Ukwenza Abangane Njengomuntu Omdala Uma Kubonakala Kungenakwenzeka

Kunohlobo oluthile lokuthula olungena uma ubona ukuthi awukaze umbone umngane, wangempela, izinyanga. Hhayi ozakwenu. Hhayi umuntu owuqhweba esitolo sokuzivocavoca. Umngane. Uhlobo obungalufonela ngo-9 ngoLwesibili ngoba kukhona okwenzekile futhi udinga ukutshela umuntu. Uskrola othintana nabo bese amagama wonke ngabantu owawusondelene nabo, edolobheni owawuhlala kulo, ngesikhathi sempilo eyayifuna okuncane kuwe.

Uma yilapho ukhona, kufanele wazi izinto ezimbili kuqala. Awuphukile, futhi awuwedwa neze kulokhu. Abantu abadala abaningi bathola ubungane bunzima ukuthola kunalokho ababekulindele, kanti izizathu cishe azihlangene nokuthi uyathandeka yini.

Kungani kwaba nzima, nokuthi kungani lokho kungelona iphutha lakho

Ubuntwana nekolishi zakunika ubungane ngethreyi. Kwakungadingeki ube nesibindi noma unamasu. Wawuvele ufike endaweni efanayo, usuku nosuku, nabantu abafanayo, kanti ukuxhumana kwakhula ngokwakho ngenxa yokuphindaphinda nje. Ngemuva kwalokho lelo scaffolding lawa. Ikilasi elihlanganyelwe, ipaseji yezindlu zokulala, ukuzijwayeza kweqembu, konke kwaphela. Impilo yobudala isakaza abantu emisebenzini, emadolobheni, ezinhlelweni, nasezikrinini ezincane, futhi ayilokothi yakhe kabusha izimo ebezikwenzela umsebenzi.

Lokhu kufanele ukushiwo ngokusobala ngoba abantu abaningi kakhulu bazisola ngokuthulile. Bacabanga ukuthi uma ukwenza abangane kubonakala kungenakwenzeka manje, kufanele kube khona okungalungile ngabo. Lokho okungalungile ngempela yindawo. I-U.S. Surgeon General yakhipha isexwayiso somphakathi ngo-2023 sibiza ukuba wedwa nokuhlukaniswa ngokuthi kuyinkinga yangempela yezempilo, hhayi ukwehluleka komuntu siqu, futhi sexwayisa ukuthi ukungaxhumani nomphakathi kungathwala izingozi zezempilo ezilingana nokubhema. Leso sexwayiso sikhona ngoba lokhu kwenzeka kubantu abayizigidi ngesikhathi esisodwa. Ubhajwe enkingeni yesakhiwo, futhi izinkinga zesakhiwo zinezixazululo ezingakudingi ukuthi ube umuntu ohlukile.

Kungasiza futhi ukwazi ukuthi ukungakhululeki okuzwayo ngakho konke lokhu ngokwakho kuwuphawu lwento enempilo. Ukudonseleka kwabanye abantu, ubuhlungu uma kungekho, akukhona ukudinga ngokweqile. Kuwuqondiso lwakho lwenza kanye lokho okwavela ukukwenza. Sakhelwe abanye, futhi umzimba ophikisana nokuba wedwa ngumzimba osebenza kahle.

Yini ubungane obuyidingayo ngempela (kudinisa kunalokho ocabanga)

Nansi ingxenye ekhulula ngokuxaka uma ifika. Ubungane abakhelwe ebuhleni bomuntu noma ekuzwaneni okuphelele. Bakhelwe emahoreni.

Umcwaningi wezokuxhumana ogama lakhe linguJeffrey Hall wakufunda lokhu ngqo. Umsebenzi wakhe wathola ukuthi ukususa umuntu ekubeni ojwayelene naye aye ekubeni umngane ojwayelekile kuthatha cishe amahora angama-50 esikhathi ndawonye. Ukufinyelela emngameni wangempela kuthatha cishe angama-90. Umngane oseduze, wohlobo lokufonela-ngo-9-ngoLwesibili, kuthatha ngaphezu kwamahora angama-200. Kanti amahora abalulekile yilawo angajahi, ukuzulazula, ukuntela, isikhathi esichithwa kungenziwa lutho oluthile. Amahora abhalwe uhlezi eceleni komuntu emsebenzini cishe awukunyakazisi neze.

