Amathiphu asheshayo
- Gcina ukwakheka okucefayo kosuku lwakho.
- Tshela umngane oyedwa iqiniso eliqotho namuhla.
- Thatha okuthile umshado owakwenza wakuwisa.
Ezinye izinsuku ekuseni ingxenye enzima kunazo zonke ukuthula. Olunye uhlangothi lombhede, isixubho sesibili esingekho, ikhofi obuvame ukulenzela ababili. Ngisho noma ukuhamba bekuyisinqumo esifanele, ngisho noma nguwe obufuna ukuphuma, ukujwayeleka kokuba wedwa kungakubamba ungalindele. Wasayina amaphepha okuqeda umshado. Lokho okungekho okutshelayo ukuthi kungakanani okunye okuphela nawo: ikhalenda elihlanganyelwe, amahlaya angaphakathi, uhlelo obuluqale ukulwakha lweminyaka engamashumi amathathu ezayo.
Lobo buhlungu bunegama, futhi akubona ubuthakathaka. Ngusizi.
Kungani kuzwakala njengokufa noma engekho oshonile
Usizi alugcinelwanga imingcwabo. I-Cleveland Clinic ikubeka ngokucacile: usizi lungalandela noma yisiphi isenzakalo esiphazamisa umuzwa wakho wokujwayeleka noma wokuthi ungubani, futhi isehlukaniso sikhona ohlwini eceleni kokulahlekelwa umsebenzi nokugula. Awukhaleli umuntu. Ukhalela ikusasa. Amaholidi obuwabona ngengqondo, indima obuyidlala, indlela obuyiqonda ngayo impilo yakho. Konke kufanele kubhalwe kabusha, futhi lokho kuwukulahlekelwa kwangempela kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukhona yini ongakuthumelela ikhadi lenduduzo noma cha.
Okwenza usizi lwesehlukaniso lube luxaka ikakhulukazi indlela oluthandelana ngayo. Ungazwa ukukhululeka kwangempela nosizi olujulile ngehora elifanayo. Ungathukuthelela umuntu bese umkhumbula ngasikhathi sinye. Ungakhalela umshado owawuthi, ekugcineni, ubuhlungu kakhulu. Akukho kwalokho okuwukuphikisana okumele ukulungise. Kumane kuyindlela okuzwakala ngayo ukulahlekelwa yinto eyinkimbinkimbi.
Umzimba nawo uyagcina irekhodi. Usizi luyingcindezi esinda, futhi lungavela ngokomzimba: inkinga yokulala, amakhanda abuhlungu, isisu esingazinzi, ukukhathala okungabonakali kuthintwa yinoma yingakanani ukuphumula, ukugula kaningi kunokujwayelekile. Uma uke wazizwa udangele futhi uhlakazekile, awuwohloki. Uthwele umthwalo.
Vumela isikhathi sokuqala sibe yisiphithiphithi
Amaviki nezinyanga zokuqala akusona isikhathi sokufakazela okuthile. I-Mental Health America, esiqondisweni sayo mayelana nokuhlukana nesehlukaniso, yenza iphuzu elifanele ukubanjelelwa: kujwayelekile ukuzizwa udabukile, uthukuthele, ukhathele, ukhungathekile futhi udidekile, futhi leyo mizwa ingaba namandla amakhulu. Zivumele usebenze ngamandla ancishisiwe isikhashana. Uyelapheka. Lokho kuthatha amandla obungawachitha kwenye indawo.
Izinto ezimbalwa zisiza kakhulu kunalokho ezizwakala ngakho:
- Gcina ukwakheka okucefayo kosuku lwakho. Vuka cishe ngesikhathi esifanayo, udle ukudla kwangempela, unyakazise umzimba wakho ngisho kancane. Umkhuba ngeke uxazulule usizi, kodwa ukunika okuthile okuzinzile ongama kukho ngenkathi okunye kuzamazama.
- Ungafinyeleli otshwaleni, ugwayi, noma kunoma yini enye njengendlela yokucisha imizwa. Kusebenza ngokuhlwa okukodwa bese kukubiza ngakusasa ekuseni, futhi kuvame ukujulisa umgodi ozama ukukhuphuka kuwo.
- Lapho ingxoxo nowakwakho wakudala iqala ukuphenduka umlwo, uvunyelwe ukuma. "Asikuqhube lokhu kamuva" ngumusho ophelele. Ukuvikela ukuthula kwakho akusona ukugwema.
- Khetha into eyodwa encane engeyakho nje. Ukuhamba okuhamba wedwa, uhlelo okungekho omunye owaluketha, ukudla okuthanda ngempela. Ukubuyisa indawo encane yindlela impilo eqala ngayo ukuzwakala ingeyakho futhi.
Isizungu singokoqobo, futhi siyakuqambela amanga
Isizungu ngemva kwesehlukaniso asikho ngokukhumbula owakwakho wakudala kuphela. Kungukulahlekelwa yisimo sonke senhlalo: abangane benilwabili, umndeni oshadela kuwo, umuntu obekade emane ekhona egumbini elilandelayo. Lapho lokho kuncipha, umuzwa wakho wokubaluleka kwakho ungehla nako. Yileyo ngxenye okufanele uyiqaphele, ngoba isizungu sikutshela indaba (yokuthi ungumthwalo, yokuthi ungcono ungakhathazi muntu) futhi le ndaba cishe ihlala ingelona iqiniso.
