Indlela Yokuthi Cha Kodwa Usabe Nomusa

Cabanga isikhathi sokugcina wathi yebo ngenkathi yonke ingxenye yakho ifuna ukuthi cha. Mhlawumbe umsebenzi okanye enawe wabeka enye into epuletini lakho. Mhlawumbe umngane wacela usizo ngabusuku bunye obukhululekile obabunabo isonto lonke. Wezwa ucha luvuka, bese uzibuka uthi "kulungile, ayikho inkinga" noma kunjalo, usuvele wesaba.

Iningi lethu sikwenza lokhu ngesizathu esinomusa. Asifuni ukudumaza abantu. Sikhathazeka ukuthi ucha luzokwehla njengokwenqatshwa, ukuthi omunye umuntu uzolimala noma acasuke noma asicabange kancane. Ngakho sishintshanisa ihora lokuthula kwethu ngemizuzwana embalwa yokungakhululeki okugwenyiwe, futhi sikwenza kaninginingi size selulelwe saba mancane futhi sizonde buthule.

Kukhona isivumelwano esingcono esitholakalayo. Ungathi cha ngendlela enomusa ngempela, evikela ubudlelwane, futhi engadingi indaba ende yokuxolisa. Kudinga ukuzijwayeza okuncane. Kuyafaneleka.

Kungani ucha luzwakala lunzima kangaka

Uma ukwenqaba abantu kwenza isisu sakho sehle, awuphukanga futhi awubuthakathaka. Une sabelo esivame kakhulu.

Icala, ukudideka, ngisho nokuqhakaza kwehlazo kujwayelekile uma ubeka umkhawulo, ikakhulukazi uma wakhula unconywa ngokuvumelana. Ukuzizwa unecala akusho ukuthi wenze okuthile okungalungile. Kaningi kumane kusho ukuthi wenza okuthile okungajwayelekile. Ukungakhululeki kuvame ukuncipha lapho uzijwayeza kakhulu, ngendlela efanayo noma yiliphi ikhono elisha eliyeka ukuzwakala lingelesihambi uma umzimba wakho usukwenzile izikhathi ezimbalwa.

Kukhona nephutha lokucabanga elithulile elisebenza ngokumelene nawe. Sikweyisa kabi ukuthi abantu bazokwahlulela ngobukhali obungakanani ukwenqaba kwethu. I-Greater Good Science Center e-Berkeley ikubiza lokhu ngokukhetha kobukhali, futhi ucwaningo elikhomba kulo luyaqinisekisa: abantu abaningi ngeke bakucabange kancane ngokuthi cha, futhi abaningi bazokuhlonipha kakhulu ngempela ngokucacisa imingcele yakho. Inhlekelele oyilungele ngokuvamile ayifiki.

Umusa awufani nokutholakala

Kuyasiza ukuhlukanisa izinto ezimbili esivame ukuzinamathisela: ukuba umuntu onomusa nokutholakala ngokungapheli.

Umusa umayelana nokuthi umphatha kanjani umuntu. Ukutholakala kumayelana nokuthi unikeza ingakanani yakho. Ungaba nomusa ojulile kumuntu kodwa usamtshela ukuthi cha. Empeleni, inguqulo yakho etholakala njalonjalo empeleni akuyona enomusa kunazo zonke. Uma uthi yebo usuphelile, uvela ukhathele, uphazamisekile, uzonde kancane, futhi abantu obathandayo bangakuzwa lokho. Ucha olucacile, olunikwa ngokufudumele, luvame ukuba nenhlonipho kunoyebo ozombambela wona buthule.

Kukhona ubufakazi bokuthi ukufunda ukuzikhulumela ngale ndlela kukuhle kuwe, hhayi kuphela kushejuli yakho. Kolunye ucwaningo olwenziwe ngokungahleliwe ngabafundi basekolishi, abantu abadlule ekuqeqeshweni kokuqina, okuyimpela nje ukuzijwayeza okuhleliwe kokusho izinto ngokuqondile nangomusa, baphuma nengcindezi ephansi, ukukhathazeka, nokucindezeleka kunalabo abangazange. Ikhono locha oluneqiniso libukeka libuyisa emizweni yakho, hhayi kuphela endleleni isonto lakho elibukeka ngayo.

Isimo socha olunomusa

Ucha oluhle lunezingxenye ezintathu ezincane, futhi ungadlula kuzo emushweni owodwa noma emibili.

1. Ukufudumala. Qala ngokuvuma umuntu noma isicelo. "Ngiyabonga ngokungicabanga." "Ngiyabona ukuthi lokhu kubalulekile kuwe." Ukhombisa ukuthi ubudlelwane busaphelele ngaphambi kokuletha umkhawulo.
2. Ucha ngokwalo, olushiwo ngokusobala. Le yingxenye abantu abayisheshisayo noma abayimbayo. Yisho ngokucacile. "Angikwazi ukukuthatha lokhu." "Lokho alungisebenzeli." Umusho owodwa ohlanzekile udlula emihlanu edidekile.
3. Umnyango ongakhethwa, uma uwuqonda. Ngezinye izikhathi ufuna ukunikeza okuthile okuncane. "Angikwazi ukuqhuba umcimbi wonke, kodwa ngiyajabula ukusiza ekulungiseleleni ihora." Nikela kuphela lokho ozojabula ngempela ukukunikeza. Umnyango ongawuqondi umane wakhe umgibe olandelayo.

