Amathiphu asheshayo
- Beka ubungane bakho kukhalenda.
- Hamba ungenayo i-podcast.
- Vumela umngane avele kuwe.
Isimemo somshado sifika ngeposi. Umngane ubuza, ngobumnene, ukuthi "ujola nomuntu othile yini." Itafula lamaholide lihlalisa wonke umuntu ngababili bese kuba nawe. Umhlaba unendlela yokukhumbuza abantu abangashadile ukuthi abashadile, ngokuvamile kanye lapho babeseyekile ukucabanga ngakho.
Uma noma yikuphi kwalokho kukufikela, awuwucabangi nje engqondweni lo mfutho. Kunomyalezo wamasiko ozinzile othi iqabane lothando lungumugqa wokugcina, futhi konke ngaphambi kwalo kuyigumbi lokulinda. Lowo myalezo unomsindo, mdala, futhi cishe ungalungile ngalokho okwenza impilo izwakale inhle.
Sifuna ukuba qotho lapha, ngoba ukuzenzisa kuyakhathaza. Ezinye izinsuku impilo yokungashadi izwakala ibanzi futhi ikhululekile. Ezinye izinsuku izwakala njengohlangothi olubandayo lombhede nefoni engakhali. Kokubili kungaba iqiniso ngesonto elilodwa. Lokhu akuyona inkulumo ekhuthazayo ekutshela ukuthi ukuba wedwa kumangalisa ngasese futhi kufanele ubonge. Kuwukubukisisa okusondele kokwenzeka ngempela, nokho ongakwenza ngakho.
Lokho ucwaningo oluhlala lukhipha kabi ngathi, nalokho olukuthola kahle
Isikhathi eside izindaba esasizitshela ngabantu abangashadile zazivela ezifundweni ezaziqhathanisa abantu abashadile nabo bonke bese zibiza igebe ngokuthi "inzuzo yomshado." Usosayikholoji wezenhlalo uBella DePaulo uchithe amashumi eminyaka ebhoboza izimbobo kulokho. Umsebenzi wakhe ngalokho akubiza ngokuthi ukuba ngophela ekungashadini uchaza abantu abachuma *ngoba* bengashadile, hhayi naphezu kwakho. Ocwaningweni oluhambe isikhathi eside aluveza, abantu abangazange bazame ukubalekela ukungashadi baba nenjabulo eyengeziwe ngempilo yabo eminyakeni. Labo ababelangazelela iqabane baba nokwaneliseka okuncane.
Kufunde kabili, ngoba ukulandelana kubalulekile. Kwakungekhona ukungashadi okwenza abantu bangajabuli. Kwakuwukufuna ukuba kwenye indawo ababengekho kuyo.
Nansi ingxenye efanele ukuhlala nayo. Ucwaningo olucophelelayo lwabantu abasha abangashadile nabashadile luthole ukuthi abantu abangashadile babika isizungu *sothando* esengeziwe, ubuhlungu obuthize beqabane. Kodwa esizungwini nje sezenhlalo, umuzwa wansuku zonke wokuxhumana nabantu, kwakungekho mehluko wangempela phakathi kwabantu abangashadile nalabo abasebudlelwaneni. Okwakuvikela ekubuhlungwini bothando kwakungekhona ukuthola iqabane. Kwakuwukusekelwa okuqinile komndeni nabantu ababebaluleke kunabo bonke.
Ngakho inkinga yayingasoze yaba "ukungashadi." Kuwukuthi uhlobo oluthile olulodwa lokusondelana lungazwakala lushoda, futhi lolo hlobo olulodwa lungahlangatshezwana nalo, ngokwengxenye, ngendlela engaphezu kweyodwa.
Impilo yakho isivele inothando kuyo
Ugibe olukhulu kunazo zonke lokungashadi ukuphatha iqabane lothando njengobudlelwano obubodwa obubalulekile. Akunjalo, futhi ucwaningo olude kunazo zonke esinalo ngenjabulo yabantu lukusho ngokusobala.
I-Harvard Study of Adult Development ilandele abantu abafanayo iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi ayisishiyagalombili, ibuka ukuthi yini ngempela ebikezela ubudala obunempilo, obwanelisekile. Okutholakele umqondisi akuphindaphinda kucacile: ubudlelwano obusondelene, ngaphezu kwemali noma udumo, yikho okugcina abantu bejabule impilo yabo yonke. Hhayi imishado, ngokukhethekile. Ubudlelwano. Umngane owazi umlando wakho wonke. Umfowenu noma udadewenu othumela kubo umyalezo ungacabangi. Umakhelwane owuthelela izitshalo zakho. Ucwaningo luthole ukuthi ukwaneliseka ngobudlelwano eminyakeni engamashumi amahlanu kubikezele impilo yomzimba eminyakeni engamashumi ayisishiyagalombili kangcono kunokwenza kwe-cholesterol.
Akukho kulezo zibopho okudinga iqabane lothando. Zonke zitholakala kuwe njengamanje.
Lezi yizindaba ezinhle, ngoba zisusela umsebenzi endaweni onamandla okulawula kuyo ngempela. Awukwazi ukubiza umuntu ofanele ngesikhathi esimisiwe. Ungabiza umngane obuhlose ukumbiza. Ezimbalwa izinto ezivame ukusiza:
- Phatha ubungane bakho njengokuthwala umthwalo, ngoba kunjalo. Kubeke kukhalenda. Yiba yilowo ohlelayo. Umngane othinta kuqala akuvamile ukushodelwa abantu.