Isinyathelo esiphambene nomqondo ukufinyelela kubantu noma kunjalo, ezinsukwini ongafisi neze ngazo. Tshela umngane oyedwa iqiniso eliqotho ngokuthi wenza kanjani. Yithi yebo esimemweni obungathanda ukusala kuso. Ukukhuluma ngalokho okuzwayo, nabantu abazokuvumela ukukusho izikhathi eziningi ngangokudingayo, kungenye yezindlela ezithembeke kunazo zonke usizi olukhulula ngazo ukubamba kwalo. Iqembu lokusekelwa labantu abadlula entweni efanayo lingenza okuthile abangane abangeke bakwenze, okuwukukukhumbuza ukuthi akukho kulokhu okukwenza uxake.
Ukuthola ukuthi ungubani manje
Ngesikhathi esithile umbuzo uyashintsha. Ncane u"ngisinda kanjani kulokhu" futhi khulu u"ngingubani lapho ngingeyona ingxenye yalowo mbhangqwana." Kubantu abaningi le yingxenye enethemba ngokuthulile yesehlukaniso, ngisho noma kungazwakali kanjalo ekuqaleni.
Qala ngezintambo ezawiswa phansi. Imvamisa kukhona okuthile owakubeka phansi ngesikhathi somshado. Isithokoziso, ubungane, uhlobo lomculo, indlela obuvame ukuchitha ngayo uMgqibelo. Kuthathe futhi okukodwa, hhayi ngoba kuzolungisa yonke into kodwa ngoba kukukhumbuza ukuthi ubukhona ngaphambi kwalobu budlelwane futhi uzoba khona emva kwabo.
Bese uzivumela wengeze okuthile okusha ngempela. Ikilasi, ishifthi yokuvolontiya, ikhono obuhlose njalo ukulifunda. Iphuzu akusiwo ukuzithuthukisa. Ngukuthi ukwenza into eyodwa engajwayelekile wedwa kwakha ucezu oluncane, oluqotho lobufakazi bokuthi ungakwazi. Lezo zingcezu zihlangana ngokushesha kakhulu kunalokho obungakulindela.
Hamba kancane kumzwelo wokuqhathanisa. Othile omaziyo waphinde washada ngaphakathi konyaka omunye usalwa ngisho nangemva kweminyaka emithathu, futhi akukho kubo okukutshela lutho ngesikhathi sakho. Ukwelapheka esehlukanisweni akuhambi ngeshejuli, futhi u"ngemuva" akuyona indawo yangempela.
Uma izingane zibukele
Uma nikhulisa izingane ndawonye, ukhala futhi uzinzisa abantwana abancane kusizi lwabo siqu ngasikhathi sinye, okuyinto eningi ukuyicela emuntwini oyedwa. Awudingi ukuphila kahle njalo ngenxa yabo. Okusiza izingane kakhulu akuwona umzali owenza sengathi akukho okwenzekile. Ngumzali osimeme ngokuyisisekelo, ogcina ikhaya lizolile, futhi ozivikela ekubanjweni phakathi. Gcina ukungqubuzana kude nabo. Bavumele bathande bobabili abazali ngokuzwakalayo. Futhi zinakekele wena ngenxa yabo njengoba uzinakekela nawe, ngoba ukuzinza kwakho yiyo into abayibolekayo.
Nini okumele ungenise usizo lwangempela
Usizi lwesehlukaniso kulindeleke ukuba lukhululeke ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ngisho noma indlela ingewona umugqa oqondile. Ukufinyelela ukucela usizo akulona uphawu lokuthi ukuphathe kabi. Imvamisa kuyisinyathelo esilandelayo.
Kufanele ukhulume nodokotela noma udokotela wengqondo uma ubunzima bungasuki nhlobo ngemva kwezinyanga eziningana, uma ungakwazi ukudlula ezinsukwini ezijwayelekile, uma ulala kakhulu kakhulu noma cishe ungalali nhlobo, uma uncika otshwaleni noma kunoma yini enye ukuze umelane, noma uma ulahlekelwe intshisekelo ezintweni ebezibalulekile futhi lowo muzwa ovicilekile ungasuki. Udokotela wengqondo omuhle ngeke akutshele ukuthi isehlukaniso besiwukwehluleka noma akunike ishejuli. Bazokusiza uthwale usizi bese ubuyisela isisindo kancane ezinyaweni zakho.
Futhi uma uke ufinyelela endaweni lapho ubuhlungu buzwakala buningi kakhulu ukububamba, noma uqala ukuba nemicabango yokungafuni ukuba lapha, ngicela ukuphathe lokho njengesizathu sokufinyelela ukucela usizo khona manje, hhayi kamuva. Khuluma nomuntu namuhla ebusuku. Abantu bafuna ukukusiza udlule kulokhu, futhi awudingi ukuziphoqa wedwa.
Awuyi kuhlala uzizwa ngendlela ozizwa ngayo namuhla. Uhlangothi olungenalutho lombhede luyayeka ukuba yinto yokuqala oyiqaphelayo. Ukuthula, ekugcineni, kuqala ukuzwakala kungafani nokungabikho futhi kufana kakhulu nesikhala.
Imithombo
- Mental Health America, Coping with Separation and Divorce
- Cleveland Clinic, Grief: Types, Symptoms & How To Cope
- Mayo Clinic News Network, 7 Steps for Managing Grief and Loss