Amathiphu asheshayo
- Cela ukwesekwa ngokusobala, kanye nje.
- Buka lokho abakwenzayo, hhayi abakushoyo.
- Nciphisa indima ngaphandle kokuvalelisa.
Kukhona uhlobo oluthize lokukhathala oluvela ebunganeni obuthize. Uvala ifoni ngemva kwehora bese uqaphela ukuthi lonke ucingo belungolwabo. Inhlekelele yabo, umsebenzi wabo, othandana naye owakudala, izinhlelo zabo. Unike ukunaka okuhle, uhlobo obungaluzifunela, futhi ndawana thile lapho isonto lakho aliphumelanga nhlobo. Alizange liphumele nangesikhathi esedlule.
Mhlawumbe usuqalile ukuvumela izingcingo zabo ziye kuvoicemail. Mhlawumbe uzwa ukukhanya okuncane komuzwa wecala ngokumane ucabanga lokhu, ngoba abasona isoni futhi uyabakhathalela. Zombili izinto zingaba yiqiniso. Ungathanda umuntu bese usaphelelwa amandla uma useduze kwabo.
Le ndatshana ingeyaleyo ndawo ncamashi. Ayikho eyokunquma abantu, futhi ayikho eyokumamatheka ukubekezelele phakade. Ingeyendawo ephakathi enzima kakhulu, ewusizo kakhulu: ukuqonda ukuthi kungani ubungane buchema uhlangothi olulodwa, ukucela okwengeziwe ngaphandle kokuqhuma, nokufunda izimpawu ezikutshela ukuthi uhlale ulungise noma uhlehle buthule.
Ukuthi "ukuthatha kuphela" kuvame ukusho ukuthini
Kufanele wehlise ijubane ngaphambi kokunamathisela umuntu ilebula. Umngane othatha kuphela angaba izimo ezimbalwa ezehluke kakhulu ezigqoke ijazi elifanayo.
Ngezinye izikhathi kuyisikhathi esithize. Abantu abadlula esahlukanisweni, ingane entsha, umzali ogulayo, ukuxoshwa emsebenzini, banganyamalala ngempela empilweni yabo isikhashana bangabi nokuningi abanganikela ngakho. Lokho akuwona umkhuba omubi wesimilo. Kungunyaka onzima. Ubungane obuchema uhlangothi olulodwa isikhathi esithile bese buyaziqondisa akubona ubungane obunhlangothi lunye. Buyibungane obujwayelekile, obubanjwe ngesikhathi esibi.
Ngezinye izikhathi kungumkhuba okungekho namunye phakathi kwenu owake wawuqamba. Waba umlaleli ekuqaleni, baba ngabakhulumayo, futhi iphethini yamane yaqina. Bangase bangazi lutho ukuthi incwadi yezimali ibukeka njengoba injalo. Abantu bavame ukumangala ngempela lapho bezwa ukuthi umngane uzizwa engabonwa, ngoba ngaphakathi bebezizwa besekelwa nje.
Futhi ngezinye izikhathi, yebo, kuyiphethini ezinzile engashintshi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani empilweni yakho. Ungaba sesibhedlela kodwa ingxoxo iyobe isatholakala indlela yayo ibuyela kubo emizuzwini emihlanu. Yileyo nguqulo efanele ukubhekwa njengebalulekile.
Iphuzu lokuhlukanisa lezi lilula. Isixazululo sehlukile kokunye ngakunye, futhi awukwazi ukukhetha esifanele ngaphambi kokwazi ukuthi ukukuphi.
Kungani ukungalingani kukudicilela phansi
Lokhu akukhona ukuthi udinga kakhulu noma ubala amaphuzu. Kunesizathu sangempela sokuthi ubungane obuchemayo bukudle amandla, futhi kuvela ocwaningweni ngendlela ukwesekwa okusebenza ngayo phakathi kwabantu.
