Indlela Yokuvikela Ukuthula Kwakho Uma Uzungezwe Abantu Abadonsela Phansi

Kukhona uhlobo oluthile lokukhathala olungahlangene nokuthi ulale isikhathi esingakanani. Usuka engxoxweni uzizwe usindwa kunalapho iqala. Umhlathi wakho uqinile. Kukhona ukwesaba okuncane osekungenile. Uphinda-phinda izinto abazishilo isikhathi sonke sasemini. Uma kukhona umuntu othile ongena engqondweni khona manje, usuvele uyazi ukuthi lokhu kumayelana nobani.

Mhlawumbe umzali ophendula wonke umkhulumo wocingo ube uhlu lwezikhalo. Ozakwenu emsebenzini ophatha ihhovisi njengokububula okude. Umngane oshaya ucingo kuphela lapho izulu liwa futhi ongafoni uma selisile. Awusona isihluku ngokuzizwa uphelelwe amandla yibo. Ungumuntu ovamile ophendula entweni engokoqobo.

Leyo nto engokoqobo inegama, futhi ukuyiqonda kushintsha indlela oyibhekana ngayo.

Akuyona into oyicabangayo nje. Imizwa iyathelelana.

Imizwa iyasabalala phakathi kwabantu, ngokuvamile ngaphandle kokuthi kube khona onquma ukuyidlulisela. Ochwepheshe bezengqondo bakubiza ngokuthi ukuthelelana kwemizwa. I-Cleveland Clinic ikuchaza ngokusobala: imizwa nokuziphatha kwabanye abantu kubumba okwakho, ngokuvamile ungazi ukuthi kuyenzeka. Kuqala ebuntwaneni, lapho ingane imamatheka ibuyisela ubuso obumamathekayo, futhi akupheli ngempela. Sifundana njalonjalo, ngethoni yezwi, ngendlela yokuma komzimba, ngendlela umlomo womuntu obekeke ngayo, futhi imizimba yethu izilungiselela buthule ukufana.

Isikhathi esiningi lokhu kuyisipho. Yindlela igumbi eligcwele uhleko elikudonsela ngayo ngaphakathi, indlela umngane onokuthula angakuthobisa ngayo. Kodwa yona le nsimbi isebenza nangokuphambene. Chitha ihora nomuntu ogcwele inzondo bese ungahle uthole ingcosana yayo, njengokuma eduze kakhulu nomlilo omkhulu bese ubuyela ekhaya unuka intuthu.

Nansi ingxenye efanele ukucabangisisa ngayo. Ukungabi nombono omuhle kungenzeka kube uhlangothi olutheleleka kakhulu. Ucwaningo luka-2024 ephephabhukwini iPLoS One lwathola ukuthi ukuvuleleka ekutheleleni kwemizwa *emihle* nokutheleleka kwemizwa *emibi* empeleni kuyizici ezehlukene, futhi uhlobo olubi lwaluhambisana eduze nokukhathazeka, ukucindezeleka, nengcindezi. Ukuthola usizi lwabanye abantu kuwubuthakathaka bakho obuhlukile, futhi kwenza umonakalo wangempela emzweni wakho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Ngakho uma uzizwa udonselwe phansi ngemva kokuchitha isikhathi nomuntu osindayo, akubona ubuthakathaka noma ukuzwela ngokweqile. Yisimiso sakho semizwa senza kanye lokho esakhulela ukukwenza. Umgomo akukhona ukuyeka ukuzwa izinto. Ukuyeka ukumunca izinto ezingezona ezakho.

Ukuzihlola okusheshayo ngaphambi kokwenza noma yini

Igama elithi "omubi" linwebeka kabanzi, futhi akubona wonke umuntu okulo odinga impendulo efanayo. Ngaphambi kokuba udwebe umugqa oqinile, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ubhekene nani.

Abanye abantu badlula kokuthile. Usizi, ukwesaba ngempilo, isikhathi esinzima emsebenzini. Ubunzima babo yisikhathi nje, hhayi ubuntu babo, futhi abakudingayo ukubekezelelwa, hhayi umngcele. I-Harvard Health yenza iphuzu elizothile lapha: iningi lengcindezi ebudlelwaneni livela ezimweni, hhayi ekutheni ubudlelwane buyahluleka. Umngane osesikhathini esimnyama akuyona inkinga okumele ilawulwe.