Kufunde futhi lokho, ngoba kuguqula yonke inkinga. Isizathu sokuthi ungabi nabangane abaseduze edolobheni lakho elisha noma esahlukweni sakho esisha asihlangene nokungathandeki. Uvele awukachithi amahora angama-200 angajahi nanoma ubani okwamanje. Akekho okuchithile. Lokho akusona isahlulelo ngawe. Kuyinkinga yezibalo, kanti izinkinga zezibalo ungazisebenza ngempela.

Ukuthi kusho ukuthini ngokoqobo: ingxoxo eyodwa enhle ngeke ikwenze, futhi ayizange yenzelwe khona. Awehluleki uma umuntu omusha othembisayo ojwayelene naye engabi umngane osemqoka ngemva kwamakhofi amabili. Usesehoreni lesine kwangama-50. Umsebenzi nje ukuqhubeka ufike, endaweni efanayo, nabantu abafanayo, kuze kuqongelele amahora. Okuyiyona kanye into impilo yobudala eyayeka ukukwenzela, futhi kuyiyona kanye into ongayibuyisa ngamabomu.

Yakha ukuphindaphinda, ngoba yilokho okulahlekile

Uma isithako esiyisimanga yisikhathi esiphindaphindwayo, esinengcindezi ephansi nabantu abafanayo, khona-ke isinyathelo ukukhiqiza ukuphindaphinda. Hhayi ukuphuma 'wokwenza abangane' ngendlela enkulu. Ukuzibuyisela nje egumbini ozobuyela kulo isonto elizayo, nesonto elilandelayo.

Izindlela ezimbalwa ezisebenza ngempela:

• Khetha into ephindaphindwayo, hhayi eyodwa nje. Ikilasi lamasonto onke, umdlalo omile womjaho, ishifthi yokuvolontiya, iklabhu yezincwadi, iqembu lokugijima, umhlangano wenkolo noma womphakathi ojwayelekile. Ingxenye ephindaphindwayo yiyona yonke inhloso. Umcimbi owodwa wokuxhumana awukuniki lutho ongakwakha kukho. Igumbi elifanayo njalo ngoLwesine likunika amahora.
• Khetha ngenxa yeshejuli kuqala, isithakazelo kwesesibili. Into oyithandayo oya kuyo kabili ngonyaka ngeke yaba ubungane. Into ejabulisa kancane nje ozofika ngempela kuyo njalo isonto ngalinye izokwenza. Ukuthembeka kunqoba ukuthanda okukhulu lapha.
• Vumela ukusondelana kwenze umsebenzi wako. Yazi omakhelwane bakho. Yiba ngojwayelekile kwenye indawo, isitolo sekhofi esifanayo, indledlana efanayo, ipaki yezinja efanayo. Ubuso obujwayelekile buguquka bube abajwayelene abaqhweba ngekhanda, kanti abajwayelene abaqhweba ngekhanda yilapho ubungane buqala khona.
• Xhumana kabusha esikhundleni sokuqala ku-zero. Obunye bobungane bakho obulula kunabo bonke ngabantu osunobo ngokwengxenye. Umngane omdala owahlukana naye, ozakwenu wangaphambili owawumthanda, umzala owuthokozela ngempela. Umyalezo owodwa oyiqiniso, "bengicabanga ngawe, singaxoxa yini?", weqa amahora ayikhulu okwazana.