Ubungane bungenye yezinto ezinhle kakhulu ongazenzela impilo yakho. Abangane abahle behlisa ingcindezi yakho, baphakamise umoya wakho, futhi baxhunywe empilweni ende, enempilo. I-Mayo Clinic ibeka iphuzu lokuthi ikhwalithi yalobo bungane yiyo ebalulekile, hhayi inani lamagama asefonini yakho. Abantu abambalwa abakusekelayo ngempela bedlula isigcawu esibanzi esingakwenzi.
Nansi ingxenye ebalulekile esimeni sakho. Inzuzo ibonakala incike ekunikelaneni okuhamba ngezindlela zombili. Ucwaningo olulodwa olukhulu olwalandela izinkulungwane zabantu abadala iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amabili lwathola ukuthi abantu ababelinganisela ngokunikela nokwamukela ukwesekwa babenengozi ephansi yokushona phakathi neminyaka kunabantu ababenikela kakhulu noma bamukela kakhulu. Ukunikela okuhlala kunye kuphela kwakungesona isinqumo esinempilo. Ukulingana yikho.
Ngakho ubunzima obuzwayo akulona iphutha esimilweni sakho. Umzimba nengqondo yakho kubhalisa okuthile okuyiqiniso: ubudlelwano lapho ukwesekwa kugeleza ngendlela eyodwa kuphela kuyakubiza. Ukukuqamba lokho kususa icala ekufuneni okuthile obuyiselwayo.
Ngaphambi kokusho noma yini, zibuze imibuzo emibili
Inzondo ithanda ukweqa lesi sinyathelo iye ngqo empikiswaneni. Yehlisa ijubane umzuzu.
Okokuqala: ngabe ngicele okuthile ngempela? Abaningi bethu siyanikela sinikele silinde buthule ukuqashelwa, bese sizizwa sidumele lapho omunye umuntu engawufundi umqondo wethu. Uma ungakaze ngisho kanye uthi "nginesonto elinzima, ngingakhuluma ngento ethile?" khona-ke umngane akakenqobi ukuhlolwa okumisile. Bamane abakaze banikwe ukuhlolwa. Ngezinye izikhathi sonke isixazululo ukubuza ngokuzwakalayo, ngokusobala, bese ubona ukuthi kwenzekani.
Okwesibili: yini engiyifuna ngempela lapha? Ukulingana okwengeziwe nalo muntu? Indawo encane yabo empilweni yakho? Ukuphela? Akudingeki wazi ngokuqinisekile. Kodwa ukugxila ku "ngifuna ukuzizwa ngingaphelelwe amandla kangako ngemva kokukhuluma" kuzokusa endaweni ethile. Ukugxila ku "ngifuna bagcine sebeqonda lokho abangidlulise kukho" ngokuvamile kumane kuvuthele umlilo.
Indlela yokucela okuthile okubuyiselwayo
Umgomo ukucaca nokuba nomusa ngesikhathi esisodwa, okunzima kunokuba noyedwa wodwa. Isiqondiso se-Cleveland Clinic ngemingcele enempilo siyikhompasi enhle lapha: yiba ngoqondile kunokuqagela, futhi khuluma isipiliyoni sakho esikhundleni sokwakha icala ngomunye umuntu. Izitatimende zika "Mina" zenza umsebenzi omningi, ngoba zitshela umuntu ukuthi izinto zikufikela kanjani ngaphandle kokumbeka ecaleni.
Izindlela ezimbalwa ezingazwakala ebunganeni bangempela:
- Cela ngqo uma udinga ukwesekwa. "Ngibe nesonto elinzima kabi futhi ngidinga ngempela ukukhuluma. Unemizuzu engamashumi amabili yami namuhla kusihlwa?" Awuqageli. Ubanika ithuba elicacile lokufika.
- Qamba iphethini ngobumnene, ngaphandle kokushushisa. Zama "ngiqaphele ukuthi ngenza ukulalela okuningi lapho sikhuluma, futhi muva nje bengidinga into esebenza ngezindlela zombili," kunokuthi "awukaze ubuze ngempilo yami." Okokuqala kumema ushintsho. Okwesibili kumema ukuzivikela.