Abanye abantu bamane babe ngabangelona umlingani onamandla. Bayakhala, bagxile kokubi, kunzima ukuba nabo isikhathi eside. Abanabo unya. Bamane bakubize okuthile, futhi isixazululo ngokuvamile simayelana nokuthi kungakanani futhi kukangaki, hhayi ngokuqeda okuthile.

Kanti abanye abantu bakushiya usimame kabi njalo kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani ezimpilweni zabo. Bayagxeka, bagcina inkomba, bakujezisa ngokuba nezidingo, bakwenza uzizwe umncane. Leso yisimo esihlukile, futhi sidinga imingcele eqinile, ibanga elikhudlwana, futhi kwesinye isikhathi usizo lwangaphandle.

Awudingi ukubeka umuntu uphawu unomphela. Vele uqaphele, ngokwethembeka, ukuthi umi kukuphi kwalokhu. Isinyathelo esifanele sixhomeke kukho.

Ukuvikela ukuthula kwakho, ngokoqobo

Noma ngabe iyiphi isigaba, izinto ezimbalwa zisiza ngempela. Khetha lezo ezikufanele.

Nquma ukuthi ngubani obeka isimo somoya wakho

Ushintsho olulodwa oluwusizo kakhulu lungaphakathi. Isimo somoya sabanye abantu siwulwazi *ngabo*, hhayi imiyalo *kuwena*. Uma umuntu efika ecasukile, umzimba wakho ufuna ukuhambisana nakho. Ungakubona lokho kudonsa bese ukwenqaba. Umusho othulile abanye abantu abawugcinayo ephaketheni: *yisimo sabo sezulu, hhayi esami.* Uzwakala umncane. Uphazamisa ukuthelelana okuzenzakalelayo ngqo ngesikhathi kuqala.

Faka umoya omncane phakathi kwenu

Ungamkhathalela umuntu kodwa uphinde ukhawulele inani. I-Harvard Health, ibhala ngokukhathala kobudlelwane, iphakamisa lokhu ngokuqondile: mesekele umuntu bese ubeka imingcele ukuze ubudlelwane bungabi nzima kangako. Uma umngane ehlala eshaya ucingo lapho enenkinga, awudingi ukuyeka yonke into njalo. Ukuthi "Ngifuna ukuzwa ngalokhu. Ngingakushayela ucingo namuhla ebusuku ngehora lesikhombisa?" kubanika ukunaka kwakho kwangempela futhi kukubuyisela intambama yakho. Ukuvakasha okufushane. Okuncane kwakho. Ukuhamba esikhundleni sokuhlala isikhathi eside. Ibanga akulona unya. Yindlela ohlala ngayo ukwazi ukuvela nhlobo.

Ungabanjwa yidobo lokufuna ukubalungisa

Abantu abanombono omubi njalonjalo bavame ukukudonsela esiyingini: bayakhala, uveza izixazululo, bachaza ukuthi ngasinye asizukusebenza kanjani, uzama nangamandla, bacwila baye phansi, bese uhamba ukhathele futhi ngandlela thile unesibopho sesimo somoya ongazidalelanga sona. Ungaphuma kuleso siyingi. Uvunyelwe ukulalela ngothando ngaphandle kokuzibophezela ukulungisa umuzwa okungesona owakho ukuwulungisa. Ukuthi "Lokho kuzwakala kunzima ngempela" kuyimpendulo ephelele. Awukweletwa ukusindisa.

Qaphela lapho uthatha khona okungesona okwakho

Iningi lengcindezi lapha livela ekumunceni umthwalo owawungakaze ube ngowakho. I-Mayo Clinic Health System iphawula ukuthi iningi lokukhathazeka kwansuku zonke kukhula ekuthatheni ubunikazi bemizwa, ukuziphatha, nemicabango yabanye abantu. Uma uzibamba ulawula indlela omunye umuntu azizwa ngayo, uhamba ngokuqaphela okukhulu, wenza izindaba zakho zibe zothi ngaphambili ukuze bangacasuki, lokho kuyisexwayiso. Ukusabela kwabo kungokwabo ukukuthwala.