I-Mayo Clinic, elandelela lokhu ngoba ubungane buhle ngempela empilweni yakho yomzimba, ikhomba izinyathelo ezijwayelekile ezifana nalezi: thatha ikilasi, uvolontiye, ujoyine iqembu elakhelwe into oyikhathalelayo, futhi ufinyelele kuqala esikhundleni sokulinda ukumenywa. Akukho kwako okuhlakaniphile. Yizo lezo izindaba ezinhle. Awudingi ukuhlakanipha. Udinga ukuba khona, ngokuphindaphindiwe.

Isexwayiso esisodwa esithule ngendawo yento elula. Ukuskrola, ukuthumela imiyalezo, nokubuka izimpilo zabanye abantu kungazwakala njengokuxhumana kodwa kunikeza cishe lutho lwako, futhi kudla kusihlwa okufanayo obungakuchitha egumbini nabantu bangempela. Isikrini yindlela yokungabhekana nezithiyo, kanti sizohlala nawe ngenjabulo ngenkathi uhlala unesizungu. Phatha izikhathi zakho zakusihlwa ezikhululekile njengezinto eziyisisekelo ubungane bakho obenziwe ngazo, uchithe okungenani ezinye zazo lapho imizimba isendaweni efanayo.

Ingxenye okungekho okuxwayisa ngayo: kufanele wenze isinyathelo sokuqala

Nalu udonga abantu abaningi abalushayayo. Baya entweni, bahlangane nomuntu abazwana naye, bese... lutho. Bobabili bagoduka becabanga ukuthi omunye uzofinyelela, kanti akekho okwenzayo. Ojwayelene naye othembisayo uyanyamalala, kanti bobabili baziphethela ngasese ukuthi babi kulokhu.

Ubungane bobudala cishe njalo bumisa kule ndawo kanye, kanti bumisa ngesizathu esifanele ukuqanjwa. Silinganisa ngokweqile kabi ukuthi cishe sizonqatshwa. Sicabanga ukuthi omunye umuntu akakufuni ukukhathazeka, ukuthi sizobe siphoqelela, ukuthi banabangane abaningi kakade. Ngokuvamile bahlezi ekhaya bezwa into efanayo yesizungu njengawe, belinde ukuthi kube khona oqala kuqala.

Ngakho qala kuqala. Yiba ngothi, "Ngingathanda ukudla isidlo sasemini ngesinye isikhathi, linjani isonto lakho?" Yiba ngolandelayo. Yebo, kwesinye isikhathi ngeke kufike, futhi lokho kuyahlaba. Kodwa izindleko zomyalezo owodwa ongaphendulwanga zincane kakhulu kunezindleko zomunye unyaka wedwa, kanti isikhathi esiningi omunye umuntu ukhululeke ngokuthulile ngokuthi ufinyelele.

Kuyasiza ukukhumbula ukuthi ukulandelela okufudumele cishe akufundeki njengokuphelelwa yithemba, yize kuzwakala kanjalo ngaphakathi. Uma umuntu ekuthumelela umyalezo kuqala ukwenza uhlelo, awucabangi kancane ngaye. Uzizwa ukhethiwe. Abanye abantu bazizwa ngendlela efanayo uma ubenzela. Izwi elikutshela ukuthi kuningi kakhulu akuvamile ukukhulumela umuntu ongakolunye uhlangothi.

Ungakushayi indiva ukuxhumana okuncane

Ngenkathi udlala umdlalo omude ubheke abangane abaseduze, ungakushayi indiva okulula. Ochwepheshe bengqondo bakubiza ngezibopho ezibuthakathaka, umenzi wekhofi owazi i-oda lakho, umakhelwane oxoxa naye ezitebhisini, ojwayelekile esitolo sakho sokuzivocavoca. Kuyalinga ukukuchitha lokhu njengokungeyona ubungane bangempela. Kusengukuxhumana kwangempela, futhi kubaluleke kunalokho okubukeka.