- Sho okudingayo, hhayi nje okungalungile. "Kungasho lukhulu ukube ungangibhekelela ngezinye izikhathi ngendlela engikubhekelela ngayo" kubanika umnyango wangempela abangangena kuwo.
- Vumela kube nokungakhululeki okuncane. Ukuthula okufushane emva kokuba usho into yangempela akuyona inhlekelele. Kuwumsindo womuntu okumunca.
Bese ubuka lokho abakwenzayo, hhayi nje lokho abakushoyo. Umngane ofanele ukugcinwa angase amangale, aze aphoxeke kancane, bese bezama. Ukuzama yilona phawu. Ngeke kube kuhle ngokuphelele, futhi akudingeki kube njalo. Ubheka ukunyakaza, hhayi isixolo esingenaphutha.
Uma iphethini ingasuki
Ngezinye izikhathi ubuza ngokucacile, ngomusa, ngaphezu kokukodwa, kodwa akushintshi lutho. Ingxoxo iyashelela ibuyela kubo. Isonto lakho elinzima liba ukuthi "kubi lokho" okusheshayo ngaphambi kokuba babuyele kwabo. Ngemva kwesikhashana usunayo impendulo, futhi iqotho.
Uma lokho kwenzeka, unezinketho eziningi ngaphezu kwe "kubekezelele" noma "kuqede."
Ungayinciphisa indima ngaphandle kokuvalelisa okunodrama. Thatha isikhathi eside ukuphendula. Nika ihora esikhundleni sasemini. Yeka ukuba ngoqala njalo ukufinyelela bese ubona ukuthi kusalani uma ungakwenzi. Ubungane obuningi obunhlangothi lunye buyazishintsha usayizi buthule ngale ndlela, ngaphandle komuntu odinga umbukiso wokugcina.
Ungabagcina futhi, kodwa uyeke ukubaphatha njengomuntu abangeyena. Uma umngane emnandi ephathini kodwa engasizi lutho uma ulimele, uvunyelwe ukujabulela iphathi bese uthatha izinkinga zakho zangempela uziyise kwenye indawo. Akuwona wonke umuntu owakhelwe ukuphatha yonke into. Ubuhlungu buvame ukuvela ekulindeleni ukwesekwa okujulile kumuntu owake wanikela ngasogwini olungajulile kuphela.
Futhi ngezinye izikhathi into enomusa, kuwe, ukuyivumela ishabalale. Lokho akukwenzi ubande noma kubenze babe yisigebengu. Abantu bakhula ezindaweni ezihlukene. Ubungane bungaba bekungobangempela nobuhle kodwa busaphela.
Igama ngecala
Uma unguye onikelayo, cishe usuke wanconywa impilo yakho yonke ngakho. Othembekile. Ongazicabangeli. Omuhle kangaka ekufikeni. Ukuhoxa kungazwakala njengokukhaphela ingxenye engcono kakhulu yakho.
Akunjalo. Ukuvikela amandla akho yikho okukuvumela ukuqhubeka uphana kubantu abawabuyisayo. Umngcele akuwona isijeziso osinika umuntu. Uwumugqa okugcina uphelele ngokwanele ukuze uhlale ebunganeni obukuhle ngempela.
Uma ukukhathala ebudlelwaneni bakho kujula kunomngane oyedwa, uma uzithola unikela ngokweqile yonke indawo ungakwazi ukuthi cha, noma uma ukuba wedwa nenzondo kuqala ukuhlala esifubeni sakho izinsuku eziningi, lokho kufanele kukhulunywe nodokotela wengqondo. Amaphethini anjalo avame ukulandeleleka kude kakhulu kunanoma yibuphi ubungane obubodwa, futhi uchwepheshe omuhle angakusiza ubone impande. Ukufinyelela kulolo hlobo losizo akuwona uphawu lokuthi wehlulekile ebunganeni. Kuyindlela oba ngcono ngayo kubo, kufaka phakathi ingxenye lapho uzivumela ukuba unakekelwe nawe.
Imithombo
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Set Healthy Boundaries
- Mayo Clinic, Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health
- Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, The balance of giving versus receiving social support and all-cause mortality in a US national sample