Sho umngcele ngokusobala, ushiye ukuxolisa

Uma udinga ukubeka umngcele wangempela, indlela esekelwe ucwaningo ayikhangi kodwa iyasebenza. Sho okudingayo, ngokuzola nangokuqondile. Ungaphakamisi izwi, ungachazi ngokweqile, futhi umelane nesifiso sokuzithethelela uze ushone phansi. "Angizukukhuluma ngesahlukaniso sami esidlweni." "Nginemizuzu engaba ngamashumi amabili namuhla." "Asigcineni umsebenzi emsebenzini." Umngcele ochazwe ngezindlela eziyishumi ezehlukene umema impikiswano ngamunye. Umngcele oshiwo kanye, ngomusa nangaphandle kokuxolisa, uyiqiniso nje ngendlela osebenza ngayo.

Lindela ukuzizwa unecala kancane ngemva kwalokho. Lelo cala livamile futhi akulona uphawu lokuthi wenze okuthile okungalungile. Kuwumuzwa womsipha omusha osetshenziswa. Kuyaphela ngokujwayela.

Gcwalisa lokho abakukhiphayo

Uma ungakwazi ukumgwema ngokuphelele umuntu okukhipha amandla, isihlobo osihlala naso noma ozakwenu edeskini, yenza ngamabomu ukuzigcwalisa kabusha. Isikhathi nabantu abakuphakamisayo akusona ubumnandi obungadingekile lapha. Kuwukugcina impilo. Kona lokhu kuthelelana okuthatha isimo sabo somoya kungathatha esingcono, ngakho funa umngane okwenza uhleke, ilungu lomndeni okulula ukuba naye. Ukubuyela ekhaya unuka intuthu kuyinto eyodwa. Ukuhlala eduze komlilo ohlukile ngemva kwalokho kusiza ukuba iphunga liphele.

Okumele ukusho ngempela

Abantu abaningi abanankinga nomqondo womngcele. Bahlangabezana nobunzima kuleyo ngxenye yomzuzwana lapho ubuso bangempela buphambi kwabo futhi amazwi engafiki. Ngakho kuyasiza ukuba nemisho embalwa esekulungele ngaphambi kokuba uyidinge. Awukhumbuli imibhalo yeskripthi. Uvele uzisindisa ekuxhamazeleni.

Uma umuntu elokhu ephindaphinda isikhalo esisodwa:

• "Ngiyabona ukuthi lokhu kukusinda ngempela. Anginaso isixazululo, kodwa ngiyajabula ukuthi ungitshelile."
• "Ngifuna ukuba yindlebe enhle kulokhu. Singakubeka phansi isikhashana bese sikuthatha futhi kamuva?"

Uma ukukhala kuphenduka kube inhlebo noma kube ngomuntu ongathanda ukumgxeka:

• "Ngeqiniso, ngingathanda ukungangeni kubo."
• "Lokho kuphakathi kwenu nobabili. Ngizohlala ngaphandle kwakho."

Uma udinga ukuhamba kodwa bona belokhu beqhubeka:

• "Kufanele ngihambe, kodwa ngicabanga ngawe."
• "Asime lapha namuhla. Sengifike emkhawulweni wami wezinto ezinzima."

Uma isicelo singakubiza okungaphezu kwalokho onakho:

• "Angikwazi ukukuthatha lokho njengamanje."
• "Lokho ngeke kungisebenzele."

Qaphela okungekho kukho konke lokhu. Akukho ukuzivikela okude, akukho uhlu lwezizathu, akukho ukuxolisa okubekwe phezu kokuxolisa. I-American Psychological Association ikhomba kwesona lesi sinyathelo emsebenzini wokwelapha: yima kancane ngaphambi kokuvuma, bese uzinika isikhala ngokusho okuthize okunjengokuthi "ake ngikuphendule ngalokho." Impendulo emfushane iyabamba. Ngokwengeza amazwi amaningi, yilapho unika khona umuntu izibambo eziningi zokuphikisana.

