Indlela Yokuphinda Wethembe Uthando Emva Kwesiphetho Esibuhlungu

Mhlawumbe kuyigama efonini yakho ongasakuboni njengokuphephile. Mhlawumbe kuyindlela isisu sakho esehla ngayo lapho umuntu omusha enomusa kakhulu kancane, ngokushesha kakhulu. Emva kwesiphetho esibuhlungu, ungafuna ukusondelana bese uzivikela ngasikhathi sinye. Ingxenye yakho inesizungu. Enye ingxenye inqumile, ngokuthula kakhulu, ukuthi ngeke iphinde ibanjwe ingalindele.

Leyo ngxenye yesibili ayiphukanga. Yenza umsebenzi wayo.

Lapho uthando luphela ngokukhashelwa, noma ngokuguguleka kancane, noma ngokuvalelisa ongakukhethanga, ingqondo yakho iyabhala. Igcina lokho okulimazile ukuze ikukhumbuze ngokulandelayo. Ukwethemba kuzwakala kuyingozi ngoba isikhathi esedlule, ukwethemba kwakubiza into yangempela. Ngakho ngaphambi kokuba sikhulume ngendlela yokuvuleka futhi, kuyasiza ukuqonda ukuthi ukuqapha kwakho kuyini ngempela. Akusona isici esimilweni sakho. Yisivikelo esihlale isikhathi eside kunesamukelo saso.

Usizi luza kuqala, ngaphambi kokwethemba

Abantu bavame ukweqa le ngxenye bese bezibuza ukuthi kungani kungekho lutho oluzwakala lungcono. Isiphetho sobudlelwano kuwukulahlekelwa, futhi ukulahlekelwa kucela ukuzilelwa. I-Cleveland Clinic ikubeka ngokusobala: usizi emva kokuhlukana lunokuningi okufana nosizi olulandela ukufa. Awukhumbuli nje umuntu. Ukhumbula ikusasa owawusulakhile uhhafu ekhanda lakho, amahlaya enu enazana wodwa, inguqulo yakho owawuyiyo lapho unabo.

Usizi aluhambi ngomugqa ohlelekile. Ungazizwa ukhululekile ngoLwesibili bese uphihlizeka ngoLwesine ngenxa yengoma esitolo sokudla. Ukuphika, intukuthelo, ukuxoxisana, usizi, nokuthile okunjengokwamukela kuvame ukuzungeza nokugqagqana kunokufika ngokulandelana. Awukho ubude besikhathi obumisiwe, futhi noma ubani okunika bunye uyaqagela.

Kuyini ngempela "izinkinga zokwethemba"

Lowo mushwana uphonswa njengethuko. Akulona. Lokho abantu abakubiza ngokuthi izinkinga zokwethemba ngokuvamile uhlelo lwezinzwa olwafunda isifundo esinzima futhi olusisebenzisa ngokubanzi kancane kakhulu.

Uma ubudlelwano bokugcina bakufundisa ukuthi ukusondelana kuholela ebuhlungwini, ingqondo yakho iyakwenza kube okuvamile. Ukuphuza okujwayelekile komuntu omusha kufundeka njengokuqala kokushiywa. Umusa omncane ufundeka njengecebo. Awuyona iparanoyithi. Udlala ividiyo endala phezu kobuso obusha, futhi awukwazi njalo ukusho, ngaleso sikhathi, ukuthi yikuphi okuyini.

Umgomo akusiwo ukukuvala lokhu. Umuntu ongenakuqapha nhlobo akululanyiswanga, usengozini. Umgomo ukwehlisa umsindo uye ezingeni elihambisana negumbi okulo ngempela, esikhundleni salelo owalishiya.

Qala ngomuntu ongazijwayeza kuye: wena

Ngaphambi kokuba ukwazi ukwethemba omunye umuntu futhi, kuyasiza ukuzethemba. Iziphetho ezibuhlungu zivame ukushiya ukulimala kwesibili okuthulile: "Ngangingakuboni kanjani? Kungani ngasala? Ngingakwethemba ngempela ukwahlulela kwami?" Lokho kuzingabaza kungenza umonakalo wesikhathi eside ngaphezu kokuhlukana ngokwakho, ngoba kukulandela kuwo wonke igumbi.

Yilapha lapho uzwelo ngokwakho lwenza khona umsebenzi wangempela, futhi ucwaningo luqinile kunalokho okuzwakala ngakho. I-University of Rochester Medical Center, isebenzisa umsebenzi wesazi sengqondo uKristin Neff, ichaza uzwelo ngokwakho njengezinto ezintathu ndawonye: ukuba nomusa kuwe esikhundleni sokuba nzima, ukukhumbula ukuthi ukulwisana kuyingxenye yokuba ngumuntu hhayi isici somuntu siqu, nokuqaphela imizwa yakho enzima ngaphandle kokugxumbukela kuyo noma ukuyisunduzela kude. Abantu abaziphatha ngale ndlela bavame ukuthwala ukukhathazeka okuncane, ukucindezeleka, nengcindezi, futhi babuya ezintweni ezinzima kalula kakhulu.

Izindlela ezimbalwa lokho okubukeka ngazo empeleni:

• Lapho ukuzisola kuqala, buza ukuthi ubungathini kumngane omuhle osesimweni sakho ncamashi. Bese ukusho lokho kuwe, ngokuzwakalayo uma ukwazi. Umkhawulo phakathi kwendlela esikhuluma ngayo nabangane nendlela esizikhulumela ngayo uvame ukuba mkhulu kakhulu.
• Qaphela izithembiso ezincane ozigcinela zona wena. Ukulala ngesikhathi owawuthe uzolala ngaso. Ukungathumeli umlayezo emuntwini owafunga ukuthi ngeke umthumele. Isithembiso ngasinye esigciniwe siyisitini esisekelweni sokuzethemba.
• Yeka ukuhlolisisa wena wakudala. Wenza isinqumo esihle kunazo zonke owawungasenza ngalokho owawukwazi ngaleso sikhathi. Ukubuka emuva akubona ubufakazi bokuthi ungumahluleli omubi wabantu.

