo abisadeɛ mu. Ayamyeɛ ne "mepɛ sɛ yei yɛ adwuma, na yei ne deɛ ɛbɛma ayɛ yie." Mmerɛyɛ ne "kafra, menim sɛ yei yɛ basabasa."
Kyɛwpa kasa na ɛte sɛ nnaadaa, ɛyɛ nwanwa, ɛfiri sɛ ɛka kyerɛ onipa no sɛ wo ara wususu sɛ abisadeɛ no mfata. Sɛ wo ara wonnye nni sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ wobisa a, wɔbɛgye w'asɛm adi. Yi "kafra", "kɛkɛ", "mesusu sɛ", ne "menim sɛ ɛdɔɔso" firi wo nsɛm no mu ansa na woaka anaa woasoma.
Nsɛmmisa yɛ ayamyeɛ adwuma no yie sen nsɛm a ɛdwodwo abisadeɛ so. Wɔ nhwehwɛmu mmiɛnsa a ɛfa nkɔmmɔ ankasa ho mu no, nnipa a wɔbisaa nsɛmmisa pii, ne titire nsɛmmisa a ɛdi akyi, no, wɔn a wɔne wɔn rekasa no pɛɛ wɔn asɛm kɛseɛ, na yɛn mu dodoɔ bu saa nkɛntɛnso no sua dodo. Enti bisa: gyinabea no te sɛn, wɔyɛ nhwehwɛmu no berɛ bɛn, ɛdeɛn na ɛbɛma yei ayɛ mmerɛ ama wo. Wonya nsɛm na nnipa pɛ w'asɛm berɛ korɔ no ara mu, na ɛno yɛ na wɔ sika ho nkɔmmɔ mu.
Sɛ wɔntumi nsesa sika no koraa a, asɛm bɛn na menka?
Bisa deɛ wɔbɛtumi asesa, na ma wo nnidisoɔ no nyɛ krado ansa na woabisa. Da a wobɛhyɛ aseɛ, dibea, adwuma no kɛseɛ, nhwehwɛmu berɛ, nnwinnadeɛ, nna a wobɛhome, nna a wobɛyɛ adwuma wɔ efie, sika tua nhyehyɛeɛ, ne obi a ɔbɛyɛ adwuma no, ɛnonom nyinaa yɛ ade a ɛsom bo, na emu dodoɔ boɔ nyɛ den mma fa baako no sen sika.
Ka no sɛ nkabom, na ɛnyɛ sɛ woresan w'akyi. "Sɛ sika dodoɔ no atim a, ɛdeɛn na wɔbɛtumi asesa?" ma adeɛ no nyinaa kɔ so na ɛma wɔn ɛkwan a wɔbɛfa so aka aane ɛnnɛ. Akatua gyinabea a wɔato mu taa yɛ gyinabea a wɔato mu ampa, na onipa a ɔreka kyerɛ wo no nni atorɔ, nanso gyinabea a atim no nkyerɛ sɛ biribiara atim.
Afei sesa, na ɛnyɛ sɛ wobɛgyae mu kwa. Sɛ wosesa da a wobɛhyɛ aseɛ a, bisa sɛ wɔmfa nhwehwɛmu no mmra abosome nsia mu. Deɛ wode ma biara, gye biribi, ka no ayamyeɛ mu, wɔ nne korɔ no ara mu. Ɛno nyɛ agodie mu nyansa. Ɛno na ɛma nhyehyɛeɛ no yɛ pɛ, na nhyehyɛeɛ a ɛyɛ pɛ na ɛtena hɔ ɛberɛ a bosome a ɛyɛ den di kan ba.
Mɛyɛ dɛn abisa ne mprenu so a menti me nsɛm mu?
Sesa adeɛ no, na ɛnyɛ nne no. Abisadeɛ a ɛtɔ so mmienu a nne kɛseɛ wɔ mu yɛ nhyɛso. Abisadeɛ a ɛtɔ so mmienu a ɛsono no yɛ kwan foforɔ, na akwan foforɔ deɛ, wɔgye no fɛw so.
Kasamu no yɛ tiawa: "Mete akatua ase no ase. Sɛ ɛno atim a, wobɛtumi ahwɛ sika a wode hyɛ aseɛ ho, anaa wobɛtumi de nhwehwɛmu no aba abosome nsia mu?" Woagye wɔn nsɛm atom ɔdwan mu, na ɛno tew ɔhyew no so, na woama wɔn adeɛ foforɔ a wɔbɛtumi aka aane akyerɛ.
Mprenu na ɛtaa yɛ awieeɛ wɔ nkɔmmɔ baako mu. Bisa, sesa pɛn koro, na to no. Sɛ ɛnonom mmienu biara anyɛ adwuma a, ka no ayamyeɛ mu na fa da bi: "Ɛnneɛ ma mennwene ho na mesan mabɛka akyerɛ wo Yawoada." Sɛ wode da bi firi hɔ a, ɛnyɛ nkoguo, ɛyɛ nhyehyɛeɛ a ɛda so wɔ hɔ na ɛnwieeɛ, na ɛno na ɛsi gyinaeɛ a wosiiɛ wɔ simma baako a ɛyɛ ahomasoɔ mu no kwan sɛ ɛrenyɛ deɛ wode bɛtena mfeɛ mmienu.
Sɛ wo ne wo yɛ adeɛ yɛ mmerɛ a, ɛyɛ tumi, na ɛnyɛ ntetew
Sɛ wo ho yɛ fɛ a, ɛnkyerɛ sɛ woatew wo boɔ so. Onipa a emu da hɔ, a ne yam yɛ, na ɔka nsɛm pɔtee no, wɔsan frɛ no, wɔkamfo no kyerɛ afoforɔ, ɔnya adwuma a ɛtɔ so mmienu, na wɔka sika nhyehyɛeɛ ho asɛm kyerɛ no ansa na wɔapae mu aka. Ɛno dɔɔso, na wobɛtumi anya berɛ korɔ no ara a worebisa sika dodoɔ a wopɛ.
Enti pɛ no ɔdwan mu, pɛn koro, wɔ kasamu a obi bɛtumi ayɛ ho biribi mu, na afei yɛ onipa a ɔne no yɛ adeɛ yɛ mmerɛ sɛdeɛ na woteɛ ansa na worebisa. Pew Research Center hunuu sɛ, nnipa a wɔgyaee adwuma wɔ 2021 mu kɔɔ foforɔ so no mu, 56% nyaa sika pii akyire yi. Sika kɔ nnipa a wɔbisa hɔ. Ɛntaa nkɔ wɔn a wɔde nsensanee kasa hɔ.
Bisa pɛn koro. Bisa ayamyeɛ mu. Ka no pɔtee ara kɔsi sɛ wɔbɛtumi aka aane ɛnnɛ, na yɛ onipa korɔ no ara Dwoada, sɛdeɛ ɛbɛba biara.
Nsɛm a ɛfiriɛ
- Harvard Kennedy School, Social Incentives for Gender Differences in the Propensity to Initiate Negotiations: Sometimes It Does Hurt to Ask
- PubMed, It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking
- Pew Research Center, Majority of workers who quit a job in 2021 cite low pay, no opportunities for advancement, feeling disrespected