Uma ukusho okunye kwalokhu ngokuzwakalayo kuzwakala kuyihlazo, lokho kufanele kuhlolisiswe. Abaningi bethu sakhuliswa ukuba siphathe imingcele yethu njengento okumele siyixolise. Akunjalo. Umngcele oshiwo ngomusa uyenye yezinto ezinenhlonipho ongazinika umuntu, ngoba ubatshela iqiniso ngalokho ongakwenza nongekwazi ukukwenza, esikhundleni sokubazonda buthule kamuva.

Uhlobo oluhlala ephaketheni lakho

Iningi lombono omubi alisafiki mathupha. Lifika ngesikrini, engxoxweni yeqembu engalali, kuhlu olusakazwayo oluvuza intukuthelo, isihlobo esivela kuphela ukuze siphikisane ezimpendulweni. Ukuthelelana kusebenza ngendlela efanayo ngocingo njengoba kwenza etafuleni lasekhishini, futhi kwesinye isikhathi kube kubi kakhulu, ngoba akunamkhawulo futhi akukho thoni yezwi yokwenza amagumbi abe mnene.

Iseluleko se-Cleveland Clinic sokulawula ukuthelelana kwemizwa sihlanganisa ukwehlisa umsindo kuzinkundla zokuxhumana nasezindabeni. Lokho akumayelana nokucasha emhlabeni. Kumayelana nokukhetha ukuthi kungakanani kwakho okungena kuwe, nokuthi nini. Izinyathelo ezimbalwa ezincane zihamba ibanga elide. Thulisa ingxoxo ekukhathazayo esikhundleni sokuyishiya bese uqala udaba. Nquma ukuthi awuzifundi izindaba usembhedeni, noma into yokuqala, noma into yokugcina. Yeka ukulandela i-akhawunti ekushiya udangele njalo, noma ngabe uyavumelana nayo. Akukho kulokhu ukugwema. Umngcele ofanayo obungawubeka nomuntu, usetshenziswa kudivayisi elingena esandleni sakho likulandele yonke indawo.

Uma kungaphezu komuntu onzima

Kukhona umugqa ofanele ukuchazwa ngokusobala. Ukuba nzima kuyinto eyodwa. Ukulimaza kungokunye.

Uma umuntu empilweni yakho ekweyisa njalo, elawula okwenzayo noma obonana nabo, ekwenza wesabe, ephendukezela amazwi akho uze ungabaze inkumbulo yakho, noma ekushiya umncane futhi ukhathazeke kakhulu izinyanga zonke, lokho akusona nje isici sobuntu okumele sibhekwane naso. Lokho ubudlelwane obulimaza impilo yakho, futhi awudingi ukukuxazulula wedwa. Umelaphi angakusiza ubone iphethini ngokusobala futhi uthole izinketho zakho zangempela, kufaka phakathi indlela yokuphepha kangcono. Uma noma yikuphi kwalokhu kuhilela ukwesabela ukuphepha kwakho, leso yisizathu sokucela usizo manje, hhayi kamuva.

Futhi uma ukudonsa okuqhubekayo kobudlelwane obunzima kukudonsele endaweni emnyama kakhulu, uma ulahlekelwa ubuthongo, wesaba izinsuku, uzizwa ungenathemba noma sengathi lo mthwalo awufanele ukuthwalwa, ngicela ukuphathe njengesexwayiso okuyiso. Khuluma nodokotela noma nochwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo. Tshela umuntu omethembayo. Akukho kulokhu okusho ukuthi uphathe izinto kabi noma ukuthi uzwela ngokweqile. Kusho ukuthi ubuthwele okungaphezu kwalokho noma yimuphi umuntu okufanele akuthwale, futhi bakhona abantu okuwumsebenzi wabo wonke ukukusiza ukuwubeke phansi.

Ukuvikela ukuthula kwakho akuzange kube ngokuba lukhuni noma ukuvalela abantu ngaphandle. Kumayelana nokugcina ingxenye eyanele yakho iphelele ukuze kube khona okusele ongakunikeza, kubantu abakufanele, futhi ngaphambi kwakho konke, kuwe.

Imithombo

• Cleveland Clinic, Your Emotions Are Contagious
• PLoS One, Susceptibility to positive versus negative emotional contagion (nge-PubMed Central)
• Harvard Health, Coping with relationship fatigue
• American Psychological Association, The benefits of better boundaries