Ucwaningo olugqanyiswe yi-American Psychological Association lwathola ukuthi abantu bavame ukujabula kakhulu ezinsukwini ababa nokusebenzelana okuncane okuningi kunokuvamile, nokuthi izingxoxo nabantu obacishe ungabazi zifudumele futhi zingakhululeki kancane kunalokho esizilungiselela khona. Ngakho khuluma nabantu. Buza umbuzo omncane. Lokhu kuxhumana okulula kuphakamisa umoya wakho ngokwako, kanti ngezinye izikhathi okunye kwako kukhula ngokuthulile kube yinto ejulile.

Izinto ezimbalwa ezenza amahora abe lula ukuwaqongelela

• Yehlisa izinga lokuthi yini ebalulekayo. Ukuhamba, ikhofi, ukuhlala evulandini. Akudingeki kube ukuchitha isikhathi okukhulu. Isikhathi esingahlelekile, esingebalulekile kakhulu yiso kanye uhlobo olwakha ubungane.
• Yiba othembekile futhi oqondile. "Kufanele sichithe isikhathi ngesinye isikhathi" akuyiphi. "Ukhululekile yini ngoMgqibelo ekuseni?" kuguquka kube ihora langempela ndawonye. Izimemo ezingacacile yindlela izinhloso ezinhle ezifa ngayo.
• Zivumele ukuba waziwe kancane. Ubungane bujula uma wabelana ngento eyiqiniso, hhayi uma udlala ukuthi uphilile. Awudingi ukuchitha yonke impilo yakho. Vele uphendule u-"unjani" ngento eyiqiniso ngezinye izikhathi.
• Lindela ukuthi kuhambe kancane, futhi ungakuthathi ukuhamba kancane njengokuqondene nawe. Ugcwalisa ibhange lamahora. Amanye amasonto uzokwengeza amahora amathathu, amanye amasonto lutho. Ibhalansi isanyuka.

Uma isizungu sisinda kunalokhu

Kunohlobo lwesizungu iseluleko esihle nekilasi lamasonto onke okungasipholisa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kukhona futhi uhlobo olusinda kakhulu, uhlobo olufika nomuzwa ophansi, osathe ongasuki, lapho umcabango wokufinyelela kunoma ubani uzwakala ungenakwenzeka ngokomzimba, noma lapho ukuba nabantu kukushiya uzizwa uwedwa njengangaphambili. Uma lokho kusondele kokwenzeka kuwe, sicela ukuphathe ngobumnene nangokungathi sína.

Isizungu esingapheli singahamba kanye nokudangala, ukukhathazeka komphakathi, nosizi, futhi lezo yizinto eziphendula osizweni lwangempela. Udokotela noma udokotela wengqondo angakusiza uhlunge okwenzekayo nokuthi yini engasiza ngempela, futhi awukho amahloni ekuqaleni lapho esikhundleni seklabhu yezincwadi. Empeleni, ukusebenza nomuntu ekukhathazekeni noma emoyeni ophansi okugcina usekhaya kungaba yiyona kanye into eyenza iklabhu yezincwadi ikwazi kamuva. Uma izinto zake zazwakala zingabekezeleleki ngempela, noma uzithola ucabanga ukuthi ubuzoba ngcono ungasekho, finyelela osizweni ngokushesha kunokuba ulinde wedwa. Ukufuna ukuxhumana kangaka akukhona ubuthakathaka. Kungenye yezinto zobuntu kunazo zonke ngawe, futhi kufanele uthole uhlobo olufanele losizo ukukuthola.

Ubungane ebudaleni buhamba kancane futhi bunobuxhamu kunalokho obabuyikho eminyakeni engamashumi amabili, futhi bufuna okwengeziwe kuwe, ikakhulukazi isibindi sokuqala kuqala nesineke sokuqhubeka ufike. Kodwa busatholakala ngokugcwele kuwe. Abantu abangaba abangane bakho abaseduze kunabo bonke baphandle khona manje, kwelinye igumbi eliphindaphindwayo ongakangeni kulo, bezizwa kanye ngendlela ozizwa ngayo, bethemba ukuthi kukhona ozothi sawubona.

Imithombo

• U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community
• University of Kansas, Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend
• Mayo Clinic, Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health
• American Psychological Association, The science of why friendships keep us healthy