Qaphela okungekho: inqwaba yezizathu zokuzithethelela. Awukweletwa muntu ukuzivikela kwasenkantolo ngesikhathi sakho. I-Cleveland Clinic iphakamisa ukusho umngcele wakho ngokuqondile, ngolimi luka"mina" nangaphandle kokuchaza ngokweqile. "Angihloli i-imeyili yomsebenzi ngemva kwamahora omsebenzi" iphelele ngokwayo. Isimo semvelo sokuqhubeka nokwengeza izizathu ngokuvamile sivela ekukhathazekeni, futhi izincazelo ezinde zivame ukufundeka njengezikhala zokuxoxisana. Yisho okuyiqiniso. Bese uyeka ukukhuluma.

Amazwi ongawaboleka

Uma uma ngqi ngaleso sikhathi, kuyasiza ukuba nemisho embalwa esekulungele ngaphambi kokuba uyidinge. Abacwaningi bathole ukuthi maningi amathuba okuthi sibambelele emngceleni uma sesinqume amagama ethu aqondile ngaphambili, esikhundleni sokuqamba ngokuzumayo ngaphansi kwengcindezi. Gcina embalwa kwalezi lapho ungazifinyelela khona:

• "Ngifisa sengathi bengingakwazi, kodwa angikwazi ukuthatha okunye njengamanje."
• "Lokho ngeke kungisebenzele, kodwa ngiyabonga ngokucela."
• "Ake ngihlole ngaphambi kokuzibophezela kunoma yini." (Ukuma kancane kuyimpendulo ephelele. Kukunika isikhala sokukhetha.)
• "Angikwazi ukwenza lokho. Ngithemba kuzohamba kahle nokho."
• "Cha, kodwa ngingathanda ukuthola esinye isikhathi esisebenzayo."

Yisho ngezwi elizolile, elilinganayo. Ithoni yenza umsebenzi omningi womusa. Ucha olunikwa ngobumnene nangaphandle kokwesaba lutshela omunye umuntu ukuthi uzinzile, ukuthi lokhu akusona ukumenqaba, nokuthi abadingi ukukuphathela icala lakho.

Uma bephikisa

Ngezinye izikhathi umuntu akalwamukeli ucha lwakho ngokokuqala. Bayacindezela, bayaxoxisana, balimale kancane. Lo umzuzu umngcele wakho ohlolwa ngempela ngawo, futhi futhi umzuzu iningi lethu esiwohloka ngawo.

Awudingi ukuphikisana futhi awudingi ukulingana namandla abo. Ukuphinda okuzolile kwenza okungaphezu kwencazelo entsha. "Ngiyaqonda, futhi kusengucha." "Ngiyakuzwa. Angikwazi." Ukuziphinda ngaphandle kokushisa ngezinye izikhathi kubizwa ngendlela yerekhodi eliphukile, futhi kuyasebenza ngoba akukho okokusundulela. Awuvikeli isikhundla. Umane usho iqiniso ngemikhawulo yakho, futhi.

Uma umuntu njalo ephatha ucha lwakho njengomnikelo wokuqala wokuxoxisana, lokho kufanele kuqashelwe. Umuntu okuhloniphayo uzogcina eluzwile. Umuntu ongalizwa neze ukutshela okuthile ngobudlelwane.

Qala lapho kulula khona

Awudingi ukuqala ngomuntu onzima kunabo bonke empilweni yakho. Zijwayeze kubantu abangabalulekile kakhulu kuqala. Yenqaba ukudayiselwa okwengeziwe esitolo. Tshela umuntu ojwayelekile ukuthi ngeke ukwazi ukufika ngaphandle kokuqamba isaba. Zivumele uzwe igagasi elincane lecala, bese ulibuka lidlula kungenzeki lutho olubi. Ngasikhathi ngasinye, ufundisa isimiso sakho semizwa ukuthi ucha luyaphileka, ukuthi ubudlelwane buyabambelela, ukuthi uvunyelwe ukuthatha isikhala.

Icala lingase linganyamalali ngokuphelele, futhi akudingeki. Ungezwa ukuhlabeka okuncane kokungakhululeki ubambelele nakucha lwakho ngasikhathi sinye. Lezo zinto ezimbili zingahlala eceleni komunye. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukuhlabeka kuyancipha, futhi inguqulo yakho ephumule futhi eneqiniso iphuma iba umngane ongcono kakhulu kunaleyo eyayithi yebo kukho konke ingaqondi lutho.

Uma kunzima kunomkhuba

Kwabanye abantu, ukwehluleka ukuthi cha kujule ngaphezu kwesidingo sokuzijwayeza. Uma ukuthi cha kukugcwalisa ngokwesaba kwangempela, uma uzithola uvuma izinto ezikwethusayo noma ezikulimazayo ngoba ukwenqaba kuzwakala kungenakwenzeka, noma uma ubudlelwane obuthile bukujezisa noma nini lapho uzama ukubeka noma yimuphi umkhawulo nhlobo, lokho kufanele kuthathwe njengokubalulekile. Umelaphi angakusiza uqonde ukuthi iphethini ivelaphi bese wakha ikhono endaweni ezwakala iphephile. Futhi uma umuntu empilweni yakho ephendula imingcele yakho ngokwesabisa noma ngezinsongo, ngicela ufinyelele kuchwepheshe noma kulayini wosizo. Ukufuna ukuba nomusa akufanele neze kusho ukuthi awuvunyelwe ukuphepha.

Imithombo

• Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley, Five Research-Based Ways to Say No
• Cleveland Clinic, How To Set Healthy Boundaries
• American Psychological Association, Assertiveness (APA Dictionary of Psychology)
• National Library of Medicine / PMC, Efficiency of assertiveness training on the stress, anxiety, and depression levels of college students (Randomized control trial)