Wakha kabusha inkolelo yokuthi uzozivikela ngokulandelayo. Leyo nkolelo yiyo eyenza kuphephe ukubeka engozini futhi.

Ukunakekela ukulahlekelwa ngenkathi kululama

Ukwethemba kukhula ngokushesha lapho konke okunye kwakho kuqinile. Izisekelo zizwakala cishe zilula kakhulu ukuzibalula, okuyisona sizathu ngqo sokuthi abantu bazeqe lapho belimele kakhulu.

I-Cleveland Clinic ne-HelpGuide zifika ohlwini olufanayo olungakhazimuli, ngoba luyasebenza:

1. Zivumele ukukuzwa. Ukukhala, ukubhala idayari, ukuqamba intukuthelo, akukho nokukodwa kwalokho okuwubuthakathaka. Usizi olugwenyiwe alunyamalali. Luya ngaphansi komhlaba bese lulawula izinqumo zakho lusuka lapho.
2. Gcina uhlelo. Ubuthongo, ukudla, ukunyakaza, ukukhanya kwelanga okuncane. Lapho izwe lakho langaphakathi liyisiphithiphithi, umkhuba wangaphandle obikezelekayo unika umzimba wakho into eqinile yokuma kuyo.
3. Ncika kubantu abazwakala bephephile. Sho izingxenye ezihlazisayo ngokuzwakalayo emuntwini ongeke aqhaqhazele. Ukuzihlukanisa kukutshela indaba ekholisayo yokuthi nguwena wedwa oke wazizwa kanjena. Awusiye.
4. Hamba kancane nokusondelana okusha. Awukho umklomelo wokwethemba ngokushesha, futhi ubudlelwano obusha obwakhelwe enxebeni elingakalulami ngokuvamile bumane bulivule kabusha.

Ukuvumela umuntu angene, into eyodwa yeqiniso ngesikhathi

Ukwethemba akusona iswishi oyiphendulayo lapho usuzizwa ukulungele. Ngeke uzizwe ukulungele. Kwakhiwa ezivivinyweni ezincane, ongasinda kuzo.

Yabelana ngokuthile okuvezekile kancane bese ubona ukuthi omunye umuntu ukuphatha kanjani. Ingabe bahlala benomusa? Ingabe bakhumbula? Buka lokho abantu abakwenzayo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, hhayi nje lokho abakushoyo emzuzwini omuhle. Naka ukuthi amagama nezenzo zabo ziyahambisana yini phezu kwamasonto, hhayi ukuthi bangakuthonya yini phesheya kwesidlo. Ukwethemba okuzuzwe ngale ndlela kuthule kakhulu futhi kunzima kakhulu ukukunyakazisa.

Kuyasiza ukuqamba ukuqapha kwakho esikhundleni sokukufihla. Ukuthi "Ngiyakuthanda ngempela lokhu, futhi ngishesha kancane ukwethemba emva kobudlelwano bami bokugcina" akusona uphawu olubomvu. Kumuntu oqinile, kuwulwazi olunosizo, futhi indlela abasabela ngayo ikutshela okuningi. Umuntu ofanele akudingi ukuba ungaqaphi ngosuku lokuqala. Uzimisele ukukuzuza.

Usazokwesaba. Ividiyo endala isazokhanya iphinde icishe. Umsebenzi akusiwo ukuyeka ukuzwa ukwesaba. Ukuyeka ukuvumela ukwesaba kuvote kuso sonke isinqumo.

Ukuthi ungaletha nini usizo olwengeziwe

Amanye amanxeba ajule kakhulu ukuthi ungawakhwela wedwa, futhi ukufinyelela usizo kuwuphawu lamandla, hhayi ukwehluleka. Uma usizi lungaphakami emva kwamasonto nezinyanga, uma ungakwazi ukudla noma ukulala noma ukudlula ezinsukwini ezijwayelekile, uma uzithola udangalisa ubuhlungu ngezidakamizwa noma uhlala kude nawo wonke umuntu, lezo yizimpawu zokukhuluma nodokotela noma umeluleki. Kunjalo futhi uma ubudlelwano bakudala babuhlanganisa ukuhlukumezeka noma ukukhashelwa okulokhu ukuphila kabusha, noma uma ukuhlukana kukwenza uzizwe ungenathemba ngokuze uphile. Umeluleki omuhle angakusiza ukwehlukanisa ividiyo endala kwamanje, ngesivinini esingeke sikukhungathekise.

Ukwethemba futhi akusho ukukhohlwa okwenzeka noma ukuzenzisa sengathi awuzange ulimale. Kusho ukuthi ubuhlungu buyeka ukuba yiyona nto eyodwa ephethe. Uyakwazi ukuthwala lokho okufundile usashiye umnyango uvuliwe. Hhayi uvulwe kakhulu. Uvuleke ngokwanele kuphela ukuze umuntu ofanele adlule lapho ekhombisa, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukuthi uphephile.

Imithombo

• Cleveland Clinic, How To Get Over a Breakup: 11 Tips for Healing
• Cleveland Clinic, Understanding the 5 Stages of Grief After a Breakup
• University of Rochester Medical Center, Self-Compassion and Your Mental Health
• HelpGuide, Coping with a Breakup or Divorce