Amathiphu asheshayo
- Sho into eqondile abayenzile.
- Bonga umzamo, hhayi nje ukunqoba.
- Shiya inothi lapho abazolithola khona.
Cabanga isikhathi sokugcina wathi "ngiyabonga, ungcono kunabo bonke" kumuntu omthandayo. Baze babheka phezulu? Cishe cha. Amazwi ayelungile. Ayephinde abe njengephepha lodonga, uhlobo lwento oyisho ngenkathi ufinyelela izikhiye zakho, futhi umuntu ongakolunye uhlangothi wawezwa njengomsindo wangemuva ngoba yilokho kanye ayesekuphenduke khona.
Le yinkinga ethulile ngokwazisa kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwane obude. Umuzwa usewangempela. Indlela yokuwuveza isidungekile. Uwuqonda, kodwa usuyekile ukusho lutho, ngoba usugudle umsele emazwini amathathu afanayo manje asheleta nje.
Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi isixazululo sincane futhi simahhala. Ikakhulukazi kwehlela ekubeni oqondile, nasekusheni ngezikhathi ezithile leyo ngxenye oyivame ukuyishiya ngaphandle.
Kungani ukubonga okuvamile kuyeka ukusebenza
Kunesizathu sokuthi "uyamangalisa" kwehle kuthambe kakhulu lapho ukusho kaningi. Ubuchopho buyakuvala ukuphindaphinda. Umusho ofika ngesikhathi, ngamazwi afanayo, ngendlela yokulethwa ecacile efanayo, ufakwa ngaphansi komsindo. Umlingani wakho akabi ongabongi uma engasabeli. Bamane bawuzwe lowo musho ngokuqondile izikhathi ezanele kangangokuthi awusaphethe ulwazi.
Ngaphansi kwamagama, kukhona okukhulu okusengcupheni. Uma abacwaningi befunda ukuthi ukubonga kwenzani ngempela phakathi kwabantu ababili, umlingo akuyona inhlonipho. Ukuthi umuntu uzizwa *ebonwa* yini. Usosayikholoji uSara Algoe uchaza ukubonga njengohlobo lweglu yobudlelwane, futhi umsebenzi wakhe ukhomba indlela ethile: ukubonga okuhle kutshela omunye umuntu ukuthi uqaphele hhayi nje lokho abakwenzile kodwa nokuthi kwababiza okuthile, nokuthi kwakubalulekile kuwe. Lokho kuqashelwa yikho okubopha abantu basondelane. Ukuthi "ngiyabonga" okuvamile kweqa konke lokho. Kuyasivuma isenzo ngaphandle kokuvuma umuntu.
Ngakho inguqulo evamile ayehluleki ngoba ungakusho ngokwanele. Yehluleka ngoba ayiphethe bufakazi bokuthi wanaka.
Buyisa imininingwane
Ushintsho olulodwa oluwusizo kunazo zonke ongalwenza ukusho into eqondile. Hhayi "ngiyabonga ngakho konke," kodwa isenzo sangempela, ngamagama acacile.
Qhathanisa lezi:
- "Ngiyabonga ngokuba muhle kangaka."
- "Ngiyabonga ngokuvuka nengane ngo-3 ekuseni ukuze ngikwazi ukulala. Bengizizwa ngingumuntu futhi namuhla."
Owesibili uthathe imizuzwana emihlanu eyengeziwe. Utshele futhi umlingani wakho izinto ezintathu owokuqala obungeke ukwazi: ukuthi ubukwazi abakwenzile, ukuthi ubukwazi ukuthi kwakunzima, nokuthi kushintshe indlela usuku lwakho olwaluzwakala ngayo. I-Gottman Institute, echithe amashumi eminyaka ibuka izithandani zangempela, ibiza lolu hlobo lokwazisa okuncane, okuvamile njengesinye sezimali ezilula kunazo zonke ongazifaka ebudlelwaneni, uhlobo lwento ngisho izithandani ezihlukene kakhulu ezingaqala ukuyenza kusasa.
Nasi isimo esilula esikugcina ungaphumi emseleni. Awudingi ukushaya kokuthathu njalo, kodwa ukufinyelela kokubili kwakho kuphendula iphephalodonga libe umlayezo wangempela.
- Sho isenzo. Yisho into eqondile abayenzile. "Ulusingathe ucingo nomama wami."
- Sho umzamo. Vuma lokho okwakudingekile. "Ngiyazi ukuthi leyo akuyona ingxoxo oyithanda kakhulu."
- Sho umphumela. Batshele ukuthi kukunikeni. "Kususe ifindo lonke esontweni lami."
Qaphela ukuthi akukho kulokhu okudinga isichazamazwi noma isenzo esikhulu. Imininingwane yenza umsebenzi, hhayi izichasiso.
Yazisa umzamo, hhayi kuphela ukunqoba
Umkhuba ofanele ukuwakha: bonga abantu ngokuzama, hhayi nje ngokuphumelela. Isidlo sakusihlwa esingazange sihlangane kahle. Ukulungisa okuthathe imizamo emithathu. Ingxoxo enzima abayiqalile ngisho noma yaphambuka. Uma ukwazisa kuvela kuphela lapho izinto zilunga, abantu abakuzungezile bafunda ukuthi umzamo awubonakali futhi kubalwa imiphumela kuphela. Ukusho umzamo kubatshela ukuthi ukuzama ngokwako kuyabonwa, okuyikho kanye okwenza bazimisele ukuzama futhi.
Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu ezintweni ezingaqashelwanga iminyaka. Umuntu ohlala esingatha izikweletu. Umngane onguye othumela umlayezo kuqala. Ozakwenu emsebenzini obamba amaphutha akho buthule ngaphambi kokuba omunye umuntu awabone. Ukubonga okugcina kusho into eqhubeka isikhathi eside, ethathwa njengejwayelekile kuvame ukwehla kanzima kunanoma yisiphi isipho, ngokuqondile ngoba babeselulahle ithemba lokuthi lingake liqashelwe.
Izindlela ezincane zokukugcina kungadungeki
Ukuqonda kuyinto eyinhloko. Eminye imizamo embalwa igcina ukwazisa kuzwakala kuphila kunokuba kuhleliwe:
Guqula isitsha. Ukubonga kwethu okuningi kwenzeka ngokuzwakalayo nangokushesha, okukuhle, kodwa umgudu ofanayo njalo uphenduka umsindo ongaguquki. Umlayezo phakathi nosuku, inothi elishiywe lapho abazolithola khona, ukubonga okushiwo phambi kwabanye abantu, ngakunye kwehla ngokwehlukile ngoba kwephula iphethini. Kukhona okutholakele okwaziwayo kwesayikholoji enhle sokuthi ukubhala nokuletha incwadi yokubonga evela enhliziyweni kumuntu ongakaze abongwe kahle kukhiqiza ukukhuphuka kwesimo somoya kwangempela, okuhlalayo, kumbhali ngokufanayo nomfundi. Awudingi incwadi ephelele izinsuku eziningi. Kodwa umgomo uyabambelela: umzamo omncane owengeziwe endleleni oyiletha ngayo uyazwakala.
Kubambe ngaleso sikhathi. Ukwazisa okufika khona ngemva kwento, kunokuba yisifinyezo esivamile ekupheleni kosuku, kuphethe isisindo esikhulu ngoba kufakazela ukuthi wawukhona ngakho.
Sho isizathu ngokuzwakalayo. Sivame ukucabanga ukuthi abantu abaseduze nathi sebevele bayazi ukuthi sizizwa kanjani. Kaningi abazi, noma babake bazi kanye futhi bangasebenzisa isikhumbuzo. Umcabango osekhanda lakho awenzi lutho kubo. Umusho uyawenza.
Futhi zivumele ukukwamukela nawe. Uma umuntu ekubonga, melana nesimo semvelo sokukuchitha ngokuthi "awu, bekungelutho." Lokho kuchitha isenzo sabo. Ukuthi "ngijabule ngempela ukuthi kusizile" kuvumela ukwazisa kwehle ngempela, okwenza kube namathuba amaningi okuthi bakunikeze futhi.
Uma amazwi enzima ukuwathola
Ngezinye izikhathi isizathu sokuthi ukwazisa kube yisicaba akubona ubuvila. Ukuthi okuthile ngaphansi sekuthule. Uma ngempela ungakwazi ukuthola noma yini yokubonga kuyo ebudlelwaneni, noma wonke umzamo uphenduka inzondo, lokho kufanele kunakwe kunokuphoqa inothi elijabulisayo. Ukwedelela okuqhubekayo, ukuzizwa ungabonwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi wenzani, noma ukuxhumana okuqhubeke kubanda isikhathi eside kuwuhlobo lwezinto umelaphi wezithandani noma umeluleki akhelwe ukusiza ngazo. Ukwazisa kuwumkhuba wansuku zonke omuhle. Akulona isibhaxu senxeba elidinga okungaphezu kwezwi elinomusa.
Futhi uma ubucaba bukuwe, hhayi ebudlelwaneni, uma kungekho okuzwakala kufanele ukuqashelwa muva nje futhi umbala ompunga usuzinze phezu kwakho konke, lokho kungaba uphawu lwakho. Isikhathi eside sokungezwa lutho, ukulahlekelwa intshisekelo kubantu nasezintweni owawuzikhathalela, kufanele kushiwo kudokotela noma kuchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo. Ngezinye izikhathi inkinga ngokwazisa akuwona amazwi. Ukuthi ufanelwe olunye usizo lwakho.
Nokho, iningi lethu, ubudlelwane esibukhathalelayo abuphukanga. Bumane buthule ezindaweni esakhohlwa ukuqhubeka nokuzinakekela. Ukulungisa cishe kulula ngendlela ehlazisayo. Qaphela into eyodwa eqondile namuhla, bese uyisho ngokuzwakalayo, imininingwane isanamathele.
Imithombo
- Harvard Health Publishing, Giving thanks can make you happier
- The Gottman Institute, The Gifts of Showing Your Gratitude for Each Other
- UNC College of Arts and Sciences, Gratitude and shared laughter are like probiotics for your relationship
- Sara B. Algoe, Find, Remind, and Bind: The Functions of Gratitude in Everyday Relationships (Social and Personality Psychology Compass)