Uma usenkingeni noma ucabanga ukuzilimaza, awuwedwa. E-USA, shayela ucingo noma uthumele umlayezo ku-988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, imini nobusuku), thumela u-HOME ku-741741 (Crisis Text Line), noma ushayele u-911 engozini esheshayo.
Amathiphu asheshayo
- Gcina irekhodi eliyimfihlo elinosuku lwalokho okwenzekile.
- Zama ukuthi "Nginelisekile ngenkumbulo yami".
- Xhumana kabusha nomuntu owayekwazi ngaphambili.
Uhamba usuka engxoxweni ungakwazi ukuthi kuphi phezulu. Ubuqiniseka ngento ehoreni eledlule. Manje awuqiniseki ngalutho, kufaka phakathi ukuthi ingabe nguwe inkinga. Uzithola ulungiselela lokho ozokusho ngokulandelayo, uqoqa ubufakazi, uzibuza ukuthi ingabe ngempela uzwela kakhulu, unedrama kakhulu, uningi kakhulu.
Uma lokho kwenzeka kanye, kumane kube ingxoxo embi. Uma kuyisimo sezulu sobudlelwano, kunegama.
I-gaslighting iyiphethini lapho umuntu oyedwa, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, enza omunye angabaze inkumbulo yakhe, umbono, nokwahlulela. I-Cleveland Clinic iyichaza njengohlobo oluthile lokukhohliswa kwemizwa oluqeda ikhono lakho lokuzethemba nokwethemba abanye abantu. Igama livela endabeni endala. Kunomdlalo we-1938, nefilimu ye-1944 ebizwa ngokuthi *Gaslight*, lapho indoda ifiphaza ngasese izibani zegesi endlini bese iphikelela, kaninginingi, ukuthi umkayo ucabanga nje ushintsho. Akakwenzi. Ithembele kuye ukuthi amkholelwe kunamehlo akhe.
Lowo umshini wonke esithombeni esisodwa. Yenza umuntu angathembi lokho akubona ngokusobala, bese uba nguwe onquma okuyiqiniso.
Kungani kunzima kangaka ukukubona ngaphakathi
I-gaslighting kuyivelakancane ukuthi ifike njengamanga amakhulu amanye ongawabamba uwaveze. Ifika kancane. I-Psychology Today iphawula ukuthi ivame ukuqala kancane, ngokusonteka okuncane, futhi ubuningi bemininingwane engamanga bukhula kusukela lapho uze ncike enguqulweni yomunye umuntu yezehlakalo ukuze nje uzizwe uzinzile. Ngesikhathi isenza umonakalo wangempela, ngokuvamile usuyekile ukwethemba ithuluzi elilodwa elingakutshela ukuthi kukhona okungalungile: ukufunda kwakho kobuqiniso.
Kukhona nesizathu esithambile sokuthi kusebenze. Sivame ukunikeza ukholo oluhle kakhulu kubantu abaseduze nathi, iphathina, umzali, umphathi, umngane esimazi iminyaka. Lapho lowo muntu ekutshela ukuthi ukukhumbule kabi, uvelelo lwakho lokuqala ukumkholelwa, ngoba ukumkholelwa yilokho ukwethemba okuzwakala ngakho. I-gaslighting ithatha lolo velelo oluhle iluphendukisele ngokumelene nawe.
Kufanele kushiwo ngokusobala: ukukhohliswa yilokhu akulona uphawu lokuthi ubuthakathaka noma uyisiwula. Luwuphawu lokuthi wethemba umuntu. Ukwehluleka kungokwabo.
Izenzo ozoziqapha
Odokotela nabameli abasebenza nalokhu bachaza amaqhinga ambalwa aphindaphindayo. I-Medical News Today ne-National Domestic Violence Hotline zizibeka zombili ngendlela efanayo. Cishe ngeke uzibone zonke, futhi akudingeki. Iphethini eqhubekayo yamibili noma emithathu nje yisignali.
- Ukuphika okuqhwaba. "Lokho akuzange kwenzeke." "Angizange ngisho lokho." Kushiwo ngokuzethemba okungangokuthi uqala ukuzingela phakathi enkumbulweni yakho iphutha.
- Ukuphikisa. Indaba yakho yesehlakalo ibhalwa kabusha ngokuzola, futhi inkumbulo yakho uqobo ibizwa ngokuthi ayithembekile. "Uhlala ukhumbula izinto kabi."
- Ukwenza kube yinto encane. Imizwa yakho yenziwa kabusha njengenkinga yangempela. Uzwela kakhulu, awukwazi ukubekezelela ihlaya, wenza okukhulu ngokweqile, wenza into ngokungelutho.
- Ukugodla nokuchezukisa. Ukwenqaba ukubandakanyeka, ukuthi awuqondi, noma ukujikisa ingxoxo iye emaphutheni akho ukuze indaba yokuqala inyamalale.
- Ukudlulisela icala. Ngandlela thile yonke ingxabano iphetha ngawe uxolisa. Ukuziphatha kwabo kuba iphutha lakho ngokukuvusa.
Qaphela ukuthi akukho kwalokhu okumayelana nokungavumelani okukodwa. Abantu bakhumbula kabi. Abantu bayazivikela. Okwenza kube i-gaslighting ukuphindaphinda nendlela konke okukhomba kuyo: kude nokuziphendulela kwabo kuye ekuzingabazeni kwakho.