- Yakha imikhuba emincane, ephindaphindekayo nabanye. Ukuhamba kwesonto ngesonto, isidlo sakusihlwa esimisiwe, ikilasi oqhubeka ufika kulo. Ukusondelana kwakhiwa kakhulu ukuphindaphinda kunamandla.
- Vumela abantu bakusize futhi ubacele ukuba benze njalo. Ukuthwala konke wedwa akusona amandla, kusinda nje. Ukuvumela othile avele kuwe yindlela isibopho esijula ngayo.
- Yandisa lokho okubalwa njengokusondelana. Ukwaziwa ngokujulile umngane, isihlobo, ingxoxo yeqembu yesikhathi eside, lokho ukusondelana kwangempela, futhi umzimba wakho awukukalisi ngokuthi kungokothando yini.
Isikhathi sokuba wedwa akusona isitha. Kungenzeka kuyiyona nhloso.
Kunomehluko phakathi kokuba wedwa nokuba nesizungu, futhi kulula ukukudida uma uhlala wedwa.
Isizungu ngumuzwa, igebe phakathi kokuxhumana onakho nokuxhumana okufunayo. Ukuba wedwa ukuba nje wedwa. Ungazizwa unesizungu esibuhlungu egumbini eligcwele abantu, futhi ungazizwa waneliseke ngokuphelele wedwa ngoMgqibelo imvula ina. Ososayikholoji abafunda lokhu badweba umugqa oqinile phakathi kwalezi zimbili, futhi bathole ukuthi isikhathi sokuba wedwa esikhethiwe senza okuhle ngempela. Ngokwabacwaningi abavezwe yi-American Psychological Association, izikhawu ezifushane zokuba wedwa zizolisa imizwa ephakeme, kokubili ekhathazekile nejabule ngokweqile, futhi zenzela indawo eyethulile, ukukhululeka, ukuzindla, umuzwa wokuba nguwe.
Igama elibalulekile lapho elithi *ekhethiwe*. Ukuba wedwa okukhethayo kuzwakala njengokuphumula. Ukuba wedwa okuphoqelelwa kuwe kuzwakala njengokudingiswa. Amahora afanayo, isipiliyoni esihlukile.
Kubantu abangashadile, lokhu kuwuvivi lwangempela, futhi iningi lethu alizange lifundiswe ukulusebenzisa. Ungahlela usuku lonke ngokwalokho okufunayo. Ungakwazi ukuba muhle ekubeni nawe wedwa. Abantu abakhululekile ukuba bodwa abavumeli okuncane, banendawo ezinzile yokuma engancikile ohlelweni lwanoma ubani omunye.
Umkhuba omncane
Ngokulandelayo lapho unokusihlwa okungokwakho, zama ukungawugcwalisi wonke umzuzu wakho. Yeqa ukusabela kokuzindonda ngesikrini ngomzuzwana ukuthula okufika ngawo. Pheka into ehambisa kancane. Hamba ungenayo i-podcast. Qaphela ukuthi ingqondo yakho yenzani lapho uyeka ukuyiminzisa. Okunye kwalokho kuzozwakala kungakhululeki ekuqaleni. Lokho ukungakhululeki ngokuvamile kunyamalala kube yinto efana nokuthula, futhi ukuthula ngokwakho okugcinayo.
Lapho ubuhlungu bungaphezu komzwa
Manje isexwayiso esiqotho, ngoba akukhona konke lokhu okuxazululwa ukubuka ngendlela entsha nesidlo sakusihlwa esimisiwe.
Kunomehluko phakathi kokusihlwa okuzwakala kungenalutho kancane nesizungu esesihlalile futhi esingasuki. Naka uma ukusinda kungezinsuku eziningi kunezinye izinsuku. Uma usuhlehle kubantu obuwathokozela. Uma ungalali, noma ulala sonke isikhathi. Uma ukudla, ukuphuza, noma ukuskrola sekube yiyona ndlela enkulu odlula ngayo ubusuku. Uma izwi ekhanda lakho seliqale ukukutshela ukuthi awuthandeki, noma ukuthi lokhu kuhlala njalo, noma ukuthi akekho ozophawula uma unyamalala.
Lokho kokugcina ikakhulukazi. Isizungu esiguqukela ekuphelelweni yithemba kufanele kuthathwe njengento ebalulekile, futhi kuyilona kanye uhlobo lwento udokotela wezengqondo noma udokotela akhona ngayo. Ukufinyelela akusona isivumo sokuthi wehlulekile ekungashadini. Kuyinto efanayo obungatshela umngane ukuba ayenze, ubuyiselwe kuwe.
Futhi uma uke wazizwa sengathi ungase ungaphephi nawe uqobo, sicela ungahlali nalokho wedwa. Khuluma nomuntu namuhla. Ulayini wezimo eziphuthumayo, udokotela, umuntu okuthandayo. Ulwazi olusezansi nasezinhlangothini zaleli khasi lulapha ngenxa yalesi sizathu kanye, nganoma yiliphi ihora, ngaphandle kwesikhathi esibekiwe.
Ukungashadi akuyona inkinga okufanele ilungiswe ngaphambi kokuba impilo yakho yangempela iqale. Impilo yakho yangempela iyona okuyo. Umsebenzi akukhona ukuthola umuntu ozoyiphelelisa. Kuwukuyigcwalisa ngabantu, imikhuba, nokuthula okuvele kuyenza ibe ngeyakho.
Sources
- Harvard Gazette, Good genes are nice, but joy is better
- American Psychological Association, Speaking of Psychology: The benefits of solitude
- Bella DePaulo, Single at Heart
- Current Psychology / PMC, An Investigation of Loneliness and Perceived Social Support Among Single and Partnered Young Adults