Ikwenzani kuwe
Phila ngaphakathi kwalokhu isikhathi eside ngokwanele bese imiphumela isabalala idlule ubudlelwano ingene emzimbeni wakho nasengqondweni yakho. Ungabaza izinqumo ezilula. Uxolisa ngokushesha, ngezinye izikhathi ngokuphila nje. Uzizwa unenkungu futhi usukwehla ngasikhathi sinye. Ungase uqale ukugcina irekhodi eliyimfihlo lalokho okwakushiwo ngempela, ngoba enye ingxenye yakho iyazi ukuthi uzotshelwa kamuva ukuthi kwahamba ngokwehlukile.
Odokotela bempilo yengqondo baxhumanisa i-gaslighting eqhubekayo nokukhathazeka, ukucindezeleka engqondweni, nokushaqeka, ikakhulukazi lapho iyingxenye yephethini ebanzi yokulawula. Lokho akukona ukwenza okukhulu ngokweqile ngakwakho. Yilokho okwenzeka lapho umhlabathi ongaphansi komuzwa wakho wobuqiniso ulokhu unyakaza.
Ukuthola ukuma kwakho futhi
Umgomo lapha akukona ukunqoba ingxabano ngokuthi inkumbulo kabani elungile. Ungase ungakutholi lokho. Umgomo ukuzibuyisa. Izinto ezimbalwa ziyasiza ngempela.
Bhala izinto phansi. Gcina irekhodi elisobala, eliyimfihlo, elinosuku, nalokho okwakushiwo nokwenzekile. Kokubili i-Cleveland Clinic nabameli bodlame lwasekhaya bakusikisela lokhu. Hhayi ukwakha icala, kodwa ukuzinika into yokubambelela ngesikhathi esilandelayo utshelwe ukuthi ukucabangile. Amanothi akho angaba nomsindo omkhulu kunokuzethemba komunye umuntu.
Buyela kubantu ababekwazi ngaphambili. I-gaslighting isebenza kangcono ekuzihlukaniseni, ngakho ivame ukufika ihambisana nengcindezi engabonakali yokuqhelelana nabangani nomndeni. Xhumana kabusha nabantu ababodwa noma ababili abangabonisa wena wangempela kuwe. Babuze, ngokwethembeka, ukuthi ingabe lokho okuchazayo kuzwakala kungalungile yini. Umbono wangaphandle yindlela olungisa kabusha ngayo.
Yeka ukuphikisana ngobuqiniso ngaleso sikhathi. Akudingeki uphinde uphikisane ngazo zonke izehlakalo. "Akukhona ukukhumbula kwami lokho, futhi nginelisekile ngenkumbulo yami" kuyimpendulo ephelele. Ungasenqaba isimemo sokuzifakazela. Ukuhamba usuka kulolo dingiliza akukona ukwehlulwa. Ukwenqaba ukuqhubeka udlala umdlalo ohlelelwe ukumelana nawe.
Khipha uhlelo lwakho lwezinzwa esexwayisweni ngaphambi kokunquma noma yini. Lapho ukhukhulekile, ukwahlulela kwakho kuyathula, okuyiso kanye isimo i-gaslighting ekugcina kuso. Ukukhipha umoya okumbalwa okumnene, izinyawo phansi, ukuhamba okufushane. Hhayi ukulungisa ubudlelwano, kodwa ukubuyisa okwanele kwakho ukuze ucabange ngokucacile.
Futhi zejwayeze isenzo esincane kunazo zonke sokuphinda uzethembe: ukukholelwa into eyodwa oyibonile ngaphandle kokucela imvume yokuqiniseka. I-Hotline ibeka ukululama, ngokufaneleyo, njengokufunda ukuphinda uzethembe. Kuqala kuncane kanjalo.
Nini ukuletha usizo
Okunye kwalokhu ungakwenza wedwa. Okuningi kwako kuhamba ngokushesha, futhi kuzwakala kungabi nesizungu, ngosizo. Umelaphi oqonda ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo angakusiza uhlele lokho okwakuyiqiniso, wakhe kabusha ukuzethemba embonweni wakho, futhi ubone ukuthi ufuna ukwenzani okulandelayo, ngaphandle kokukutshela ukuthi lokho kufanele kube yini.
Uma ubudlelwano nabo bubandakanya izinsongo, ukulawula imali yakho noma ukunyakaza kwakho, noma ukwesabela ukuphepha kwakho, sicela ukuphathe njengento engaphezu kwenkinga yokuxhumana. I-gaslighting ivame ukuhamba nezinye izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza, futhi ufanelwe umuntu osohlangothini lwakho owenza lokhu ukuziphilisa. Ummeli wodlame lwasekhaya angakhuluma ngakho nawe ngokuyimfihlo, kufaka phakathi ukuthi ngabe uhambe yini nokuthi kanjani, futhi asikho isimo esincane kakhulu noma esingaqinisekile kakhulu ongangeke usilethe kubo. Ukufinyelela akukubopheleli kokuthile. Kumane kusho ukuthi akudingeki ukuxazulule wedwa.
Uvunyelwe ukuzethemba. Iqiniso lokuthi ngisho uyabuza ukuthi ingabe lokhu kuyiqiniso yini ukwahlulela kwakho, into abebelokhu bezama ukuyiminzisa, izama ukuthola ukunaka kwakho. Yilalele.
Imithombo
- Cleveland Clinic, Gaslighting: Definition & How To Spot It
- Medical News Today, What is gaslighting? Examples and how to respond
- Psychology Today, Gaslighting
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline, What Is Gaslighting?